Listen to me. I'm a female domestic abuse survivor. This is how it starts. MEN CAN BE VICTIMS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE! ONCE IS ONE TIME TOO MANY! You would be a real fool to listen to anyone who condones this and wants you to stay in this. You're not overreacting or crazy. Don't even take a chance on staying with this abusive woman. Look at it this way. If you had slapped her not only would she had left you but also you'd be in handcuffs right now. Do you really want to have a life with someone like that? I would run not walk.I learned my lesson from my experience. THE FIRST TIME THEY HIT ME IS THE LAST TIME THEY SEE ME

it's domestic abuse, regardless of who did it. had it have been you, the police would be called, you'd be charged & your relationship would be over. why is it different because it is a woman who did the abuse? shes hit you once, she'll do it again. get out now.

Janelle Collard

Janelle Collard

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GIANT red flag! OP, run as fast as you can away from her and cancel that wedding! What happens if you have kids + the kids p**s her off? Do you want that for your children? Abusers don't stop - they escalate. Anyone who tells you this is no big deal can f**k right the the hell off + you should go NC with all of them.

The engagement period is for just this reason... to find out who someone really is. Believe them! Trust your gut! It's the only one not lying to you.

I'm a woman, and I was raised a hitter. My parents and stepparents all spanked, a lot, I had a passel of siblings and stepsiblings, and we were frequently advised to solve our disputes through violence. I genuinely didn't think there was anything wrong with slapping someone on the arm when they said something stupid, or throwing a light punch to the shoulder to drive home a point. When I met my now husband, he set me straight quick, fast, and in a hurry. He invited me to think about the optics if the gender roles were reversed, and it really got through to me. IT'S NEVER OK TO HIT. NTA eta: I didn't hit my husband when we were dating, I threatened to hit him once, and that's when he set me straight.

You are absolutely NOT TA. If it was reversed and a man slapped a woman in the anger of an argument, people would tell her to press charges.

My friend was in a relationship with a woman who attacked him repeatedly. Because he was so much bigger than her and a man, he didn't see it for what it was ... Then, one day neighbors called the police because they heard yelling. She told the police he attacked her. His torn shirt, scratches on his face and arms had scratches so deep, there was blood - she had bruises on each arm where he grabbed her in defense. He was arrested and taken to jail. He has issues with being single, so he stayed with her. Attorney fees, anxiety and the fear of being convicted were enough that the idiot (my friend) took a plea deal and was sentenced to anger control classes and more. The worst part about it, like the OP, people who heard about it, thought it wasn't a big deal because she's tiny and he's a man. Abuse is abuse and it isn't limited to gender

Yes, you giving her a slap back might indeed cause her to shed some blood from her ears or something. But here's the thing, physical abuse was never about how strong or weak you are, more about the act itself. It's often said to men that they should let it slide because in most cases, you can theoretically more than defend yourself. But, this isn't a street fight with some drunk man. No, this is supposedly your future wife and life partner. Do you want to go back to this every day? Nah, run away. There are droves of men who commit suicide due to lives with these types of women. Don't underestimate the situation just because you're a man and she's a woman.

A slap may not hurt much, but it won't stop there. Also, the amount of pain inflicted is no measure of whether something is abuse or not. She physically attacked you. Run while you still can.

For once we have an AITA from Reddit that is recent (only posted 2 days ago). No further update at the moment, so we might have to wait a while for one.

To all the sexist a$$holes who claim feminists don't support men who experience domestic abuse or some sexist issue, here we are!!! So many feminists supporting this man, acknowledging that he is a victim, and decidedly declaring the woman as the abuser. But will any of you acknowledge this about these feminists here? Absolutely not. It screws up your nice little narrative about women (obv men can't be feminists based on these A-holes' argument). For you complete idiots who claimed I wouldn't stand up for man, fu©k you! This man needs to keep his resolve to dump her and then cut out the family that doesn't support him. The family is exactly why men are afraid to report and I bet these family members are the ones who bemoan men who don't come forward about abuse b/c they think no one will believe him.

Who the f**k are the 2% that agree with his family? Out yourselves.

Domestic violence is not a gender issue. Someone who slaps you in the heat of anger (or who throws something at you, or punches the wall) is a person who will not control their anger. because they don't want to. There is no excuse, EVER, from either sex, to hit anyone. It will always escalalte. Always!

Nope! If she had to defend herself or a loved one him, that would be one thing. That she cannot control her emotions enough to express disagreement with him peacefully speaks volumes about what she is capable of doing if she doesn’t change her attitude and behaviors. He has every right to protect himself from her.

She's abusive. Get out.

If he slapped her, this would be an easy said and done and both families would have disowned him. It doesn't change just because she slapped him. F**k that.

Abuse is abuse - whether it is a man abusing a woman, or a woman abusing a man. End of discussion. I have known victims of domestic violence, of both genders.

Serious question: In the poll, who are the sick 1% that think he's overreacting and doesn't need support?

NTAH, and you know it. Doesn't even matter you are taller, stronger etc. Looks you are a decent person and they are not. Than imbalance will be used and abused, and over time even less respected by them for it. They confuse your being a decent person for being a push-over and you - in their mind - ask for it. Also, everyone has a breaking point, so in the long run you start to believe too you deserve it OR you snap, respond with violence too. And no matter what level of violence, even if it is just a push, not even a slap, it is very unlikely you will be met with the same understanding/minimizing and end up being the abuser in the eyes of people who now tell you not to exaggerated. True, she might get "better" with anger management, but that is her journey, not yours and you do NOT need to be there as a punching bag while she "improves"

There are more red flags in this relationship than in the Red Army. There is only one instance when her gesture might have been justifiable - if OP had attacked her first, and she had slapped him trying to defend herself. Which was not the case. OP should stick to his decision, and f***k off his crappy family & friends.

They said she's smaller and can't physically overpower him, but what if she decides to grab an object during a heated fight? Abuse is abuse.

Domestic violence is domestic violence, regardless of the gender. OP needs to put a considerable amount of distance between the GF and himself. While he's at it, he should also tell the flying monkeys to mind their own damned business. The (hopefully) STBX needs to take anger management classes and keep this in mind: some guys don't play that shìt. At. All. The next time she pulls a "Joan Crawford" on someone, she could very well end up picking up her missing teeth with broken fingers. That, or standing before her Maker. Jus' sayin'.

Violence like that is not a one off. It will escalate. What happens if she loses her s**t with a child in later years? I have wanted to strangle some of my at the time current, but now ex partners over the years, but could never consider raising a hand to them. The only time it ever happened to me, I walked away and never spoke to them again. That was easier pre-Internet / mobile phones. It's still the only time I didn't listen to my father's advice to hit someone back if they hit you.

A red flag ought to be going up, because if she is going to be violent over something "trivial," as described, what would she do if they are having more serious difficulties? Throw objects? Damage property? And if she is that quick to anger, how would she react to the children?

"Considering ending things" with someone who slapped you intead of using words? Male or female, that should be the end of things right there. Do you not realise it's only going to get worse if you get married

Around 40% of domestic abuse violence is perpetrated by women, in 2021 women were responsible for 60% of reported incidences of child abuse. But we almost never hear anything about it, and when we do it's either brushed off, mocked or more often turned around "well, what did YOU do to that poor woman to drive her to do that?!" It's disgusting, and inexcusable. If this is how things are before you're married, it's only going to get worse from there...and no one will care. Unless you, as a man being abused by a woman get to the point of defending yourself....at which point you'll be labeled the abuser.

She slapped you. End of story. The only thing she should be hitting is the road!

Hope this guy ran and did not just walked away. I can't tell.you how many DV patients I admitted - men - who'd had the stuffing beat out of them by a wife, or a male partner. It is not okay to hit, or verbally, physically, or emotionally abuse others. Person to person abuse just isn't okay. The masses aren't up to the task of growth and enlightenment. Good God, we're actually looking like we're going to get the Toddler Bully in chief back representing us to the rest of the world. This poor fiancé has way too many gaslighters around him who are dumber thsn a box of hair. I think we might need to realize that civil discourse has been beaten to death by the bully gene, God help us.

Therapy. Pre-marital counseling. Something. Do not go into this marriage without reviewing what happened with a professional first.

ALWAYS leave if your partner physically attacks you because it will ALWAYS get worse. Gender doesn’t matter.