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“It Is Nasty, Stop”: Women Share 50 Things Men Do That Are Total Turn-Offs
Interview With Expert
I have a friend who recently entered the dating game after being in a long term relationship for more than ten years. The stories this woman has told me are wild. From a man accusing her of catfishing him for not disclosing her race, to another expecting her to foot the entire bill and drive him home - on the first date. She’s seen and heard a lot. It appears she’s not alone. According to this Reddit thread, there’s no shortage of men behaving badly but believing they aren't. Redditor RedemptionKingu racked up thousands of comments when they asked Women of Reddit: What's one thing men do that they think is attractive, but actually isn't?
The OP told Bored Panda they'd seen the question before directed at men. "I wanted to see what the answers would be like when I switch the genders," they said. "There were lots of answers like 'being an alpha male' which didn't surprise me, but some stories and anecdotes were interesting and surprising." Keep scrolling for some of the worst things a man can do when trying to impress a woman. And don't miss the chat we had with dating coach Blaine Anderson about how to improve your game.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Support Trump (or any other politician who thinks they have authority over women's bodies).
DennyS (denzoren) 4 months ago
The only people who have authority over women's bodies are the women.
If you pull your smoothest move, thinking it’s going to help you score. But all you get is a sigh of disgust. The problem might lie with you, my friend. Blaine Anderson is a dating coach and founder of "Dating By Blaine". Anderson recently did a survey of more than 2,000 American women to find out what they considered "creepy." Here’s what she discovered...
The number one creepiest thing you can do to a woman is stare at them. More than half of the respondents told Anderson they’d experienced intense, creepy staring in the past 12 months. To be fair, some men might not even realize they’re doing something wrong. For them, Anderson has this advice: commit to what she calls the ‘two look max’ rule. Basically, it’s normal to look at someone that crosses your path. And it’s normal to sometimes give them a second glance. But that’s exactly it. A glance. Which means a look that lasts less than five seconds. And don’t do it more than twice.
Anderson agreed to speak to Bored Panda and give some advice to the men who think they're cool when they are in fact, ice cold. We began by asking her what things men do that they might think are attractive but really aren't.
RELATED:
#2
I can’t stand when a man looks at you and does like a little licking his lips thing that just grosses me out. You’re not sexy. It is nasty. stop.
“Many guys incorrectly assume that talking about money — particularly boasting about how much money they make — attracts women, when it's actually a huge turn-off to anyone but extreme gold diggers,” Anderson told Bored Panda. “Talking about money is a turn-off because the underlying psychology is approval-seeking. If a woman senses you're trying to wow her with your finances, all it actually tells her is that you're not on her level.”
Anderson is now happily married. But admits she had her fair share of “braggy” men during her dating days. “I've had multiple guys try to tell me how much they make on first dates. Super cringe. A guy once invited me on an expensive Europe trip on a first date,” she said.
The dating coach added that men should pay close attention to the cues they get from women. “If you're meeting a woman for the first time, the key signs she's not attracted to you all have to do with how much attention she pays you. If she's not making an effort to engage with you in conversation, and especially if she's turning away from you or physically moving away from you, it's a sign she's not attracted to you.”
"The way you turn the situation around is by moving on. You probably can't change a woman's mind about you — at least in the short term — but you can always find someone else you're attracted to who will give you a shot!"
#3
Talking about how sore i'm gonna be the next day. Some guys for some reason think they're doing sex the best when they're hurting their partner (outside of consensual kinks), and I don't think that's attractive or good.
“The key mistake I see men make in dating is wishful thinking. Many guys, especially less experienced guys, will misinterpret friendliness for romantic interest,” she revealed. “So, the key red flag men need to look out for is unavailability. It doesn't matter how much a woman texts you, or how flirty she is when she texts. If she won't meet up with you in-person for dates, you're wasting your time.”
“Focus less on dating, and focus more on upleveling yourself. Once you get your life into a place where you're proud of yourself — because you're proud of your career, and you have real friends, and you're taking care of your health and fitness — dating tends to take care of itself,” advised Anderson. "Carve out a couple hours a week to spend time in places where women you like spend time, and start conversations! You don't have to ask anyone out, just be friendly, and you'll be surprised at how much you'll learn, and how much progress you'll make."
#4
When they aspire to be an "alpha male".
CalamityOne 4 months ago
I think the whole "alpha" thing has been disproven, anyway - IIRC the whole thing came about from somebody studying wolves in captivity that had been disconnected from "normal" wild wolf behavior and hierarchies for most if not all their lives. "Alphas" in the wild are actually the *female" leader/matriarch of the pack. Don't tell the romance writers, tho, or an entire genre of smutty fiction will go up in flames...
#6
Put down other men to try and elevate their image to me. It does the opposite to their desired effect.
frank behnsen 4 months ago
Rightly so. S/he who depends on putting down others to push their own image is, well … weak.
Anderson also suggests turning eye contact into conversation. If can’t you can’t stop staring, start speaking. Go over and introduce yourself. She says staring can be creepy because the starer's intentions are unknown. And adds that by introducing yourself in a friendly way, you can avoid problems, and make new connections. Here are some pick-up lines for when you need inspiration. And here are some some savage comebacks you might encounter if your flirting falls flat.
She had the following advice for women, "If a man is doing something that makes you uncomfortable, I'd recommend calling it out (assuming it's safe!) then moving on. So, for example, if a guy is sending you messages that feel creepy, it's OK to say something like, 'Hey, I'm sure you don't mean to make me feel this way, but I feel uncomfortable with this conversation. Please don't contact me again,' and then hit the block button."
#7
Wearing too much cologne, if I can smell you from across the room you're doing it wrong! It should act as a small enhancer of your natural smell, so that *if* someone does get close to you they won't have to hold their breath.
Rebekah Fuentes 4 months ago
This. So much. I know someone that wears so much it gives me a headache.
#8
When they think they’re being a gentleman but actually being possessive/controlling : ex. Ordering food for you without asking what you like, being randomly aggressive to other men for supposedly “looking at my woman”, critiquing woman’s outfit to cover you up when you go outside cus he doesn’t like other men looking.
Putting down other women aka “you’re not like other girls/my exes”.
#9
Send unsolicited pics.
On the subject of messages... You think you’re being sexy sliding into someone’s DMs? There’s a good chance you aren’t. The second creepiest thing women reported in Anderson's survey was unwanted messaging from strangers on social media. 43% of all women and 48% of single women said they’d experienced creepy, unsolicited contact. Anderson says men should avoid doing this unless the woman has given them permission.
But, as you might have read, some love stories have actually begun in the DMs. Anderson says if you’re going to try it, make sure you have mutual friends, that her profile is easily discoverable and she’s using her real name (don’t be a stalker), and that you’ve met her in person and have a valid reason to follow up. No random small talk.
#10
Play mind games. The whole « treat her mean to keep her keen » thing is simply incredibly cruel and manipulative.
Damned_Cat 4 months ago
I was shocked recently to overhear my 16-year-old neighbor kid give this advice to his 14-year-old brother. And he called the younger boy's girlfriend a gold digger because she wanted him to buy her a $1 Slurpee. I laughed sarcastically and told the little one that his brother was full of hooey.
#11
I care more that your car is clean and you drive it safely than the make and model.
DennyS (denzoren) 4 months ago
My car is clean and I have my dash cam as proof of my non-reckless driving...you might hear a swear or two though lol
#12
On Tinder I see a bunch of guys list “whiskey” as their only interest. Not even a sentence, just the single word. I think they think it makes them look sophisticated, but it just makes them look insufferable.
Steer clear of commenting on a woman’s body or her outfit, advises Anderson. The third most disturbing thing women reported was receiving a creepy comment disguised as a “compliment”. As Modusoperandi40 noted in the Reddit thread: “Giving sexual compliments or compliments about certain body parts when they first meet you. Thanks, but sir…you are still a stranger, that’s just making me uncomfortable. Can we get to know each other first?”
#13
Brag about how successful they are with women. It always comes across as desperate and not really believable.
PunnyPanda 4 months ago
Most bragging is born of insecurity... bragging just advertises it. Not an attractive feature for anyone.
#14
Reckless driving with me in the car, especially when it's MY car. It's not showing off your skills, it's giving me an anxiety attack.
Being (repeatedly) ultra competitive with mundane things, especially when I say I don't want to compete.
Grabbing me when I'm in the middle of doing something, then just standing there, not helping.
Interpreting "being manly" as being unhygienic, and refusing to shower/groom because then it will wash off your "natural musk". No, you're a lazy f**k that smells.
DennyS (denzoren) 4 months ago
"Natural musk" from a guy to a guy...it ain't good...just go shower dude lol
#15
Listen to Joe Rogan or Elon musk.
⨺⃝ ~Just-A-Black-Cat-Lover~ ⨺⃝ 4 months ago (edited)
I don't know who Joe Rogan is. Can someone please inform me? ((lol i got downvoted for asking a question)) (ah ok, seems like someone who doesn't know what he talks about and isn't a good dude. thanks yall for telling me)
Mistyam got over 5,000 upvotes for their reply: “Send unsolicited d*ck pics.” And redditors jumped in with what their perfect response to receiving one of “those”. “Just reply with ‘Aw, he is so small and cute!’ wrote SoThrowawayy0. While werewere-kokako quipped, “What are we supposed to say? ‘You have the conversational skills of a brick but, wow, your unwashed, slightly crooked penis has won me over. The banana for scale is an inspired touch. Take me; I’m yours.’" Bored Panda has this advice: Just don’t do it. If you do, you might just end up having this happen to you. You have been warned.
#16
Sleeping with as many women as they possibly can while demanding his future wife be a virgin.
#17
Unkind behavior. Things like negging, bragging, acting 'dominant'. That just tells me that you're an insecure, fake, and/or immoral person, which is a deal-breaker for me.
#18
Revving their engines. Immediately turns me into the Sahara.
Damned_Cat 4 months ago
And the older you are when you do it, the stupider you look. (I'm looking at you, 55-year-old across the street)
Researchers surveyed 7,000 people between the ages of 18 and 65, to find out what men and women find attractive. They found that on a scale of 0-100, “On average, females rate age, education, intelligence, income, trust, and emotional connection around 9 to 14 points higher than males.” Most guys prioritized attractiveness and physical build when seeking out a mate.
"The key challenge most single women face dating is differentiating between guys who just want to hook up, versus guys who are serious partners," said Anderson. "Assuming you're looking for a long-term partner, then, the red flags you want to look for as a woman have to do with lack of effort and commitment. For example, if a guy only texts you after 9pm to 'hang out', that's an obvious and major red flag. Another red flag is if he's too pushy for physicality on your first or second date — it sends the message that's all he's interested in, and doesn't expect to be around for it later."
#19
Bragging how they haven’t cheated on you. Like they need a medal… dude, it’s the expected minimum.
#20
Oversized pickups or extreme lift kits. Nothing says I'm insecure like taking up four parking spaces DAVE!
#21
Giving sexual compliments or compliments about certain body parts when they first meet you. Thanks, but sir…you are still a stranger, that’s just making me uncomfortable. Can we get to know each other first?
Guys, provided you haven’t done any of the unattractive things listed here, you might stand a chance with the woman you’ve been eyeing. But how would you know? According to the Gentleman’s Journal, “If she’s standing in front of you, arms crossed and looking down at her shuffling shoes, then she’s probably not into you. There’ve been studies to suggest that women who are actually interested will make sure that they are open to your presence, not closed off and unwilling to engage.”
#22
Talk over people in a group and always try to be the loudest/most dominate person in conversation. It makes you look like a rude a*****e.
#23
Brag about their fantasies of committing acts of violence against those who have wronged him or me. Like, when I hear that, I don’t think “wow, what a brave and honorable man”, I think “wow, he enjoys brutality too much for me to be comfortable with him.”.
TheBlueBitterfly 4 months ago
There's nothing wrong with fantasizing violence against bad people. However when it's EVERY OTHER TOPIC you bring up, it gets old fast. (Or, obviously, if you act on it.) I used to hear my ex constantly talk about all the horrible things he'd do to certain people who "disrespected" him. Nobody cared. Everyone was sick of hearing about it.
Anderson agrees. “If a woman you're flirting with moves into your intimate zone, there's a good chance she's sexually attracted to you… Think about it. She's placing you into her intimate zone by scooting into yours.” The dating coach says other good signs are if a woman repeatedly glances at you, or is happy around you and smiles often. Here are some other signs she might like you.
Have you ever been shut down by a woman when you thought you were being as smooth as Tennessee Whiskey? What creepy things do men do that you could totally live without? Let us know in the comments.
#26
There is this horribly uncomfortable thing that some do when they meet you & shake your hand & then one of their fingers will tickle your palm. OMG. Please, for the love of all that is holy, stop that s**t.
Mason Kronol 4 months ago
Do guys still do that? I thought us ladies smacked that down in the 80´s
#28
Acting overly macho. Those that refuse to wash their butts because it makes them gay, the ones that hunt for sport, the ones that have to have the loudest and biggest trucks when they have absolutely no need for it, the ones that have to strut like a peacock to assert their dominance as alpha male. This is the fastest way for me to develop cob webs in my clam. I hate that and find it wildly unattractive.
I've met some men that are some of the toughest mofos sitting with my daughter in a friggin tutu, getting served tea, talking about how she wants to paint their nails and they're as at home doing that as they are sparring with someone. If they cook, clean, play princess, you name it, and are still at home in their sexuality, THAT is guaranteed to make me "wifey material" any day of the week. That is the way that gets my motor running on all gears. Whatever they want, I will give, within reason.
#30
Showing me pictures of the hot women they’ve dated.
Yeah this actually happened once.
#31
Showing off their car while endangering both our lives, I don’t care how fast your car is slow the hell down I want to live.
Emma London 4 months ago
First I ask them to slow down, then I demand them to slow down, the third time is me getting out of the car.
#32
Making fun of people and laughing with their friends abt it.
⨺⃝ ~Just-A-Black-Cat-Lover~ ⨺⃝ 4 months ago
...... I do this, but not as much as I used to. I've gotten much better and hope to continue that.
#33
Persistence to the degree it gets scary. If I don't like you and I say no and you ask me again, sure, I'll say no a second time and wave you off. But when you aggressively keep moving at me, physically following me, disbelieving me if I say I have a partner (regardless of whether or not I do)... nobody finds that s**t cute.Talking about screwing-up.
Going out on a date, it's understandable a man would want to make it seem like he has it all (or most of it) together, and this is the tack a lot of guys take. But when a man is down to earth and can talk about the mistakes he's made or errors he corrected with perspective, humility, and even humor, it really makes him stand out to me.
Someone who is relaxed and not afraid to screw-up a little bit is totally sexy, because it puts me at ease and makes me feel like I don't have to be super perfect either and that he is likely to be more adventurous and forgiving.
frank behnsen 4 months ago
To me, the bottom paragraph of this entry appears to be a near-perfect summary of this whole thread’s topic, in the sense of “this is exactly the opposite of ‘nastyness’”. I have the feeling that in a way this sentence perfectly puts down in words “how things should be”. Honesty, kindness and easiness are key.
#35
I had one very attractive boyfriend who very much knew it and he would practically pose on the lounge waiting for compliments … it was so off putting
Plus he used my special moisturiser all the time (I only used it every now and then for special occasions) and when i finally used it again, it was almost run out… so I asked him and lied about it
I found him so unbelievably unattractive after getting to know him… he had pretty privilege for too long and it showed.
#36
Excess muscle- think bodybuilding big. It’s not much. It’s like plastic surgery on women.
Shark Lady 4 months ago
You definitely want to avoid the ones that take steroids to achieve their look. Roid rage is a thing and you don't want to be around when they kick off.
#37
Not showing emotions. Let me know when you’re sad/upset/mad about something.
Daniela Lavanza 4 months ago (edited)
Not to be the devil's advocate but in the mean time, men are told by society to hide their feelings. More than once, I was told by friends and relatives that they feel like they're mocked of when they show their feelings to their female SO. It's sad but women have to take their part in making this change.
#38
They think being mean/roasting a girl makes them attractive.
⨺⃝ ~Just-A-Black-Cat-Lover~ ⨺⃝ 4 months ago
It's not. It just shows how much of a self-entitled bee you are.
#39
B***hing about their ex. Unattractive and a huge red flag. (HUGE red flag for either gender.).
#40
I’m really turned off by the guys who think of themselves as having “elite” taste in anything to the point where they like to state all of their opinions as if they’re objective facts—especially when these opinions always align with what is already critically acclaimed and not just their own unique tastes.
quentariel 4 months ago
In general, being unable to accept other peoples opinions or straight up facts is red flag. If it's an opinion thing, other people's opinions are just as valuable as yours.
#41
Like in the barbie movie, "play guitar at you".
DennyS (denzoren) 4 months ago
I could throw a cup of noodles and hit a guy playing a guitar on campus because they wanted to impress girls....don't think it really worked lol
#42
Talking about other women who are texting them/want to date them/into them.
#43
When men pursue a harem of women on socials and think we can’t see it. Super cringy and low vibe.
Anne Home 4 months ago
There was one screenshot that made the rounds some years ago, one guy texted all his girls at once, some Sappe version of "you are my one true love, you are unique, can't wait to see you again" -but his smart phone took created a group for him and them, and now they all could see and talk to each other
#44
When men try to act tough or like their over someone/ something. It’s ok to be sad/cry/be affected by something emotionally. And no your not better than a waitress, garbage man, obese person, weak person, homeless person, ‘dumb’ person I could go on.
DennyS (denzoren) 4 months ago
I'm not an expert but I think persons would be more receptive if you showed some emotion.
#45
S******g on my music/book/tv/movie taste
Talking s**t about other people to make themselves look better
Aggro for no reason or claiming someone disrespected them when they just had a different opinion or brought up something you did that hurt their feelings
Bragging about how much money they make. If I cared about money do you think I would have become a teacher? Like damn.
Negging. Once some random dude in the club asked me and my friend (who was an entirely different ethnicity) if we were sisters because we were both “so short” and then proceeded to say he only dates tall girls…I didn’t even try to initiate a conversation with you bro. You came over to us and immediately insulted us for no reason…and then asked for my number an hour later when we were leaving…he was like posted at the door looking for us or something because the club was super crowded and we ghosted him after saying we had to go to the bathroom.
Insisting I try something I already said no to.
Emma London 4 months ago
The "disrespected" thing is so weird, I have no personal cultural context to it at all. It's almost always more important for a whole situation to stay civil, rather than an individual starting a scene demanding "respect" for someone's real or perceived action towards them. You know that your demand for respect just make everyone else umcomfortable or even scared?
#46
Brag about the size of there package.. when who really cares….
Gale Christensen 4 months ago
It ain't the size of the boat man, it's the motion in the ocean, you feel me?
#47
Bragging about how many girls they get. Most of the time they're making it up as well. Hell even as a straight guy hearing another guy brag about that sort of thing makes me think he sees women as sex objects rather than people.
#48
When guys try to show off money, when they ask for sexy pics/videos, when they send d pics, when they are mean to you or try to humble you aka negging, when they try to show off around certain women, All of those things are an instant turn off for me! None of that is attractive!!!
#49
When they brag about their accomplishments or about how "good" they are in bed 🚩🚩🚩.
Boredma andthensome 4 months ago
I am good in bed I have a blackbelt in sleeping and a masters in pillowfluffing
#50
Sagging pants, licking lips a million times while talking.
What do you think ?
Ben Aziza 4 months ago (edited)
The last one about people not washing their butts... Ohh my god i didn't know that was a thing. Now i want the men in black to show up and flash me with their device...
Apatheist Account2 4 months ago
In case people don't know, this is a film reference, not a euphemism...
Load More Replies...
Sally Moen 4 months ago
Nobody mentioned guys who keep glancing at my chest. Their eyes just keep flitting south, are they checking to make sure my boobs are still there? Almost as bad is when they only talk to my boobs and never even look up. I had a college professor who did this, ugh it was creepy, made me cross my arms on my chest alot.
Tabitha 4 months ago
Being treated as a life support using for a pair of boobs? Yes. Pretty sure there are men I dated who, to this day, could not tell you what color my eyes are. I married the only man who actually looked into my eyes on a consistent basis---without having to be prompted to do it---and always said they were beautiful, and were the one thing that attracted him to me the most.
Load More Replies... Ben Aziza 4 months ago (edited)
The last one about people not washing their butts... Ohh my god i didn't know that was a thing. Now i want the men in black to show up and flash me with their device...
Apatheist Account2 4 months ago
In case people don't know, this is a film reference, not a euphemism...
Load More Replies... Sally Moen 4 months ago
Nobody mentioned guys who keep glancing at my chest. Their eyes just keep flitting south, are they checking to make sure my boobs are still there? Almost as bad is when they only talk to my boobs and never even look up. I had a college professor who did this, ugh it was creepy, made me cross my arms on my chest alot.
Tabitha 4 months ago
Being treated as a life support using for a pair of boobs? Yes. Pretty sure there are men I dated who, to this day, could not tell you what color my eyes are. I married the only man who actually looked into my eyes on a consistent basis---without having to be prompted to do it---and always said they were beautiful, and were the one thing that attracted him to me the most.
Load More Replies... You May Like 50 Times Partners Took 'Clueless' To The Next Level Woman Runs Away From Date Only 20 Minutes In: “This Is My Mom” "She Was Just On A Date": Guy Kicks Girl Out Of His Car Right After Picking Her Up
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