Someone Online Was Curious About “What’s Your Unspoken Mom Code?” And 33 Mothers Came Through
There is no arguing that motherhood is challenging. Raising a brand new human into a well-developed, grown person is a huge responsibility requiring tons of time, effort, and patience.
Fortunately, thanks to their shared understanding, no mother is ever truly left to deal with this alone, regardless of her situation. This occurrence is known as the unspoken mom code, and in this Reddit thread, women share what they do to make it a little easier for fellow mothers.
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Give parents with disabled kids as much grace as possible. That’s an unimaginably hard job.
Yes! We went to a community sleep over and there was a severely handicapped girl there with her mom .. poor thing moaned and cried and fussed and needed her mom all night. I tried to help, is there something we can do? The mom just started sobbing .. it's like this every single night. Girl is in my prayers every single day
Also you don't always know if a kid is disabled. That big kid in the stroller watching the iPad while his mom pushes him through the park? Could be that he has cognitive disabilities and this is the way his mom can get a walk and fresh air with him.
Absolutely. I remember gently pointing out to my husband who raised his eyebrows at a child sitting in a pushchair with a dummy ("in a stroller with a pacifier" for my US linguistic kinfolk) and I said maybe the child has a developmental delay or another kind of problem and that is the only way to get through the day.
Load More Replies...And sadly, many r single parents, as the stress often pushes couples apart
I was once told "whatever problems you have as a couple, kids magnify them tenfold." Disabled kids, I think, probably fiftyfold.
Load More Replies...My son is on the autism spectrum, ADHD, sensory perception disorder, and seizures. Yeah, it's hard as heck, especially for a mother that is also disabled. I'm a wheelchair user. Luckily as my son has grown (He's almost 16) it's gotten a little easier and he and I take care of each other, but even I and sometimes he will stop to give help to someone we see in need.
Those who need help themselves are often those most helpful to others, because they understand the need.
Load More Replies...I've been so lucky. I have two kids on the spectrum. They LOVE to go out shopping and are almost always well behaved. But, when they lose it, they lose it big time. I'm always amazed, when I'm trying to get through the shopping trip with one in a meltdown how I have always been met with understanding and compassion by other people. And I am so grateful.
My son is severely autistic and is non verbal. He's going to be 6 next week. One time he had a meltdown in the mall and I had to carry him out like a surfboard so not to hurt himself or me. And I had so many people staring. I was fighting back tears. Then as soon as I got him in the car some lady came out and said "ma'am I just had to tell you something." Half expecting some unsolicited advice. I just looked at her and said "what?" She looked at my son and at me and "I just wanted you to know that you're doing a great job mom" I started crying. That was years ago and it still makes me choke up because that was the first and only time a complete stranger said that. I really needed it that day.
I hope you get met with this understanding in any and all circumstances you face. Amen.
Load More Replies...be mindful of the parents who feign having disabled children too "no Karen little Johnny hasn't got a neurodiverse condition... little Johnny is a s**t"
Honestly this whole faking conditions need to stop, it's hard enough for both adults and kids with conditions without AH who keeps faking them for attention or special privileges, and ruin the way people without conditions look at them. Usually they make it even worse by displaying (faking) very rare symptoms of that conditions or doing it to an extreme and making the public believe the worst about people with those conditions
Load More Replies...While this is a good one, I hate how a lot of people who say this treat disabled kids as a horrible curse on the parents. I myself am considered disabled, so it makes me super mad. I'm a person too. Disabled kids are people too. They are not a curse.
This should be true however, it is not. As the mom of a child with a disability, I have been given dirty looks and the “why don’t you just…” more times than I could count. Yes, if it were only that simple I would just make him ________. Why haven’t I thought of that? I was really enjoying the struggle, the meltdowns, the judgy looks, the isolation because people don’t understand. 🙄
I will stand in the path of your toddler who is attempting to run away
Yes, and i will not hesitate to grab said child if they are visibly heading into danger(ex: a road)... id rather an angry child than a dead one
I think people are more worried about angry parents, but like: Yes please! Please keep my child from running into traffic, even if you have to grab them!
Load More Replies...YES, PLEASE! We were at our hotel pool at Disney. Families all around. It was closing for the night. My 3 year old wanted to swim. The pool was huge. My husband crashed early. She realized once she got up the steps before me that when she bolted, I couldn't catch her. I ran a half circle back and forth around this pool for nearly 30 minutes while people just stared. She had a life jacket on but could have hit her head. Finally, this big burly man walking by saw what was happening, came up behind her and scooped her up and brought her to me. Scared the c**p out of her. She usually doesn't act like a baby demon but Disney can bring the best and worst out of your children
No thanks to all the mothers just sitting there watching. Thank goodness no on was filming or their phone would have gone down into the water
Load More Replies...Every time, everybody should do this, I'm not a mum but I do this. Sometimes I'll use a school marm voice to tell the older ones to "listen to your mum or dad" and wink at mum or dad, a smidgen of fear can save alot of hurt and keep them from dangerous unpredictable strangers grasps.
First time we took the kids to the beach, my twins were 4 years old. One of them wanted to run on the beach, fine. Except she didn't stop, at all. She got so far in front of us that I became legit worried. But I had a sprained foot so couldn't run, and had to stay with other kids. My husband had to RUN after her. A group of upper middle age adults saw what was transpiring and just shouted, Go Daddy Go! I would have preferred if they had tried to stop the runaway child. When kid gets to high school, we'll encourage her to get on the cross country and/or track teams!
Years ago working in a grocery store, a toddler made a mad dash for the front door. I crouched down, flung my arms wide and said, “*hugs!!!*” and sure enough, he pulled an immediate U-turn back to Mom.
Gotta watch that though. Some folks get really pîssy if you touch their kid. Had a man scream at me because I caught his kid running around behind the counter where I worked. Never mind that he wasn't paying attention and the child was about to run into a *pizza oven*.
Always hold doors for parents with strollers.
When my daughter was a toddler and in a stroller, I was struggling to open the door to go into a bank. I got the door open and this man in an expensive suit walked through it and had the audacity to thank me for holding the door for him. I didn't hesitate to tell him I was trying to get my stroller through the door and it wasn't for him. He at least had the grace to apologize and then grab the door, but the fact he didn't even notice me struggling with the stroller to begin with was so annoying.
Load More Replies...Hold doors open for everyone, and let them go first. (There might be monsters inside.)
I always do. Some places do not have auto doors and it's difficult to steer a stroller or shopping cart. Nobody did that for me
Or elderly people with walkers, or somebody carriyng severel big parcels
It is so uncomfortable noticing someone in a rough spot and yet, the closest near not doing anything. If I am able, definitely I am there! But I am not always. I open doors for every. single. body. coming their way to the door. In my Hispanic community, the men will insist I go ahead and they get the. I half the time "argue" with them to just go through and other times, just go on ahead, even tho I was doing the job just the same and already. They mean well.
Everyone has bad days. Don't be petty about people not saying thank you. You don't know what's happening inside their head
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My teen pointed this out to me- I didn’t even realize I do it- but if I see a child without an adult in arms reach I just stop and stare until I figure out who their adult is or talk with them until their adult Comes if no one is around. I think it’s just engrained in me!
If a man did this I think the response would be extremely different.
We're talking really young kids, right? Because over a certain age, kids are quite capable of going out and doing things by themselves, such as going to the bus stop on their own.
I think we are talking mainly about toddlers. Depending on place and time may be as well for bit older kids too.
Load More Replies...I remember seeing a pair of panicked adults running around a small town (pedestrianised town centre) near us and calling a boy's name. I went up to them, asked them what he looked like, his name, how old he was, what he was wearing. I went round all the shops and seating areas calling for him and asking people if they had seen him. I went around the corner and saw his two parents giving him the "worried bollocking" after thankfully having found him. Phew! I can't bear to see the distress of other parents and will always help if I can.
LMAO I could do this full time with the number of parents who just ignore their kids and let them wander everywhere.
So glad to hear others do this too! Even if the kids is crying, obviously separated, people just walk on by like they don't hear or see them.
I've done that plenty of times--stood back & watched to figure out who their person was
Also - I don't care what the parent thinks, if they think I'm being nosy or bossy - if I see a parent not paying attention while their 18-month-old stands up in the seat of the shopping cart, I *WILL* go over and loudly (but politely) say, "Sweetie, you need to sit down so you don't fall!" I've gotten thank-yous from most parents, but also dirty looks and nasty comments from others. Sorry, but I'd rather not see your kid fall out and suffer a brain injury when they fall head first on the floor from that height.
I don't have kids and I don't particularly like kids. But I have the same strange protective reflex: whenever I see a toddler alone, I start looking around to identify the parents and immediately go on alert. Call it a "German shepherd instinct" )) No maternal feelings at all, just protectiveness.
If you see a kid in danger, and it doesn't look like any other adult is going to do something, do something.
Little kid, maybe 3 to 4 yrs old ran into the road a couple of days ago, car in front of me stopped, young man got out, car going opposite way stopped, an older woman got out. This kid was ignoring both of their encouragement to get off the road, I was going to get out too and start door knocking but mum suddenly ran out and grabbed him. In the meantime Mr expert with the hotted up sports car behind me has started tooting and yelling "get back in your cars, you're blocking traffic" with no regard to the little kid at all. He earned 4 sets of 1 finger salutes that I counted, arrogant twat.
I enjoy that in your story, more than one person reacted to the a*****e instead of "just letting it go". These people need to be s**t talked to!
Load More Replies...My Dad saved a toddler from drowning on a beach this summer. The toddler's parents were seeing to their screaming baby and they took their eyes off him for all of 10 seconds, but he just made a complete dash for it. He ended up stumbling over his own feet and landed face first in the water. My Dad ran in after him (shoes on and all) and yanked him straight out of the water. In the meantime, the kid's Dad had spotted what was happening and wasn't too far behind my Dad, but every second matters with a drowning child!
I don't really like kids and usually don't pay any attention to them. I was in a bakery and they had the glass of a display case open and propped up by like a broomstick, and unattended; the worker was helping a mom. Noone was paying attention to the 5 year who was checking out the sweets on display and move to the opened case. As soon as I saw the kid go near tha case my eyes were glued to him which was very lucky for him because he bumped into the stick. Somehow I channeled The Flash and grabbed the kid out of the way before the glass could hit him. My heart was racing afterwards and I was shaking but I kept that kid from a serious injury. I still don't know how I moved so quickly. The mom was freaked out afterwards but I think I was even more freaked than her because of how close of a call it was. I did get my baked goods for free though but my god I don't ever want to have to act like that again; it was so scary thinking what could've happened had I not had sugar craving that day
I was leaving a fast food restaurant when a toddler started following me out. She got between the two doors of the entry way and was about to come outside into the parking lot when I went back and ushered her back into the restaurant. Her family were all sitting at the back of the restaurant, completely unaware. They saw me ushering her back in and just called her back to them rather than coming to get her. I gave the family a WTF look before leaving.
I know this may sound controversial but this is why we should not teach kids stranger danger and instead teach them things to look out for. Because 9 times out of 10 a stranger is the person who might have to help if the situation gets dicey for a kid. I mean adults know what to do if a kid can't find their parent in the mall or something. I say teach your kids to not fear strangers and teach them to ask for help. And obviously teach them not to get in cars with someone is offering them candy
Agreed. We need to stop limiting what we try to teach and speak to our children about. We need to start communicating how things work, how people are, how to read situations, as soon as possible. You're right about swerving on the stranger danger but then, we do need to teach how people can seem to mean well and don't. My daughter is very much aware of feelings, emotions, her own emotions and how to express herself. She's 3. We do not hold back on explaining every sort of situation going on. More parents need to be doing this. Reading and speaking with their children as actual human beings and not some fun little sponge that by chance, learns things or not. Parents need to take it upon themself to understand what their kid is understanding and not understanding. Should be obvious but lots just go through the motions.
Load More Replies...Many years ago was going down a street in town. There was a yard around a yard. A toddler was climbing the fence. Probably the parents or also a friend was by the house and I could see they were talking. I was about to stop and get out of my car when somebody notice the child climbing the fence. Ran to the child and grab the child off the fence.
Kids can be so scared, but not know how to say it. Help them out.
More times than not, the parent gets mad at me. I was at work, when a mom had to run out to her car and get her wallet. She left her kids, probably around 1 and 6, near the front of the store. The baby, who wasn't buckled into the shopping cart, climbed over the seat. I managed to catch him, before he hit the floor, buckled him up and was making silly faces when the mother came back. She was furious that he was buckled, because "he doesn't like that". Threatened to tell the manager, but sucked to be her, I was the manager. Another time, I grabbed some neighbor kids (ages 7 and 4)out of an overflowing ditch during a thunderstorm, and brought them home to tell their mother. She, too was angry, because how dare I tell her children what to do! I'm not sure why they get so mad. I'm a mom of five, and I 'm not about to just sit there and watch a child get hurt. I would hope that, if my kids were in a dangerous situation, someone would help them, whether the child "liked it", or not.
Because we're human beings and therefore have empathy. Or are you outing yourself as a psycopath?
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Solidarity, not shame, when someone else's child is tantruming in public.
I think the people who tut and try to shame tantrums are the same group who tut and shame teens with poor manners. A fair amount of those teens behave like that because their parents gave in to every tantrum - perhaps because of the shaming. Give sympathy to the great parents out there dealing with toddler tantrums
Tantrums indicate a toddler is not dealing with their strong emotion at that moment. And sometimes that strong emotion is **really** wanting something. While just always giving them what they want doesn't help them learn how to manage their frustration, being unkind, brusque, or angry, doesn't help either. This can either teach them you don't want to know how they feel, or it can teach them they need to up their game. Adults that throw massive tantrums can be the result of parenting that taught them everyone was going to ignore their feelings.
Load More Replies...I would add a caveat here to say if they're in a place that's less optional to be in (like a dr's office or something). If you're in a restaurant or movie theatre, and you don't immediately take your child out of the room, you're getting the stink eye
I will support what the parent does (within reason). If they do nothing, there is nothing for me to support.
That your child is having a tantrum in public, isn't the problem! The problem is YOU. That you allow your child to screech, and throw things in the restaurant they do not belong in while you tune out, the disruptive child at the inappropriate movie because "you deserve to do things too!" the kids at the grocer who run up and down the aisles pulling things off the shelf because kids are terrible. When YOUR child has a tantrum in a public place, you don't have to give in, but you absolutely do have to TAKE THEM OUT. Does that mean you might miss out? Yup, and that's too bad for you. But that doesn't mean you get to demand that everyone around you endure the consequences of YOUR choices because something something self centered, self serving dismissive justification.
No no no no. Pick up the kid and leave. Don't subject the public to your childs inability to act like a human being. errands can always be ran later when the kid isn't being a little s**t. I know I've done it.
Let's say you're in a grocery store with a cart full of cold meats and dairy products. Do you run through the store to return everything, do you make it an employee's problem, do you wait through the checkout line? Or maybe it's your only day off work and you need food for the week. You don't know everyone's situation.
Load More Replies...It depends on why the kid is tantruming. Are they doing it because they're a kid, or are they doing it because the parent is practicing bad parenting (like forcing a kid to be out in the hot sun instead of taking them somewhere cooler)?
standing in line behind a child in the early stages of a tantrum, I will always wave or try to distract the kid in an effort to help somehow
Walked into a store and seen a kid about 5 years old. Spotted the burnt out parents right off. Told the kid to get with the parents before i eat you. Grateful look from the mom. Good Times 😂😂😂😂
I will entertain stranger's kids in confined public spaces (like buses or lineups) when I am not with my kids because it's such a godsend when people entertain mine.
Was on a 3 hour flight with meh mum, the seats were arranged with me in the middle, my mum by the window, and a mother and her infant in the isle... i had headphones on but i noticed the infant kept staring at me (this was before i had green hair) i slid the head phones off and the mother went "oh, thats a neat neck pillow you have" [the neck pillow was a caterpiller that was shaped like a neck pillow] she asked if she could use it to put her infant to sleep, me not really using it (i wasnt planning on sleepin) and my mum being an experienced mother said yes... babi was quiet the entire flight and she thanked me for the pillow :]
That's fine, but some people, like me, really don't like being bothered by small kids in public and I think that's OK. On this particular day I may have a lot going on and the last thing I want to do is look after YOUR kids.
And that's perfectly fine and absolutely has to be respected! I'm saying this as a mom btw
Load More Replies...I had a little chihuahua that went everywhere with me. Whenever I was at a store or the bank and a child was cross or crying, I’d open my dog purse and let them pet my little guy. It would bring more happiness to the parents than the child.
Very rarely I will do this but I will smile or wave at them. That happen to me the other day. As I was walking out the dad had a baby in his arms and I smile at the baby and the baby started to wave at me so I waved back at the baby.
Load More Replies...If a kid is making a face or waving, really anything to try to interact I will engage. I don't care if I look foolish or if people think its weird. My 3 year old is so out-going and will say hi and smile to anyone we pass and its just sad when people choose not to acknowledge him back.
Small children are usually fascinated by my husband (he says he's funny looking, I think they can see he's sometimes a twelve-year-old in a man's body). I can't count the number of times in grocery lines small kids just gawk. After smiling and getting eye contact with the parent, he starts with the silly faces. Smiles and giggles every time.
Imm assume this was written by a woman. Only because as an adult male ive been approached a few times by random women asking me why I was at a playground with a little kid when I was taking my niece or buddies kid out to play for a while. Like they actually had the nerve to assume I was some kinda threat or pedo cause I was an adult male with a little kid at the park. Which bothers me for the obvious reason, and the mind your damn business Karen reason and a third reason I just realized... what kinda s****y husband's do these women have that they think any man at a playground with a kid must be up to no good? Edit-i guess the fact its mom code also strongly implies its a woman.
Sorry that happened to you. Where i live there are TONS of stay home fathers! Would nvr say that to one.
Load More Replies...I do that very often, but if I have my special time off (without kids) I have my own time and just ignore everyone around ne, especially kids.
If you let your boyfriend abuse your kids and you choose your bf, you are no longer my friend.
I get the feeling, but this is not a smart response at all. If he abuses her kids, there's a good chance he's abusing her too. And yes, she should absolutely leave her abusive relationship, but that can be very hard (and dangerous!) to do. You may not know the whole story, he might have threatened to kill her kids if she tries to leave, and she might be too terrified to go without you realizing. If she feels unable to leave yet, cutting off contact is not helping her, it is isolating her, making her even more dependant on her boyfriend. He will have much more control over her when you're gone, and not having her friends around anymore will make her feel she has nowhere to go when she leaves him, which will make her stay with him even longer. Do call CPS. And try to convince her why she and her kids deserve better, and offer her as much support as possible, help her think of how to solve all of the difficult hurdles she sees that make her scared to leave.
My mother did this when I was a child. I am now straight NC with her and have been for 20 years.
THIS! My friend has a bf that has severe agression issues, mostly verbal but still. Once her oldest son (12y) took a knife in the kitchen to defend her when he was going off again. This wasn't enough for her to realize she should not let him in their house again. It was the start of the end of our friendship..
This stock photo comes up now and again, and I still can't unsee how many layers she has on.
I HATE when I read about someone choosing the bf over their kid! I told my kids never do this! You are not that insecure or desperate and men will come and go. No man is worth risking losing your kids.
Don’t feed someone else’s kid without asking
Oh, never! Whenever little kids, whether theyre family or not, ask me for a bite or serving of something of mine i always tell them to ask their guardian... dont wanna risk an allergic reaction or worse...
This totally depends on the child's age. Once a child is old enough to advocate for themselves, and old enough to understand allergies and medical problems, then if they are at my home at mealtimes or snack times, they will be invited to share. If it is a young child, I will check with parents before hand.
This might be a cultural thing - I don't think anyone here would *not* feed a kid! If the kid had any allergies, which seem to be much rarer than in the US, I'm certain the parents would inform us and not expect us to know instinctively!
Yes food allergies in the US are pretty rampant. The stuff the FDA approves to put in food is terrifying - stuff almost every other western nation wouldn't allow anywhere near their food products.
Load More Replies...I sent a parent a text asking if their kids could have cake because I didn't wanna get the kids hopes up since we were all in the same room..yah mom said No.
Even my own father does this sometimes! I explained to him that for whatever reason, my 22 month old daughter does not bite a small piece of, let's say, a fry, and will try to eat it whole, so I need to cut it into small pieces for her. He still tries to feed her large pieces.
I always ask whether it's family or strangers. Some don't allow sweets or sugar drinks or allow it at all. I always have crackers or trail mix. I don't have a problem as long as I'm asked first.
Compliment parents who go out on public with stickers on their faces or toddler marker "tattoos."
Was volunteering at a day camp, helping out with the kids... one of our guys (about 30-40) was helping out with face paint and crafts, he made it verbally clear that he didnt want paint on his face, well, that didnt last long, at the end of the camp he had purple kitten wiskers, green beard, grey eye, and a hand print on his shirt... but a LOT of happy lil faces :]
Sounds like he might have been one that says they don't want it, knowing the kids will want that forbidden fruit even more and him "losing" that battle makes them even happier.
Load More Replies...And dads that have let their little ones paint their (dads) fingernails or play beauty shop doing their (dads) hair and makeup. They totally rock that look, every damn day! My neighbor who has become my little brother basically, has 2 little girls, he has gone out to the grocery store with the most hillariously amazing eye shadow and lipstick and rainbow painted nails on many occations. Heck he'll even put on a dress for them, he LOVES every minute of his girls time and play, so do I
Sticker pox!! Oh the looks I got but it helped that we all had caught the pox!
HA, my husband used to teach English to children here in Germany when he first arrived and couldn't speak German yet. One day, he got home after a long day and a long bus ride home and went to the kitchen sink. When he turned around, I saw that one of the little darlings had stuck a massive glittery butterfly sticker to his butt. Hehehe!
I give honest feedback when another parent asks how things are going with xyz in relation to the kids. 4yo is a picky eater but doing well otherwise. Baby is still waking at night but we’ll turn a corner soon. I think parents find solace when they hear real stories from other parents.
Yeah, I've heard several women talking about these kinds of things and they all said they felt like it was just them, just their kid. I would think it would be quite reassuring to know that other people struggle sometimes and that's fine and normal.
I just stay out of these conversations. my son was that incredibly rare baby that tricks you into a second kid because you think they're all so easy. but no one wants to hear that when they havent slept in 3 years, lol
They exist???? But for real. I "can't" have a third because my big one may be on the spectrum and dealing with him and his specialities and his sister plus work plus household is just so exhausting that I just don't have the energy to raise a third if I want to stay mentally stable. I always wanted more kids but I guess that is my set of cards in this life. Thank you for reading. Ramble over
Load More Replies...In my experience this applies to life outside children as well. I notice that when I open up to someone about difficulties in my life or about insecurities I have, that person tends to open up much more as well. Which means you get the opportunity to have some real conversations, get to know someone much better, realize that you are not the only person with that problem, and you are able to support each other.
I think I'm gonna end up commenting on almost every one here. That said, if a parent gives me a similar answer to what OP offered, I'd ask if they want to know what I have done to get my picky eater to eat more things. Sometimes other parents have been through similar issues and have different tricks up their sleeves so to speak. Example, my son was a very picky eater until I pulled him into the kitchen with me and he started making the food he didn't like and understood what went into it and how it was cooked, he was more willing to try it after that, and discovered he actually liked it.
Always offer to take photos of moms with their kids if I see them grabbing pictures of just the kids.
this should be a 'thing' regardless of age...the last group photo I have with my kids is probably 4 yrs ago--and we see each other fairly regularly! A mama never outgrows wanting pics with her kids
I do this at the state park I work at. You gotta have the whole family posing in front of the waterfall! 🙂
esp. if they are single moms...single moms rarely have any pics of them ith their kids
If your kid has an accident, the extra clothes in my bag are yours.
Absolutely! A kid fell in the pond recently at the Japanese gardens near us (not deep) and after his embarrassed mum fished him out, I discreetly went over and asked if she had a change of clothes for him. She did, but she also gave me and my daughter sweeties to say thank you :)
My kid fell and busted his lip on the playground one day. Blood everywhere. I was almost crying as much as my kid because he was only like 1 1/2. A super mom came up and handed me a bunch of wet wipes and made sure we were okay. Omg, i'm tearing up just thinking about it, lol. This is the kind of kindessess parents need sometimes!!
If I am at a playground with friends we will help each other’s kids and do zone parenting- it’s an unspoken rule.
In Spain in the 70's when it was not common for wives to work and we children spent our time in the street this was very common. Also, if you made a mischief some mother would threaten to tell our mother as soon as she saw her.
lol similar in the UK,same era...."I know your mum" would soon put an end to our shenanigans
Load More Replies...We used to go a lot more when my kids were little with my friends and their kids and about every 10 minutes or so one of us would do a kid count! If we didn’t see one, we all stood up to find the missing one!
Anytime 0-5 year-olds are around in public my radar goes on to help preserve safety. Children are human caution signs, and one parent may not have all the eyes they need. I'm SNM, but I have enough care to be a good neighbor.
I was at the park the other day and I was pushing my 2 kids on the swing and this other kid got on the swing and asked if I could push them too, of course! All kids deserve joy, even something as small as a little push
When I got home from school, mom asked how my day was. I knew she knew lol. She worked in school so when she saw me or my siblings on the late bus, she would sit with us until we got home. We had the "grapevine" growing up. She knew everything before we got home lol.
Sharing clean diapers and age-appropriate snacks is a def yes.
I will warn you if my kid is even slightly suspected to be sick or we were recently exposed to an illness but aren’t currently sick so you can make a judgment call on if you want to be near us. To a weirdly specific amount “they sneezed 3 times today, could be nothing? Could be a new global pandemic- no fever but acting normal FYi”
I expect you to do the same. Even if it’s “they have chronic asthma and that barky cough is lingering from an asthma attack this morning.”
I’ll never forget before I had kids one of my friends had 4 kids, saved for years and was leaving on a dream vacation to Hawaii, she was leaving in a few days… when another mom casually mentioned (an hour into a visit) her kid was confirmed positive with Flu A AND B.
We cut her out of our lives after that and refer to her as “fluzie Suzie” thankfully Hawaii moms kid didn’t get sick (she had an awesome trip!) but the sheer stupidity of exposing us all and thinking it was fine?? It was unreal.
You'd be amazed at how often parents will keep their sick kid out of school just to truck him around all over the city exposing everyone else.
Load More Replies...I get so mad when we go to the park and there are snot faced kids barking a demon cough into other children's faces. KEEP THEM HOME WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU??
Some people are so crazy with stuff like that. I had a "friend" who always brought her kid over with coughs and boogers and wouldn't say s**t til the kids were already playing. So glad when I ended that friendship.
The thing is, once you have kids (especially if you have more than one), you quickly realise that in the autumn/winter/spring, there will never be a time when all of you are well at once. You just kind of get used to it. But if you have a germphobic friend, you will probably only see them for a few months of the year. When you might have allergies! Or it might be a cold.
Load More Replies...I am like this too. I provide all the details so the other person can decide whether they would like to cancel/reschedule the visit or not. We should not put other people’s health at risk. My daughter’s 2nd bday get together was a small gathering with her auntie and uncle and their partners. She was extra tired the morning of the get together with a slight warm head, which turned to a low fever. She took a nap and felt normal hours before the get together. I still told everyone attending about how she was feeling that day and they decided they were fine with the risks. There were six adults at the get together (my daughter was the only kid) and three adults got sick shortly after that. Sometime later we got a note from the daycare that hand-and-foot disease was going around the daycare.
never thought much about it when raising my kids, but now with my grandkids, at least one set of parents is a little more germaphobic than the others, so it's become a habit that I do it with all of them, especially since I have any number of the grandkids at any given time. The parents all appreciate it, & it's just habit now
When I was six months pregnant a person who did contract work with my company came into meet with me, bringing her child. Find out the child had the “German” measles. At my next OB appointment I shared my concern with the physician who checked and made sure I had the immunity. (This was before immunizations, but I had the measles three times as a child.).
My brother and his wife are COVID deniers, and it seems to have spread to other illnesses, as well. They have knowingly dropped they're kids off with strep, and a bag of party blowers, and didn't tell me. Kids being kids, of course they all swapped around, and all got sick. If I tell them not to come over, because one of mine is sick with something contagious, they will show up later that day. Even sending their kids into my sick child's room. The room they're in, so they don't spread it to their siblings. I love my nieces, but can't say I'm sad that they moved to a "freer" state.
RESPECT THE NAP/ routine
Damn, I wish parents would follow this one. I can't count how many cranky and crying small children would be on the 11pm ferry from Seattle. C'mon, parents, they're tired! If you know they're going to be upset by not getting to sleep when they should, maybe you shouldn't be so selfish and consider a babysitter next time.
Yup. Naptime is sacred. I spent a lot of time sleep training them to take regular naps and nothing interferes with that! Otherwise everyone ends up dealing with the wrath of a grumpy, sleep deprived toddler. :)
I had 3 littles 4 and under. Nap times definitely sacred. I was fortunate that all 3 slept well with naps and through the night easily. Not sure I would have survived that period of my life if they hadn''t. LOL!
Load More Replies...As a non-parent - TELL ME WHAT THE ROUTINE IS. I can't count the number of times I've tried to meet up with friends who have kids where I ask what time they want to meet, they tell me any time is good, I propose a time and then it's 'no that baby's nap time' or 'no that's feeding time'. YOU PICK A TIME THEN :')
It can be very stressful for the parents too, trying to figure it out! And it changes. When it's your first kid, it can be overwhelming until you realise that your kid is just going to have to work around you and what you want to do! I think it often comes across like an excuse because the reality is we desperately want to see our friends and feel normal again but it's all hit us hard and it's really, really difficult when we want to do what's best for the baby but also be able to hear our friends speak (requiring baby to be asleep or on the boob/bottle).
Load More Replies...My sister. With kids that stay up in all hours of the night, rarely or toughly had a good bedtime routine... attempted to come off amused and judge my "nap time". "They just fall asleep when they're tired no? You really have to do that?" My 3 yr. old now appreciates when she's tired and has limited understandable tantrums. In the car, she can trust us when we tell her she can rest her eyes and we will wake her up when we get there. Immediately, eyes shut. RESTED.
This thread makes me so happy.
Today we were loading our twin 3.5yr olds into the car at the farmers market. My boy twin wasn’t being bad just taking his sweet time sitting straight in his seat, getting buckled etc. This older lady was waiting to get into her car next to us and was like “ok T, let’s get buckled real quick someone is waiting (!!!)” and she was like “oh don’t worry, I remember those days!” Similarly, someone at the store watched my daughter in the cart (right behind me) in the parking lot while I loaded her brother. And it was just this nice little balm of relief. So whenever I see someone with kids I hold the door or give a knowing smile because that solidarity is everything.
A busy Mom with 4 little ones got everyone something out of the vending machines, but was short some quarters. It was only by the grace of God that I had a bunch left from doing laundry! No more tears! ✌❤
This is not exacty ‘unspoken’, but I ask moms ( and dads) how they are doing. And genuinely try to actually ‘see’ and ‘hear’ their response. We all do so much, but all focus and energy is on the kids. It’s really special when someone acknowledge and ‘sees’ me and all I do so I try to do the same.
Can go both ways. After my sister's funeral, I was talking with my 11yo nephew and asked him how he thought his dad was handling things. He was so relieved to be able to talk about his concerns about his dad.
I pass on my grandmother’s wisdom to “never wake a sleeping baby.” I try not to wake sleeping tweens if I can help it! Kids need sleep!
Mine fell asleep in the supermarket trolley, so I shopped, gently popped him in his car seat.. and woke up to the angriest tantrum ever... because I didn't wake him in the toy section...
Yeah. My then ten year old cousin threw one because we did not wake him for the fire-works at new-years-eve. In our defense, we did try, shaking him and talking to him all the way, making sure he was lucid enough to safely walk down the stairs, hoist him into a jacket, guide him outside and making sure he didn't slide on the icy side-walk, almost carried him back upstairs about half an hour later and tucked him safely in again.
Load More Replies...My wisdom was "Never wake a sleeping student". If you want to fall asleep in my class and wake up halfway through the next one, that's your choice.
Yes because kids never accidentally nod off when exhausted and deserve to miss out on important class time because of it. A lot of kids have to work jobs on top of doing homework. Maybe there's a death in the family. Maybe it's just plain insomnia. I had undiagnosed epilepsy for some time which meant that my brain was having seizures in my sleep, so I was absolutely drained every waking moment for no apparent reason. To this day I almost physically can't resist sleep and I still feel nothing but gratitude for the teachers who kindly and subtly made sure I was still active in class.
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Never use the phrase “just you wait until….”, especially about something negative.
OMG! Can someone please tell my mother this now! And can we stop explaining how HARD I was to raise...
Yes! I’m nine months pregnant and my mothers new favorite topic of conversation is how she’d forgotten how painful childbirth is each time right up until she has to do it and there was no way out. And I’m just like “a stop telling me this. I heard the same story my whole life… I know it’s going to hurt. Please stop.” 🤦
Load More Replies...Consequences/discipline for young children needs to essentially be immediate, as they do not have the memory or cognitive processing to understand the thing you're shouting about is the thing they did two hours ago. It's basically a guaranteed recipe for depression and anxiety later on.
This is about "just you wait" as a way to onegup any parent who dares say a certain phase might be challenging. If you aren't feeling well in pregnancy just you wait until the baby comes. If you say anything about your baby, at least they're not running around yet. Share an issue with a toddler, just wait until puberty. Etc.
Load More Replies...I tell my grown kids they were never a chore. Ever. Because they weren’t. Never had terrible twos, or threes. I loved being a mom and teaching them everything. I loved reading to them and still read to my daughter in high school when they were reading Of Mice and Men. It’s so hard now that they’re grown and gone. I miss the cuddles, their sneaking I to my bed at night when scared or just wanted to be close. And being military we missed a lot. Parenting today is extra hard simply because of the environment. You never know who is around and watching so it’s good that moms and dads keep their radars on for others, too. The one thing that is so very disappointing is how many times we see moms and dads focused on their phones, scrolling through FB or IG, etc., while their child sits there with an iPad being entertained instead of being engaged.
Break the cycle of shaming one another in your family and be more accepting. Oh no I'm talking like a leftist liberal..or does it just make more sense ?
If I have a crying kid next to me on a plane or bus, offer the parent some help.
Yes I'm so grateful for everyone who's distracted my toddler and given them some attention in difficult environments
I don't like children for the most part, but I will still happily wave/play peekaboo/distract/make faces at a baby or a toddler!
Load More Replies...A baby or small child on a plane is probably crying because his ears hurt. I just can't understand why these parents would even fly with children that young and subject them to that pain. This is a classic example of what's wrong with parents today. If they want to go somewhere, they haul their kids with them everywhere and they couldn't care less how it affects their kids and everyone around them. And then they have the nerve to demand the rest of us help them out.
So... when parents have to move across country or to an entirely different country, they shouldn't fly with their baby/small child? They should just... leave it behind? Mail it ahead of them to their new home? Take a covered wagon to their new home instead?
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All my supplies are available to any who need it if I have it on hand. Diapers, wipes, tissues, bandaids, snacks, even tampons if need be. My purse is PACKED lol
I realized I alwayd give up my space in line to parents with kids too lol.. if I'm out without my kid that is. I understand all to well needing to get the f**k ouuuuuutt and finish up whatever errand you're on.
And lastly I never judge, only listen and support. If you want to tell me you just f*****g hate being a mom today, I am here. We all have those days.
I'm known as the "nurse" in my family because I carry wet wipes, an emergency kit, plus acetaminophen, ibuprofen, allergy meds, eye drops, etc in my purse. A friend was getting overheated, close to passing out, I had Vicks vapor rub, so put some on her neck (carotid artery and inside wrists, pulse points) and cooked her off enough until she could get to shade and have some water.
My kids are 9 and 11, and I still bring and handout baby wipes at every bday they attend for after cake/pizza.
Flannels are washable and reuseable! Make the low-impact choice!
Load More Replies...My daughter is 6 now, so I don't carry wipes or anything round with us any more. The other week I bought her an ice cream as a treat, and I don't think she has been in that much of a mess with food since toddlerhood, we were also a fair walking distance away from toilets to clean up. Anyway, a mum with a young baby clocked us, and straight away she was there giving us wipes and making jokes with my daughter as she cooed over the baby. Honestly made my day and saved me form dragging a moaning sticky child round.
I am always giving my space in line for parents. Really rare exceptions are when the kids are waiting for a medicine at home or husband is in a hurry to go to work. But it almost never happens to me. I'm ok, I go with the mentality I will wait for my turn, still it's bitter when I'm waiting on the line a little sick with mask on, three kids with me, because I had no other option and 6 men just don't even think about giving their space. Meh, that's the mentality here and I can totally say that parents in my country are not entitled.
We recently had a family day at the zoo for Mother' day (My Mum,Me + Husband,our 4 kids and partners/spouses and my grand babies ,Son's son,Daughter's daughter) .It was a lovely but pretty full-on day.One our walk back from the elephants ,the little girls in front of us ,aged about 4 ,took a flying ,high speed tumble on the gravel path.Her mum flagged down one of the keepers in his golf buggy but they don't even carry Bandaids ! Luckily Nanna (i.e me) was well packed.Tissue for the bloody,wet wipe for the dirt/gravel,antiseptic spray and a hypoallergenic bandaid. Oh and lots of compliments like " I love your airy dress" and "I wish I had light up sneakers,they are SO cool "(They were and I do).Tears were replaced with lots of smiles and off she went,with her mum thanking me profusely and vowing to "stock up" in case some else's kid took a tumble :)
I have to say, giving up your space in line for a parent with kids can sometimes work out well for everyone. But from what I'm seeing lately, all it does now is make entitled parents. First they get offered a chance to jump the line, then they ask, then they demand, and then they (not the kids) throw a tantrum if they can't be first. And what happens if half the line is parents with kids? Then you have a line of parents fighting about who goes first.
For me, it’s all of these, but also when I see a mom in a public bathroom with a baby that needs a diaper changed, I always ask if they would like some help. There have been times when I needed it and there was no one around.
Speaking of this...my genius of a sister came up w/ a great solution for public bathrooms & those changing tables...PUPPY PADS!!!!!!! They're small enough to fold to put a bunch in your diaper bag & then when you're done using it, just toss it in the trash. If your baby has a diaper blowout, wipe them down w/ the puppy pad, etc. So many uses!!! Took her being a grandma to come up w/ that one. Woulda been nice to know when I had my 4 kids...LOL
Not just moms. My brother was out by himself with his daughter when she was in diapers, mens room in the walmart didn't have a changing table. Long story short he was banned from that walmart because he went into the women's bathroom (after checking to make sure no one was in there or uncomfortable with him coming in) to change the baby. He had a gaggle of women around him arguing with the manager of the walmart that they didn't have a problem with my brother being in the womens room to change a diaper and the manager needed to get a life. He said he even had a little old lady trying to beat the manager with her purse for banning my brother. Step up for dads too
Offer to help a mom traveling solo with a kid at the airport if I’m able (once offered to help unfold the stroller but the woman said I could hold her 1yo! I was away from mine the same age so it was nice for both of us.)
Was traveling with my kids and step mom recently. Kids were with my step mom and I stepped to the restroom solo. There was a flustered new mom in there trying to figure out how to put her baby into a wrap carrier. Another solo mom and I jumped in to help her with it because those things are crazy to put on. She shared she had just left an abusive relationship and you could tell she was traumatized and at the end of her rope trying to figure out how to get that baby strapped on so she could carry all their things and catch their flight. I hope she’s in a better place now. As a mom my heart went out to her. Traveling even short distances with a tiny baby is hard. Traveling far as you escape from a terrible situation, I can’t even imagine.
I was flying from Zurich to Amsterdam with KLM. Just me and my 1 year old. I had a stroller and a carry-on. Before boarding I had to fold the stroller and carry everything until the airplane door. KLM refused to help me. It was not their responsibility they said. Same on the flight back. I gave my baby to a stranger to unfold the stroller because my other option was to leave her on the floor. I sworn that day to never fly with KLM again.
Unless I have a very good reason to say no, our RSVP for birthday party invites will be yes.
When my daughter was small, it was near impossible to get a response to the invitations, a yes or a no would have been appreciated while trying to plan the parties. Now she's at an age where she just asks her friends and all I have to do is buy stuff. lol
Not sure how long ago that was, but in the last couple of years getting responses on invites (not just kids events) and even direct questions is all but impossible.
Load More Replies...Also listen to your kid though. They know things socially that you don't and they shouldn't be obligated to spend personal time on a party they won't even enjoy.
A mom with sunscreen at a park once was a lifesaver when I forgot mine.
I'm not aging anymore I hit 30 and include it in my morning routine all summer. But I'm f****d, I wish I had a mom with sunscreen as a kid..that's when the worse damage happens o.o
I never remember sunscreen for myself. But if im doing something that envolves kids, I bring it for them in case they dont have their own
If I see a mom or dad struggling with an unruly kid I always give them a smile and nod, typically even a comment to the effect that they are doing a good job.
If I'm with my kids (3 and 4) and we see or hear a baby or child crying they will ask me "why is that baby crying" and I just tell them that's what babies do or just that sometimes kids have bad days and that's okay.
If I am grocery shopping and you have your kids but I don’t, I let you cut in front of me.
Well, OK--but you are making that same decision not just for yourself but for everyone behind you--unless you then move to the end of the line.
Nope. I want to get out of here just as bad as you. I might offer if I have a full cart and you have only a couple of items, but even sitting in an electric cart for an extended time can become very uncomfortable for me. I have no obligation to tell you about my physical problems, so please don't throw a hissy fit because I don't let you go in front of me. Parents need to understand the world doesn't revolve around them just because they had a kid. If your kids are whiny or acting like brats, next time get a sitter or teach them how to behave on public. Really, it's not that hard.
Dude, noone said you have to do it and it's not expected of you. And if it's not so hard then please do perfect it and write a book for the thousands of incompetent people apparently.
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I send a little "I'm thinking of you" present (usually coffee gift card) to new mom friends at 6 weeks postpartum. I feel like that's the loneliest point in the journey because most other people don't check on you as much and many people have to start prepping to return to work, etc.
I am flying to the UK next month fory daughter-in-law. She has a almost 7 year old, autistic daughter, a 15 month old son and is due at the end of November. She lost her parents young and my son has to work. I just plan on helping out so she can rest when she needs to and bond with the new peanut without having to run around after the other 2 and try to keep house. And lots of pampering.
I wish I had a mum like you! Mine came to visit just after our first child was born on the cusp of prematurity and complained that the garden was full of weeds, the house needed a hoover and I hadn't ironed her sheets. Meanwhile, I was breastfeeding 24/7, was making endless cups of tea and doing all the cooking, all while recovering from a C-section. My husband was mainly doing the night shifts with the baby and trying to stop me from killing my mum!
Load More Replies...This idea is so sweet ❤️ The part I dislike is "have to start prepping to return to work". 6 weeks postpartum really? This is wrong on so many levels!
Always offer to take their cart back.
My son (almost 16 years old) may be on the spectrum, but he puts the cart back for me (I'm disabled) and will grab extras on the way. He's even offered to help empty the cart into the car for elderly, or disabled, or parents with unruly children. I've never told him to offer help, he's just done it. I'm so proud of my son
Compliment. Smile. Share stuff. Offer help. Try to remember that not everyone has your knowledge and privilege.
I mean I guess these are good rules in general but I think particularly for other parents.
If a mom has a well behaved kid on a plane or wherever, I always compliment her.
If one mom declares the park is closing, we are all leaving. Park is CLOSED Hahaha.
Nope, just no. The parent needs to find another way to bring their park visit to an end without interfering with the enjoyment of other people. Must admit, I hate it when people lie to their children like this.
I have never used this. I just give them a 5 minute warning, then a 2 minute warning, then it's "Get your shoes on, mummy's going now because dinner isn't going to make itself!". If they dawdle, I tell the older one she knows the way home (she does) and off I go. They usually come happily racing after me within seconds.
Load More Replies...No. I feel like this needs to be down voted into oblivion. I'll not be leaving the park for you.
McDonald's Play Place, a bunch of kids playing and ignoring their parents who were ready to leave. My 3 grandsons were in the bunch but they hadn't been called yet. Some of them were still climbing and being threatened, when we decided to leave, my son-in-law stepped into the Play Place and loudly said the boys names we are leaving now. They scrambled off the equipment and grabbed their shoes. The other parents just looked shocked, he hadn't even yelled at the boys. One said "How" my oldest grandson said, "when he says he's leaving, he means he is leaving." My daughter had left a cart full of groceries in Safeway because someone wouldn't listen. They had peanut butter on bread for supper that night. The boys learned to listen.
I will definitely try to distract your whining child when stuck in line by making weird faces or complimenting them on something, like that their shoes are really cool. Usually either they will talk to me (I always make eye contact with the parent so I know they aren't freaked out), or go silent and hide lol!
I do the same at checkout, plus in the isles when mom's trying to shop. My favorite is winking at the toddlers alternating eyes and watching them smile while trying to copy me
Load More Replies...I love this positive thread! I was feeling overwhelmed by the negative comments towards parents and kids in BP, so this was refreshing!
I used to travel with a stuffed animal that would make friends with the kids on the flights to distract them for awhile. (It didn't work for the poor kids whose ears hurt, but it usually worked otherwise.)
Would it be appropriate to add, "don't assume I want to watch your child just because he/she is playing with mine?" I'm not saying I won't, just ask before randomly leaving them with me. I've had too many "oh I'll be right back from the store" moms leave for three hours. I get it, dragging your kid to the store with you is a hassle. But don't assume I'll watch them, I may have to leave in a few minutes myself, you know?
The best thing to say to a kid throwing a temper tantrum for this time is f year? "Christmas is only two and a half months away, kiddo, and Santa's making his naughty/nice liat as we speak." You're welcome.
I was at the mall a couple of weeks ago and mom with 2 littles gets on the escalator with younger of the 2. Older one just can't seem to step on. So I crouch down a little asks little one if she would help me down the escalator. She smiles, takes me hand and we hop on together and hop off (at the count of three) at the bottom. Have no idea what the mom planned to do about a 4-5 year old panicking about stepping onto an escalator alone.
I will definitely try to distract your whining child when stuck in line by making weird faces or complimenting them on something, like that their shoes are really cool. Usually either they will talk to me (I always make eye contact with the parent so I know they aren't freaked out), or go silent and hide lol!
I do the same at checkout, plus in the isles when mom's trying to shop. My favorite is winking at the toddlers alternating eyes and watching them smile while trying to copy me
Load More Replies...I love this positive thread! I was feeling overwhelmed by the negative comments towards parents and kids in BP, so this was refreshing!
I used to travel with a stuffed animal that would make friends with the kids on the flights to distract them for awhile. (It didn't work for the poor kids whose ears hurt, but it usually worked otherwise.)
Would it be appropriate to add, "don't assume I want to watch your child just because he/she is playing with mine?" I'm not saying I won't, just ask before randomly leaving them with me. I've had too many "oh I'll be right back from the store" moms leave for three hours. I get it, dragging your kid to the store with you is a hassle. But don't assume I'll watch them, I may have to leave in a few minutes myself, you know?
The best thing to say to a kid throwing a temper tantrum for this time is f year? "Christmas is only two and a half months away, kiddo, and Santa's making his naughty/nice liat as we speak." You're welcome.
I was at the mall a couple of weeks ago and mom with 2 littles gets on the escalator with younger of the 2. Older one just can't seem to step on. So I crouch down a little asks little one if she would help me down the escalator. She smiles, takes me hand and we hop on together and hop off (at the count of three) at the bottom. Have no idea what the mom planned to do about a 4-5 year old panicking about stepping onto an escalator alone.
