Getting married can be a very stressful thing. Not only do you have to craft the ‘perfect’ guest list and find a romantic venue for the ceremony as well as the reception, but you also have to send out tons of invites, think about the food, and consider a ton of decoration details. Oh, and planning your honeymoon! All while fitting into your budget…

If you decide to hire a wedding organizer, it can really help reduce the amount of stress you’re under. In fact, the more tasks you delegate to pros, the more you can focus on enjoying the run-up to your wedding. 

Generally, if there’s some sort of massive issue between you and a friend/bridesmaid, it’s best to talk to them face-to-face in private. It’s easy to lose a lot of the nuance when you’re primarily communicating online. When you meet up in person, there’s no hiding from their reactions, so you tend to be slightly more diplomatic and caring.

When you’re looking at a screen, it’s sometimes easy to forget that there’s a living, breathing person reading what you wrote on the other side.

On top of that, when you’re criticizing someone in a group chat, you’re amping up the tension and causing (potentially) unnecessary drama. Instead, you could be looking for compromises or de-escalating the entire situation.

It’s important to remember that you and your bridesmaids are a team—or, well, you’re supposed to be one. Some conflict is probably inevitable, but at the end of the day, your friendship should matter more than proving that one of you is wrong.

Many arguments and conflicts happen either because there’s a disconnect between people’s goals and values or when there’s miscommunication. Oftentimes, it’s better to have more communication than a lack of it.

The rule of thumb is to never assume that someone knows what you’re thinking or feeling. Nobody’s a mind-reader (probably; maybe; we’re 99% sure!), so if something’s bugging you or you spot an issue, speak up.

However, it’s not enough to notice flaws in someone else’s wedding, bridal shower, or bachelorette party plans. How you bring up these potential problems is just as important (if not more) than stating the issue itself.

People are often very attached to the plans they make. They might take any criticism of their ideas as an attack on their person. So, it’s usually best to err on the side of diplomacy than to be too blunt.

Transparency and problem-solving aren’t sins. But many folks feel insulted and get overly defensive if they’re directly criticized. All that being said, there are definitely cases when you need to be more direct.

Not everyone is adept at picking up subtle clues that they should do something differently for the wedding or any other event. Or they might avoid the issue under the guise that they’re clueless. In those cases, be friendly, but be clear about your expectations as well as your worries.

Your bridesmaids are probably your family or friends, so they should be able to understand where you’re coming from, no matter the problem. The same goes in reverse.

The bridesmaids should feel like they can speak to the bride about any potential issues openly, without worrying about her transforming into the mythical fire-spitting snarling bridezilla.

If you find that the bride or your bridesmaids are gossiping about you and your ideas behind your back, it’s really not a good look. You’re all meant to be united in celebrating love and your friend starting a new era. While gossip is never going to go away (it’s a core part of being a human being), we can at least refrain from saying awful things about the people we’re supposed to care deeply about. 

Ultimately, if you feel that your bridesmaids objectively do not have your best interests at heart, you may want to talk to them about any resentment or frustration simmering beneath the surface. It may be the case that your expectations for their role in the wedding might simply be too high.

Alternatively, they might have done something that made you reconsider their role, as well as your entire friendship. In case there’s been a falling out, it might be best to talk to them about how you’d like them to skip your wedding. This is better done in person while also leaving the door open a little bit for reconnecting after your Big Day. 

What’s the biggest disagreement you’ve ever witnessed between a bride and her bridesmaids, dear Pandas? Have you ever fallen out with either in the run-up to the wedding? What’s the spiciest wedding drama you’ve ever been a part of? If you’re up for sharing, feel free to write a comment at the bottom of this post.