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Sometimes we need a little pick me up when life has dealt us a difficult hand, and inspiring quotes are a great way to do that. They are so uplifting they sound like they came straight from your parent's mouth, 'you're special' or 'you can do anything if you put your mind to it,' and let's not forget 'when life gives you lemons make lemonade,' and all the other happy-go-lucky bullcrap of motivational quotes. Well for all the realists out there who are tired of too much sugar in their lemonade, the uninspirational quotes account is back with more funnyinspiring quotes.
Be forewarned these short quotes are not here to make you feel like a special unique snowflake, they are here to remind you that if at first, you don't succeed, you should probably give up and that staying in bed is always the best decision for all the sad people. Scroll down for a healthy serving of sugar-free, sarcastic and hilarious helping of quotes!
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#1
Jilltdcatlady 7 years ago
As I age I find that "too early" keeps getting earlier... As Jimmy Buffet wisely stated " Its 5:00 somewhere."
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Id row 7 years ago
Not in my neighborhood where leaf blowing is a competitive sport. No way you're going back to sleep once they start.
Pretty Pangolin 7 years ago
Oh dear - I once 'had words' with the owner of a gas station down the block. He was leaf-blowing at 4:30 in the morning! He had to keep dry leaves away from the pumps, which is fine, but for Pete's sake use…a…broom.
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Marta Puig 7 years ago
and while you are at it, spend the day there, you will feel so bored that you will have no choice but to get up again and do something (kick empty boxes, for ex.)
Freya the Wanderer 7 years ago
Ain't that the truth - especially after your cats wake you up demanding breakfast.
RELATED:
#2
Hans 7 years ago
It takes many muscles to blur a "U" so that it looks like a U formed with nine pixels only.
Night Owl 7 years ago
ROTFL It was really pointless. Blurring swear words is always pointless when you know what's it supposed to say.
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Rebecca Burgess 7 years ago
Actually, the clenching of the teeth whilst shutting the f**k up takes 23 muscles. If accompanied by a sneer, it’s up to 46 muscles.....
Kellye Baity 7 years ago
Sorry sometimes it takes my entire muscle structure to make that happen.
#3
Marta Puig 7 years ago
it's worse because you feel that you cannot relate with the quote, so as a result you feel like a loser but elevated to one million argg omg how I hate the "inspirational" quotes. It's good to say f**k, s**t, f**k f**k f**k when you feel bad, it's better to throw papers all around and let the anger loose, much more relaxing than trying to fit in Yesterday I was so pissed off that I kicked a bunch of empty boxes and I felt much better afterwards.
BusLady 7 years ago
Before you start kicking boxes, make sure you know where your cat is. Meow!!!
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#5
BusLady 7 years ago
No, we'll save "lazy" for cats that lie around all day.
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Louise Brigance 7 years ago
There is just a sorry lack of sympathy and empathy in this world. You can't even lay down and wallow in your misery without some wise a*s trying to make you move!
#6
Pattie Kelly 7 years ago
Why would someone waste their time looking at fake lives and the people they hate on Instargam?
FortnitePlayerGirl 7 years ago
Ohh...This is how I feel when I read popular people's Instagrams.
#7
Fred Burrows 7 years ago
I was excited to see 99+ FB notifications . But it was 87 inspirational posts from one person .
#8
Fred Burrows 7 years ago
Pretty much what the supervisor at work told me when he asked why I didn't get along with a fella and I said cause they were an asshat.
#9
DeusCurrentMachina O. 7 years ago
Gandhi liked to sleep naked with very young girls. Not saying he molested anyone, but what kind of person likes to lay to sleep with underage naked girls? There's something to think about there, right?
Bobbi Newell 7 years ago
If I remember correctly, he said he did that to test his willpower and prove to himself that he could resist earthly temptations. Go big or go home, I guess...
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Board Pan, duh. 7 years ago
Sadly selfies have become a norm..... I still immediately see narcissism, I can't help it... It's bizarre if you really think about selfies.. The need to do so..
Eleanor Ragsdale 7 years ago
Yeah. I think it's fine to take selfies every so often, for the fun of weird pictures, but POSTING them is very narcissistic.
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Apollo 7 years ago
I always hate it if they attribute fake quotes to a famous person. What Gandhi really said was: 'Every time you use Facebook, you lose a little bit of your life.'
Oerff On Tour 7 years ago
He NEVER ever said that out loud. That's what he posted on Twitter and Instagram
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Joshua Smith 7 years ago
Mahatma Gandhi was a peculiar person. He walked barefoot everywhere, to the point that his feet became quite thick and hard. He often fasted for many days. Even when he wasn't fasting, he did not eat much and became quite thin and frail. He also was a very spiritual person. Finally, because he didn't eat much and when he did his diet was peculiar, he developed very bad breath. He became known as a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
Daria B 7 years ago
Did the term "selfie" exist at Gandhi's times, though? (Guess that's the point)
DonkoTheBronco 7 years ago
The term selfie was first used in 2000 when a man used it after posting a picture of his bruise.
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#10
Miklós Nagy 7 years ago
And on the other side: you can only disappoint those who expected anything from you!
Marta Puig 7 years ago
no expectations, then if something good happens, some miracle or something, then t's like the 4th of July with fireworks included (not loud so as not to scare fur babies)
#11
Dave Hachey 7 years ago
This can be looked upon as a true statement, IF you are so inclined to do so.
#12
Fred Burrows 7 years ago
I'm not putting on pants and driving all the way across town just to spend time with somebody .
#13
Fred Burrows 7 years ago
I had a friend that didn't work and never understood his dislike of Mondays .
April Garcia Andrade 7 years ago
PFFTT, I ALREADY KNEW *turns away and starts crying,* I'M SORRY MONDAY!!!
#14
Andrew Balch 7 years ago
How about "Accomplish exactly one goal"? So if you don't knock out any others, you at least have accomplished that one. I guess that one is a bit paradoxical as well. Here: "Accomplish none of the above goals."
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linzy ray 7 years ago
But if it tells you to accomplish your goals, then you accomplish the goal of accomplishing no goals, then you accomplished a goal, meaning you didn't accomplish your goal of accomplishing no goals, so then technically you did, but you didn't because then you accomplished a goal so you no longer accomplished no goals but then you did accomplish the goal but then you didn't because you were not supposed to accomplish anything...
Christophe Ferreira 7 years ago
Well, that would negate the "none" part ... Better write it as "accomplish one thing"
Ellis 7 years ago
But you can’t tick that until you have accomplished something
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James Naron 7 years ago
Easier way: make item one on your to-do list “Make a to-do list.” And then immediately check it off.
#15
Danish Dynomummy 7 years ago
Great, then I wont have to worry about the dishes for a couple of days!
The Girl on Fire 7 years ago
Kind of like when the back of a chip package says "Serving Size: 4".
ACE 7 years ago
I get that when ordering Chinese. Like my order is for my whole nonexistent family.
Crouching_Penn_Hidden_Teller@yahoo.com 7 years ago
what bothers me is when they give me a fork when I didn't ask for one. I've known how to use chopsticks since I was a kid, it's not rocket science.
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Magpie 7 years ago
.... I tell myself that, it sort of helps, except I am a terrible liar.
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Kould B 7 years ago
No, because I've been trying to understand it for the past hour & still don't get it.
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#17
Louise Brigance 7 years ago
If given a choice go with the one that causes the least amount of chaos. Laying in bed thinking about getting up is as good as getting up and regretting it.
#18
Night Owl 7 years ago (edited)
Same with cats and I'm jealous of my cat (she has no Idea what's going on and can almost do whatever she wants whenever she wants to and is loved and cared for)
Phi 7 years ago
Cats do know what's going on! They just usually don't care...
Load More Replies... April Garcia Andrade 7 years ago
That worst day of your life, but then you see ur cat or dog and wished u were them right now
Frozengeckolover 6 years ago
I read that dogs lie awake and worry about stuff, just like humans. I looked over at my dog and thought, "What could she possibly be worrying about? She's spoiled rotten!"
Lisa Chambers 7 years ago
Yeah I have never seen someone so excited for the door bell to ring while I am going through my security checklists. He is too trusting and I am not trusting enough.
#19
cashmeremanufacturer.com 7 years ago
Look into the deep heart, everyone is terrible in some way~
tuzdayschild 7 years ago
If everyone would take this to heart the tolerance level would rise to the point of peace on earth.
#20
cashmeremanufacturer.com 7 years ago
I have the same great ambitions and goals as you. We'd better shake hands~
#21
April Garcia Andrade 7 years ago
THAT'S NOT ME....THAT IS PEOPLE WHO I HAVE AS FRIENDS IN SNAPCHAT
#22
BusLady 7 years ago
Until I headed to Micky D's for a Big Mac meal (supersized of course)
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#23
#24
キミ 7 years ago
No, please don't say that. You have value just by being yourself ! I don't know if you believe in God but anyway you've been created so you matter ! Your value has nothing to do with how people see you or by what happen, you have value in yourself no matter your choices !
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cashmeremanufacturer.com 7 years ago (edited)
Actually panda recommended your post to me, so I have no other choice but to open it, now you see, I am here~ O(∩_∩)O hahaha
#25
Frozengeckolover 6 years ago
This is counterproductive. I love myself, and it's exhausting. I don't have time to love anyone else.
#26
Louise Brigance 7 years ago
Does that mean all the things that make you sad will one day make you happy?
Frozengeckolover 6 years ago
No. It's because everything eventually comes to an end. Enjoy the happy things while they last.
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Tarmin Slingerfinger 7 years ago
Wait, this is an actual inspirational quote. How did that one get mixed in here?
#27
#29
Magdalina777 7 years ago
That's actually not a bad idea at all if you look at it closer. For them to never find out, you'd have to try to be on their level, striving up rather than falling down. It is a lot healthier in a way to fall for someone "better" than you so you try to improve yourself to their level instead of the other way round.
#30
#31
James Naron 7 years ago
How do you spot the CrossFit junkie in a room of 100 people? Easy. They’ll tell you.
cashmeremanufacturer.com 7 years ago
No, your world will definitely ends someday somewhere. If you just stay in bed for the rest of your life, then it will ends on you bed. There's no doubt about that~~~
#32
BusLady 7 years ago
This weekend I'm going to get soooooo much done...On second thought, never mind... 😴😴😴
Frozengeckolover 6 years ago
Nah. When you retire, weekends lose their appeal. You end up putting everything off till you die of boredom.
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#33
Frozengeckolover 6 years ago
So, y'all don't wanna hear about my workout this morning? Good, 'cause I didn't do it.
#34
Frozengeckolover 6 years ago
This isn't quite accurate. You usually fall asleep right before the alarm goes off, hit the snooze button several times, rush to get ready and show up at work with a wardrobe malfunction. Then you have another embarrassing mistake to add to your list that night.
Night Owl 7 years ago
Maybe they do it in their sleep. Multitasking and all that :)
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Ruth Balaity 7 years ago
My ex once told me"You b***h if the sun shines and you b***h if it don't!!"-
cashmeremanufacturer.com 7 years ago
Yeah, if I don't complain, I'll get depressed. I don't want that at all!
#36
Magpie 7 years ago
Ok now science gets weird. Glucose ( sugar) solution gives babies in pain, pain relief. There is something in chocolate that helps depressed brains lighten up a little.
Queen MT 7 years ago
ohhhhhhhhhhhhh thats why I eat a lot of sugar and chocolate
Load More Replies... cashmeremanufacturer.com 7 years ago
That's why you are wearing a velvety luscious fat on your abs~
#37
Bobbi Newell 7 years ago
My favorite: "It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt." - Mark Twain
The Girl on Fire 7 years ago
This one is true, though. “Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.” ― Ambrose Bierce
#38
Kenny Kulbiski 7 years ago
I've seen another version that works for me; if at first you don't succeed quit, you're just making an a*s of yourself.
cashmeremanufacturer.com 7 years ago
This is true for 90% people, but for the other 10%, It's just the opposite.
#39
Hard 2 Guess 7 years ago
Amateurs. I have charging cable reaching up to my bed. Battery is not running out on me. Not while I am in bed.
Night Owl 7 years ago
Better than draining your own battery and not having any energy left to even get out of the bed
#40
Frozengeckolover 6 years ago
This kind of makes me want to see how much more I can f**k it up today.
#41
Night Owl 7 years ago
Yes, that was my takeaway too. (And now I want to order a takeaway)
Load More Replies... diane a 7 years ago (edited)
I would use it to go back to right before I made my first big mistake - however I always hated school
SykesDaMan 7 years ago
But now, you know how things are going to happen in advance, so you'll be able to better handle them
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Nostalgic Hyena 7 years ago
I'd use it to go back in time and eat food I threw away when I wasn't hungry..
switchman82 7 years ago
You will see yourself how you prepare to eating that thing. At this moment you can fight with your past-you for that thing. 1) If you kill him, your past-you will not be able to return to the past to do that again = in fact, you have never gone to the past. 2) If he kills you - you will be caught in an infinite loop of eating that thing, time traveling, dieing and killing.
cashmeremanufacturer.com 7 years ago
If I had a time machine all I would do si use it to go back i time to right before I loved him I just loved~hahaha~
#42
Frozengeckolover 6 years ago (edited)
Mine is... I probably shouldn't say what mine is. But it involves staying in bed.
#43
Anne 7 years ago
So do what makes you happy.. you know.. with all those things you always said you would do when you knew you were dying. Because you are dying. We all are :)
Frozengeckolover 6 years ago
Why would you want to stop it? It's a part of the experience, like desert after dinner.
#44
cashmeremanufacturer.com 7 years ago
Really? Wait for me to look in the mirror and get back to you soon~~~
George Hudacko 7 years ago
Reinvent---- Just like Madonna Kaitlyn J. Kim K you know the ME junkies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#45
Bonnie Blue Bird 7 years ago
True, so much of life people waste behind their phones taking picture for likes rather than enjoying the experience.
The Girl on Fire 7 years ago
What even is the point of this? Every 4th of July I see people taking videos of the fireworks with their phones. Does anyone even re-watch a blurry, shaky video of fireworks?
Magdalina777 7 years ago
You can actually take really cool pics on your phone is capable of that/you turn the right settings on. And DSLR of course can just do magic there but that's another story. I still treasure dearly my fireworks pics from a new year a couple years back, taken on a phone with otherwise meh camera but omg they so nailed forward mode. Absolutely majestic:) Of course, one should always remember that(unless you're seriously making at or something) pictures are supposed to remind you of a fun/great/interesting experience, not replace the experience completely
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Marta Puig 7 years ago
pity that I do not drink...I smoke, though, so I cannot even see you with all that blurring smoke coing out of my cigs...disgusting ha?
Frozengeckolover 6 years ago
Has anyone here ever tried to do a karaoke contest sober? It's only fun if you're drunk.
#47
#48
#49
#50
#51
cashmeremanufacturer.com 7 years ago
OMG, I love sleeping, I hate phone calls and endless jobs~
Eleanor Ragsdale 7 years ago
YES I hate that. Like it's easier to do the thing that's harmful to your physical and mental health than it is to get the thing that's better in the long run. It's not your fault though. Phones are designed to be addicting.
#52
McKinley Winkler 7 years ago
Sound like interesting names. What are they?
Load More Replies... George Hudacko 7 years ago
This is a f*****g current truth. Life is not media ???????? Get real. Does it exist? SO MUCH NEW B******T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sarah Storm 6 years ago
So whatever you do, make sure if the first inital and last name spell something, it's not scooper. Unless you want them crying to you that their nickname is pooper scooper
Frozengeckolover 6 years ago
I've never had a problem with the underscore on screen names, partly because I don't use my name.
#53
Lewis Jones 7 years ago
I'm digging the top notch censorship on this thread! they should all be like this, we all know what is blurred, stop the pretending....
Marta Puig 7 years ago
I will shut the f**k up then...but if I could only say.....ok mouth shut
#54
Octavia Hansen 7 years ago
If you make love to a virgin . . . they have NOTHING to compare you to . . .
#55
#56
#57
Frozengeckolover 6 years ago
Now I'm paranoid! I was already thinking my outfit looked awful, but I was secretly hoping it didn't. Nooo!!!!
#58
karen snyder 7 years ago
Hey, Guys... There are 60 other messages of hate, anger, self loathing, loneliness, apathy and despair. This is entertainment, not life coaching.
#59
Jaded Queen 7 years ago
No! It doesn't require u to eat brain. Just don't act like u matter or u have opinions or smthing
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#60
Freya the Wanderer 7 years ago
Valentine's Day is hard on two kinds of people: Those who are in a committed relationship, and those who aren't. Valentine's Day sucks.
Frozengeckolover 6 years ago
My Valentine's Day is no different whether I am in a relationship or not. I will be in bed, eating chocolate in my jammies, watching cheesy horror movies. It is nice to have someone to cuddle with, but then I have to share my chocolate, so...
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#61
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Sanne H. 7 years ago
To me, some of them are actually inspiring to strive for the exact opposite. :-)
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PyroarRanger 7 years ago
I have a calendar similar to this. A few of my favorites: "If ugliness was measured in bricks, you'd be the Great Wall of China" "I don't burn bridges, I just loosen the bolts a bit each day" "I came. I saw. I make it awkward." "Don't judge a man until you've walked a mile in his shoes. Then, if he gets angry, he'll be a mile away and barefoot"
Isog Sargent 7 years ago
When you reach for the stars remember, they're too far away and if you could reach them you'd burn your hands cleeeeaan off.
HoffLensMetalHeadLovesAnimals 7 years ago
I hate all the corny motivational quotes people used to post everywhere, let me think of an example like "let your smile change the world, don't let the world change your smile".................oh shut the f**k up lol.
Jovy Jergens 7 years ago
As a confirmed cynic regarding human nature, these are absolutely on spot!
Sanne H. 7 years ago
To me, some of them are actually inspiring to strive for the exact opposite. :-)
Load More Replies... PyroarRanger 7 years ago
I have a calendar similar to this. A few of my favorites: "If ugliness was measured in bricks, you'd be the Great Wall of China" "I don't burn bridges, I just loosen the bolts a bit each day" "I came. I saw. I make it awkward." "Don't judge a man until you've walked a mile in his shoes. Then, if he gets angry, he'll be a mile away and barefoot"
Isog Sargent 7 years ago
When you reach for the stars remember, they're too far away and if you could reach them you'd burn your hands cleeeeaan off.
HoffLensMetalHeadLovesAnimals 7 years ago
I hate all the corny motivational quotes people used to post everywhere, let me think of an example like "let your smile change the world, don't let the world change your smile".................oh shut the f**k up lol.
Jovy Jergens 7 years ago
As a confirmed cynic regarding human nature, these are absolutely on spot!
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