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31 Things Parents Do That Obviously Show They’re Not Doing A Great Job, As Shared Online
Parents play a crucial role in their kid’s development, and while parents often deserve nothing but respect for all the love and selfless care they give to children, sometimes those who are supposed to be nurturing kids might in fact be hurting them.
As the basic needs for child development tend to be delineated as safety, structure, support, and love, there are plenty of intricacies and complex real-life situations where things may go the other way. Redditors referred to the latter answering one Redditor's question and listing red flags and areas that parents need to take seriously and work on primarily for the sake of their kid’s well-being, but also to grow as a person.
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Taking the Emotions of your child (first crushes, embarrassing moments that they talked with you about, are unsure about, worries they have, etc.) and using it at a family gathering to get a laugh out of everybody. Your child will be so embarrassed because of you and will not talk to you in the future
I‘m 30 and my mother still does this to me sometimes. The difference today is, i will talk back in front of the whole family and suddenly she is embarrassed
parents who believe that their children “owe” them for providing basic care (food, shelter, clothes, etc…)
Parents who can’t apologize to a child. It’s ok to have human emotions and moment to be triggered or struggling and lash out or be wrong but for the love of all things good APOLOGIZE AND CHANGE.
Your adult children don’t talk to you and you "don’t know" why.
When I was younger I saw a Mother and a little daughter on a train. The Mother was scrolling her Phone and the daughter was bored and started a song. It was very quiet singing and she had a good voice. No problem.
But the mom started to hush her daughter. To stop singing.
Then the daughter asked does her mother love her? Can she get a hug. Something?
Mother just told her to be quiet and kept scrolling.
It hurt me. I wish I could just have stood up and hug that little kid. Show her that she is not alone. That she is loved no matter what.
But 20 something dude hugging little girl in a train seemed to be wrong to me at that time. So I just cried a bit. Silently. And I think about that little girl and how her life is even years later.
I sometimes really hate some parents. Because they seem to be kids themselves. Without any clue about pretty much anything.
Pulling the "I guess I'm I'm the worst parent in the world" when approached by their child with a question. Actively making the child feel guilty for expressing their own opinions in an effort to make themselves feel better.
This! Someone tell me what I'm supposed to do when this happens!
Hearing them say "I'll give you something to cry about" to their crying kid.
Unless this happens when the child is obviously using crying and tears for the SOLE purpose of manipulation. There's nothing wrong with teaching your child that crying and tears are valid and important things; therefore, they shouldn't be misused or abused.
Badmouthing their ex after a divorce to them and turning them against the other parent. Using kids as leverage in general.
I can honestly say neither my dad or mom did this when I was younger...when I hit 14 though, I had already figured out that dad was a POS for cheating on my mom. He never wanted anything to do with me after I turned 14 until he was on his deathbed in 2017 then he had his family try to get me to go see him so he could die with a clear conscience. Nope.
Refusing to believe their kid can do wrong
or the opposite. refusing to believe that their kid can do anything correct or have any accomplishments. both are bad
Zero interest in the kid. Doesn’t care what they do or what happens to them as long as they don’t inconvenience them.
Just as long as that kids can get them that sweet, sweet Child Tax Credit each and every tax season until they turn 18.
Someone who treats the child from their old marriage like s**t because they're no longer with that child's parent.
...especially when the genes show up all too clearly in/on their faces and they subconsciously argue with their ex-partners (it never worked anyway, hence the divorce) instead of having a sensible discussion with their children...
The kid is morbidly obese and the parent feeds them nothing but fast food and soft drinks and says "he won't eat anything else".
Having a partner who dislikes or mistreats their children.
A mother divorced the father because he constantly berated their children. She then married a lovely family friend. He said of his stepson, "He has problems with math. He gets the answers right, but the teachers want to see the process. I'm an engineer - we don't care how someone gets the answer as long as it's the right one." I was impressed and learned something from that: sometimes the second spouse is a much match for the kids because the parent got to see how they treat the kids.
Do not seek for psychological help when your children obviously need it because you personally don't believe in "all that stuff".
Somewhere down the line, those kids are going to pay dearly for their parents' refusal to get the help they need. If Fate is willing, the situation will be reversed.
Punishing kids with haircuts, less food, less attention, or taking their door. Especially for things like asking too many questions or "talking back" just because they didn't understand something and wanted a real reason or explanation on why they had to do/could not do something
I agree partly. As long as it's not directly related to that. The actions of the child should have natural and logical consequences though. The child repeatedly wastes food just so their siblings don't get it? Regulate how much food they take, forcing them to take smaller portions and eat them up before they can have more is the reasonable consequence. The child slams the door all night, using it to terrorise the whole household if they don't get their way? Take the door away and exchange it with a privacy curtain is legit. Actions have consequences. And if a child uses freedoms to terrorize everyone else, taking the thing away that's used to do the terrorising is legit. It should be given back if the child shows betterment though. Yes, and sometimes less attention, especially for throwing tantrums or other, regular misbehaviour can be a legitimate discipline tactic. I can't see any legit case of cutting hair for punishment thought.
Ironically, never thinking you're a bad parent.
Eh, I know I'm not a bad parent and I've never thought of myself as one. I am a very good parent who will make mistakes.
Not caring about their feelings . Like hello they are humans too .
Putting soda in a baby bottle
I also had to do it once. I had no choice. I went to a costume party as a »japanese manga fetus« and I simply didn't want to have to be pushed back and forth to the booze and beverage buffet in my hand-felted neon incubator......🤭
Toddlers running around in super, super full diapers- to the point where they are almost falling off the kid, while the parents obliviously drink beer....
There doesn't have to be beer to make this trashy. It can also be a matter of silent "I changed the LAST diaper" pettiness between the kid's parents/guardians. I've personally witnessed it and made a point of cbanging the nibblet diapers myself when I'm around. I do NOT take care of potty training/trained kids though. Your kid has poop in their crack, that's on YOU. Standing kids are way more complicated to help clean up, and I already got my own kid through that stage. All done!
My daughters teacher called one day to tell us our daughter was bullying another student so relentlessly that he was afraid to come to school. We talked to our daughter and she had no idea what we were talking about. Whenever we asked the teacher for the students name she actually gave it to us, Turns out I know his mother from high school. So I called her and talked with her and at first she had no idea what I was talking about. Then she suddenly remembered everything and told me this long story about how her son is afraid of my daughter blah blah blah.
I talked with one of this lady’s friends a few days later and she told me that this lady confessed to her that she just doesn’t get enough sleep, always misses her alarms in the morning, and just doesn’t get up to take her kids to school. Her first instinct when the school called her to talk about absences was to blame my daughter for bullying her kid.
This happens more than people realize. Thanks to this sucky parenting, teachers and staff have YET ANOTHER thing thrown on their plate: lookout for signs and talk of bullying. A threat of being fired and/or jail time if even the slightest talk of bullying isn't reported and, God forbid, it eventually leads to something horrible. (If you don't believe me, check out the bullying policy in Davidson, Sumner, and Robertson County in Tennessee.)
Passing out drunk on the neighbor’s lawn while the kids are trying to trick-or treat (coworker did this)
Complains every day at work that they can’t afford to take care of their kid properly. Blaming her own parents that they don’t help out enough.
Also complains about being hung over every day and brags about buying a PlayStation and a puppy.
Saw a little girl of about 4 or 5 walking into a pizzeria with her parents that were arguing. Her hair was so matted it was starting to dread in the back. I had my teen daughter with me. We both just wanted to take the little girl home with us.
Edit to add: the parents had an aura of being active [illegal substances] users. This wasn’t accidental matting. I felt terrible but I guess the good side is that they were together. I hope the parents get the help they need.
Kid’s diet is soda and fruit snacks
The thing I HATE is water and fruit are cheaper and easier to give to the kid than soda and fruit snacks. The whole excuse of money and/or convenience isn't really valid.
Dumping the whole container of candy into their kids' Halloween bag.
I always dumped candy into my kid's bag.. at my house, before we left. Like priming the pump, gotta get them started.. 😆 But I think this post meant at other people's houses? I don't know..
Threatening to get rid of/destroy the family pet constantly as punishment. 😬😡
I got that a lot too! :O My mom went through on it a couple of times, too. She is still a horrible person to this day, and wonders why I don't want to spend time with her and why all of our old neighbors/family friends/etc. don't want to spend time with her either.
Load More Replies...Parents who won’t say ‘no’ to their children, goddamt!! Say NO! Let the child learn what NO means, so they grow up confident to say NO to abuse, drugs, whatever it might be… (Side bonus: the child will also learn they can’t always get everything their way)
It's a society thing- if you say 'no' in public, your kid inevitably will scream bloody murder like he's being abused. Then people actually think you're abusing your child, instead of parenting them. I know because I do say 'No.' They do learn they can't have everything- but not until they try all the screaming and tantrums they can come up with. The judgment from the young people who think you're beating your kids! The judgment from the older generation that thinks you should be beating your kids! The 'can I help you manage your kid better' people.. Argh --please!! --I am managing my kid! just let me say no to my child without a whole bunch of drama, questioning, and stares. Kids yell- it's not always cuz the parent beats them. Societal chicken and the egg, that one.
Load More Replies...My dad told me that he never ordered a cripple for a kid while going on about how me being disabled makes him feel bad.
Oh. Ouch . What a cripple in the head your dad is.
Load More Replies...Threatening to get rid of/destroy the family pet constantly as punishment. 😬😡
I got that a lot too! :O My mom went through on it a couple of times, too. She is still a horrible person to this day, and wonders why I don't want to spend time with her and why all of our old neighbors/family friends/etc. don't want to spend time with her either.
Load More Replies...Parents who won’t say ‘no’ to their children, goddamt!! Say NO! Let the child learn what NO means, so they grow up confident to say NO to abuse, drugs, whatever it might be… (Side bonus: the child will also learn they can’t always get everything their way)
It's a society thing- if you say 'no' in public, your kid inevitably will scream bloody murder like he's being abused. Then people actually think you're abusing your child, instead of parenting them. I know because I do say 'No.' They do learn they can't have everything- but not until they try all the screaming and tantrums they can come up with. The judgment from the young people who think you're beating your kids! The judgment from the older generation that thinks you should be beating your kids! The 'can I help you manage your kid better' people.. Argh --please!! --I am managing my kid! just let me say no to my child without a whole bunch of drama, questioning, and stares. Kids yell- it's not always cuz the parent beats them. Societal chicken and the egg, that one.
Load More Replies...My dad told me that he never ordered a cripple for a kid while going on about how me being disabled makes him feel bad.
Oh. Ouch . What a cripple in the head your dad is.
Load More Replies...