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30 Houses In Melbourne That Appeared On This Architecture-Shaming Instagram Account
Not everything in Australia is "upside down". Sure, their Christmas is in the summer and they might have a BBQ to celebrate it, but in some ways, they're just like us Northern Hemisphere folks. Our fascination with bad architecture, for example, is equally obsessive.
Turns out, the Irish, Belgians, and Dutch aren't the only ones shaming their native buildings on Instagram. There's an account called Ugly Melbourne Houses doing precisely the same on the other end of the world.
Taste is universal. I know. But ironically, it's what allows this online project to make fun of the houses it wants to. Here are some of them!
More info: Instagram
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Every Time I Try To Build A Custom Sims House
Amy's Winehouse
Nicholas Reece, deputy lord mayor of Melbourne, thinks the city is actually Australia's most interesting settlement for architecture and design.
"Beginning with the good bones provided by the Hoddle Grid, Melbourne has added some amazing buildings over the decades," Reece wrote. "The city has also produced some brilliant home-grown local architects and has a distinctive design culture, without the overreliance on international 'starchitects' like Sydney."
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They Forgot The Plaster Lions
When you use the Sims 4 Mansion Baron "Purchase 20 Columns" aspiration in real life.
When A Friend Doesn't Invite You To Their House And You're Really Quite Relieved About It Actually
However, the deputy lord mayor thinks that Melbourne may have lost its touch in recent years. "[We have] too many towers that are nothing more than spreadsheets in the sky, delivering a profit for developers but leaving the city poorer because of bad design and low-quality materials."
"Too many buildings that are low-grade and bland when newly complete and destined to deteriorate into eyesores over time," Reece continued. "Tall towers that set out to be seen from afar but offer nothing to the pedestrians walking the streets of the city. Featureless glass boxes that could be in any city in the world, rather than a city with the character, style, and sophistication of Melbourne."
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He said the city started noticing its flaws and began drawing a line, saying it must do better. "BHP House on William Street and ICI House in East Melbourne are both over 50 years old. Yet they both still look elegant and modern. They are great examples of how good design holds up and continues to shine over time."
"Melbourne has long been famous for its beautiful shop fronts, especially along Collins and Bourke streets. We need to extend that experience to other quarters of the city," Reece explained.
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Picasso's Lovechild
There are so few windows. Must be so dark inside if the back isn't all glass
I'm guessing the windows are lookin into the backyard. I don't know, I kind of like this house.
Load More Replies...or at least some bushes or something ... anything
Load More Replies...Looks like when the house from Poltergeist got sucked into ...wherever...
Nah. Not enough windows. Ugly beige-brown brick with boring siding. And what's with the pointless lawn demarcation?
Barbie's Dream House
this is cute. not the biggest pink fan but it works with the mid century vibe
Those Aren't Balconies, They’re Actually Hay Feeders For Giraffes
He believes that good design is even more critical now if Melbourne is to retain its reputation as a highly attractive and liveable city as it emerges from the COVID-19 pandemic. Reece is also happy that the challenges the city faces aren't too big to solve. At least not yet.
"Melbourne's planning processes are quicker and involve far less red tape compared to other big cities. This is an advantage we need to preserve. But we also need to acknowledge that we need to lift the general standard," he said. I wonder if he follows Ugly Melbourne Houses. Or the person running it...
Colonel Pistachio’s Tudor Turrets Raise Up My Peppermint Helicopter Roller Disco Roundabout
I don’t mind this half as much as the macMansions and the neoclassical nightmares.
Caravan Of Courage
Animal Print Is A Neutral
This one looks fun! It's not something I'd do, but I like looking at it.
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Cheeky Brick Butt Cheeks Wrapped In An Oh-So-Saucy Garter Belt Portico
Mary Poppins’ Lsd Dreamland Winky Wonky Summertime Lovin’ Peculiar Palazzo-A-Palooza
That’s A Serious Sixpack
This one caused quite a fuss. Neighbours took up a petition to have it removed.
Intergalactic Evil Mammoth Boxy Square Bonnet Wearing Robot Worm Computer Mansion
When It's Only Wednesday But Your Column Just Thinking 'Bout The Weekend
Anyone Got An Id On This LEGO Set?
The Hills Have Eyes
Your Dreams Are Like The Left Half Of This “Balcony”... Totally Pointless And Likely To Result In Horrific Injury If You Dwell On Them For Too Long
All Roads Lead To Somewhere In South Australia
Melborgian "Trying To Take Your Underpants Off Without Taking Your Trousers Off First" Robot Moderne
Everybody Who Lives Here Loves Maths
I Think They Could've Squeezed Another One In
Golden Graytime Jazzercise Spacesuit Jumpsuit Wangle Angle Window Panels A La Clipped Clop Shrubbery-Au-Go-Go
That's just what I was going to write! The only thing worse than some of these houses are all the cringeworthy captions above the photos.
Load More Replies...Ok, there are a lot ugly houses here, I admit. But quite a few on the list are interesting, why do people hate creativity so much? And whoever made the list seems to have something against modern architecture in particular.
There were a fair few horrible faux regency and Tudorbeathan ones
Load More Replies...Some of those houses were totally fine, and some even looked good. OP clearly is columnoporticophobic.
Ryan, there isn't just one OP. They are copied from Instagram, some from years back.
Load More Replies...What's with all of the captions having nothing to do with the houses and sounding more like a SEO metatag than a useful description?
Daniel they are copied from Instagram. The titles are literally just a piss take of the houses. Bored Panda scrape content as they find it and paste it straight on to this site to make some money from it. Try clicking on the links under the pictures and it may all make sense.
Load More Replies...I, for one, think that, though I am "repelled" by some of these houses, there is a lot of imagination and determination being shown by these home owners. If you live in "cookie cutter" neighborhoods you are being "restricted" by someone else's idea of what your home should look like. Kudos to those who live outside the box.
What in the hippety-skippin’ hellfire did I just see? Mind boggling bad taste-arama on steroids? 😮
I actually liked about half of them. The rest were kinda "meh" rather than ugly. But then I've never been accused of having good taste.
They didn't even include this wonky house in the Melbourne city ugghhh have a look: https://www.realestate.com.au/property-apartment-vic-docklands-431986002
Oh how my brain hurts. So many angles, and tacky colors, and lack of windows.....breathe...and columns, and balconies.....and breathe.... and giraffes
That's just what I was going to write! The only thing worse than some of these houses are all the cringeworthy captions above the photos.
Load More Replies...Ok, there are a lot ugly houses here, I admit. But quite a few on the list are interesting, why do people hate creativity so much? And whoever made the list seems to have something against modern architecture in particular.
There were a fair few horrible faux regency and Tudorbeathan ones
Load More Replies...Some of those houses were totally fine, and some even looked good. OP clearly is columnoporticophobic.
Ryan, there isn't just one OP. They are copied from Instagram, some from years back.
Load More Replies...What's with all of the captions having nothing to do with the houses and sounding more like a SEO metatag than a useful description?
Daniel they are copied from Instagram. The titles are literally just a piss take of the houses. Bored Panda scrape content as they find it and paste it straight on to this site to make some money from it. Try clicking on the links under the pictures and it may all make sense.
Load More Replies...I, for one, think that, though I am "repelled" by some of these houses, there is a lot of imagination and determination being shown by these home owners. If you live in "cookie cutter" neighborhoods you are being "restricted" by someone else's idea of what your home should look like. Kudos to those who live outside the box.
What in the hippety-skippin’ hellfire did I just see? Mind boggling bad taste-arama on steroids? 😮
I actually liked about half of them. The rest were kinda "meh" rather than ugly. But then I've never been accused of having good taste.
They didn't even include this wonky house in the Melbourne city ugghhh have a look: https://www.realestate.com.au/property-apartment-vic-docklands-431986002
Oh how my brain hurts. So many angles, and tacky colors, and lack of windows.....breathe...and columns, and balconies.....and breathe.... and giraffes