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As promising as dating apps can be, using them often feels like a constant cycle of matching and ghosting. One moment, you're hitting it off with someone, the next you're wondering how can a person be this delusional.

So we at Bored Panda decided to dig deeper and figure out what keeps us in this limbo. Below, you will find a list of people explaining why they got unmatched, and it perfectly illustrates the chaotic reality of modern dating.

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As dating coach Hayley Quinn explained to Bored Panda for our publication on the best Tinder profiles, you can never know if you will hit it off with someone you matched on a dating app because most will have people seeking a mix of relationship styles.

"If you are looking for something casual, Feeld app specializes in offering explicitly casual connections: as you may imagine profiles are more 'visual'. On the other hand, a platform like Match has a huge amount of criteria you can search for online, making it better adapted to people seeking meaningful connections. The trick here is to really identify what relationship you're seeking, then clearly communicate that through your profile and opening messages," Quinn explained.

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OwenHasADHD
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Tinder is either full of incredibly boring people or way too exciting people.

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NsG
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"If it doesn't scan, it's free, right?". If it's the first time the joke has been made, yeah, she has no sense of humour. If it's been the opening line for the last 30 matches, all the humour has been drained out of it, and - unlike in retail - she doesn't have to grin and bear it

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Hphizzle
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What!?!? That’s marriage material right there!! ❤️

Michael Largey
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

One of my favorite students described herself as being "five foot three ... in four-inch heels."

Jan Bowyer
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Absolutely no sense of humor, and her grammar needs some work.

Wuttf
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm 4'11"/148cm-ish (on a REALLY good day) and back when I dated I didn't like being looked down upon...not that I understood what the hell my problem was until years later after realizing I'm asexual and very likely aromantic as well. Like, the average American 12 year old is taller than me😑 At least all of my nieces, nephews and niblets were. I mean, how dare they, some even before puberty! We're all East and/or Southeast Asian! What are my sibs feeding them?! And where can I get some? Rude.

Pjerrot
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Girl without humor….. U should be Greatfull for What She did🙏🏻🤦🏼‍♀️

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The dating coach thinks that being unique is very important in online dating. "With so much choice it's too easy for people to become banner blind and not realize what an amazing option you are," she said. "In terms of quick fixes make sure your profile is a cliche-free zone ('looking for my partner in crime...') and that you always state things specifically rather than generally."

"For example, saying, 'I like to travel,' is nowhere near as attention-grabbing as, 'already googling my first post lockdown trip to Thailand. (Sidenote: do you like Thai food?)' Finally, ensure you write your profiles in a way that's conversational and informal: a fun hack to help you with this is to dictate your profile first, to get more of your personality into it."

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With so many dating websites and apps out there, it has become normal to use online dating to meet someone—there are about 40 million Americans who do so.

And even though eHarmony claims that 27% of young adults are using online dating sites (which is up 10% from 2013), new findings suggest it's neither better nor worse than getting to know a person in real life. At least in terms of success rate.

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One study, published in the journal Psychological Science, claims it's actually impossible to figure out whether or not people who have the same values and character traits will fall in love. "Attraction for a particular person may be difficult or impossible to predict before two people have actually met," Samantha Joel, a University of Utah psychology professor and lead author, said in a press release.

"A relationship is more than the sum of its parts. There is a shared experience that happens when you meet someone that can’t be predicted beforehand," Joel explained.

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The paper, which used speed-dating data, confirmed what online dating skeptics have been saying for years: computer-based algorithms can't predict if two people will feel that indescribable connection, that special something. Yes, computers might be able to predict how much someone would desire someone else, or how much they would have in common, but they probably can't pinpoint exactly what makes two people fall in love (yet).

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After they ran the numbers, the researchers were surprised to discover that they were unable to predict even one couple that was a match. "We found we cannot anticipate how much individuals will uniquely desire each other in a speed-dating context with any meaningful level of accuracy," Joel explained.

"I thought that out of more than 100 predictors, we would be able to predict at least some portion of the variance. I didn't expect we would find zero."

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Ultimately, it all boils down to trial and error.

"In the world of online dating, there's going to be some people who are excited to meet someone tomorrow, others that are just dipping in and out of the app when they're watching Netflix!" Quinn said. "By asking someone for a date, or a phone number, sooner rather than later you may do a good job of filtering out people who aren't on the same page as you."

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