NTA. A 2 year old can understand the basic premise of not touching people without their consent. If the cousin has the intellectual capacity of a 7 year old he should have been taught, in an age appropriate manner, that his behavior was inappropriate. This is a failing of his parents and your family for treating him like his disability instead of someone capable of learning and respecting others. And before I get called 'ablest', my cousin has an intellectual disability and is assessed as functioning not more than 10 years old. He was taught, patiently and consistently, to respect peoples boundaries. And he does. We respect him by treating him like any other family member capable of learning boundaries, and not like he is nothing more than his disability. If your family refuses to teach him personal boundaries then you should enforce your personal boundaries in whatever manner you consider appropriate.

I'm fairly sure the last thing a bride wants on her wedding day is to be groped by anyone (other than, maybe, her groom). If this a thing that her cousin is almost certain to do then I completely understand her not wanting him there. The fact that he doesn't understand that what he is doing is wrong is also another good reason to exclude him since he likewise won't understand why people are getting cross with him (op mentions that he cried when yelled at). If she were excluding him for aesthetic reasons then she would definitely be TA, in this case however NTA. IMO, of course.

Elope and discretely let your grandparents know where to go.

If he's actually on the level of a 7 year old... Children that age are capable of learning right from wrong, what is and isn't inappropriate. They've enabled his behavior for far too long. Right from the jump they should have started explaining what is and is not appropriate to him. Also the fact that he's been so obsessed with her for years is a massive red flag. I have no doubt he'd try to sabotage the wedding somehow because she's "supposed" to marry him. Inclusion is a great thing, but when someone is a danger to others or themselves, regardless of disability or lack thereof, they should not be included in certain things.

NTA 100%. Ignoring an older relative groping a child - and continuing on throughout, is reprehensible. The fact that it began after the OP developed breasts is telling - a 7-year-old wouldn't consider doing that. He might have the 7-year age-level in other ways, but he definitely has a more mature leaning when it comes to being attracted to girly bits. Both the parents and the cousin will suffer more than a refusal to the wedding if he did this to another child now he's physically older. If I was the OP, I wouldn't have him at my wedding - and would probably be traumatised by his inappropriate behaviour though my childhood/teens (maybe the OP is, to an extent). People who think she's an AH are insane. I blame her relatives for ENABLING (and blaming her) what was happening to her, his (younger) cousin. A friend I made in my fifties told me how she'd been r*ped when she was 11, by a local similarly mentally disabled bloke, and he was put into a psychiatric hospital (53 years ago) for a year, then let out - on the condition that he was accompanied when he left his (warden-controlled block of flats). It took her a long time to get over it. She was undeveloped at the time, btw. Do what makes the OP feel comfortable, and if she needs to, go NC with those failing relatives.

A family member is sexually harassing and assaulting another family member, and everyone else is totally okay with it. Absolutely gross! 🤮

Here's the thing that screams at me.... what if, in the middle of her ceremony, he decides to get up and make a scene because she is "his" girlfriend. How would the family feel then? She definitely needs to tell her family to back off and let her handle the situation.

I had a cousin like this. My parents went no contact after he repeatedly tried to grope and kiss me one night. This cousin is going to FLIP at the wedding. He is going to SCREAM. He has poor impulse control, but he has a grown man's body, and will begin throwing things. Maybe assaulting people. Family members are going to get hurt. Caretakers are going to get hurt. The ONLY way I'd allow that person at my wedding is if he is sedated to within an inch of unconsciousness. Sorry, but this is like inviting a bull to a dance while you're wearing a red dress. You wouldn't let this person drive because they can't handle it; this wedding is something else he can't handle. It's unfortunate, but he'll be much happier making crafts with a caretaker instead of at this wedding.

Elope wearing your grandma's dress and have grandpa walk you down the aisle. OP's family sucks! They see she is being sexualized by her cousin and don't do anything? Tom is not learning that he has to keep his hands to himself - even 3 year olds understand that, so they are doing Tom a terrible disservice for letting it continue. If OP insists on a wedding, 100% do not allow Tom to attend. Better Tom's day is ruined rather than hers.

My brother was severely mentally disabled (never learned to talk, was not housetrained, etc) and was living in a care home with similar ppl. When they were entering adulthood I was SA'ed several times, not by my brother but by other inhabitants. Even though they were of very low intellect it was made clear to them every time that this was NOT OK.

If he has that limited a mental capacity, he wouldn't even be aware she was being married that day UNLESS "family" chooses to tell him.

Even being 7 mentally he should know NOT to touch you like that, younger kids are taught to not do it. For the family to think that she has encouraged it at some point is completely nuts especially since she has told them it makes her uncomfortable. It sounds like he has been babied his whole life. It will take awhile but he can be made to stop. If he did that so a woman that doesn't know anything about his disability she might slap the hell out of him. They need to work on this before somebody hurts him.

I agree with the suggestion from the ESH commenter. I think it would really hurt Tom‘s feelings to be excluded, but it’s not OP‘s resposibility to protect herself from him. Someone must keep him in line, every single second of the wedding. If they can‘t manage that, then Tom needs to leave, period.

Her family has downplayed his actions gir too long. She could keep the peace by inviting him, but hire security to keep him in check. It is obvious the family won't keep him in check.

There's an episode of 'Criminal Minds' with a startlingly similar plotline to this.

NTA. And ... if Tom is so sure about your relationship not being true, why would he want to attend, even? Plus, the overstepping ... Tom may truly not know. But he has parents, maybe siblings, who might help with this. They may want to protect him, but they appear stupid, and they don't do him a favour either - make it clear to them that their lack of attempt to rectify the worst oversteppig has now made you unable to invite your dear cousin, because you would love to, but as they - he's not your son, it's on them - failed to prepare him for a world that doesn't want to be hugged and smearkissed at all times, you can't. It's finally enough, the kissing, hugging and grabbing needs to stop NOW. It sounds like whatever compromise that must include no touching, kissing, hugging you'd offer, they'd take and walk over. No. He won't attend, end of. There's nothing you need to discuss or justify. They could, for once, accept that you matter, too.

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

This is horrible, My Cousin is also severely disabled physically and mentally. He was at my wedding, no question. each to their own but i would never have left him out