Ah, an exact description of my parents. And people still call me a 'red flag' when I say I dont contact them.

One good way to stop the cycle is to decide not to have children. I know I’m going to get grief for saying it, but with the number of people deciding not to have kids these days, I do wonder if some of these cycles of violence and cruel behavior might stop, or at least decrease. I guess we’ll be seeing the results in about twenty years or so.

Mine never said thank you. Just a simple thank you would have been so nice. I say it to my grown kids now and not "thank you but" or "thank you and". Just a "thank you for"!

Also we need to normalize not having children if you will perpetuate the cycle. Even if someone wants kids, if they have done the work to get over their trauma, put a pin in that. This should be standard advice from friends and family just like any other where it's applicable. If anyone shows the above tendencies in friendships or at work, they will be even more so at home.

I have the utmost respect for the people in those comments that recognized those actions in themselves as parents. Not only did they recognize it but the admitted it 'outloud' and are (or will ) change their behavior. That is seriously all that one can ask of a parent that screwed up. My mother refuses to acknowledge her behavior, past and present, so no contact. Unfortunately, I didn't have another parent in the home to keep her from behaving in the manner she did towards me.

1. Telling your child to stand up for themself, but never against you. 2. Forbidding your child from showing any negative emotions (anger, frustration, irritability) in front of you, even when that child has been diagnosed with anxiety and depression and is on meds. 3. Having your older child be a main caregiver for the younger children. 4. Forcing your teenage daughter to wear revealing clothing to show off her figure because it was always the figure you wanted as a teen. 5. Punishing your child for being drowsy all the time and nodding off during the day, even though you know that's a side effect of their antidepressant. 6. Punishing your child for something you THINK they did wrong, even when they didn't AND punishing them twice when they try to explain they didn't do it... so then they grow up just letting people blame them for things they didn't do.

I hate how some of these describe my parents. I hate having to be a therapist for my mom when she acts up so things don't get worse, and if I try doing that with my dad he just gets even madder

I could swear that growing up ,my parents were spied upon and and notes were taken now that I've read these quotes.

Don't expect ONE parent to always be the enforcer and play "bad cop".

If you experienced these as a child, there's a chance that you are copying them in your own relationships, with partner as well as your children. Re-read the list, and ask yourself honestly, how many of these things do you do too? If you are reproducing these behaviours in your own relationships, get therapy, individual therapy and possibly couples or family therapy. Break the cycle.

A lot of these issues I dealt with in the foster homes. The social workers conveniently turned a blind eye and acted as if they were ashamed to be seen in public with us kids. Almost all of these traits can be found in foster care. Little wonder that a lot of foster kids deal with depression, anxiety, etc.

Yup, my mother did every one of these, except those recounting a sibling, I don't have any. There's a reason I keep her ashes on the floor; so I can slam into them with my wheels/kick them as I go by.

We have a system with waking up. The first time hugs and cuddles, "it's time to wake up sweetie". The second time patting "come on honey, I already told you it's time to get up". The third time a pound on the door and a little more sternly "time to get up". 4th Tim's gets sprayed with the spray bottle. Call me mean but if I tried to wake you up nicely two times, and you don't get up then no more being nice. I wait 5-10 minutes in between stages to give them a chance to actually get up.

🎶 happy childhood, loving parents, this is sad, why are yall joking about this, are y’all ok 🎶

My mom only did one of those, and that was to compare my actions to my father. But it made me realize how stupid and pointless that particular action was, because she knew I didn't particularly like him. I wasn't traumatized by it. At the same time I see other parents play that game with intent to insult the child, so I can see how it can.

You mean, that behaviour isn't normal? I need to talk to my parents...I think they tick every box.

We gav

Yup, have a few of those that are hard to get through.

Pretty much all those things. They're signs of toxic narcissism, thanks for bringing those to people's attention. I am so fortunate - never once saw my parents fighting, they always treated each other with respect.