There is an online community called r/niceguys that features some of the worst cases of people pretending to be nice, only to put down others when they don’t get their own way. ‘Nice guys,’ no matter their gender, tend to be jealous, controlling, and spiteful.

‘Nice guys,’ like the ones portrayed on the r/niceguys subreddit, as well as other online communities, are all about creating the appearance of being kind, wholesome, and supportive. The reality, unfortunately, is often very different.

They usually have confidence issues that run very deep. They tend to be extremely jealous, and attempt to control who their significant others spend time with.

Their personal insecurities lead to relationships that are very unhealthy because they’re built on a foundation of suspicion and paranoia.

Anyone can tell you that if you take trust out of the equation, you’ve got a relationship that’s pretty much doomed to fail. It’s not really a relationship if you’re always accusing your partner of lying to you or being unfaithful.

In some of the situations presented in this list, there are a few ways to tackle the problems at their source. The first is to have an open and honest conversation with your significant other about their behavior.

Explain your position. Tell them how you feel when they don’t trust you or talk down to you. Set some clear and healthy boundaries. Though, keep in mind, a single conversation won’t save your relationship—it’ll take time and effort for real change to happen.

If that doesn’t work, you may want to consider couples counseling. Having a neutral third party give you a helping hand can work wonders. However, not all relationships can—or should—be saved.

If your partner is physically or emotionally abusing you, reach out to a counselor or an organization for advice specific to your situation. These professionals can support you as you consider what to do next. There is no excuse for abuse.

What separates ‘nice guys’ from everyone else is the lack of genuine confidence. These ‘nice guys’ have a victim mentality and lash out at the people around them when things don’t go their way.

Again, this isn’t gender-specific: anyone can be toxic, it’s not just guys who are jerks.

A while ago, Bored Panda touched on the topic of building a genuine sense of confidence. A fitness expert explained to us that it all comes down to proving that “you’re not a victim.” He suggested focusing on small tasks and small victories at first.

According to the expert, helping others in need, taking care of your health, advancing in your career, and focusing on having a successful relationship are some of the things that will instill a sense of confidence. 

“When you’re successful in one area you build confidence in yourself and that will translate to all of your life,” he said, earlier.

However, positive changes aren’t instant. They take time. The fitness expert noted that “your brain needs proof around your new identity."

"Confidence comes from repetition and mastery. The more you do ANYTHING, the more confident you become. The good news about this is everyone is capable of earning confidence," he explained.

"Responding to failure is all about the story we tell ourselves. Do you tell yourself that you are a failure? Or do you tell yourself you failed, have now gotten feedback, and know how to get better? It’s all our perspective," he pointed out that we control how we respond to criticism and feedback. Some run away from uncomfortable truths. Others use them to grow and become better people, for the sake of their loved ones.

Many men featured on the r/niceguys subreddit are prime examples of toxic masculinity: they have a misogynistic attitude that arises from distorted ideas of what they ‘should’ be like.

A psychotherapist explained to us some time ago that people like that tend to think that men should “never be ‘weak’ or ‘soft’” or vulnerable. People who embody the traits of toxic masculinity feel that they always need to be winners and they tend to look down on women, as well as their rights.