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“I’m Not His Dad”: Entitled Sister’s Demands For Free Childcare Tear Siblings Apart
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“I’m Not His Dad”: Entitled Sister’s Demands For Free Childcare Tear Siblings Apart

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Blood may be thicker than water, but that doesn’t mean that we have to stand by our family members at the expense of our own lives. One woman recently hopped on Reddit to detail how she’s taken on the role of her nephew’s second parent since her sister gave birth. But after a year of this, she’s finally decided that enough is enough.

Below, you’ll find the full story that was posted in the “Am I the [Jerk]?” subreddit, as well as some of the reactions invested readers shared. 

Most of us would do anything for our beloved family members

Image credits: Meruyert Gonullu / pexels (not the actual photo)

But after setting aside her own needs for a year to help raise her nephew, this woman has finally decided to put her foot down

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Image credits: Tirachard / envato (not the actual photo)

Later, the author clarified some details about the story

Image source: Statistic-Error

Everyone has the right to choose whether or not they want to have kids

Image credits: Emma Bauso / pexels (not the actual photo)

Being a parent is a lifelong commitment, so choosing to have kids is a decision that should never be taken lightly. And while it does take a village to raise children, it’s not fair to expect one person, especially one who never signed up to have kids of their own, to put their entire life on hold for their nephew. Not to mention the fact that a child’s first year is arguably one of their most challenging. 

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The first year of a baby’s life is full of sleepless nights, screaming fits, spit-up, changing countless diapers and thousands of dollars in costs. In fact, Thrivent reports that having a kid can cost anywhere from $20,000 and $50,000 before they even have their first birthday. The medical expenses in the beginning will no doubt set parents in the United States back thousands. 

But you’ll also have to spend quite a bit of money transforming your home for your child. Creating a nursery and baby proofing pre-existing furniture can be a large expense, and of course, your baby’s got to wear clothes too! They’ll need special dining utensils, plates and sippy cups, toys, car seats, carriers, strollers and much more. Plus, babies go through about 10 diapers a day in their first few months. And don’t forget to buy wipes!

Children can take a huge toll on parents’ finances

Image credits: Karolina Kaboompics / pexels (not the actual photo)

Whether you’re breastfeeding your infant or giving them formula, feeding them is going to cost you between $1,000 to $5,000 for the first year. And if you’re in need of child care so you can go back to the office to support your family, you can easily spend between $6,000 to $17,000 annually to ensure your little one is taken care of.

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The costs that come along with having children add up extremely fast, and they never seem to end, at least not until the kid has become an adult. According to Investopedia, it costs about $310,605 to raise a child up to age 17 in the United States nowadays. And if they don’t move out as soon as they turn 18, you’re still going to be spending quite a bit on their food and other expenses.

While the woman in this story loves her nephew with her whole heart, she simply did not sign up to be a parent or permanently have her sister and nephew in her home. It’s never easy to set boundaries with loved ones, but at a certain point, it can become necessary.

The Taylor Counseling Group notes on their site that healthy boundaries allow us to maintain self-care and self-respect, communicate our needs in relationships and create time and space in our lives for positive interactions. 

It’s important to be able to set healthy boundaries with family members

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Image credits: August de Richelieu / pexels (not the actual photo)

But if you’re having a difficult time setting boundaries with your own loved ones, remember that it’s okay to put your own needs first. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and taking care of yourself will allow you to better be there for others. You deserve to value your time and ask that others in your life do so as well. You shouldn’t be expected to help out at the drop of a hat or put your needs on hold for family members.

When communicating your boundaries, don’t be afraid to be direct, while still being kind. Your demands might not always be taken well, especially not at first, but don’t give up just because you’ve received some pushback. Remember to set realistic expectations as well, the Taylor Counseling Group notes. You know your family better than anyone, so you can probably anticipate and prepare for how they will react ahead of time.  

As challenging as it may be, avoid partaking in family gossip and try to stay off of social media when creating boundaries with loved ones. Give yourself permission to say “no,” and don’t be afraid to have difficult conversations with family members. And finally, know when it’s necessary to walk away from a relationship.

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We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this woman was right to put her foot down with her sister? Feel free to share, and then if you’re interested in reading another Bored Panda piece discussing similar family issues, look no further than right here.   

Many readers took the author’s side, and she chimed in to share more info about the situation

Other readers continued to assure the woman that she has every right to set boundaries with her sister

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Adelaide Ross

Adelaide Ross

Writer, BoredPanda staff

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Howdy, I'm Adelaide! I'm originally from Texas, but after graduating from university with an acting degree, I relocated to sunny Los Angeles for a while. I then got a serious bite from the travel bug and found myself moving to Sweden and England before settling in Lithuania about two years ago. I'm passionate about animal welfare, sustainability and eating delicious food. But as you can see, I cover a wide range of topics including drama, internet trends and hilarious memes. I can easily be won over with a Seinfeld reference, vegan pastry or glass of fresh cold brew. And during my free time, I can usually be seen strolling through a park, playing tennis or baking something tasty.

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Adelaide Ross

Adelaide Ross

Writer, BoredPanda staff

Howdy, I'm Adelaide! I'm originally from Texas, but after graduating from university with an acting degree, I relocated to sunny Los Angeles for a while. I then got a serious bite from the travel bug and found myself moving to Sweden and England before settling in Lithuania about two years ago. I'm passionate about animal welfare, sustainability and eating delicious food. But as you can see, I cover a wide range of topics including drama, internet trends and hilarious memes. I can easily be won over with a Seinfeld reference, vegan pastry or glass of fresh cold brew. And during my free time, I can usually be seen strolling through a park, playing tennis or baking something tasty.

Kotryna Br

Kotryna Br

Author, BoredPanda staff

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Kotryna is a Photo Editor at Bored Panda with a BA in Graphic Design. Before Bored Panda, she worked as a freelance graphic designer and illiustrator. When not editing, she enjoys working with clay, drawing, playing board games and drinking good tea.

Read less »

Kotryna Br

Kotryna Br

Author, BoredPanda staff

Kotryna is a Photo Editor at Bored Panda with a BA in Graphic Design. Before Bored Panda, she worked as a freelance graphic designer and illiustrator. When not editing, she enjoys working with clay, drawing, playing board games and drinking good tea.

What should the sister do next?
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tw 72
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"The only people who will be upset with you setting boundaries are those who benefited from you not having any." She's mad because you are not letting her use you. Either establish some rules to which your sister must comply -or- get used to being a doormat.

Anxious&Bored Bear
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OP is being used. Wasn't there a Soe ial Victums Unit: Criminal Intent espisode where the sister who took care of the sister's baby killed the sister because she was greedy, entitled and useless? Maybe consider putting that episode on loop for the sister to watch.

TribbleThinking
Community Member
2 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Scary that you're even asking the question. Invest in therapy so you have a set of bristles primed before you embark on your own adventure of parenthood. She's mumbling and withdrawn? Good. She can stay that way and she doesn't get to stop being withdrawn when she needs the next tranche of money or your time. She owes your a huge apology, tons of backdated rent and groceries, oodles of thanks for babysitting. Will you get that? *the entire BoredPanda population spits out their drinks in laughter*. But you can settle for her moving out and not being such an entitled and ungrateful leech.

Load More Comments
tw 72
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"The only people who will be upset with you setting boundaries are those who benefited from you not having any." She's mad because you are not letting her use you. Either establish some rules to which your sister must comply -or- get used to being a doormat.

Anxious&Bored Bear
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OP is being used. Wasn't there a Soe ial Victums Unit: Criminal Intent espisode where the sister who took care of the sister's baby killed the sister because she was greedy, entitled and useless? Maybe consider putting that episode on loop for the sister to watch.

TribbleThinking
Community Member
2 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Scary that you're even asking the question. Invest in therapy so you have a set of bristles primed before you embark on your own adventure of parenthood. She's mumbling and withdrawn? Good. She can stay that way and she doesn't get to stop being withdrawn when she needs the next tranche of money or your time. She owes your a huge apology, tons of backdated rent and groceries, oodles of thanks for babysitting. Will you get that? *the entire BoredPanda population spits out their drinks in laughter*. But you can settle for her moving out and not being such an entitled and ungrateful leech.

Load More Comments
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