Couples should always be able to lean on each other for support. If it’s been a long day and you just need a hug, or you’re looking for a safe space to vent about stressors at work, your significant other should always have your back.

But what about when we need financial assistance? One man recently reached out to the “Am I the [Jerk]?” community on Reddit to find out if asking his girlfriend to help him cover rent was reasonable. Below, you’ll find the full story, as well as some of the replies readers have left him. 

After losing his job, this man has had a difficult time making ends meet

Image credits: Arina Krasnikova (not the actual photo)

But his girlfriend has been hesitant to help him out since she doesn’t have a ring on her finger

Image credits: August de Richelieu (not the actual photo)

Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)

Image credits: anon 

Many couples choose to divide rent in a way that works for them, rather than straight down the middle

While many people believe that they’ll do anything for true love, we still have to remember to be reasonable. You might be willing to hold your partner while they cry and stay up watching their favorite movies with them when they’re going through a hard time, but compromising your financial future might be going a bit too far. The man in this story might see covering his rent as a small burden for his girlfriend, but it might be asking her to make a huge sacrifice.

Considering the fact that the average renter in the United States now spends 30% of their income on rent, taking on the rent of another person could make a massive dent in someone’s monthly income. And while many couples don’t earn the same amount from their employers, plenty of them have found a way to make rent work for them.

According to CNBC, 65% of unmarried millennial couples live together, but only 48% of them split their rent or mortgage payments equally. They might find an agreement that works based on their income levels, or strike a balance where one party pays more for housing, while the other is responsible for more grocery shopping.

Couples typically keep their finances separate until they’re married

Couples can decide to split or separate finances however they like, but it’s important that they’re both comfortable with the arrangement. In this specific case on Reddit, the girlfriend is clearly not comfortable taking on an additional financial burden for her boyfriend. But if they were engaged or married, she might view the situation differently.

FinancialPlanning.com reports that 77% of married couples have at least one joint financial account, and 43% combine all of their finances, without having any separate accounts. And according to CNBC, couples who decide to merge their money are more likely to stay together. While money can be a sensitive topic for many couples, as it’s one of the top things partners fight about, discussing it regularly and being on the same page about finances can work wonders for a relationship.

As far as the topic of an engagement, this can be a delicate issue to bring up with a partner as well, as pressuring them is not likely to encourage action. But according to Aimee Hartstein, a licensed clinical social worker and therapist, we should be careful not to assume that one person is responsible for taking steps towards marriage.

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Putting pressure on a partner is never a good way to get them to propose

“Relationships are very different nowadays,” Hartstein told Brides. “They tend to be more egalitarian and major life decisions, such as an engagement, should be decided by the couple as a team. If the woman is simply waiting for the man to pop the question, then it suggests that this huge life step isn’t actually something that they are evaluating as a couple. This is a big life step—discuss it outright.”

And if one party has cold feet about moving towards marriage, the other should seek to understand where they’re coming from, rather than meet them with frustration. “It’s just a different opinion at the moment of discussion and is not necessarily a reflection of the status of the future of your relationship, nor is it necessarily a direct reflection of you as a partner,” licensed professional counselor Crystal Bradshaw told Brides. Getting engaged is a huge step, and couples should be confident that they’re on the same page about every aspect of their relationship before deciding to do so. 

We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Then, if you’re interested in checking out another Bored Panda article discussing more drama between couples surrounding their living situation, we recommend reading this piece next. 

Later, the man provided a few more details about the situation

Some readers informed him that they weren’t on his side, noting that he’s responsible for supporting himself

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And others recommended that the couple rethink their relationship altogether

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