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31 Things Parents Do That Obviously Show They’re Not Doing A Great Job, As Shared Online

Parents play a crucial role in their kid’s development, and while parents often deserve nothing but respect for all the love and selfless care they give to children, sometimes those who are supposed to be nurturing kids might in fact be hurting them.

As the basic needs for child development tend to be delineated as safety, structure, support, and love, there are plenty of intricacies and complex real-life situations where things may go the other way. Redditors referred to the latter answering one Redditor's question and listing red flags and areas that parents need to take seriously and work on primarily for the sake of their kid’s well-being, but also to grow as a person.

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31 Things Parents Do That Obviously Show They’re Not Doing A Great Job, As Shared Online Taking the Emotions of your child (first crushes, embarrassing moments that they talked with you about, are unsure about, worries they have, etc.) and using it at a family gathering to get a laugh out of everybody. Your child will be so embarrassed because of you and will not talk to you in the future

I‘m 30 and my mother still does this to me sometimes. The difference today is, i will talk back in front of the whole family and suddenly she is embarrassed

Helmane09 , August de Richelieu Report

Final score:

186points

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31 Things Parents Do That Obviously Show They’re Not Doing A Great Job, As Shared Online parents who believe that their children “owe” them for providing basic care (food, shelter, clothes, etc…)

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31 Things Parents Do That Obviously Show They’re Not Doing A Great Job, As Shared Online Parents who can’t apologize to a child. It’s ok to have human emotions and moment to be triggered or struggling and lash out or be wrong but for the love of all things good APOLOGIZE AND CHANGE.

facekche , Keira Burton Report

Final score:

171points

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31 Things Parents Do That Obviously Show They’re Not Doing A Great Job, As Shared Online Your adult children don’t talk to you and you "don’t know" why.

RushBJ , krakenimages Report

Final score:

165points

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31 Things Parents Do That Obviously Show They’re Not Doing A Great Job, As Shared Online When I was younger I saw a Mother and a little daughter on a train. The Mother was scrolling her Phone and the daughter was bored and started a song. It was very quiet singing and she had a good voice. No problem.
But the mom started to hush her daughter. To stop singing.
Then the daughter asked does her mother love her? Can she get a hug. Something?
Mother just told her to be quiet and kept scrolling.

It hurt me. I wish I could just have stood up and hug that little kid. Show her that she is not alone. That she is loved no matter what.

But 20 something dude hugging little girl in a train seemed to be wrong to me at that time. So I just cried a bit. Silently. And I think about that little girl and how her life is even years later.

I sometimes really hate some parents. Because they seem to be kids themselves. Without any clue about pretty much anything.

kurnimasu , Josh Withers Report

Final score:

156points

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31 Things Parents Do That Obviously Show They’re Not Doing A Great Job, As Shared Online Pulling the "I guess I'm I'm the worst parent in the world" when approached by their child with a question. Actively making the child feel guilty for expressing their own opinions in an effort to make themselves feel better.

Rare-Criticism1059 , Kindel Media Report

Final score:

152points

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31 Things Parents Do That Obviously Show They’re Not Doing A Great Job, As Shared Online Hearing them say "I'll give you something to cry about" to their crying kid.

TheRadiumGirl , Jep Gambardella Report

Final score:

143points

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Captain McSmoot 1 year ago

Unless this happens when the child is obviously using crying and tears for the SOLE purpose of manipulation. There's nothing wrong with teaching your child that crying and tears are valid and important things; therefore, they shouldn't be misused or abused.

36points

Giraffy Window 1 year ago (edited)

Threats aren't the answer even if their development leads them through a maniplulative stage. Absolutely adress it as an unlealthy method and guide them away from it, seek help if it persists beyond a certain amount of time. Appropriate reprucussions? Absolutely. Ominous threats? Never.

43points

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SkyBlueandBlack 1 year ago

"I'll give you something to cry about" means you're about to get beat. Physically. The phrase has nothing to do with validating emotions.

41points

George LaMonica 1 year ago

And "I'll give you something to cry about" is a perfect example of the worst possible incorrect way to do that.

12points

BrownTabby 1 year ago (edited)

So let me get this straight, you saw a post about parents threatening to beat their children for crying and you decided to go “but what if the kid was faking it”?! That was the last faith in humanity I had left today, so I’m gonna log off for the sake of my sanity.

9points

Lovemyisland ️ 1 year ago

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Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My! 1 year ago

My father would say that to me. I interpreted it to mean, "shut up or I'm going to smack you". I never really understood the wording, though. It always seemed to me that I had something to cry about, or I wouldn't be crying.

8points

jonathan doe 1 year ago

The I'll give you something to cry about thing is bad but your insight now made me think the parent pov of a kid who's not hurt, but just confused about something, is crying it's head off like the kid is really hurt but nothing is wrong so why are you crying so hard???

0points

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Id row 1 year ago

Jesus, I'm in my 50's and this one sent a shiver down my spine. I still remember how terrifying it was when they said that.

5points

Janelle Collard Premium 1 year ago

My parents did this to me. 70 years later, it still makes me upset.

4points

Brainmas 1 year ago

That was my mom's go-to line!

4points

Skadi Lifdis 1 year ago (edited)

Last time my mom used this, she got a phone call and walked out of the room. I was doing my best to stop when she came back in because I didn't want to get hit with a belt. Instead, she sat down and told me my grandpa had died. There was no holding back the tears. And she never used that line again. I was 8 at the time.

3points

Skadi Lifdis 1 year ago

This comment has been deleted.

0points

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QuinnIsBean (he/they) 1 year ago

My parents always said this to me as a kid, and every time I'd try and find a way to tell them that I thought that it was wrong, (I didn't actually know why at the time,) I couldn't. And if I did find a way, they'd say that I was being a brat or smart---- and threaten me still. I wish I could get away from them sometimes...

2points

TMoxraaaar 1 year ago

Oh my god I remember this so much! I have fantasies of going back in time, kidnapping all four of my parents and reading them the riot act.

1point

Claire Trautmann 1 year ago

Her favorite line, and then she would beat the c**p out of you and kept beating, and ripping hair out,and twisting extremities, all while screaming how useless and stupid you were. She did it in public, in the car at home, there was no safe haven

1point

Lex <3 (they/them) 1 year ago

Im autistic + have severe anxiety. When I was younger, I would often get overwhelmed and anxious super easily and it would usually result in a full blown meltdown. Every time this would happen my father would be like "oh stfu, stop crying over stupid things or I'll give you something to cry about"... like damn, I was 6 years old...

1point

Christine Watson 1 year ago

Abuse

1point

Coyote Osborne 1 year ago

I plan to remember that line if I have to pick someone's retirement home.

1point

Dee Rutherford 1 year ago

👎. My mom did this to me, and it’s followed me my whole life. I never did this to my kids. Abuse.

1point

Monarch cat lady 1 year ago

That was a common line in my house growing up

1point

Anastasia Whale 1 year ago

I heard this (and similar things) regularly: I am breaking the habit for my children I try to validate Thier emotions because bottling them up is not a healthy response.

1point

martymcmatrix 1 year ago

...leaves for the kitchen and comes back with the same crappy dinner...

1point

Brent Echols 1 year ago

You cook?

0points

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Sandy Smith 10 months ago

Reason to hate my mother number 127.

0points

I just work here 10 months ago

From my dad, after he beat our asses and made us cry in the first place...

0points

Brittany Copeland 1 year ago

This always made me cry harder, nor from fear or anything, but because I would get SO FRUSTRATED that my mom couldn't understand what was wrong.

0points

Michael Largey 1 year ago

And they usually do - although the crying may take place decades later.

0points

Laura Williams 1 year ago

This is a stupid thing to say.

0points

Shawn Matalino 1 year ago

I heard this one a bit. I also got the repercussions of it. I turned out as a well adjusted member of society that loves his mom immensely. She was usually the one saying it/giving me a reason to create. No lasting ill effects of it. Children are not as fragile as society wants them to be.

-2points

Kris M 1 year ago

Doubtful considering you think that type of toxic abusive behavior is okay you don’t sound well adjusted at all

3points

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31 Things Parents Do That Obviously Show They’re Not Doing A Great Job, As Shared Online Badmouthing their ex after a divorce to them and turning them against the other parent. Using kids as leverage in general.

faousa , freepik Report

Final score:

135points

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31 Things Parents Do That Obviously Show They’re Not Doing A Great Job, As Shared Online Mothers who sees their daughter as competition

skunk_weed , Barbara Olsen Report

Final score:

134points

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#10

31 Things Parents Do That Obviously Show They’re Not Doing A Great Job, As Shared Online Refusing to believe their kid can do wrong

FlashyWay420 , Jep Gambardella Report

Final score:

129points

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#11

31 Things Parents Do That Obviously Show They’re Not Doing A Great Job, As Shared Online Zero interest in the kid. Doesn’t care what they do or what happens to them as long as they don’t inconvenience them.

ploteapuck , Vlada Karpovich Report

Final score:

118points

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#12

31 Things Parents Do That Obviously Show They’re Not Doing A Great Job, As Shared Online Someone who treats the child from their old marriage like s**t because they're no longer with that child's parent.

Mr_MojoJojo_Risin , cottonbro studio cottonbro studio Report

Final score:

111points

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#13

31 Things Parents Do That Obviously Show They’re Not Doing A Great Job, As Shared Online Yelling at the kid for every trivial thing.

lagrossetruie , peoplecreations Report

Final score:

111points

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#14

31 Things Parents Do That Obviously Show They’re Not Doing A Great Job, As Shared Online Women that put a man before their kids

DifferentBand1121 , Candice Picard Report

Final score:

107points

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#15

31 Things Parents Do That Obviously Show They’re Not Doing A Great Job, As Shared Online The kid is morbidly obese and the parent feeds them nothing but fast food and soft drinks and says "he won't eat anything else".

Gullex , Karolina Kołodziejczak Report

Final score:

104points

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#16

31 Things Parents Do That Obviously Show They’re Not Doing A Great Job, As Shared Online Having a partner who dislikes or mistreats their children.

PaleHorseBlackDog , William Fortunato Report

Final score:

102points

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#17

31 Things Parents Do That Obviously Show They’re Not Doing A Great Job, As Shared Online Do not seek for psychological help when your children obviously need it because you personally don't believe in "all that stuff".

Hellodie_W , Gustavo Fring Report

Final score:

100points

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#18

31 Things Parents Do That Obviously Show They’re Not Doing A Great Job, As Shared Online Talking trash about your kids in front of others

JureIsStupid123 , Brett Sayles Report

Final score:

93points

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#19

31 Things Parents Do That Obviously Show They’re Not Doing A Great Job, As Shared Online Punishing kids with haircuts, less food, less attention, or taking their door. Especially for things like asking too many questions or "talking back" just because they didn't understand something and wanted a real reason or explanation on why they had to do/could not do something

Maxx_1000000 , Linda Jones Report

Final score:

91points

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#20

31 Things Parents Do That Obviously Show They’re Not Doing A Great Job, As Shared Online Ironically, never thinking you're a bad parent.

AdhesiveCum_ , Andrea Piacquadio Report

Final score:

84points

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#30

31 Things Parents Do That Obviously Show They’re Not Doing A Great Job, As Shared Online Kid’s diet is soda and fruit snacks

lemmywinks11 , Marcelo Verfe Report

Final score:

41points

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#31

31 Things Parents Do That Obviously Show They’re Not Doing A Great Job, As Shared Online Dumping the whole container of candy into their kids' Halloween bag.

GDviber , Daisy Anderson Report

Final score:

34points

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Aura is a writer at Bored Panda. She finished her BA in Philosophy at Vilnius University. She lived in Prague for a few years, where she worked in Trade Compliance at DHL Express. Finally, she came back to Vilnius to continue her studies in Philosophy.

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What do you think ?

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TheBlueBitterfly 1 year ago

Threatening to get rid of/destroy the family pet constantly as punishment. 😬😡

26points

LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 year ago (edited)

I got that a lot too! :O My mom went through on it a couple of times, too. She is still a horrible person to this day, and wonders why I don't want to spend time with her and why all of our old neighbors/family friends/etc. don't want to spend time with her either.

10points

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Nenya 1 year ago

Parents who won’t say ‘no’ to their children, goddamt!! Say NO! Let the child learn what NO means, so they grow up confident to say NO to abuse, drugs, whatever it might be… (Side bonus: the child will also learn they can’t always get everything their way)

17points

Wendy Schafer 1 year ago

It's a society thing- if you say 'no' in public, your kid inevitably will scream bloody murder like he's being abused. Then people actually think you're abusing your child, instead of parenting them. I know because I do say 'No.' They do learn they can't have everything- but not until they try all the screaming and tantrums they can come up with. The judgment from the young people who think you're beating your kids! The judgment from the older generation that thinks you should be beating your kids! The 'can I help you manage your kid better' people.. Argh --please!! --I am managing my kid! just let me say no to my child without a whole bunch of drama, questioning, and stares. Kids yell- it's not always cuz the parent beats them. Societal chicken and the egg, that one.

4points

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Elizabeth Johnson 1 year ago

My dad told me that he never ordered a cripple for a kid while going on about how me being disabled makes him feel bad.

11points

Karen Philpott 1 year ago

Oh. Ouch . What a cripple in the head your dad is.

7points

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DarkViolet 1 year ago

You didn't choose your disability. But obviously your dad chose his.

3points

Tamra 1 year ago

Jesus christ, that's awful! I hope you're able to find a life of joy, one in which you aren't torn down by him any longer.

3points

Jeff (He/They) 1 year ago

Surprised spanking isn't on the list. Literal physical abuse that many parents still do to this day

4points

Nicole 1 year ago

There were some things my parents did growing up that still haunt me today. It's especially worse with my mom. She would have video "evidence" that she was a good mom, but the memories I have remind me other wise. My mom would be so busy with work, when she came home, she was mentally checked out. I remember my mom telling me to shut up a lot or go play when I wanted her attention. She still calls me and my sister ungrateful and stuff and she's always saying "I guess I'm just a terrible mom". And when I would bring stuff up, she would blow me off. My dad wasn't as bad, but he was still mentally absent. The difference is my dad has changed and I feel like I can trust him more than my mom. Currently, I'm 17 (f) and getting ready to go to college. We still fight virtually every day

4points

Alex Martin 1 year ago

My childhood was lonely, I felt unwanted and ignored. My young adulthood was similar. My mom and I battled during my teen years. She was happy going out with my step-dad, drinking, tuning us out, and saying terrible things when she was drunk. I hid from her. I got a job and made sure I worked in the evenings so I didn't interact with them much. I didn't count on her for anything, it helped. They provided shelter and I took care of my own needs. My suggestion is to go to college. Find someone (counselor, therapist, clergy) to help you work through your home issues. Grow up and try to be the partner/parent that you wished you had as a kid. Maintain as much or as little contact with your mom as you can handle emotionally. Don't let a c**p childhood lead to a c**p adulthood.

5points

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Deson 1 year ago

Something that my parents did that I'll never forget. They hit me with the "You can talk to us about anything." Then a few days later my Mother told me that "All of your friends are druggies and hoodlums and you should just get rid of them and get new ones." They had never even met what few friends I had and only worked with what they heard about them via Gossip.

2points

nachocheesefries 1 year ago (edited)

Parents who shove an iPad/phone in their kid's face instead of giving them love and attention, and y'know, RAISING them.

2points

Annalyn Nielsen 1 year ago

Parents should express their feelings to their kids more often, it makes a huge difference in the relationship between parents and their children 👶👧👦

2points

My O My 1 year ago

And I want to include positive and negative feelings! From "I'm happy as can be! Can I hug you reeeaaally tight sweetie?" to "I am sad right now because my favourite plate broke. I need a little me time."

0points

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Lovemyisland ️ 1 year ago

I agree with almost all of them, seeing this makes me appreciate my mom so much. Even thou she does not fall into the good mother role of everyone, because she would not play and spank us, gotta love a Puertorican mom ❤️🤗

2points

Brittany Copeland 1 year ago

Involving your kid in your break up drama and taking it out on them because you can't get a rise out of the other parent. My parents split was pretty nasty and it was before I was born. Mom never let it get her down, never demanded anything from him, keeps in touch with his family so they could be a part of my life etc. He on the other hand always tried to start something, sued for custody and failed (judge realized there was no child support and fixed that), refused to do more than what was legally required no matter whatvit was (he got me for the summers, I remember one year mom sent money with me because I was going through a growth spurt and ended up spending the entire summer walking around in thick pants and long sleeve shirts cuz he refused to take me to get clothes for 4 months), in the end I went no contact after he called be a gold digger just like my mom because I was telling him about how I was figuring out finances for college. It's been 10 years now, haven't heard a peep

1point

Krysta Pandoo 11 months ago

You're a bad parent if that piece of s**t kid that ruins my lessons is yours. F**k you and your s**t kid.

0points

Skp2MyLou 1 year ago

Out of curiosity I read thru this listing because my son, now 29, doesn't have anything to do with me and I can't figure out why. I did all the good things in this list and none of the bad. I also protected him a great deal from an alcoholic, drug using dad who couldn't give a s**t about him unless it served him and his need for attention. When I divorced his dad, it's like someone flipped a switch. Suddenly the dad he used to beg me to divorce was the greatest in the world and I was the c**p parent. He was 19 when he did this to me and refuses to even discuss this in joint therapy. When I had the chance, I asked him earnestly to tell me what I'd done so I could work on it and make things better for him. The most I could get was an angry look and,,"You know what you did." I'd really like to work on it with him in therapy because if I'm unknowingly doing something wrong I'd like to fix it for him! I have no idea why he hates me so much and he won't tell me!

-1point

DrKimball 1 year ago

I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, but you deserve it. The fact that you can't understand and refuse to accept any wrong doing means that your son made the right choice by cutting you out of his life. I can assure you that he is happier and healthier now that you are not present in his world. You need to seek therapy and find a way to accept fault for everything you've done to him. Leave him alone. He doesn't want to hear from you and every time you reach out, it is causing him to hurt all over again. If you really love him, you will respect the distance. But I am guessing this isn't about love for you, so again, get into therapy and figure out how to accept the blame and move on.

1point

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