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36 People Share What Traits Show A Person Wasn't Loved By Their Parents Enough As A Child One thing that I know I did a lot is have an extremely exaggerated personality because of how bad your social anxiety is. You constantly think everyone is judging you, so you have this carefully calculated sort of facade. You seem funny and spontaneous and extroverted, easy to talk to and friendly, basically you become that quirky weird kid. You try so hard to be funny and likable, be just weird enough but in a sort of funny way, so that people will like you. Then you get home and are absolutely drained because you really have no social battery but force yourself to have one because that's what your carefully crafted personality calls for. You seem spontaneous and funny but really every move is carefully calculated.

69frogs , Lisa Report

Final score:

317points

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aj 3 years ago

In people on the autism spectrum this is adapting to the people/situation around you is also called "masking"

118points

To find out just how exactly our upbringing affects us later in life, Bored Panda reached out to Susan Petang, a certified life coach from “The Quiet Zone Coaching,” teaching women how to stop feeling overwhelmed and start waking up happy in the morning again.

“The relationship we have with our parents is super important,” Susan stated and continued: “When we're children, the adults in our lives are our role models. They show us what it's like to be mothers and fathers, wives and husbands, and how to handle problems, stress, and difficulty.” According to her, we emulate their behavior, whether we realize it or not.

36 People Share What Traits Show A Person Wasn't Loved By Their Parents Enough As A Child You don’t miss them, like at all.

flimsygator23 , Keenan Constance Report

Final score:

299points

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Two Silly Pups 3 years ago

Wow, this one hit home 🤔

97points

36 People Share What Traits Show A Person Wasn't Loved By Their Parents Enough As A Child I've had two girlfriends who were able to cry completely silently. Not just a few tears, but full ugly, balling your eyes out crying, with absolutely zero noise.

The first one I knew about her past, but the second I was completely blindsided. She didn't speak about her past, but had said that other than 'occasionally arguing' with her father she's has a good enough childhood. When I saw it, it absolutely sent chills down my spine, and I immediately knew. When I later asked her about it, and mentioned that people only learn that out for quite narrow reasons, the flood gates opened I learned more about her childhood than I was ready to.

CreativeSun0 , Claudia Wolff Report

Final score:

298points

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Sheila McEnany Markowitz 3 years ago

I too, learned how to cry silently for fear of an ex who would get more angry and abusive if he caught me actually crying and making noise. Happily, I have been with my husband for 12 years now, and he loves me, crying or laughing. Also happy to say the latter occurs much more often than the former.

198points

36 People Share What Traits Show A Person Wasn't Loved By Their Parents Enough As A Child Not liking or loving yourself.

Being able to identify people by their foot steps, the sound of their car outside, how they move around the house, etc.

microfabvcxgvb , Sofia Alejandra Report

Final score:

285points

POST

teal&pink 3 years ago

holy crap I do this, I can tell who is walking down the halls and how angry they are and so my mind goes to danger levels...s**t.

145points

Moreover, Susan warned that lack of attention and affection can cause all kinds of emotional dysfunction later in life. “Lack of self-esteem and the inability to communicate, resolve problems, and manage stress are just some of the problems that can result.”It’s important to understand that what “we observe as children guides our behavior later in life,” Susan said.

“If our parents didn't get along with others, we probably won't, either; if the adults in our lives were distant, remote, critical, or negative, the chances are high that we'll do the same.”

36 People Share What Traits Show A Person Wasn't Loved By Their Parents Enough As A Child Constantly apologising for basically existing.

thescreamingtree , Liza Summer Report

Final score:

233points

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Caro Caro 3 years ago (edited)

The physically abused tend to do this. That startled look and an immediate apology. God, the things people do to others, it's depressing.

64points

36 People Share What Traits Show A Person Wasn't Loved By Their Parents Enough As A Child Not being able to self validate. No one taught you how to be confident and sure of yourself.

Poor decision making/indecisive.

Insecure attachments.

dragonborne123 , Ethan Sykes Report

Final score:

231points

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Lauren Caswell 3 years ago

Ouch I'm feeling called out all over this article. Interesting though

48points

ZestycloseTomato5015 , Vidal Balielo Jr. Report

36 People Share What Traits Show A Person Wasn't Loved By Their Parents Enough As A Child Being shocked when a “kid” says how much they love their parent and they mean everything to them and the parent is loving and affectionate

Final score:

231points

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NoodleBear 3 years ago

I was surprised to see how loving and caring my boyfriend’s parents are, along with how welcoming of a home they had. And the cool thing is that they’ve treated me as their own, I’ve been able to have the parent relationships that I’ve wanted for so long and I’m very grateful for that

110points

“It's also possible that we'll become the extreme opposite of our parents. For example, a girl who has an emotionally unavailable mom might decide that she's not going to be like her mother—and might end up being used and taken advantage of emotionally, instead.”

If you’re wondering, Susan assured us that it doesn't mean that you're doomed to a miserable life if your parents weren't warm and fuzzy. “Even if your childhood role models were poor, it's still possible to learn how to have healthy relationships and positive behavior,” the life coach concluded.

36 People Share What Traits Show A Person Wasn't Loved By Their Parents Enough As A Child My special talent is breaking into full-on hysterics in total silence *with my bedroom open* and then less than 2 minutes later, walk out of my room and nobody has a clue I just had a total breakdown.

I cried myself to sleep most my 26 years so you just get used to it and forget it's not normal.

Secret_Life_Shh , Alex Green Report

Final score:

225points

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Chaotic-Pansexual (she/they) 3 years ago

My habit is to hide in the bathroom and have a silent meltdown, then panic over how I’m gonna fix my face before I leave the room. Usually results in cold water and eye drops being on hand.

6points

#10

36 People Share What Traits Show A Person Wasn't Loved By Their Parents Enough As A Child Constant need of approval by an authority figure. For example, trying to constant please your history teacher that kind reminds of your dad, so everytime he grades you well you feel like you accomplished something, even though he's just your teacher, not your dad, he won't listen to your problems or be present. He's just grading the tests.

yeri_berry , Taylor Wilcox Report

Final score:

220points

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Samantha Lomb 3 years ago

You might be surprised about the teacher listening. Many of us try to provide an ear for kids in need.

10points

#11

36 People Share What Traits Show A Person Wasn't Loved By Their Parents Enough As A Child Having a huge void in your life where no matter how much love you receive, it’s never enough and you never feel like enough.

… or so I’ve heard.

bedofneuroses , Juan Pablo Report

Final score:

213points

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Anonymousplease 3 years ago

Yeah, I feel this sometimes

24points

#12

36 People Share What Traits Show A Person Wasn't Loved By Their Parents Enough As A Child Having trouble asking for basic needs.

starrygayz , SHVETS production Report

Final score:

202points

POST

Aski Markup 3 years ago

I feel like this all the time. I feel like I'm even forcing my husband to be with me, and asking him for things can be too much much of a bother. Especially if it's for me.

63points

#13

36 People Share What Traits Show A Person Wasn't Loved By Their Parents Enough As A Child difficulty trusting others

squirrel-bear , John Diez Report

Final score:

198points

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AnnaBanana 3 years ago

I trust no-one. Ever.

72points

#14

36 People Share What Traits Show A Person Wasn't Loved By Their Parents Enough As A Child Spending every moment of your waking life, all 20 hours a day of it, overanalyzing everything and everyone for that exact moment they are going to snap and lash out at you.

ayukawataur , Christina Morillo Report

Final score:

195points

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Random Person 3 years ago

I felt this as well....

30points

MesocricetusAuratus , Nik Shuliahin Report

#15

36 People Share What Traits Show A Person Wasn't Loved By Their Parents Enough As A Child They can't mention any achievement without "balancing" it with a mistake.

Your whole family sees you as nothing but a punchline.

The only reason you fear them outliving you is that they'd use your funeral as an excuse to humiliate you even further in front of people who actually cared.

Final score:

192points

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~hUmMuS vIbEs~ 3 years ago

This is awful. You deserve so much credit for every achievement and accomplishment.

59points

#16

36 People Share What Traits Show A Person Wasn't Loved By Their Parents Enough As A Child Seeing your phone ringing with your parents name and having an anxiety attack about answering.

HiddenSecrets , priscilladupreez Report

Final score:

185points

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Caro Caro 3 years ago

This is horrible, the overbearing parent that make's you break out in a sweat.

38points

#17

36 People Share What Traits Show A Person Wasn't Loved By Their Parents Enough As A Child Flinching up and closing everything out when someone yells or gets mad at me or something I did.

Ok-Resort-6054 , Dmitry Vechorko Report

Final score:

175points

POST

AnnaBanana 3 years ago

Yep, I do this. Shouting at me causes an instant shutdown. Left overs from an abusive marriage, even though I've been divorced for 20 years.

59points

a_smol_berry 3 years ago

Congrats for getting away, there’s more steps to get fully away but I’m hoping you’re getting the help you need. No one should go through something like that alone.

2points

Lauren Caswell 3 years ago

Even sudden movement, like someone beside me putting on their seatbelt

7points

Jo Choto 3 years ago

If someone moves their arm up suddenly, I still twitch like I'm going to be hit. I'm 55.

6points

Calyx Teren 3 years ago

They missed a key item: In a serious relationship, needing to press someone until they snap very early on because you have to know what happens when they lose it. You can’t relax until you know what to expect.

3points

Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago

Any prolonged stress results in PTSD, not just war or sexual assault. Having someone constantly yelling at you for things that aren’t anybody’s fault, or twisting every little detail so it makes you look like the bad guy when the reality is they are the bad guy, or punishing you for not reading their mind, especially when they change their minds constantly, and often seemingly on purpose after you try really hard to anticipate every single one of their wants and needs, just to make sure you are always wrong.

3points

Carol Emory 3 years ago

I think you just answered why my husband sits and stares at the floor when we argue. His father was the type of person that would lose his crap on anyone that showed any weakness around him. It might have been the way my husband learned to cope with it.

3points

Stephanie Cunningham 3 years ago

Or just when someone yells in general. I spent a lot of my childhood either being yelled at, or listening to my family members fighting, and now conflict makes me incredibly anxious. Even a contentious meeting at work can make me break out in cold sweat.

2points

Rocky Labonte 2 years ago

This from a parent and after therapy wen I hear it I just walk away and go away

1point

D. Pitbull 3 years ago

I do this. I FEEL the shutters just closing up inside. When I finally told someone (who would screech-owl into the phone to me all day) the response was to *yell more* about how that's not their problem.

1point

June 3 years ago (edited)

Proudest moment: when I told him to leave because he yelled at me for no reason. I can't stand anymore people yelling. There is no room for them in my life. (Took me 36 years)

1point

angied4liberty 3 years ago

Or breaking into silent tears...

1point

HooowlAtTheMoon 3 years ago

When I get yelled at or someone gets mad at me I immediately go full antisocial, won't talk, won't look at you, etc.

1point

Jada Sherman 3 years ago

Yup this is me I flinch whenever my brother is in trouble and he moves or someone else does

1point

sierra hofmann 3 years ago

Any extreme anxiety (especially because of conflict makes me shut down so hard that I get tired. Not just tired but cant stay awake. Its bizarre.

1point

My O My 3 years ago

Sounds like you're dissociating

0points

Unnamed Hooman 3 years ago (edited)

My instinct is cover my face with my elbows, if anyone even raises their hand slightly near me, I cover my face

1point

Far_Rhubarb7177 6 days ago

Yes, closing up. I grew up with a parental unit who would regularly lecture me for long stretches at a time, sometimes progressing to shouting at me. This continued well into my adulthood, even though I’m neither financially supported nor subsidized by this person, nor have I been for decades. So early on, I learned to turn a deaf ear to the lecturing parent, instead going entirely somewhere else mentally. It became a basic survival instinct for this situation.

0points

Rogue Angel 2 years ago

I hate shouting. It makes me instantly angry and I will lash out at whoever is shouting, even if it's not at me.

0points

Angel Prosser 2 years ago

Yup

0points

GumshoeComix 3 years ago

:( this hit hard

0points

GumshoeComix 3 years ago

honestly that picture is just scary to me

0points

Bisexual Bi Myself (she/her) 3 years ago

I thought this was a normal reaction to anger?

0points

Carole Hamilton 3 years ago

up until I got married, I would put my arm up to protect my head when anyone was turning round to back the car up, or raised a hand

0points

Riley Quinn 3 years ago

Because of all the childhood abuse, I grew up to be very, very angry. And reactive. It's wise not to yell at me for any reason at any time.

0points

Amanda Hunter 3 years ago

I freak out if I hear a raised voice, it brings back my parents arguments and brawls.

0points

Catherine McClarin 3 years ago

Mom was a rageaholic. To this day, I freeze when someone yells at me or accuses me of something. I can't respond. Later, I think of what I should say. The only exception to this was when I had to deal with angry customers or supervise difficult employees. I was able to totally keep my cool and feel JUST FINE.

0points

Claire Murray 3 years ago

Mmmhmm

0points

Susan Mercurio 3 years ago

I have PTSD from this.

0points

Cody Engelke 3 years ago

Whenever someone yells or otherwise does something rude to me, I completely shut down, sometimes for several hours. During this time, I won't speak more than two words to anyone, and I will deliberately avoid the person who caused it. Call it what you want, but it gets the point across. It takes a LOT to make me mad, so others usually realize it.

0points

Caroline Driver 3 years ago

Oh god yeah.

0points

Elizabeth Sieben 3 years ago

Just the upset walk does it, you can tell just by the way someone is walking if they are pissed. Even out shopping i freeze.

0points

Eb 3 years ago

I still flinch when someone moves suddenly near me, and so do my sisters. 40 years ago but the body remembers.

0points

Viviane 3 years ago

People getting angry at me has been a hard one for me. When I was a kid, my mother was often angry at me - so that meant hitting (until I was 10) and name-calling. I ended up thinking anger was dangerous and repressed it. It took a therapist to make me realize that anger isn't necessarily bad - what's important is how one channels it and it can be expressed in different ways.

0points

Cherie Rigby 3 years ago

I actually get legit triggered by others raising their voice in an angry tone. I will shake, get all sweaty and have a panic attack and hide

0points

Orillion 3 years ago

Hell, I'll start feeling guilty when someone else gets yelled at, let alone me.

0points

Tee Witt 3 years ago

All my life I have burst into tears when someone shouts at me for any/no reason. Unfortunately this lasts a lifetime.

0points

Lucky2BAlive. 3 years ago

I am 55 and still do this. I can’t do yelling. I would rather someone take a swing at me than yell at me.

0points

Enby.Minecraft.Bee. 3 years ago (edited)

Me. Ill start crying in response, Or when you flinch when someone raises their arm.

0points

Chaotic-Pansexual (she/they) 3 years ago

Yep

0points

Paul Ryan 3 years ago

Das me

0points

Anonymousplease 3 years ago

I'll do this sometimes whe. Someone walks by me

0points

#18

36 People Share What Traits Show A Person Wasn't Loved By Their Parents Enough As A Child Constantly feeling like everyone has a problem with you even if you have no reason to believe such thing. I have great roommates and they're some of my best friends, but at times I feel that they hate me. I know they don't, I have no reason to believe such things, but when I wake up I sometimes believe that my friends absolutely hate me. In response to these emotions I tend fo work very hard to try and get them to "like me", I'll buy them food, or surprise them with things I know they'll like. It eats away at me but even more I tend to believe everyone I meet for the first time hates me. Constantly I need people to tell me they're not mad at me, I need to be reassured, it's a dreadful feeling.

itsbeenawhlLe , Polina Zimmerman Report

Final score:

168points

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Kate 3 years ago

This is me. This is hard to read.

55points

#19

36 People Share What Traits Show A Person Wasn't Loved By Their Parents Enough As A Child - Not knowing how to take a compliment, because you're waiting for the other shoe to drop like, "you're so smart. So, why aren't you doing better in school?" It's better to deny the compliment.

- Feeling a constant need to placate, mediate, intervene, and concede to avoid arguments. You don't like to see other people fighting or for them to be angry at you, so you do your best to make other people happy, to reduce your anxiety.

- Learning to walk silently, avoid interrupting people, talking softly, and just generally avoid sticking out because you fear that confrontation is the first step to abuse.

- Doing kind things to people, but being unable to say kind things. Love means providing things like food and shelter and clothes, but not gentle words, because you didn't learn them.

- Surrounding yourself with toxic friends, because that's "normal". Your loved ones are supposed to take advantage of you and be mean, if they follow it up with something equally nice after.

- Having an abusive or neglectful significant other because you've learned to associate love with being hurt or neglected. You don't deserve constant love all the time from your partner. People hurt you sometimes, but you still love them. Being uncared for when you need to be comforted isn't the worst thing, when negative attention means feeling worse than being alone.

yakusokuN8 , Rosie Sun Report

Final score:

151points

POST

oddkiddo 3 years ago

<3 This feels "familiar"..

39points

Dutch Swimmer Goes Viral For Super Revealing Trunks During 2024 Olympics: “Is This Legal?”

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Thrill-Seeking Diver Jumps Down Extreme Waterslide, Ignoring The Strict Ban For Women

#20

36 People Share What Traits Show A Person Wasn't Loved By Their Parents Enough As A Child I seek the empathy I didn't have, I try not to overshare but it's hard when you're starving, but I do have good boundaries otherwise.

BenedithBe , Polina Zimmerman Report

Final score:

145points

POST

Helen Haley 3 years ago

The verbal diarrhea is real. Inappropriate oversharing. Sometimes for empathy and sometimes trying to explain some reaction you've had or action you've taken. Even though, nobody wants to know.

70points

#21

36 People Share What Traits Show A Person Wasn't Loved By Their Parents Enough As A Child People pleasing

___Changeling , Sam Lion Report

Final score:

129points

POST

Lucky2BAlive. 3 years ago

To the point of physical exhaustion. And it’s still never enough.

35points

#22

36 People Share What Traits Show A Person Wasn't Loved By Their Parents Enough As A Child They said” I have to love you, but I don’t have to like you” I was 7

AnonymousHeyoka , Dimitri Report

Final score:

128points

POST

Kristal 3 years ago

Is "I always love you but I don't like you right now" similar or different? (Why?)

34points

#23

36 People Share What Traits Show A Person Wasn't Loved By Their Parents Enough As A Child Oversharing. Not being able to set boundaries.

icepacket , Jessica Da Rosa Report

Final score:

120points

POST

Leo Domitrix 3 years ago

Or having boundaries so strict that you acn't share.

31points

polardbear48 , tima-miroshnichenko Report

#24

36 People Share What Traits Show A Person Wasn't Loved By Their Parents Enough As A Child I work in schools and I find often kids will purposely get themselves into trouble to get attention from the staff because they're starved for attention at home

Final score:

111points

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Caro Caro 3 years ago

Parents staring at their phone or the bloody tv.

25points

Woman Put A Water Fountain With A Camera In Her Yard, Here Are 24 Photos Of Regular Visitors (New Pics)

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“Ma’am I Live Here”: Woman Refuses To Back Out Of Driveway, Learns A Lesson The Hard Way

#25

36 People Share What Traits Show A Person Wasn't Loved By Their Parents Enough As A Child Insecure attachment (both avoidant and anxious). Love and/or sex addiction.

leopardessa , Trinity Kubassek Report

Final score:

106points

POST

AnnaBanana 3 years ago

Sex addiction when I was younger. Hated myself so much that I thought the only things I had going for me were a pretty face and a body I was willing to give away.

54points

#26

36 People Share What Traits Show A Person Wasn't Loved By Their Parents Enough As A Child Overly defensive about everything. Always trying to defend yourself for things you know are in the right. I.e (My room is already clean why are you even yelling, or stop telling me to do things I already do) I only know this because I’m always put in situations like this and allow other people’s words to have power over me

Shintaigou , Alex Green Report

Final score:

106points

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Helen Haley 3 years ago

Yup. This one hurts. This one hit close to home.

25points

#27

36 People Share What Traits Show A Person Wasn't Loved By Their Parents Enough As A Child Please, for the love of God, laugh at my [lame] jokes and listen to me talk in circles for way too long while I try to kid myself I’m making an interesting point

skippingrope , Jonathon Burton Report

Final score:

103points

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Paul Ryan 3 years ago

Das me

20points

#28

36 People Share What Traits Show A Person Wasn't Loved By Their Parents Enough As A Child feeling the need to create a false, altered version of events to tell to people, and then realizing that the actual version of events was A) perfectly acceptable and B) makes more sense than the fabricated version of events. so f***ed up

bestmincraftruknow , Sam Lion Report

Final score:

103points

POST

Leo Domitrix 3 years ago

Telling truth can get you into trouble. You don't do it. Abused people become excellent story-tellers.

58points

50 Of The Most Incredible Shots That Were Submitted To The Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards

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#29

36 People Share What Traits Show A Person Wasn't Loved By Their Parents Enough As A Child Having a parental unit tell you multiple times that they "never wanted kids"

having them yell at you for not understanding how to do math problems when you're just learning them.

Having them talk more to the father of your child than they do to you.

Praising themselves for your accomplishments that have nothing to do with them and any hobby or activity is because "you take after me".

sometimesIhatemylife , Pixabay Report

Final score:

103points

POST

AnnaBanana 3 years ago

Ugh. The "you take after me" thing...my biological mother does that and it drives me CRAZY.

39points

Rozlun_The_Monster , Stefan Vladimirov Report

#30

36 People Share What Traits Show A Person Wasn't Loved By Their Parents Enough As A Child When you marry into a family and you completely shut down at family gatherings because you don’t know how to insert yourself into conversations because this family actually loves each other. And all you know is that you were told that no one wants to hear about you and they only want to talk about themselves so you have to be the giving person but then feeling sad that no one took the time to ask you about yourself. Feeling bad for feeling sad or lonely but thinking you also deserve it because you must be selfish if you feel negatively about people just not asking about you even though you put so much effort into talking about them that you know good and well they likely never had the opportunity. Censoring your own art because you had to do that where you grew up, but if someone stumbles upon your art and praises you for it you freeze up because you have no idea what to do about it.

Final score:

99points

POST

Caro Caro 3 years ago

You know, my ex sil had (was) borderline ... she couldn't handle being with our loud and goofy family. She would sometimes hide in the loo the poor girl. Once she got to know us we heard some stories that even today still piss me off.

31points

Woman Moves Out Of Parents' Home After They Asked Her To Give Her Space To Brother, They Freak Out

See Also on Bored Panda

Mom Leaves $250k Inheritance To Son, Throws A Fit When Daughter Stops Looking After Her

#31

36 People Share What Traits Show A Person Wasn't Loved By Their Parents Enough As A Child Working extra hard to get your parents attention (getting good grades, making their favorite food, etc) just to get acknowledge that you too are part of the family and you are also important as well.

unforgivablenope , Oladimeji Ajegbile Report

Final score:

99points

POST

Rose Yellow Mint 3 years ago

I was doing this till last year. And then at last i accepted that whatever i do they would never appreciate.. then i relieved, yes really :) Because just after that i started to focus on myself, my own beauties and abilities

37points

Affectionate-End1989 , mart-production Report

#32

36 People Share What Traits Show A Person Wasn't Loved By Their Parents Enough As A Child No activities or visits

Final score:

97points

POST

Caro Caro 3 years ago (edited)

Being lonely is horrible. We should be more aware of people around us. The neighbour alone needs a visit and if elderly a visit and a quick check to see if he/she is ok. I live 5 hours drive from my elderly mum and I can't always visit. She is lucky to have friends and good neighbours who pop by for a cuppa or phone for chit chat. They pick her up for shopping. I am so grateful for these kind people.

31points

Thebestnumberispoop , Mojtaba Ravanbakhsh Report

#33

36 People Share What Traits Show A Person Wasn't Loved By Their Parents Enough As A Child Compulsively apologizing for minor/non-existent transgressions, just so people don't lash out at you. Perceiving every compliment as back handed. Eating as quickly as possible because you know someone is gonna throw your plate on the floor and force you to finish eating it.

Final score:

97points

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Caro Caro 3 years ago

Abuse and neglect as well. People should take a test before being allowed to become a parent.

35points

#34

36 People Share What Traits Show A Person Wasn't Loved By Their Parents Enough As A Child Stealing - my sister was always told she was 'too expensive' to take care of now she literally will steal even if she has money in her pocket.

Shortyrocks256 , Emil Kalibradov Report

Final score:

93points

POST

Mieke 3 years ago

Wow! This is such an eye-opener for me, and explains sooooooo much. Thank you.

26points

Woman Refuses To Chip In For Babysitting Because She Doesn’t Even Have Kids, Asks If She’s A Jerk

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#35

36 People Share What Traits Show A Person Wasn't Loved By Their Parents Enough As A Child All my childhood memories are with the cleaner and her husband

fifadex , Andrea Piacquadio Report

Final score:

77points

POST

Random Person 3 years ago

Oh... wow.... hope you have a better life now

23points

#36

36 People Share What Traits Show A Person Wasn't Loved By Their Parents Enough As A Child Acting like a bully as a grown adult

rocket___goblin , Yan Krukov Report

Final score:

60points

POST

Fxnglhl 3 years ago

i feel like i'm acting like a bully and i'm only 13.

18points

Liucija Adomaite is a creative mind with years of experience in copywriting. She has a dynamic set of experiences from advertising, academia, and journalism. This time, she has set out on a journey to investigate the ways in which we communicate ideas on a large scale. Her current mission is to find a magic formula for how to make ideas, news, and other such things spread like a virus.

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I'm the Visual Editor at Bored Panda, responsible for ensuring that everything our audience sees is top-notch and well-researched. What I love most about my job? Discovering new things about the world and immersing myself in exceptional photography and art.

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What do you think ?

POST

Lauren Caswell 3 years ago

Hugs to all the pandas who found themselves on this list in some form or another ❤

70points

Caro Caro 3 years ago

And HUGS back Lauren.

25points

Leo Domitrix 3 years ago

Thank you, Lauren. My dad still gives me nightmares, and he died nearly 30 years ago. He once had me doing something POWs in WW2 did, so I'd "know". He taught me a lot, but a lot of it was *fear*.

6points

Space whale 3 years ago

hugs

1point

Ozacoter 3 years ago

Hugs to all the BPs here that suffer from bad families (parents, spouses etc) or bad mental health.

37points

Raven DeathShade 3 years ago

Thank you, my friend.

10points

Sian Edwards 3 years ago

Some of these resonate with me, but I have to say they aren't all necessarily indicative of an unhappy childhood. I was loved, encouraged, respected as an individual who had their own thoughts and feelings. There was no abuse or neglect, my sister and I were both treated equally. Unfortunately I c*apped out on the genetic lottery because mental illness and personality disorders run on my dad's side of the family (he is absolutely ok, it's like it affects at least one person from each generation going back about 120 years. We can actually trace a path through the family tree based on anecdotal evidence). Sometimes you can have all the love in the world and still feel alone.

28points

Steve Barnett 3 years ago (edited)

Hi Sian. Aspergic, dad's side. Depression? could be either side. Dad's 90, I love him with all my heart and more, why? Because he's my dad, but also, he's gone through everything I’m going through now. My dad had no support for autism, neither have I (Caring for Mental health has a long way to go in the UK, it's appalling). I'm proud of him having to deal with a condition that is challenging. My dad's 90, he is unaware that he has autism, I won't approach this subject with him, as it'd be callous of me to try at this stage of his life.

10points

Steve Barnett 3 years ago (edited)

I’ve always been a disappointment. Affected me then, affects me now. Never encouraged by my parents nor any teachers. Don’t get me wrong my parents love(d) me, I never wanted for anything. It’s just that, I was never given any positive feedback from anyone whilst growing up. Maybe, if I just received the right encouragement, I could've done more with my life.

17points

Caro Caro 3 years ago

Steve, you are not a disappointment. I think you are lovely, really.

10points

Chucky Cheezburger 3 years ago

Maybe this is to general, but I think that being suspicious of someones motives when they do something kind towards you, and feeling like you "owe" something if/when its genuine. And feeling like you should never need help with anything,no matter how much you struggle with it.

11points

Petra Pan 3 years ago

THIS !!

2points

~hUmMuS vIbEs~ 3 years ago

These broke my heart. Some people don't deserve to have kids, because everyone matters and everyone deserves to be loved. Kids have such pure hearts, and it's horrible some have to be exposed to this from a parent. Posts like this remind me to be grateful, and not take my upbringing for granted.

10points

Freya the Wanderer 3 years ago

What a contrast between this posting and the one about spoiled, entitled kids. There is a happy medium between coddling your crotch goblins and tyrannizing them.

1point

Magpie 3 years ago

Being shocked when I spent a weekend with a friend when her father was so nice to her and everyone.

8points

Leo Domitrix 3 years ago

Give yourself permission to grieve over the wrongs done to you. (Best advice I got in therapy.) Don't punish yourself for reactions you were taught to have before you could speak. Like any other habit, you can break it, with time. You may never 100% do so, but the victory is in the trying, IMO.

7points

Petra Pan 3 years ago

YES.

2points

Random Person 3 years ago

I feel some of these...

6points

not your average weirdo 3 years ago

I relate with most of these, but always felt that my parents are kind people, although they can get angry over nothing and make me feel a lil guilty. 🤔

5points

Chip Chipovich 3 years ago

Being a parent is hard, and despite love and care for the children, you can never be sure what a throwaway comment or trivial behaviour can cause, unless you're a trained psychologist, I guess. If you feel loved, forgive your parents the little mistakes they might be making. They're just human. I'm sure my parents loved me, but I still have some issues that I think I can trace back to their behaviour. I'm sure they never wanted to influence me in a bad way. (Of course, if shitty behaviour is deliberate, forgiveness is definitely not required.)

2points

Gurnox 3 years ago

A lot of BPD symptoms in this article. If a lot of it rings true, it's worth getting yourself checked out. Absolutely not to be taken as a diagnosis, but this helped point me in the right direction: https://psychcentral.com/quizzes/borderline-test

5points

MellonCollie 3 years ago

Thank you for that, Gurnox.

3points

Aroace tiger (any pronouns) 3 years ago

Me and my parents have a lovely relationship but I still relate to a lot of this

3points

WatermelonTheDutchie 3 years ago

i don't even have a bad home (i think) and a good many of these hit home for me

3points

not your average weirdo 3 years ago

Same

1point

Aamna Shah 2 years ago

I've never resonated with an article before on BP as much as this one. Minus a few points, I felt like this was written to describe my life. Thank you for validating what feels like a lost struggle at times. Thank you so much.

2points

ejfs 3 years ago

I hate reading these sorts of lists because I am reminded that other people suffered like I did (still do) and I just want to give them all a big hug. The sort of hug that I never got but would have done anything to get.

2points

Memere 3 years ago (edited)

I always felt like an outsider in my family. My parents moved us to a farm when I was 7, but they packed everything up, took my younger siblings & left me behind - all because I had 2-1/2 weeks of school left. My father just didn't want to wait to move. They hadn't sold our house, so there was no deadline to be out, it because it was what *he* wanted. Then in later years, I was always expected to 'set an example' for the siblings, but was humiliated & punished when I made a mistake. I went to bed a few times with welts on my legs from his belt. When I was 14 or 15, my father lectured me for a solid hour over getting in trouble at school, and the final thing he said was "I wish you had never been born, I never wanted you to begin with." I've managed to move on, but I will never forgive him.

2points

Sky Render 3 years ago

The worst part is watching it happen across generations. My grandfather on my father's side was abused as a child, and his mother was abused by his father. My grandfather abused his wife and children. My father abused his wife and children. My mother was abused by her mother. My grandmother on my mom's side was abused by her father. It's a cycle of hurting that can only be stopped with dedicated effort, and the abused tend to be drawn to the abused (meaning that neither one knows how to live without it).

2points

Starcie Burkett 3 years ago

God this one hit HARD! Makes me really look at myself as a parent too, I dont want my kids to feel this way.

2points

Mari 3 years ago

This is my struggle.

0points

Elmie Pumpkinbush 3 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

2points

Memere 3 years ago

Oh, yes! My siblings talk about my father like he was the 'Very Best Dad in the Universe', but the man was verbally & emotionally abusive, self centered, and just plain mean. I don't miss him at all.

0points

Nicole Holt 3 years ago

I couldn't finish this post...too many of those hit too close to home. Feeling anxious now.

1point

Christine M Quigley 3 years ago (edited)

Whoa!! This really hit home for me- oldest of 7, alcoholic father, emotionally and physically abusive mother...Some of these behaviors I'm trying to break as I see they are not healthy for me to continue..But yes, after being a RN for 50+ years, which really 'set' some of these behaviors even more..I've learned a lot about why I act the way I do, constantly seeking approval..

1point

CrunChewy McSandybutt 3 years ago (edited)

This was an interesting list, but it had a lot of responses from people who were suffering from neglect or abuse. I was hoping to see what those outside our experience saw that was a red flag.

1point

Lovin' Life 3 years ago (edited)

I can relate to so many of these. It's sad. SO SAD. Some people just don't deserve to be parents. To this day, at 43 years old, my mom still makes me feel less than but I have learned to set boundaries through counseling and therapy. I am still a people pleaser to this day, and this feed pretty much told me why. Hugs and love to all that can relate to this.

1point

Birgit M 3 years ago

Hugs to you too!

0points

HooowlAtTheMoon 3 years ago

What about always thinking you did something wrong (even little things) and panicking over it until the person you think is mad at you because you did something wrong assures you over and over that its fine and they don't understand why you're freaking out? Because I do that a lot. The other day I hugged my girlfriends sister and then i started freaking out because "what if i wasn't supposed to hug her? i need excuses why i did it if i get questioned about it. my girlfriend isn't answering me bc shes mad i hugged her sister" and then she never brought it up and im still panicking over it even though it seems like literally nothings wrong and ik its a stupid thing to panic over

1point

MoMcB 3 years ago

I can cry silently, absolutely nothing to do with my parents. My abusive ex husband taught me that one.

1point

Charl Marx 3 years ago

Don't get me wrong so many of these are so awful and truly are a direct result of s**t parenting, but as someone with ADHD and spending my childhood being bullied by my peers, I can relate so hard to about 70% of these and I am very fortunate to have had very good parents, not amazing, but very good over all.

1point

Kyndal T 3 years ago

I feel like I should stay off the internet. All these articles (like this one) give me cold chills. I'll add one to this list. Thinking "it wasn't that bad" and "others had it worse so keep it to yourself". I didn't know I was someone to be pitied until I met my husband's parents and made some offhand joke about my childhood and they both stared at me like I'd grown a 2nd head. They've cried for me. I won't. And I still feel like it's not a big deal. But I enjoy telling them things because their reactions let me know how I should feel about it. I might be a robot. Definitely not "normal".

1point

Scarlett 3 years ago

Wait, what the heck? I thought I came from a relatively decent family but I relate to way, way too many of these. Or perhaps it’s my own problem? IDK

1point

kim morris 3 years ago

I got to maybe 12? and couldn't read anymore. Watching anyone succeed on tv. Sports, singing, anything. And hearing them thank their parents for 'all their love and support and I wouldn't be here without their constant love and support'. 'They made sure I went to the best college we could afford'. 'They made sure I had everything I needed'. I was told 'The only reason you want to go to college is to find a husband' and 'I wish we never had kids' as I sat on the stairs in the dark, as dad sat on the couch in the dark, and mom worked second shift. My first memory was waking up, and going down stairs. And dad standingin the hall in his skivvies, and me saying 'Where's Mom?" and he saying 'She's in the hospital!" Why is she in the hospital??" ~'Because you kids drove her crazy" That is my first memory. She was in the hospital , just giving birth to yet another younger sister. I don't remember which one. I have 3 younger, and had 2 older. all sisters. I still suffer from PTSD. I'm 64

1point

Al Christensen 3 years ago

Not being sad at a parent's funeral. Or even being glad they're gone.

1point

Lara M 3 years ago

I wish I could hug every single one of these folks.

1point

bubbles 3 years ago

One could be feeling invalid and at fault for any mental health conditions due to having people throw your diagnoses in you face as an attack.

1point

Mz Phit 3 years ago

Like these posts were written by me and my siblings. I KNEW this list would resonate when I saw the title...

1point

Paula Marowsky 3 years ago

Never really believing someone telling nice or kind stuff to you, because deep inside you know you are not worthy... and suspecting that this person wants something...

1point

Jo Choto 3 years ago

I would add, always trying to build meaningful family relationships with others, or trying to insert yourself into an already happy family and feel part of it. It took decades before I understood what I was doing and why. Always trying to replace something I never had.

1point

Louise Cunliffe 2 years ago

wow - so many of these resonate with me. bit of a soggy mess right now

0points

Tobias the Tiger 2 years ago

As someone whose stepmother is one of the worst people I've ever met, a lot of these hit really close to home. (She's just as horrible to me as she is to my dad, so he can't do much about it, sadly.)

0points

Totally legit 3 years ago

I stood up for myself recently and caused conflict. I'm proud of myself for daring to do that...

0points

AnimeObsessedTeenager 3 years ago

I don't like how many of these apply/applied to me

0points

Celtic Pirate Queen 3 years ago

WOW. Some of these stories are just heartbreaking. My Dad left when I was 8, but I remember what an abusive alcoholic he was (he was 30+ years sober when he passed away in 2014 and we had long since made peace). In retrospect my childhood wasn't all that bad. Mom was single with 4 kids and we were always broke, but we always knew we were loved.

0points

SilverSkyCloud 3 years ago

im at least half of these

0points

McWiggins 3 years ago

Wow. I've always thought I had an overall positive and loving childhood, no abuse, very lucky. But I very deeply identify with roughly two-thirds of this list. What in the world.

0points

Tahani 3 years ago

I still live at home at 43, daily verbal abuse from my mother, a month sgo she physically hurts me too. She has told me it was about time I dropped dead when I was about 18 or so. I have considered suicide but ai don’t want to give her the satisfaction. There is tons more, but I won’t share it all. I feel my life has been stolen from me.

0points

Charlotte A. 3 years ago (edited)

This reminds me of a friend I had at Uni. She was always very soft spoken and I did kind of figure that her parents probably didn't like their kids raising their voices but I didn't really think any more of it. She would also lie about completely unnecessary things and chose to hang out with people she disliked but thought could be "good connections" rather than people she liked. I stopped hanging with her because of the lies and the way she kept "dumping me" for those friends she didn't actually like. And it was always me asking if we should meet etc. For some reason she'd always admit to me what lies she'd told others. But I kept wondering what lies she were telling me. Anyway, reading this, I wonder if there was a darker background to her story, than I ever fathomed back then.

0points

Lenka Smetanová 3 years ago (edited)

I've had a grandpa, covid taked him away. I like that grandpa as a little girl. But when the time flow, he start to hate me for not being perfect in his eyes. i was an ugly pig, I can't clean properly, I quit a school he choose for me... Then he found a gold digger, and she started to add oil to the fire, she claimed that I was not my fathers (his son) daughter. When I called him and ask ho he was, he said "bad", and then asked me, when I'm going to leave my dad's apartment (I was working and giving him money for the rent). The final end of it was, when my dad selling our summer house, he arrived there, unnoticed, and after some conversation, he start screaming at me, that I and my dad (HIS SON!!!) should go f*ck ourselves. This happened last year. He died like 4 months later. My daddy was sad for it and died 2 months later too. I' crying for my daddy, but for my grandpa... I never shed even a single tear and never feel sad about him. He died alone, only with that f*cking gold digger as his wife, who only loved his money!

0points

LeilaOdinis 3 years ago

Each one of these points rings true with me. I used to feel so broken and unloved - still do sometimes. Finding the right therapist/psychologists helps. Distance and time. It does get better.

0points

Nero Elred 3 years ago

Weeeeeeeelp. That's a few more box ticked than I'm comfortable with.

0points

Caroline Driver 3 years ago

Didn't see a mention of passive aggressiveness, because it's the only way to be angry or get an opinion out without actually saying what you really mean.

0points

Jeremy Dao 3 years ago

We are all the perfect storm in every moment of our lives

0points

Emo Sloth 3 years ago

I- I really hope that people wouldn't have to go through any of this. I hope that if they had, they can remember to love themselves and know they matter. I hope that in the future, this kind of thing will never happpen. It's horrible to love someone and not believe they love you back. But someone out there really do cares. Remember that.

0points

Eve Sonnya 3 years ago

Reading an article and find so many signs😔

0points

Vivaan Samaraweera 3 years ago

Why do I relate to most of these?

0points

Mz Phit 3 years ago

Me too.

0points

Dana M. McIntosh 3 years ago

We promise to love each other for the rest of our lives, we also plan to get married, but suddenly my love broke up with me without saying anything. My heart was broken and I have no where to turn to for help until I meet Spiritists called Dova Saga. Who was so nice in helping me get my lover back in a flash. I just wanted to say a big thanks for helping me, THANKS YOU. I have tried other spell casters and they failed me, I will advise anyone with relationship problem to contact him via: WhatsApp +17278553511 or visit: https://www.facebook.com/dovasagawhitemagictemple. You can still save your marriage if u really love your husband or wife. Divorce is never the Answer.

-2points

Me Oh My 3 years ago

How to confirm my parent's actually didn't love me as much as they said, and I wasn't being an ungrateful s**t my whole childhood: this post.

-3points

Aamna Shah 2 years ago (edited)

You are the ungrateful and judgemental s**t here for speaking on behalf of people whose experiences you trivialize because you think kids undergoing emotional abuse are simply ungrateful whiners. Maybe you're an abuser yourself and that's how you justify your abuse but don't you dare claim to speak on behalf of those whose lives and experiences you know absolutely nothing about nor have the emotional maturity and psychological awareness to empathize with.

2points

Effin Fred 3 years ago

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POST

Lauren Caswell 3 years ago

Hugs to all the pandas who found themselves on this list in some form or another ❤

70points

Caro Caro 3 years ago

And HUGS back Lauren.

25points

Leo Domitrix 3 years ago

Thank you, Lauren. My dad still gives me nightmares, and he died nearly 30 years ago. He once had me doing something POWs in WW2 did, so I'd "know". He taught me a lot, but a lot of it was *fear*.

6points

Space whale 3 years ago

hugs

1point

Ozacoter 3 years ago

Hugs to all the BPs here that suffer from bad families (parents, spouses etc) or bad mental health.

37points

Raven DeathShade 3 years ago

Thank you, my friend.

10points

Sian Edwards 3 years ago

28points

Steve Barnett 3 years ago (edited)

10points

Steve Barnett 3 years ago (edited)

17points

Caro Caro 3 years ago

Steve, you are not a disappointment. I think you are lovely, really.

10points

Chucky Cheezburger 3 years ago

11points

Petra Pan 3 years ago

THIS !!

2points

~hUmMuS vIbEs~ 3 years ago

10points

Freya the Wanderer 3 years ago

What a contrast between this posting and the one about spoiled, entitled kids. There is a happy medium between coddling your crotch goblins and tyrannizing them.

1point

Magpie 3 years ago

Being shocked when I spent a weekend with a friend when her father was so nice to her and everyone.

8points

Leo Domitrix 3 years ago

7points

Petra Pan 3 years ago

YES.

2points

Random Person 3 years ago

I feel some of these...

6points

not your average weirdo 3 years ago

I relate with most of these, but always felt that my parents are kind people, although they can get angry over nothing and make me feel a lil guilty. 🤔

5points

Chip Chipovich 3 years ago

2points

Gurnox 3 years ago

5points

MellonCollie 3 years ago

Thank you for that, Gurnox.

3points

Aroace tiger (any pronouns) 3 years ago

Me and my parents have a lovely relationship but I still relate to a lot of this

3points

WatermelonTheDutchie 3 years ago

i don't even have a bad home (i think) and a good many of these hit home for me

3points

not your average weirdo 3 years ago

Same

1point

Aamna Shah 2 years ago

2points

ejfs 3 years ago

2points

Memere 3 years ago (edited)

2points

Sky Render 3 years ago

2points

Starcie Burkett 3 years ago

God this one hit HARD! Makes me really look at myself as a parent too, I dont want my kids to feel this way.

2points

Mari 3 years ago

This is my struggle.

0points

Elmie Pumpkinbush 3 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

2points

Memere 3 years ago

Oh, yes! My siblings talk about my father like he was the 'Very Best Dad in the Universe', but the man was verbally & emotionally abusive, self centered, and just plain mean. I don't miss him at all.

0points

Nicole Holt 3 years ago

I couldn't finish this post...too many of those hit too close to home. Feeling anxious now.

1point

Christine M Quigley 3 years ago (edited)

1point

CrunChewy McSandybutt 3 years ago (edited)

This was an interesting list, but it had a lot of responses from people who were suffering from neglect or abuse. I was hoping to see what those outside our experience saw that was a red flag.

1point

Lovin' Life 3 years ago (edited)

1point

Birgit M 3 years ago

Hugs to you too!

0points

HooowlAtTheMoon 3 years ago

1point

MoMcB 3 years ago

I can cry silently, absolutely nothing to do with my parents. My abusive ex husband taught me that one.

1point

Charl Marx 3 years ago

1point

Kyndal T 3 years ago

1point

Scarlett 3 years ago

Wait, what the heck? I thought I came from a relatively decent family but I relate to way, way too many of these. Or perhaps it’s my own problem? IDK

1point

kim morris 3 years ago

1point

Al Christensen 3 years ago

Not being sad at a parent's funeral. Or even being glad they're gone.

1point

Lara M 3 years ago

I wish I could hug every single one of these folks.

1point

bubbles 3 years ago

One could be feeling invalid and at fault for any mental health conditions due to having people throw your diagnoses in you face as an attack.

1point

Mz Phit 3 years ago

Like these posts were written by me and my siblings. I KNEW this list would resonate when I saw the title...

1point

Paula Marowsky 3 years ago

Never really believing someone telling nice or kind stuff to you, because deep inside you know you are not worthy... and suspecting that this person wants something...

1point

Jo Choto 3 years ago

1point

Louise Cunliffe 2 years ago

wow - so many of these resonate with me. bit of a soggy mess right now

0points

Tobias the Tiger 2 years ago

As someone whose stepmother is one of the worst people I've ever met, a lot of these hit really close to home. (She's just as horrible to me as she is to my dad, so he can't do much about it, sadly.)

0points

Totally legit 3 years ago

I stood up for myself recently and caused conflict. I'm proud of myself for daring to do that...

0points

AnimeObsessedTeenager 3 years ago

I don't like how many of these apply/applied to me

0points

Celtic Pirate Queen 3 years ago

0points

SilverSkyCloud 3 years ago

im at least half of these

0points

McWiggins 3 years ago

Wow. I've always thought I had an overall positive and loving childhood, no abuse, very lucky. But I very deeply identify with roughly two-thirds of this list. What in the world.

0points

Tahani 3 years ago

0points

Charlotte A. 3 years ago (edited)

0points

Lenka Smetanová 3 years ago (edited)

0points

LeilaOdinis 3 years ago

Each one of these points rings true with me. I used to feel so broken and unloved - still do sometimes. Finding the right therapist/psychologists helps. Distance and time. It does get better.

0points

Nero Elred 3 years ago

Weeeeeeeelp. That's a few more box ticked than I'm comfortable with.

0points

Caroline Driver 3 years ago

Didn't see a mention of passive aggressiveness, because it's the only way to be angry or get an opinion out without actually saying what you really mean.

0points

Jeremy Dao 3 years ago

We are all the perfect storm in every moment of our lives

0points

Emo Sloth 3 years ago

0points

Eve Sonnya 3 years ago

Reading an article and find so many signs😔

0points

Vivaan Samaraweera 3 years ago

Why do I relate to most of these?

0points

Mz Phit 3 years ago

Me too.

0points

Dana M. McIntosh 3 years ago

-2points

Me Oh My 3 years ago

How to confirm my parent's actually didn't love me as much as they said, and I wasn't being an ungrateful s**t my whole childhood: this post.

-3points

Aamna Shah 2 years ago (edited)

2points