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“Thanks, Dad. The Trauma Is Great:” 30 Things People Do Because Of Their Childhood Trauma
The traumatic experiences that you had when you were a child can massively affect your life as you grow up. If these deep-set issues are left unaddressed, whether by you or with the help of a mental health professional, they can drastically reduce the quality of your life.
The r/AskReddit online community discussed the things that adults do that they only recently realized were direct results of their traumatic childhoods. You’ll find their personal insights and experiences as you scroll down below.
Remember, asking for help is never a sign of weakness. If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health issues or have unresolved traumas in your past, consider therapy or counseling.
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#1
I realized I’m toxically independent. I have an extremely hard time asking for help because I never had it.
#2
I do not prioritize myself. Be it health, time, or necessities. Everyone else in my life is ahead of me in the queue. This makes me seem incredibly helpful.
Being helpful allows me to be present without being a target. Being helpful allows me to avoid my own problems because I'm too busy helping everyone else with theirs. Being helpful allows me to feel valuable instead of expendable.
The only time I ever really take care of myself is if I know it will impact my ability to take care of someone else. It's the only way I've found to make healthier choices, and it's still barely enough.
#3
Overthinking. Predicting and preparing for worst case scenarios. Having a higher tolerance for situations while also falling apart over tiny things. Refusing to let people stand behind me. Lack of trust for others. Being very prepared for people to drop and leave me without reason or warning.
Oh I forgot to mention you develop a physical need to help others. You want nothing more than to make others happy to avoid or overcome ever feeling as you do. No matter what it costs you. And you hope that you can make up for whatever it is you did to deserve it all.
As we’ve covered on Bored Panda recently, you may want to seek professional help if your mental health issues are causing anxiety, and panic attacks, and disrupting your daily life. It’s important to recognize that mental health experts are often very supportive and empathetic.
Though therapy can help people deal with their past traumas, heal, and move past them, far from everyone sees counseling in a positive light. For example, some people are scared that their therapists are going to judge them for their experiences or decisions. According to ‘Thriveworks,’ people do not want to be perceived as weak. However, proactively taking care of your mental health isn’t a weakness. It’s quite the opposite.
#4
Being hyperaware of anyone experiencing negative emotions in the room. Feeling someone else's anger or depression very severely and feeling as though I have to be the one to calm things down and keep the peace.
#5
I keep saying sorry to every little inconveniences or anytime I feel like I’m bothering someone.
Margaret H 1 year ago
Yup. Only last week, I couldn't stop apologizing to station staff for getting stranded in the wrong city overnight. Three different employees had directed me to the wrong train.
Meanwhile, other folks are a tad skeptical about therapy as a whole. They might feel that counseling won’t solve their issues. Or that it’s simply an expensive way of talking about your feelings, something that they could do with their friends. This, of course, couldn’t be farther from the truth.
Therapy provides new perspectives that aim to reframe your past experiences, in order to empower you. If venting to your friends from time to time is all that it takes to solve all of your issues, then more power to you! But you should never assume that it’s the same as working with a qualified, experienced professional.
#7
Something I do that I recently learned other people don't do is constantly pay attention to my surroundings. I listen for footsteps, doors opening and closing, people's voices, water running in the pipes, cars pulling into the driveway, on and on. As a kid I needed to know who was in my house and what they were doing.
Molly Whuppie 1 year ago
yeah, being hyper vigilant of your surroundings. I've been told its getting stuck in flight or fight mode. you're constantly scanning for the threat, being aware of every tiny little sound or change in your environment, sometimes even for years after the original threat no longer exists.
#8
Probably going to get burried, but because I was unwanted by my own mother, I now self sabotage almost all relationships in my life because "how long until I'm discarded".
#9
I realised recently that a lot of the cruel things that were said to me have embedded themselves into my regular vocabulary under the guise of 'self-deprecating humor'.
Other people might be too proud to go to counseling. They believe that they should be able to solve their problems on their own. Still, others are simply scared of opening up to a complete stranger. Or they’re afraid of how their lives might change in completely unknown ways after they solve their issues from the past.
According to therapist Andrea Brandt, Ph.D., childhood trauma can stay in the body until it is processed. “The healthy flow and processing of distressing emotions, such as anger, sadness, shame, and fear, is essential to healing from childhood trauma as an adult,” she writes on ‘Psychology Today.’
#10
Adrenaline dump at the slightest hint of conflict.
Loggers Ink 1 year ago
Adrenaline dump! YES Thank you. It’s exhausting. And when it lasts for days and I’m in that fight or flight mode just to juggle many things and keep everyone happy. The lactic acid sets in and I barely can move like I’ve just walked up a mountain
#11
Self doubt. Need for affirmation. Can't take criticism well. I spent most of my life being a good test taker. Now I find it difficult to have patience with myself while I struggle to learn/pick up new things.
#12
Not sure if this is just really weird, but at work whenever I ask for a day off, every job I've had, I had given a detailed description of why and the purpose of needing it off. Finally, at my current job l, my direct supervisor would keep telling me: "I don't need to know why."
I did some reflection and realized that, in my youth, if I didn't explain things as far as being absent, feeling sick, needing to go to the doctor; if I didn't have a good enough explanation, I was completely disregarded.
It got engrained in me to find the best possible reasoning behind nearly every choice I ever made.
The therapist urges people to recall the situation, sense their emotional and physical response, and attach names to the emotions that bubble up. “As part of a mindful approach to healing from trauma, we need to fully accept everything that we feel. Whether it’s true to your conscious mind at this moment or not, say, ‘I love myself for feeling (angry, sad, anxious, etc.)’ Do this with every emotion you feel, especially the harder ones. Embrace your humanness, and love yourself for it.”
After experiencing and embracing these emotions, you can try to work on letting the trauma go and casting off the events that wounded you.
#13
I move very quietly. To the point that people joke that I can teleport because I'm next to them before they realize I'm there. I scare the people I live with just about every day because they don't hear me enter a room. I also used to be able to just walk up on so much s**t as a cop and prison guard because nobody ever heard me coming.
That's a skill you learn when you grow up not wanting to be seen or heard.
Tabitha 1 year ago
Because if you disturb that particular person, or people, you are in a world of s**t. So you learn how to step oh so lightly, and do it for so long to becomes your normal step. My husband says I startle him every time if his back is turned when I walk up to him. I’ve developed the habit of calling out to him while I’m on my way toward him.
#14
Something minor goes wrong because I made a mistake, I think it is all over, ruined and everything is my fault, I feel I should just go crawl into a hole and die.
Just thought on this again and I guess that’s why I like animal rescue videos, mother cats raising an abandoned pup. The after part, the transformation that some love and care bring. No one did it for me, but it warms my heart to see it done for another, no matter that they’re not my species!
#15
I strive towards solitude in all aspects of life, if there is no one else around there is no one to betray my trust & hurt me. The older I get the more I realize I'm still very much a human being with a need for connection & friendship, with a brain wired to be untrusting. I keep most people at distance & my relationships tend to feel shallow. It's a problem I'm not sure how to deal with.
#16
I(m54) always have it in the back of my mind that anyone who says they love me has an ulterior motive.
Samantha Hobbs 1 year ago
Or likes you. Or wants to be your friend. They are all met with scepticism in my book.
#17
Literally cannot take a compliment without immediately self-deprecating.
#18
Eating very fast... I'm in my late 30's and I still have this problem.
When we where given food, we usually had to fight siblings as there was never enough for us. At holidays, specific around Thanksgiving, I lost track of how many times my stepdad would get angry and throw the entire turkey dinner away. For good measure, he would spray the entire garbage can with bleach so we couldn't pick it out of the trash.
So when you got food in my house, you would eat it as fast as you could before it was stolen from you. Don't worry though, had mountains of Pepsi products though!....
#19
I read people and situations. I can generally note someone's mood pretty quickly, not necessarily pin point what they are feeling of why but generally pretty close. People always tell me that I'm the first to notice when someone is feeling low or when something is wrong. I used to think I had some kind of gift for empathy until I realized that no, I have hypervigilance caused by years of feeling unsafe. I generally catch details that everyone else misses but can't remember 99% of the other stuff told to me or that I see unless I'm being self aware.
Joe Russo 1 year ago
I have a naturally low social intelligence, and I should have the same in emotional intelligence. But put me in a room with strangers, and I will tell you who's been abused, and who is an abuser. It's not just hypervigilance, or so I've read. It was also never safe for us to develop normal emotional walls that block out stuff (that you'd normally start developing age 4-6). It was not safe to block out emotions; you have to have your anger-radar up and running at all times. I always unconsciously drop what emotional walls I do have, and vibe someone I'm going to have to deal with...sometimes a very bad experience, but sometimes I do find great people this way...
#20
Getting overly attached to people way to quickly, which usually pushes them away and just destroys me over and over again.
#21
Have guilt when spending any amount of money.
Margaret H 1 year ago
And making sure you have a little cash hidden away. The hems of curtains, for instance, come in very handy.
#22
I recently had an epiphany that I’ve been self-sabotaging any potential weight loss goals I could achieve, like I could be doing well and be down a couple pounds, and then as soon as I see the physical results on my body I start binge eating lol. I know now it’s bc of an incident in my childhood that has made me really fear attention from men. Being overweight, wearing baggier clothes just make me feel safer in public.
#23
Always be on the lookout for the nearest exit or easiest path to get away quickly.
Šimon Špaček 1 year ago
Again, to some extend a good thing. If you need to find exit in a store where you stopped for drink on long ride, it is bit crazy, but learning where the fire exit is in your workplace is completely normal (at least I think so).
#24
I people please at all times. I thought I was kind but I’m actually trying to be as agreeable as possible out of fear.
Daniela Lavanza 1 year ago (edited)
Maybe out of fear of rejection, too? I am genuinely kind (well, try to be) but it's also because I'm lonely and in difficulty to make friends.
#25
Yelling and door slamming still gets me, at 37. Even if I know I didn't do anything wrong, a slammed door - even an accidental one - makes me jump out of my skin.
Also, speed reading. My mother "helped" me to learn to read. Her method was: one wrong word, one slap. I learned to read fast, so I can get away quicker.
#26
Asking for permission to do literally anything, double-checking that I was doing the right thing, and always second-guessing myself. Like to an abnormal level.
TheLinkToYourZelda:
Yep. I'm 33 years old, make six figures, and when me and my husband are out running errands on the weekend I will ask his permission to go use the bathroom or to buy a drink or anything. It's ridiculous. And I know if people hear me doing it they will likely assume he's abusive, but nope, just 18 years living with an abusive father.
#27
To this day I still sleep on my stomach. When I failed the 4th grade my dad was beyond [mad] at his son being a failure. He told my Mom to leave the house and had me drop my pants and take my whipping like a Man. He beat me so long and so hard that the belt cut into my flesh and there were chunks that were hanging loose. I literally had to take a pillow to school the next week to sit down on. The teacher was concerned so she called the principle, vice-principle and two other teachers as witnesses and had me drop my pants in the boys restroom. they were horrified but didn't report anything when I told them why I was beaten they told me to study harder to stop this from happening again. That was decades ago but I still sleep on my stomach and never fail at anything I try to do.
censorshipsucks 1 year ago
hope your dad died miserably and in pain, preferably by falling into a meat grinder at a pet food factory.
#28
I had nearly zero control over my life for most of my childhood. Now I need to have absolute control over nearly every situation, specifically driving.
#29
I chose not to have kids of my own because of the trauma my parents inflicted. That one I knew about.
The big one I didn't know about was masking. Always being afraid to show my own personality, likes, feelings, or interests because I subconsciously feared that people would use them to make fun of me and reject me.
I also have an aversion to obese people because one babysitter I had when I was 5 thought it'd be funny to sit on me until I couldn't scream anymore. She was about 300lbs.
Also not using spices on my food as an adult. Growing up in constant survival mode, food wasn't something I got to really enjoy.
#30
I used to loathe physical touch.
After much contemplation, I realized I didn't trust anyone enough to make myself vulnerable, even for a hug.
What do you think ?
Wicked Moon216 1 year ago
I relate to almost all of these so deeply. I wish I could be friends with everyone who contributed to this list. I feel like they are the only ones who could possibly understand why I'm considered "quirky"
Betty Heslop 1 year ago
I'm the same way, but instead of quirky I'm poison
Load More Replies...
David Paterson 1 year ago
The funniest commedians had the most traumatic childhood. From decades of having to defuse a violent alcoholic parent without getting hit.
Wicked Moon216 1 year ago
I relate to almost all of these so deeply. I wish I could be friends with everyone who contributed to this list. I feel like they are the only ones who could possibly understand why I'm considered "quirky"
Betty Heslop 1 year ago
I'm the same way, but instead of quirky I'm poison
Load More Replies... David Paterson 1 year ago
The funniest commedians had the most traumatic childhood. From decades of having to defuse a violent alcoholic parent without getting hit.
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