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179
“Consider Her A Friend”: Bride Taken Aback By Coworker At Her Wedding, Wants To Confront Her
Deciding who makes the wedding guest list is never easy, and if you get an invite from a coworker, it’s a clear sign that you’re important to them. But things can get tricky if your office pals do something that rubs you the wrong way on the big day.
Take this bride, for example. After her wedding, she shared an awkward situation online about a coworker who showed up in a white dress, completely disregarding the dress code. Now the author’s stuck between confronting her coworker or keeping things strictly professional. Keep reading to see how she handled the situation.
RELATED:
Wearing white on your wedding day is a moment most brides dream of
Image credits: Pixabay/Pexels (not the actual photo)
The author sought advice online on whether to confront her coworker for not bringing a gift
Image credits: Spora Weddings/Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Unknown-Language-94
The bride went on to provide more insight into her perspective on the situation
A thoughtful and considerate wedding guest can make the couple’s special day even more memorable and stress-free
Image credits: Антон Залевський/Pexels (not the actual photo)
Weddings can be quite expensive. So, if you get a spot on the guest list, remember, it’s a sign that you matter to the couple. It means they really want you there on one of the most important days of their lives. And one of the best ways to show your support? By being a good wedding guest.
First things first: RSVP on time. Seriously, it’s one of the easiest ways you can help out. The couple might be juggling caterers, seating charts, and a million other details, so your prompt response takes one thing off their plate.
On the big day, the focus should be on the couple. So, instead of engaging in a debate with Aunt Carol about why she’s not sitting near the cake table, remember this is their moment. Try to avoid creating any drama.
“Couples are often already juggling a lot of emotions, and the last thing they need is family drama,” says Casi Yost, a wedding photographer from California. She recalls one wedding where a couple’s parents argued over the number of family photos, which just added unnecessary stress.
Another super simple but often overlooked etiquette is keeping your phone on silent. The ceremony is an intimate and emotional moment for the couple, and they don’t need to hear a random ringtone or notification going off. It might be a small thing, but it shows you’re present and respectful.
It’s important to respect the couple’s dress code on their big day, as it helps create the atmosphere they’ve dreamed of
Image credits: AS Photography/Pexels (not the actual photo)
When it comes to what to wear, it’s all about honoring the couple’s wishes. Whether the dress code is black tie, casual, or themed, it’s important to follow the guidelines. “It’s important to follow the dress code to show respect to the couple who are getting married and have made the request,” explains etiquette expert Myka Meier from Beaumont Etiquette.
And it’s advisable to leave the white outfits at home. “White is the color reserved for the couple getting married. By wearing white or off-white, it can be seen as though you are taking attention away from the couple,” adds Meier.
Another important reason to follow the dress code is that sometimes it’s not just about style—it could have deeper meaning. In some cases, the dress code is tied to religious or cultural traditions that the couple wants to honor. Or, the venue itself might have its own rules about what’s appropriate to wear.
Besides the obvious dos and don’ts, there are some other etiquette tips one should follow: Be on time for the ceremony (or even a little early), don’t bring extra guests unless it’s explicitly mentioned on the invite, and actually read the couple’s wedding website. It’s there to help you avoid confusion about things like dress codes, venues, and other details.
In this particular story, many commenters advised the author not to confront her coworker who showed up in white and didn’t give a gift. As much as it stings, calling someone out for not bringing a present can come off as rude, and no one wants to be that kind of couple. What do you think—should the bride speak up or just let it go?
People online felt it would be rude for the author to confront her coworker and advised her against it
Others felt the author was justified in feeling upset about her coworker wearing white to the wedding
After considering all the advice, the author decided to maintain a strictly professional relationship with her coworker
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Libstak 1 year ago (edited)
I have a caveat, did work colleagues pool resources and provide a gift for the wedding? If co worker contributed at work she may feel her job is done. That being said, this is not a nice person, she is married herself and yet wears white to someone else's wedding. She can't pretend she doesn't know this is wrong and OP needs to recognise there is no good reason to stay friends with her.
Agat 1 year ago (edited)
There should be a fifth answer in the survey: I've never cared what my guests wore to my wedding at all, they could come butt naked for all I care. As for gifts, we asked them not to give us anything. Clearly a cultural difference because my eyes go wide whenever I read about this obsession with weddings, cards, dresses, being "a center of attention" (how entitled can you be?!) and this being "their day". I don't understand this mindset and hope not to.
Ben Aziza 1 year ago
That is it... I too dont understand that mindset. I dont think i would want ppl who care about those things to such a level to be at any wedding i am having... well they would not be my friends in the first place i guess... I rather focus more on the person i am marrying than "the day".
Load More Replies...
Ash 1 year ago
Woman who boasts a lot about how much money she has, then wears a white floor-length gown to somebody's wedding: narcissist who feels threatened by OP. She didn't get OP a gift because she secretly resents her. Entirely ignoring her behavior and distancing herself from this woman is the best idea on OP's part. What she wants most is attention (narcissistic supply). Don't give it to her.
Id row 1 year ago
I might go this route: "Hey, I was sending out the thank you's when I noticed there was nothing from you. I had a few people come up to me angry that you wore white to my wedding, and I think they may have taken your gift. I just didn't want you to think I forgot to send you a thank you card. I'm sorry about that." And let her brain melt while trying to come up with a response to that.
Alexandra 1 year ago
It's very odd that this co-worker turned up in a white dress AFTER she was told what the dress code was. Even if there hadn't been any, NO ONE wears white to a wedding who is NOT the bride. The no-gift thing, well, I still hold that obligatory gifts and weddings don't go together. Sell ticketsfor your wedding if you want a standmixer and you can't afford one. Not confronting the co-worker then and there was a good move: why spoil your day? There's no need to confront her because she has already shown who she really is: not a good friend. Just keep it professional in the workplace, that's all.
Katy McMouse 1 year ago
If I were getting married in this day and age, I just wouldn't care who wore what. Even if someone showed up in their own wedding gown, I'd still let it go - they wouldnt be embarrassing me, they would (possibly) be embarrassing themselves and that's not my problem. Everyone invited would know who the bride is and freaking out over a guest's choice of attire would be the last thing on my mind. I'd be more worried about drunk people at the reception causing drama.
Joelle Jansen 1 year ago
Clearly this "work friend" does not think of OP as a friend. I agree with some commenters that calling her out is just going to result in a lose-lose situation, and might hurt her reputation at work. But I'd definitely back off from this "friendship".
Schmebulock 1 year ago
She should of had better friends/family at the wedding to tell the girl to leave when she showed up in white.
Marno C. 1 year ago
Brides do not need to confront inappropriately dressed people at weddings. Those people are either too stupid to know etiquette or attention-seeking. A bride has better things to do than to educate the dim and she certainly doesn't want to reward the attention-seekers. In fact, for those folks, being treated with mild amusement and faint pity while ignoring their dramatic overtures is the best way to go. Everyone notices their faux pas anyway, so let the person isn't getting away with anything and people can murmur how classy and look lovely the bride is to the drama llama's chagrin.
Libstak 1 year ago (edited)
I have a caveat, did work colleagues pool resources and provide a gift for the wedding? If co worker contributed at work she may feel her job is done. That being said, this is not a nice person, she is married herself and yet wears white to someone else's wedding. She can't pretend she doesn't know this is wrong and OP needs to recognise there is no good reason to stay friends with her.
Agat 1 year ago (edited)
There should be a fifth answer in the survey: I've never cared what my guests wore to my wedding at all, they could come butt naked for all I care. As for gifts, we asked them not to give us anything. Clearly a cultural difference because my eyes go wide whenever I read about this obsession with weddings, cards, dresses, being "a center of attention" (how entitled can you be?!) and this being "their day". I don't understand this mindset and hope not to.
Ben Aziza 1 year ago
That is it... I too dont understand that mindset. I dont think i would want ppl who care about those things to such a level to be at any wedding i am having... well they would not be my friends in the first place i guess... I rather focus more on the person i am marrying than "the day".
Load More Replies... Ash 1 year ago
Woman who boasts a lot about how much money she has, then wears a white floor-length gown to somebody's wedding: narcissist who feels threatened by OP. She didn't get OP a gift because she secretly resents her. Entirely ignoring her behavior and distancing herself from this woman is the best idea on OP's part. What she wants most is attention (narcissistic supply). Don't give it to her.
Id row 1 year ago
I might go this route: "Hey, I was sending out the thank you's when I noticed there was nothing from you. I had a few people come up to me angry that you wore white to my wedding, and I think they may have taken your gift. I just didn't want you to think I forgot to send you a thank you card. I'm sorry about that." And let her brain melt while trying to come up with a response to that.
Alexandra 1 year ago
It's very odd that this co-worker turned up in a white dress AFTER she was told what the dress code was. Even if there hadn't been any, NO ONE wears white to a wedding who is NOT the bride. The no-gift thing, well, I still hold that obligatory gifts and weddings don't go together. Sell ticketsfor your wedding if you want a standmixer and you can't afford one. Not confronting the co-worker then and there was a good move: why spoil your day? There's no need to confront her because she has already shown who she really is: not a good friend. Just keep it professional in the workplace, that's all.
Katy McMouse 1 year ago
If I were getting married in this day and age, I just wouldn't care who wore what. Even if someone showed up in their own wedding gown, I'd still let it go - they wouldnt be embarrassing me, they would (possibly) be embarrassing themselves and that's not my problem. Everyone invited would know who the bride is and freaking out over a guest's choice of attire would be the last thing on my mind. I'd be more worried about drunk people at the reception causing drama.
Joelle Jansen 1 year ago
Clearly this "work friend" does not think of OP as a friend. I agree with some commenters that calling her out is just going to result in a lose-lose situation, and might hurt her reputation at work. But I'd definitely back off from this "friendship".
Schmebulock 1 year ago
She should of had better friends/family at the wedding to tell the girl to leave when she showed up in white.
Marno C. 1 year ago
Brides do not need to confront inappropriately dressed people at weddings. Those people are either too stupid to know etiquette or attention-seeking. A bride has better things to do than to educate the dim and she certainly doesn't want to reward the attention-seekers. In fact, for those folks, being treated with mild amusement and faint pity while ignoring their dramatic overtures is the best way to go. Everyone notices their faux pas anyway, so let the person isn't getting away with anything and people can murmur how classy and look lovely the bride is to the drama llama's chagrin.
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