Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
661
“AITA For Choosing A Concert Over My Best Friend’s Wedding?”
Interview With Expert
When planning a wedding, the couple likely imagines being surrounded by their closest family and friends. However, life has a funny way of sneaking up on us, and sometimes this is not possible.
For redditor Old_Explanation6923, something that prevented her from celebrating her best friend’s special day was a concert she had booked way prior to her getting married. Although the bride knew of her plans in advance, she expected her to cancel them. When she refused, she consequently angered the bride, putting their friendship at risk.
Scroll down to find the full story and a conversation with Hannah Chala, event producer and founder of More Events CA, who kindly agreed to give us some pointers on how to announce such news to a best friend.
RELATED:
Sometimes, celebrating a best friend’s special day is just not possible
Image credits: Mikhail Nilov (not the actual photo)
Just like what happened to this friend, who decided to choose a concert over her best friend’s wedding
Image credits: GE Gifts (not the actual photo)
Image source: Old_Explanation6923
Breaking such news to your best friend requires honesty and empathy
Image credits: Liza Summer (not the actual photo)
There are plenty of reasons why a person might not make it to the bride and groom’s big day. Perhaps they’ve started a new job and aren’t able to take time off for a destination or workday wedding. Or they might be dealing with personal issues that demand the entirety of their attention.
Bored Panda reached out to Hannah Chala, event producer and founder of More Events CA, who tells us that breaking such news to your best friend requires honesty and empathy, especially if they were asked to be a bridesmaid. “This is best done in person,” she says.
“Start by expressing your regret for not being able to attend, and provide a genuine reason why it’s not possible. And of course, do your best to reassure her of your continued support and love, and if you’re so inclined, offer to be there for her during the planning process.”
If upset feelings lead to disagreements, Chala recommends allowing the bride to process her thoughts and encouraging her to express what she needs when she’s ready. “The key is to validate each other’s perspectives and work towards understanding and forgiveness. Reaffirm the importance of your friendship and focus on ways that you can move forward,” she adds.
Finding other ways to celebrate the occasion with the couple might help reduce any resentment
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
Once the hard part is over, try not to distance yourself from the friend because you’re guilty. “Often people want to disappear because they feel uncomfortable when the exact opposite should happen,” etiquette expert Diane Gottsman said. Being mature about it and checking in with them throughout the wedding process shows your support and enthusiasm for the big day, even though you won’t be there.
Chala suggests that helping with certain aspects of wedding day preparations is a great starting point. “This can include wedding dress shopping, collecting photos for a wedding day slide show, or helping plan and attend pre-wedding events (bachelorette party, wedding shower).
For the wedding day itself, you can send a card for the bride to open on the wedding morning, FaceTime while she’s getting ready, send a video message, or arrange a special dinner or outing (spa day anyone?!) before or after the wedding, or contribute to their honeymoon fund.”
Chala herself has been in the bride’s place, as her best friend and bridesmaid couldn’t attend because she just had her second baby and wasn’t able to travel across the country. She shares, “I was of course devastated when she initially told me, but over the course of my engagement, she was always supportive, listened to me vent about wedding planning, helped where she could, attended my wedding shower, and was even there for me from afar on my wedding day.
She sent me a really sweet card for me to open during the morning, along with a small gift that was my “something borrowed.” And then, a few months after the wedding, when we came home for the holidays, she and her husband took me and my new husband out for an amazing dinner. To this day (10 years later), we are still the best of friends.”
The author received undivided support from readers
Poll Question
Thanks! Check out the results:
Newsletter
Subscribe to Access
Exclusive Polls
By entering your email and clicking Subscribe, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. You are also agreeing to our Privacy Policy.
Thank you! You've successfully subscribed to newsletters!
What do you think ?
N G 8 months ago
There'll be a blank space at one of the tables, oh what a cruel summer for them.
General Anaesthesia 8 months ago
Just judging by what we're told here, OP will be able to attend her friend Jessy's next wedding and maybe more after that while the concert could be a one-time opportunity. Enjoy the concert.
LH25 8 months ago
The bride is testing her friend, and in doing so showed her own true colors. The "right thing" was to either schedule the wedding on another day, or if that wasn't possible understand that not everyone can/will "drop everything" to attend.
Ken Beattie 8 months ago
Yeah that's the bit that gripes me. Maybe she had no choice but to book that day. But her reaction should have been "I'm really sorry that was the only day we got. We'd love you to come, but we understand if you can't make it." Any time you expect someone to drop something that is costing them a lot of effort and money you're not the friend in the story.
Load More Replies... N G 8 months ago
There'll be a blank space at one of the tables, oh what a cruel summer for them.
General Anaesthesia 8 months ago
Just judging by what we're told here, OP will be able to attend her friend Jessy's next wedding and maybe more after that while the concert could be a one-time opportunity. Enjoy the concert.
LH25 8 months ago
The bride is testing her friend, and in doing so showed her own true colors. The "right thing" was to either schedule the wedding on another day, or if that wasn't possible understand that not everyone can/will "drop everything" to attend.
Ken Beattie 8 months ago
Yeah that's the bit that gripes me. Maybe she had no choice but to book that day. But her reaction should have been "I'm really sorry that was the only day we got. We'd love you to come, but we understand if you can't make it." Any time you expect someone to drop something that is costing them a lot of effort and money you're not the friend in the story.
Load More Replies... You May Like People Share What Ruined Weddings They Attended, Here Are The 43 Best Stories “My Niece Was Ugly”: Teen Wears White To Aunt’s Wedding, Ends Up Photoshopped In The Pictures Wedding Planners Share 24 Stories About The Craziest Wedding Demands They’ve Ever Received
Mindaugas Balčiauskas
Indrė Lukošiūtė
Rūta Zumbrickaitė
Related on Bored Panda
24
31