I never mentioned anything about either of them being alcoholics or pitting the situation to that level. Withdrawals don't have to be this major, severe suffering. I meant it more like someone having to forgo sugar in their cereal and coffee that they're used to enjoying every morning. When you're pregnant your emotional connection to your partner and their support is needed. Her hormones are going all over the place. It's just human nature. To say she's being unreasonable to request her partner to not have any alcohol on a vacation. Not even the whole 9 months, just the vacation, I don't think is unreasonable at all. It shouldn't even be an issue. Is it really that difficult to say "Ok, Dear. I understand how this makes you feel. I'll enjoy some virgin pina coladas with you and we'll have a great time." Who knows when the next time they'll get to go on a nice getaway together now.

He clearly stated that she demanded he not drink at all, not just while on vacation. He said he asked her if the "no alcohol " rule still applied while away and she said yes...she expected him to give up all drinking, not even allowed a beer at dinner, that's absolutely ridiculous. It'd be like telling him he's on a diet because she's on one..

This is definitely an ESH...that said, I've scrolled the reddit thread, and noticed every time he addressed drinking on vacation, the amount he intended to drink increased. Started as "a couple drinks on vacation" and by the last time he answered, it was "a couple of beers with dinner and a cocktail by the pool." I suspect he was planning on walking around, booze in hand, for the entire vacation. Also, he was very adamant about "not having a hangover" because it would be less enjoyable for him....which would imply that he does rather more drinking than claimed.

Yes it's absurd. Be happy that he doesn't smoke anymore. That's awesome.

Having read the thread, it sounds like he was planning on 3-4 drinks....every day.

I'm guessing where you come from you dont drink much? 3-4 drinks a day? That's nothing. 34 drinks a day? Then he may have a problem. The guy uses the term holiday rather than vacation so im assuming he's European, alcohol isn't seen as such a taboo subject in Europe

I am not sure where you got chain smoking alcoholics from this story? Sounds like a whole lot of judgement there. He did give up smoking (which is absolutely reasonable to expect given that passive smoking is harmful for the baby). By his account enjoys an occasional beer or cocktail. My husband and I do too and I can assure you we are not alcoholics.

Bad news, I read the thread, and I think he is really downplaying the amount he actually drinks by quite a lot. About 1500 posts in, he wanted "a couple beers with dinner and a cocktail by the pool.". I imagine being pregnant and spending a week or two doing nothing but watch you SO drink would absolutely suck... Edit:spelling

He was unwilling to go on vacation because there would be no drinking, and seems to be unable to envision any sort of relaxation or fun without alcohol. That's pretty committed alcoholism to me.

My ex would sometimes drink one glass of wine, when we went out to eat once in a while. He said to the waiter: no, for her no alcohol. Waiter: Oooh! How dare you say that? I'm pregnant. Oh. Okay. Imagine a guy telling his wife she may not drink alcohol for no reason. You get outrage. But now it's a pregnant woman, so awwww. She's just controlling. Smoking I understand. That's irritating when someone smokes in front of your face, when you stopped. So if she has the same thing with alcohol, she's addicted and he's either addicted too or he just doesn't want to be controlled.

You aren't wrong....I read most of the thread, and it sounds like he was planning on having 3-4 drinks every day

To you, yeah. If I had to quit alcohol for a while, I could (so not all that committed an alcoholic), but if I'm going to have a nice vacation, why at exactly that time? I'd postpone it too.

Agreed. If you think it will likely be your one time to go to Paris, why not plan the trip for a time you can enjoy a glass of wine with dinner?

They were pot smokers, not cigarette smokers.

"Chain-smoking alcoholics." That's quite an assumption you have going on there.

"Clearly"?!? In your mind, maybe.

I always think, especially on here, we tell our story, with our own lens. How close that is to a more objective truth is hard to say.

The interest is her abstaining from it for the sake of the baby. That's not common,l; him being a teetotaler does nothing for the kid. No common interest --> solidarity argument irrelevant. Unless you're taking the support angle? If she needs support so badly to abstain that seems to indicate you think she's an alcoholic — not he, as so many others have suggested?

Lucky you that you had no long term ill effects from pregnancy. Not everyone is so lucky.

Whether my husband drank a beer during my pregnancy had absolutely ZERO impact on the ill effects or consequences of pregnancy on myself or my baby. I would hate to be a in a relationship where one party is forced to suffer "a consequence" due to the discomfort or ill effects of the other.

That doesn't give you the right to control every aspect of the non-pregnant people's lives.

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No,its not dangerous. Dangerous when you drive to your workplace every day while pregnant . Drinking a glass of wine once like every 3-4 week won't affect the baby. Life is not that delicate, 2 deciliter of of alcohol won't ruin it

We DO know that alcohol CAN be really dangerous for a developing featus. It may or may not ruin it but we don't know for sure how much alcohol is harmful or at what development stage so the limit is set at zero. Some babies come out completely normal even if mom is on hard core drugs or drink alcohol, sure. But statistics also show that it increases risks. A lot. Some suffer extreme challenges or don't make it because of drug/alcohol use. I wouldn't gamble with that and I certainly don't recommend others to do so. There's enough research showing dangerous effects of alcohol use.