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“I Get Called Gay For Doing That”: 35 This ‘Real Men’ Would Never Do, According To Women
Some people have wildly different understandings of masculinity and what it means to be a “real” man. These attitudes can put a lot of pressure on folks to fit certain stereotypes out of fear that they’ll be left out. When, in reality, “real” men do whatever it is that men do, from growing flowers to crying.
After going on a slightly bizarre date, internet user u/Bikini_baby767 sparked a candid and important discussion on r/AskMen. The members of this popular online group opened up about the times that they’ve been called out for not being “real men” while doing completely ordinary things. Scroll down to see what they’ve experienced.
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#1
I like flowers. I grow flowers around my property and sometimes post pictures on Facebook.
Very often I get called gay for doing that. I don’t give a s**t.
madeleine f 6 months ago
How fragile must your masculinity be if you can't even appreciate nature?
RELATED:
#2
I once had a girl I was interested in laugh at me for drinking tea and said "what kind of guy drinks tea?"
B***h half my family is British, what do you expect?
Avoidance_Panda 6 months ago
Heck yeah, as I sip from my morning pint of tea... A pint is about one banana high and about 14 golf balls in volume for anyone across the pond...
#3
Because I'm not into cars. I think some look nice and some look bad, but I don't care what engine they have. I don't care how fast they can get to 80mph (there's no highway around that even let's you go that fast). And I don't care what rims or spoiler is on them. They're just methods of transportation to me, but that apparently makes me an undesirable non man.
Avoidance_Panda 6 months ago
Well then OP then I too am a non man, wheels go round it's blue and makes a click click noise sometimes....#mycar....
Toxic masculinity is a narrow group of characteristics that have been traditionally associated with what it means to be a “real man.” Often, these attitudes are damaging not only to the individual’s mental, emotional, and physical health, but they also have a negative impact on the people around them.
To put it bluntly, toxic masculinity is when men are pressured to be aggressive, competitive, selfish, and violent. They’re expected to dominate, take risks, and be promiscuous. They’re also expected to hide “feminine” qualities such as being emotionally vulnerable, asking for help, or showing their true feelings.
#4
Ordering a hot cocoa instead of beer.
I love flowers.
And I love to cuddle.
#5
A woman came to my house and criticised how neat and clean it was. Apparently, men don't live like that. Turns out her house was an absolute pig sty.
Ozymandias73 6 months ago
My wife actually hates how clean I am. I hate clutter and untidiness. But, that's due to being raised by my military stepfather who threw a fit whenever anything was out of place or a spec of dust in my room (A KID'S ROOM!) So now, I'm pretty much brainwashed into cleaning all the time.
#6
Girl in high school told me once if I didn’t drink or smoke I wasn’t a real man. A teacher she liked (they were both Vietnamese and he had been helping her with adjusting to Canada) intervened and said that taking care of your health is what a real man would do….
Vulnerability can be a powerful way for you to connect to the people around you. Human beings respect each other more when they’re authentic and honest, instead of trying to put up some sort of front.
The irony is that by being open about our weaknesses and embracing our flaws, we actually end up becoming emotionally stronger and more accepted. If, on the other hand, we try to hide our insecurities, we can come off as untrustworthy or “fake.” Alas, even in this day and age, many men are still expected to “just deal with it” on their own if they’re struggling with anything.
#7
For crying AT A FUNERAL. A lifelong friend of mine lost his sister tragically, and as my friend and I knew each other for almost twenty years, she was like a sister of my own. I was devastated at the service.
#9
If you don't do what a woman wants you to, she will try to shame you into it by attacking your masculinity. It's selfish, unkind and childishly, transparently manipulative. Stupid, selfish, childish women are not worth keeping in your life.
It’s hard to build any real connection—or even foster a brotherhood of sorts—if everyone’s constantly avoiding talking about the truth out of fear of “damaging” their reputation or being ostracized.
If you’re struggling with your mental health issues, the rational thing to do would be to ask for help and support. That way, you instantly jump to solving the problem. And that’s much more efficient than suffering alone while putting up a facade of nonchalance. Similarly, if your health is suffering, the logical thing to do is to immediately see your doctor. If you try to ignore the issue or pretend that it’ll all go away on its own, you’re only harming yourself more.
#12
Dinner with an ex and her roommate a long time ago. Ordered a salad with grilled salmon on it, roommate thought it was embarrassing because real men are supposed to eat steaks and s**t when going out to dinner. Laughed my a*s off at her.
Moving away from a culture of toxic masculinity toward healthy masculinity is a long process. It takes years of education to get people to accept the importance of things like vulnerability, emotional intelligence, and embracing who we are instead of fearing social backlash.
However, on an individual level, everyone can foster healthy masculinity. And it all starts with self-awareness. You can try to catch yourself whenever you start judging someone based on stereotypes. Meanwhile, you can encourage your social circle to open up and feel safe around you by showing that you’re not scared of being vulnerable either. Slowly, that should build a shared environment of trust among you, your friends, and your relatives.
#13
I paid a moving company to move a bunch of furniture. She massively disrespected me in front of the movers, commenting about how they were "real men" (implying I wasn't). We are no longer together.
Avoidance_Panda 6 months ago
The look on her face when you call the same movers to move you out of her place...lol...
#14
I can think of two weird things: for wearing a seat belt while driving and for using an umbrella to stay dry. Not the same woman, and the examples happened years apart.
#15
I rejected her sexual advances. Made me "girly"
I asked another how she felt. That wasn't very manly either, apparently.
#16
My dad said I was a big fairy for wearing deodorant and not just using a bar of soap to wash my hair. Using shampoo made me a big fairy powder puff, apparently.
One of many pearls of wisdom he tried to give me.
He would s**t himself if he knew that I use moisturiser on occasion.
#17
Liking opera music. Pursuing a PhD instead of construction work or being a trucker idk. Not groping her on our first (and last) date.
BoredPossum 6 months ago
So being cultural and intelligent and a gentleman is gay? Then I'd rather be gay to avoid women like her.
#18
Because I called an Uber instead of getting in the car with her when we were both heavily day drinking on a 3rd date. Red flags aplenty all day while bar hopping.
#19
Not exactly a "you're not a real man" moment but close. I had a girl once explain that as a girl she gets to do whatever she wants and I need to make sure to hold down the bills and accept her decisions as the man. So I get the only restrictions in the relationship. We broke up, now I am married and welcoming my first child with a perfect woman.
james stevenson 6 months ago
"So, I'm the woman, you're the man. I do what I want, and you pay for it, without question"
#20
My ex-wife: A real man makes seven figures. If you can't handle me physically hitting you, then you're not a real man.
#21
I went on a first date and when we sit down the woman stares at me and gives me a look of utter disgust and asks in an equally contemptuous voice, “Um…. Do you normally wear glasses?”.
#22
I told a girl I wanted to stay at my 5'8 and 140lb lean build given I'm a competitive marathon runner. She said a real guy would be trying to bulk up and be as big as possible.
BoredPossum 6 months ago
Eh, different sports need different body compositions? Ever heard of that.
#23
Using coupons.
She fully believed that a man should not use coupons. She said it embarrassed her, and often made fun of me for it.
SheamusFanFrom1987 6 months ago
So saving money is unmanly, eh? Welp, let me just put on one of me mum's blouse and dress pants, shove them to the brim with coupons, and head to the supermarket for groceries -_-"
#24
Not me, but I remember one time a woman was talking about how "guys who change a tire with gloves on are pussies." Spoken like someone who had never changed a tire and scraped their knuckles on asphalt lol.
TotallyNOTAFox 6 months ago
Sorry, but aren't work gloves exactly made for the purpose of... well, doing work with them?
#25
Had someone tell me it's cringe as a man to live with your parents as an adult, but it's perfectly fine for women to live with their parents as an adult as long as they want.
Always been a weird one to me. Like, so I fall on hard times and my parents want to help, so I guess I'm no longer a man 🤷.
ucp 6 months ago
Don’t judge someone if you don’t know their circumstances. It’s understandable for a parent to help their offspring, no matter the age. And if I hit a bad patch, and someone who cared about me wanted/could help, I’d have the good grace and gratitude to accept. My sister’s ex, on the other hand, is nearing 40 and has never even explored the idea of finding his own path away from his mother. (It’s a slightly weird dynamic)
#26
Easy - I was engaged, she had a baby. We break up, turns out baby isn't mine. Her sister ran into a friend of mine and claimed I was the father of said child. When my friend pointed out that the DNA conclusively determined that I was not the father, the ex's sister loudly proclaimed, "A real man would have stepped up and taken care of the baby anyway!" Pure insanity.
#27
Every time I’d call out my ex for being rude to me, she’d say “be a man. A man would just take it. Instead of complaining over a little thing.” Every single day she would say the meanest things to me and she expected me to just take it cuz that’s being a man. I found it ironic cuz I thought a man WOULD defend himself against a mean person. That’s what a man would do.
Kerry M 6 months ago
I had an ex who would be really rude to me, and when I spoke to her about it she said “it’s just the heat of the moment - in future just tell me to stop being so rude and I’ll calm down”. Next time we had an argument it started again and I said “Please don’t talk to me like that”. Her response? “I’ll talk to you however I f*****g like”.
#28
I still shave with an actual straight razor made by rolls razor in 1942 in London England. My ex told me shaving with that razor was womanly and should only be used for decoration. And to quote her ( any man that uses British steel is a b***h ) and quote.
BoredPossum 6 months ago
Everybody knows that real men shave with a viking battle axe, during a raid to plunder a cloister in east Britain.
#29
Wearing flip flops with a strap between the toes, using lotion, crying at my grandpa's funeral, crying at my grandmas funeral, not wanting to have sex after a child abuse case, not wanting sex just because I wasn't in the mood, taking baths, getting a massage.......... women love telling men what's a real man.
#30
I didn't simply give her money whenever she asked for it.
She deemed herself entitled to men's money - even if she didn't even know them.
#31
"You need to grow a beard."
"You need to get some tattoos."
Because *real men* grow beards and get tattoos.
Funny story -- I had a buddy who was single and a female friend who was single. She liked guys with tattoos, and my buddy had many. The three of us are hanging out, but I could tell they weren't connecting. I talked to her later on and she explained that he was all right, but she didn't like all the tattoos he had. I pointed out that she liked guys with tattoos. She further explained that while this was true, he "didn't have the right kind" of tattoos. My friend had tattoos relating to comic books, and she found that to be a turn off. She even went so far to say that "real men" don't get tattoos like that.
#32
Not making a move or trying to have sex with her while she was drunk. She called me gay and lame lol.
#33
Using moisturizer in winter and sunscreen in the summer cuz it's not manly. Heard this from an ex and my own mother.
Also, I use hand gestures to articulate my body language as I was taught in my pulbic speaking classes, but that's gay and effeminate. Same culprits. One I was able to run away from, but the other one just makes me sad.
#34
Ex wife told me I wasn’t a man because I “curled up” when I bundle up with a blanket on the couch.
Fat Harry (Oi / You) 6 months ago
Not only do I curl up on the sofa sometimes, I do it with a blanket and cuddling the dog!
#35
First gf said I'm not a real man for using a shower loofah to wash myself. She would just put soap in her hands and spread it on herself.
What do you think ?
Sweet Taurus 6 months ago
This list seems to be constructed mostly from words of toxic women who didn't get their way so they attacked the guy's masculinity.
zovjraar me 6 months ago
yes!! dudes, dump these ladies and find someone who appreciates you! you deserve better!
Load More Replies...
Annik Perrot 6 months ago
Sounds like people trying to hammer down all kind of different shapes into à plain, rectangular mold. There are no more "real men" than there are "real women". Only a vast variety of human beings. Every one of us is unique, and that's all right!
Sweet Taurus 6 months ago
This list seems to be constructed mostly from words of toxic women who didn't get their way so they attacked the guy's masculinity.
zovjraar me 6 months ago
yes!! dudes, dump these ladies and find someone who appreciates you! you deserve better!
Load More Replies... Annik Perrot 6 months ago
Sounds like people trying to hammer down all kind of different shapes into à plain, rectangular mold. There are no more "real men" than there are "real women". Only a vast variety of human beings. Every one of us is unique, and that's all right!
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