Best to not waste your breath trying to explain it people like her. Its like trying to teach a pig to whistle. Wastes your time and annoys the pig.

But... we do drink water for free at restaurants in Europe...

That's not a weird flex, that's a beautiful and humorous flex :)

I like it!

Seems like he doesn't have a good relationship with food, which is worrying :(

Ah yes, to avoid the microwave beeping! Love that game.

Grandpa is about to drop the Flagpole Press on some unsuspecting jabroni XP

I want to do this now

I missed the part in Harry Potter where they gave themselves Alien blood...

Well you asked

This one is hilarious

Yes…. This is the only reasonable way to go about this…

My dog's a giant malamute. If your poop is bigger than hers I feel really bad for your plumbing.

Depends on the size of the dog.

My ex knew who the dog owner was who kept letting his dog sh*t on our (perfectly manicured) lawn, but could never actually catch him in the act (until he installed cameras - yeah it got ridiculous). My husband was incredibly proud of that lawn. He collected all the dog's cr*p in a 5 gallon bucket, added water to let it "marinate" for a week or so & then went and dumped it all over the front of the guy's house.

twitter in a nutshell

#humblebrag?????

I doubt that. I have a Mastiff.

lol

Jeri blank?

This guy sound like he’s loaded for bear.

Said Amber Heard....

Ah, good ol' parent gatekeepers. Never fail to show up.

Dissolve any mouse or just an average size mouse in 30 days?

I'm definitely never going to Kansas City.

That's just messed up and sad.

I love a smart a**e

Ok I think he has a pretty legit reason to flex.

(Frozen) banana for scale

Oh the spacing on the second line is so weird. I genuinely thought it was a long word in German for a fraction of a second.

Oh I love this! Proud parents!

A 2-hour flight and no toilet, painful.

you cant see your brain therefore it aint real

Pfft. Just wait for menopause, you’ll get that large rectangular body, no problemo.

I really don't see the fuss about airpods. They look like something I would lose within an hour.

Amateur hour - Hotblack Desiato spent a year dead for tax purposes (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy reference for people who aren't familiar with that book)

For it's time, it was a neat visual flex. Some people just didn't understand all that memory, bytes stuff.

Today I learned a new word.

This was in the beginning of the lockdowns. Hey, if you've trained for a marathon, got nothing but free time on your hands, might as well make it worth it.

Congrats. You've finally passed Pre-K. Actually, I think that's a Pre-K enrollment requirement now.

2.8 years. Has the device never been turned off or restarted or been updated or anything in that time?

Tuesday rocks!

Does anyone else want to see Martin's bee cello?

Let's hope he took a bath...

Milk helping your bones be stronger is a myth. Calcium is found in many other food, such as beans, meat, fish, nuts, fortified cereals, as well as cheese and yogurt.

Tru dat

"My mom f****d Bill Nye" would sound better if you go for a flex.

Is that why there’s never any parking spots available there?

10k what? $? £? Iranian Rials? IOUs?

Grounds for divorce.

Poor horse!

Her logic is 1 uterus, expecting quadruplets, 4 x 9 months gestation = 36 months = 3 years : simple really /s

Why tho

You know they are getting a call about someone’s new toilet not working. You just know it

"loser do their best..winners goes home and f*ck the prom queen" (read with scottish accent)