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“Why Not Both Change Your Name?”: Bride’s Confusion Over Maiden Name Leaves Folks Divided
Marriage is when two people unite to form a unit and celebrate their love. But an important decision the couple must make is what their family name will be so that they can pass it on to their future kids. This can be a hard choice, and one partner might have to give in and change their name.
This is the dilemma a woman faced just one week before her wedding. She was torn between keeping her maiden name or taking her husband’s surname. She finally decided to ask people for help and figure out based on their experiences.
More info: Mumsnet
RELATED:
In many straight marriages, it’s very often the woman who is expected to take her husband’s name
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio / pexels (not the actual photo)
This bride shared that she was on the fence about taking on a new surname and wanted to hear from netizens if they had regrets about changing or keeping their maiden name
Image credits: SHVETS production / pexels (not the actual photo)
The poster mentioned that her surname was long, tricky, and “foreign” to English speakers, so she didn’t want to merge it with her husband’s
Image credits: Emma Bauso / pexels (not the actual photo)
The woman did add that her future husband’s surname had strong connections to her mother’s culture, and that was positively swaying her opinion
Image credits: PoptartBarry
Changing a surname can be difficult because it’s often connected to a person’s identity
It might be shocking to learn that around 70% of women in the U.S. and 90% of British women adopt their husband’s surname after marriage. Although these figures are lower than they were generations ago, changing one’s name still remains a strong religious and cultural practice even today.
That’s probably why the poster found it difficult to decide what to do about her maiden name. She was worried about regretting her decision after marriage. Research on this topic has found that women who choose to keep their surname do so because it’s linked to their identity or their profession.
The wives who want to take on their husbands’ names often do so because they feel it shows love and commitment to their spouse. Some are also forced to do it out of pressure to adhere to traditions. So, it makes sense that the OP wanted to hear peoples’ lived experiences before she made a decision.
It’s also hard to break away from this kind of practice because it dates back to the 15th century when women were legally considered their husband’s property once they got married. Only in the 1970s did laws change so that women could keep their maiden name.
Image credits: Arif Syuhada / pexels (not the actual photo)
Despite the increased focus on gender equality, only 5% of husbands take their wives’ surnames, and only 1% go in for hyphenation. This huge disparity is what pushed some regions like Quebec, Greece, France, Belgium, and the Netherlands to create laws that require women to retain their surnames after marriage.
It’s definitely difficult to decide what’s the best approach toward adopting or retaining a surname after marriage. But, if you’re on the fence like the poster, there are a couple of options that you could pick from. You can:
- Ask your partner to take your surname
- Hyphenate both names
- Merge your surnames and make up a new one
- Create an entirely new family name
Ultimately, the OP had only a week to decide what she wanted to do about her surname, although one commenter did tell her that she could change her name anytime after she got married, so it wasn’t that big of a rush.
What do you think about this practice? Have you ever faced the same kind of dilemma?
Women poured in with their experiences and how they felt about changing their maiden name or keeping it
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What do you think ?
LonelyLittleLeafSheep 3 months ago
Husband and I chose a brand new surname for our union. It ended up being my maternal grandmother's maiden name because we both liked it. But the point is that we felt like we deserved a name to represent US and not our "family" names. We are a new and complete family and deserves a new name.
Marianne 3 months ago
I love that! Sadly, this would not be allowed where I live (Germany).
Load More Replies...
Sophia Athene 3 months ago
I knew years before going into the wedding I would keep my maiden name. I could give y'all a thesis why but basically I don't see why I have to change my name and he doesn't based solely on our internal plumbing and spout bits. I was also already published under my maiden name. After a year, I heard a rumor going around that I was already divorced since I was back to using my maiden name. I asked my husband if my choice offended him and he said he would have liked for me to take his name. So I hyphenated. I regret it. I wished I had kept my name only. It's an absolute pain to sign & sometimes doesn't fit for assigned user names (in total 15 characters). I get snarky comments from people too when it inconveniences them. It is straight up in English but people still mangle the pronunciation. Or worse just skip to his name. I love my husband but I really didn't want to hyphenate it. He now acknowledges he shouldn't have asked for both feminist & general trouble reasons. No children btw.
Nota Robot 3 months ago
In the Academic sector it's not uncommon for women to keep their maiden name professionally, especially if they already have publications to their names. In fact, I believe it's even recommended to keep your maiden name, but you have the final say. I leave it up to women in that sector to confirm or deny :-) As to my personal situation, we both kept our own names. It sometimes takes an extra step when explaining things to officials, but what is really disappointing is the friends and family who insist on using the wrong surname for either of us.
Katchen 3 months ago
I took my husband’s name and I have a publication in my maiden name. It’s listed right on my LinkedIn and my resume. The 1s of people who follow my career are smart enough to figure out that I changed my name.
Load More Replies... LonelyLittleLeafSheep 3 months ago
Husband and I chose a brand new surname for our union. It ended up being my maternal grandmother's maiden name because we both liked it. But the point is that we felt like we deserved a name to represent US and not our "family" names. We are a new and complete family and deserves a new name.
Marianne 3 months ago
I love that! Sadly, this would not be allowed where I live (Germany).
Load More Replies... Sophia Athene 3 months ago
I knew years before going into the wedding I would keep my maiden name. I could give y'all a thesis why but basically I don't see why I have to change my name and he doesn't based solely on our internal plumbing and spout bits. I was also already published under my maiden name. After a year, I heard a rumor going around that I was already divorced since I was back to using my maiden name. I asked my husband if my choice offended him and he said he would have liked for me to take his name. So I hyphenated. I regret it. I wished I had kept my name only. It's an absolute pain to sign & sometimes doesn't fit for assigned user names (in total 15 characters). I get snarky comments from people too when it inconveniences them. It is straight up in English but people still mangle the pronunciation. Or worse just skip to his name. I love my husband but I really didn't want to hyphenate it. He now acknowledges he shouldn't have asked for both feminist & general trouble reasons. No children btw.
Nota Robot 3 months ago
In the Academic sector it's not uncommon for women to keep their maiden name professionally, especially if they already have publications to their names. In fact, I believe it's even recommended to keep your maiden name, but you have the final say. I leave it up to women in that sector to confirm or deny :-) As to my personal situation, we both kept our own names. It sometimes takes an extra step when explaining things to officials, but what is really disappointing is the friends and family who insist on using the wrong surname for either of us.
Katchen 3 months ago
I took my husband’s name and I have a publication in my maiden name. It’s listed right on my LinkedIn and my resume. The 1s of people who follow my career are smart enough to figure out that I changed my name.
Load More Replies...
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