That is an awesome plan

I did not see it going there.. I was thinking swap places so they all return the right car to right place, but they all insist they are the same person who left with it.

I promise gracelynns mom has a live laugh love sign.

Why would every woman fear late marriage? There's plenty who would applaud being able to marry at an age of their choosing instead of quite young. Then there's plenty who don't want to marry at all. I'll stick to checking for snakes, thank you.

Tf? We suddenly started playing Fallout when I wasn’t looking? Where’s my adorable canine companion and my power armour dammit!

Poor Brian. But I'm thinking maybe he deserved it?

I do this

He does tho-

Gordon Ramsey does both. At once.

If you're really desperate, and the "one last drink before you go?" didn't work, leave the room and change into nightwear and return to the room and say "oh well, we're off to bed now."

In an already slightly moldy tub of yoghurt, sitting in the back of the fridge. But in view, only half obscured by a vaguely orange tupperware with some cheese and half a tomato in it, and maybe an almost empty jar of pickles. Stick your hand in there, agent Smith.

Forget astrological signs, tell me your childhood compulsive behaviour foreshadowing lifelong hangups. Mine was never being able to use video game powerups because I might regret not having them later.

Sushi rat = Ratshimi

Jeremy "Son of Lar"

Neighbour keeps hens and a rooster. Henhouse is next to a street light. Light makes the rooster crow, day and night. Roosters only last a year or so before they die of exhaustion.....We are currently in the no rooster phase - yay.

AITA for laughing at this? :D

And maybe Ed Sheeran hears about the incident and writes a song dedicated to you!

I did something similar to prank one of my friends, but it was broccoli. She still talks about it, and has no idea it was me. I'll never tell.

me too! I am in an inn, there are shadowy figures everywhere. my flagon is full and my horse is being tended to...

My cat brought in a baby bird once, and I rescued it from the feline terrorist and nursed it back to health. I put it into a pizza box and named it Pizza.Two days later I released it back into the wild, and watched from the patio as a crow came and carried it away. But I knew the crows in the trees had babies. I was heartbroken but... that's nature. I am still unsure how I feel about that. Moral dilemma.

This is an American thing. Try telling someone how they can decorate their home or garden that they own in the UK and you won't get very far. You'd be laughed out of court.

Reminds me of the time I asked my supervisor to give me all my remaining holiday time just to get away from a toxic workplace as soon and for as long as possible. My first day back supervisor gives me a hearty "So you're relaxed and refreshed now that you're back after your break." no doubt expecting an enthusiastic eager beaver response. I just look him straight in eye and said deadpan "I'm back."

The fact that this is an actual thing that happens a lot, damn! Those deathbed confessions hey! Parcast have a great podcast called Deathbed Confessions

I'm willing to bet that no one is walking down the interstate right now, completely nude except for a pair of buttless chaps, with green Jell-O smeared all over their body, holding a live chicken in one hand and a copy of the 1974, week 42 TV Guide in the other.

Actually that is a fair point. Why do mobile games want access to photo galleries and camera on your phone?

Why would you want to fight them off? Why not just accept what we all know to be true and bow down to our feline overlords? Pet some of the cats while you're down there.

That is now a life goal for me. I didn't have any before. Thank you for this.

Louder for the guys in the back

I'm 64. I've been going through that phase for 61 years.

Sorry... 🤣

You can just say sorry use the one that looks like this : |

ME and my husband all the way

Thank you, I heard they dug my hole up but I hid the body deeper so thanks to you I'm not in jail for murdering the president of Malaysia

I-... I'm kinda blushing rn.

No. I feel like a disappointed English teacher. And like a NORMAL person, I make that duck face and look disappointed, like a student just tried to tell me the real narrative of an over-annotated classic. Duh.

I've told this story before, so forgive me if you've heard it already: had a friend give me her mom's recipe for Coca-Cola cake, then got ticked off when I gave the "secret family recipe" to friends. 1) she never told me it was a secret prior to me giving it out; 2) I bought a cookbook of bake sale recipes a couple decades later, and guess what was in it, almost verbatim?

Jack Black has strong cool uncle energy

🤣

I honestlly think this should be one of the plane rules now.

In my city, right on my block, we have Old Nessa. She is a lovely old lady who quietly drinks in the same spot every afternoon for about three hours. She knows everyone and every piece of gossip. If you want any gossip, give her a cigarette and she'll tell you everything. She is very kind. [Edit: Old Nessa is not homeless. She goes out for a few hours every day to get away from her boyfriend, who she constantly complains about. She's 76yrs old and has a toyboy 20yrs younger. Go Nessa!]

🤣🤣🤣🤣

I would probably love it in Hell. Such a vibrant place

Mrs. Evans would put the weed in her purse, buy a tree and have the best time ever putting those ornaments on.

Reading about Ben Franklin makes me think he would be disappointed you aren't sharing

Where do I sign up? And what do we name it?

43

Utter Madness, I tell you!

Trust Patrick. Or as I know him, Patch the Time Lord. Such a lad.