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Life hacks are awesome. Handy short cuts that let you get the boring stuff done quicker and easier, giving you more time to get on with the more important stuff, like playing with your dog or saving the world.

These life hacks however, are not that. These are parody life hacks, life hacks so creatively useless that the only thing they are good for is making you giggle uncontrollably. Which I guess is an end unto itself right? This is the sequel to our previous pro-tip shit list, which proved wildly popular!

Scroll down the list below and marvel at the absurdity of it all, but whatever you do don’t take any of this terrible advice on board, as some of them are actually pretty dangerous. Do vote for your favourite though!

#1

Don't Throw Out Old Doll Heads. You Can Turn Them Into Handy Night Lights For Your Kids

Don't Throw Out Old Doll Heads. You Can Turn Them Into Handy Night Lights For Your Kids

Improbably_wrong Report

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    #2

    Tired Of Boiling Water Every Time You Make Pasta? Boil A Few Gallons At The Beginning Of The Week And Freeze It For Later

    Tired Of Boiling Water Every Time You Make Pasta? Boil A Few Gallons At The Beginning Of The Week And Freeze It For Later

    datassque Report

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    Lara B.
    Community Member
    7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Genius! I will try that today, saves so much time! Wait...

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    #4

    Eggs Are Really Healthy And Should Be The Foundation Of Your Diet. Don't Like The Taste? Add Cacao, Butter, Flour And Bake For 30 Minutes

    Eggs Are Really Healthy And Should Be The Foundation Of Your Diet. Don't Like The Taste? Add Cacao, Butter, Flour And Bake For 30 Minutes

    toromio Report

    #5

    If You Sleep Till Noon You Only Have To Pay For 2 Meals Instead Of 3

    If You Sleep Till Noon You Only Have To Pay For 2 Meals Instead Of 3

    harriscolten Report

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    Lara B.
    Community Member
    7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If I'd do that, I'd have to sleep until 6pm, as I could only afford to pay for one meal, after getting fired because of my sleeping schedule :D

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    #6

    Batteries Dead In Your Smoke Alarm? Just Use Popcorn As A Smoke Alarm. When You Hear Crackling, Grab Your Popcorn And Get The Hell Out

    Batteries Dead In Your Smoke Alarm? Just Use Popcorn As A Smoke Alarm. When You Hear Crackling, Grab Your Popcorn And Get The Hell Out

    shittyIifetips Report

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    Lara B.
    Community Member
    7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    So you can have a little snack while you watch your house burning down.

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    #7

    If It Works It Isn't Stupid

    If It Works It Isn't Stupid

    maharaja17 Report

    #8

    Use A Snake To Hold Your Pasta Easily

    Use A Snake To Hold Your Pasta Easily

    Tucko29 Report

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    #9

    If Your Car Is Making An Unsettling Noise, Just Turn Your Radio Up Until It Disappears

    If Your Car Is Making An Unsettling Noise, Just Turn Your Radio Up Until It Disappears

    theultimatedoot Report

    #10

    When Cutting Bagels In Half, Put Your Finger Through The Stabilization Hole To Keep It Steady

    When Cutting Bagels In Half, Put Your Finger Through The Stabilization Hole To Keep It Steady

    jaapgrolleman Report

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    Evgeniya Khon
    Community Member
    7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yep you will have a perfectly cut in two bagel and some extra meat and red sauce

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    #11

    Fill Your Arms With Puppies So No One Can Ask You For Help

    Fill Your Arms With Puppies So No One Can Ask You For Help

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    #12

    Pro Tip: If You Stir Coconut Oil Into Your Kale It Makes It Easier To Scrape Into The Trash

    Pro Tip: If You Stir Coconut Oil Into Your Kale It Makes It Easier To Scrape Into The Trash

    Boobooloo Report

    #13

    Having A Shitty Day? Put On Sunglasses! Now You're Having A Shitty Evening

    Having A Shitty Day? Put On Sunglasses! Now You're Having A Shitty Evening

    SkillUpYT Report

    #14

    Fill A Rubber Glove With Warm Water And Put It On Your Hand When You Feel Lonely

    Fill A Rubber Glove With Warm Water And Put It On Your Hand When You Feel Lonely

    gregthegregest Report

    #15

    Use This Hack With Deaf People

    Use This Hack With Deaf People

    robotrowboat Report

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    David Madden
    Community Member
    7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My wife is deaf. This is useful. The misunderstandings we have had have been hilarious. For example, the sign for bug and penis are very damn close.

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    #16

    Want To Get Rid Of Wrinkles Fast? Just Get Bit By A Rattlesnake

    Want To Get Rid Of Wrinkles Fast? Just Get Bit By A Rattlesnake

    kyletells Report

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    Some Body
    Community Member
    7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And then the rattlesnake can hold your pasta whilst you are at the hospital

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    #17

    Want To Turn Your Drink Into Diet? No Problem! Just Push This Button

    Want To Turn Your Drink Into Diet? No Problem! Just Push This Button

    osher32 Report

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    Some Body
    Community Member
    7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When I was a kid I used to think that when you pushed one of the 'buttons' on the lid the drink would change to that type

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    #18

    Add A Touch Of Magic To Your Cold By Putting Glitter In Your Mouth Before You Sneeze

    Add A Touch Of Magic To Your Cold By Putting Glitter In Your Mouth Before You Sneeze

    Report

    #19

    If Your Phone Screen Is Too Small, Put It In Water. It Will Magnify The Screen Up To 200%

    If Your Phone Screen Is Too Small, Put It In Water. It Will Magnify The Screen Up To 200%

    gabewil Report

    #20

    Use This Tip To Save Your Money

    Use This Tip To Save Your Money

    howfemalesact Report

    #21

    Sink Full Of Dirty Dishes? Visitors Imminent? Put Some Clean Dishes In The Dishrack. Now It Looks Like You're Working On It

    Sink Full Of Dirty Dishes? Visitors Imminent? Put Some Clean Dishes In The Dishrack. Now It Looks Like You're Working On It

    TheJoePilato Report

    #22

    Don't Be Afraid To Use Public Bathrooms Ever Again

    Don't Be Afraid To Use Public Bathrooms Ever Again

    j0be Report

    #23

    A Slice Of Red Onion In Your Dvd Drive Is An All-Natural Way Of Protecting Your Computer Against Viruses

    A Slice Of Red Onion In Your Dvd Drive Is An All-Natural Way Of Protecting Your Computer Against Viruses

    thejogging Report

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    Cip IESAN
    Community Member
    7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Mac laptops need no onion, because an apple a day keeps the doctor away!

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    #24

    To Maximize Horsepower On The Highway Shift From 5th Gear To "R" For Racing

    To Maximize Horsepower On The Highway Shift From 5th Gear To "R" For Racing

    gregthegregest Report

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    #25

    If You Put Your Wipers Up Parking Inspectors Are Unable To Give You A Ticket

    If You Put Your Wipers Up Parking Inspectors Are Unable To Give You A Ticket

    untitled02 Report

    #27

    Use Cello Tape As Hands Free Selfie Stick

    Use Cello Tape As Hands Free Selfie Stick

    ripeinmay Report

    #28

    Dress For The Weight You Want, Not The Weight You Have

    Dress For The Weight You Want, Not The Weight You Have

    dustinyo_ Report

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    Lara B.
    Community Member
    7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That must be the most horrible tip of all. An the scary thing is: some people really seem to take that one to heart

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    #29

    Having Trouble Finding A Parking Spot? Turn On Your Hazard Lights To Make Yourself Immune To Traffic Laws, Then Park Wherever You Want

    Having Trouble Finding A Parking Spot? Turn On Your Hazard Lights To Make Yourself Immune To Traffic Laws, Then Park Wherever You Want

    jtumbaco5 Report

    #30

    Don't Have A Flashlight On Your Phone? Take A Picture Of The Sun And Use The Photo To Find Your Way In The Dark

    Don't Have A Flashlight On Your Phone? Take A Picture Of The Sun And Use The Photo To Find Your Way In The Dark

    Samrulesan Report

    #31

    When All The Cups Are Dirty And You're Too Lazy To Clean One

    When All The Cups Are Dirty And You're Too Lazy To Clean One

    Report

    #32

    Use This Simple Tip To Get Free Meals Forever

    Use This Simple Tip To Get Free Meals Forever

    TheSlimyDog Report

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    #33

    Save Hundreds Instantly

    Save Hundreds Instantly

    daftlimmy Report

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    Judy Semmens
    Community Member
    7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I had a couple of boyfriends who did that with birthdays. That way they could get a present for their birthday while saving money on my birthday. It gets a bit obvious when they want to make up shortly after your birthday, then next year it happens again. (Obviously, doing it before Christmas means they also miss out on getting presents.)

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    #34

    This Tiny Tool Can Make Any Pair Of Headphones Wireless

    This Tiny Tool Can Make Any Pair Of Headphones Wireless

    Evan_Giants Report

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    Lara B.
    Community Member
    7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Amazing! So i can just transform my old ones and don't have to pay 200 quid for a wireless pair that i will lose anyway.

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    #35

    In An Awkward/Uncomfortable Situation? Just Moon-Walk Away. People Will Think You Are Walking Towards That, But You Are In Fact Leaving

    In An Awkward/Uncomfortable Situation? Just Moon-Walk Away. People Will Think You Are Walking Towards That, But You Are In Fact Leaving

    Olena Hromova Report

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    Hamdhaan Hassan
    Community Member
    7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    moonwalk out of every problem in life and watch your life get destroyed in style

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    #36

    If You're In A Rush In The Morning, Remember To Save Some Time By Having Breakfast Whilst Cleaning Your Teeth At The Same Time

    If You're In A Rush In The Morning, Remember To Save Some Time By Having Breakfast Whilst Cleaning Your Teeth At The Same Time

    HaveAGoodDay_ Report

    #37

    Plant Your Hot Dog Seeds Now To Guarantee A Healthy Bounty For Your Backyard BBQ

    Plant Your Hot Dog Seeds Now To Guarantee A Healthy Bounty For Your Backyard BBQ

    StupidLullabies Report

    #38

    Tear A Strip Off Of Plastic Cups To Make A Convenient Handle

    Tear A Strip Off Of Plastic Cups To Make A Convenient Handle

    JumpinJalupes Report

    #40

    Not Disabled? Put One Of These On Your Car To Use Disabled Parking Whenever You Like

    Not Disabled? Put One Of These On Your Car To Use Disabled Parking Whenever You Like

    Roland_Sausage Report

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    Lara B.
    Community Member
    7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    With this sign, most people also seem to lose the capability to use their indicator!

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    #42

    Use Condoms As Homemade Waterproof Socks

    Use Condoms As Homemade Waterproof Socks

    Uncle_Retardo Report

    #43

    Nail Art Hack

    Nail Art Hack

    rob-ho Report

    #44

    Here's A Tip For Boys: Put A Pee Stain Down Low On Your Jeans And People Will Think Your Penis Is Longer

    Here's A Tip For Boys: Put A Pee Stain Down Low On Your Jeans And People Will Think Your Penis Is Longer

    Protttt Report

    #45

    When Painting The Outside Of Your House, Use A Fine Detail Brush. Larger Brushes Are Often Lower Quality And Use Far More Paint

    When Painting The Outside Of Your House, Use A Fine Detail Brush. Larger Brushes Are Often Lower Quality And Use Far More Paint

    RecycleYourCats Report

    #46

    Get A Whole Extra Glass Of Juice By Slightly Tilting The Carton

    Get A Whole Extra Glass Of Juice By Slightly Tilting The Carton

    theangrypancake Report

    #47

    Having Trouble Opening A Soda Bottle? Hold It Upside-Down Whilst You Open It. This Will Force All The Gases Away From The Neck Of The Bottle And Make It Much Easier To Open

    Having Trouble Opening A Soda Bottle? Hold It Upside-Down Whilst You Open It. This Will Force All The Gases Away From The Neck Of The Bottle And Make It Much Easier To Open

    lifehackeble Report

    #48

    Use Frozen Vegetables When You Run Out Of Ice

    Use Frozen Vegetables When You Run Out Of Ice

    deviousdishsoap Report

    #49

    Throw It In A Microwave And You Won't Even Be Able To Tell The Difference

    Throw It In A Microwave And You Won't Even Be Able To Tell The Difference

    190IQ_REDDIT_SAGE Report

    #50

    Make Your Car Almost Twice As Fast By Changing It From Mph To Kmh

    Make Your Car Almost Twice As Fast By Changing It From Mph To Kmh

    Bioslayer2k Report

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    #51

    To Make Sure Your Phone Is Nice And Clean, Microwave It For 30 Seconds In The Morning To Get Rid Of All The Bad Bacteria That Might Have Got On It During The Night

    To Make Sure Your Phone Is Nice And Clean, Microwave It For 30 Seconds In The Morning To Get Rid Of All The Bad Bacteria That Might Have Got On It During The Night

    ultowich Report

    #52

    Here's A Simple & Easy Way To Lose Weight Fast. You Can Lose A Ton Of Weight Just By Weighing Yourself While Sitting On The Toilet

    Here's A Simple & Easy Way To Lose Weight Fast. You Can Lose A Ton Of Weight Just By Weighing Yourself While Sitting On The Toilet

    chuckhistory Report

    #53

    Use This When You Want Your Pc To Be Even Faster

    Use This When You Want Your Pc To Be Even Faster

    TheRadmite Report

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    Mikleo
    Community Member
    7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Don't forget to put flame stickers on the side to make it even faster.

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    #54

    Never Lose Your Keys Again

    Never Lose Your Keys Again

    Fckuu Report

    #55

    Fire Extinguishers Can Be Damaged So To Keep It Safe Have It In A High Place That's Out Of Reach So It Will Be Ready When You Need It

    Fire Extinguishers Can Be Damaged So To Keep It Safe Have It In A High Place That's Out Of Reach So It Will Be Ready When You Need It

    gcbkkm2007 Report

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    Suzanne Marriott
    Community Member
    7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This one is real! By law, the laundromat has to have a fire extinguisher on the premise. They probably had problems with theft and vandalism.

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    #56

    Never Slip In The Winter Anymore By Piercing Screwdrivers Through Your Wheels

    Never Slip In The Winter Anymore By Piercing Screwdrivers Through Your Wheels

    HahaUrGay Report

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    Kiahna
    Community Member
    7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is an expensive post. Wheels aren't cheap! Neither are screwdrivers!

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    #57

    Inform An Officer You Are Carrying A Handgun Like This

    Inform An Officer You Are Carrying A Handgun Like This

    Luke Soderling Report

    #58

    How To Make Your Own Quesadilla Wallet In 3 Super Easy Steps

    How To Make Your Own Quesadilla Wallet In 3 Super Easy Steps

    notquitestrongbad Report

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    Sherrie Glendening
    Community Member
    7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And when someone tries to rob you, just give him the quesadilla without the cash and cards. He won't even notice.

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    #59

    Replace Your Treadmill Belt With Sandpaper For Better Traction While Running

    Replace Your Treadmill Belt With Sandpaper For Better Traction While Running

    DuctTapeNinja99 Report

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    Kiahna
    Community Member
    7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This gives me nightmares, I once slipped my hand when using one of these in school. My nail only took a few weeks to grow back.

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    #60

    Coffee Got Cold? Heat It Up Quick On The Stove

    Coffee Got Cold? Heat It Up Quick On The Stove

    Tiraffe Report

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    #61

    The Iphone 7 Does Has A Headphone Jack! It's Just Hidden Behind The Casing. All You Have To Do To Access It Is To Drill A Small Hole 14mm From The Left Edge. The Drill Shouldn't Be Larger Than 4mm

    The Iphone 7 Does Has A Headphone Jack! It's Just Hidden Behind The Casing. All You Have To Do To Access It Is To Drill A Small Hole 14mm From The Left Edge. The Drill Shouldn't Be Larger Than 4mm

    Jdabby32 Report

    #62

    If You Need To Rob A Bank And Don't Have A Stocking, Use An Extra Large Condom Instead

    If You Need To Rob A Bank And Don't Have A Stocking, Use An Extra Large Condom Instead

    rodent999 Report

    #63

    Turn One Cigarette Upside Down And Smoke It Last. This "Lucky Cigarette" Will Prevent You From Getting Cancer

    Turn One Cigarette Upside Down And Smoke It Last. This "Lucky Cigarette" Will Prevent You From Getting Cancer

    Baddudes Report

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    Judy Semmens
    Community Member
    7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Back in the 1980s I knew someone who did this. I think his reasoning was that if you had dirty fingers you could take that one without getting the dirt on the filter, and you could pinch off the end to remove the dirt.

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    #64

    Don't Put Gas In Your Car, The Extra Weight Reduces Fuel Efficiency

    Don't Put Gas In Your Car, The Extra Weight Reduces Fuel Efficiency

    shittyIifetips Report

    #65

    Grab A Piping Hot Cuppa Joe At The Corner Store And Stick An Egg In It To Make A Hard Boiled Morning Snack

    Grab A Piping Hot Cuppa Joe At The Corner Store And Stick An Egg In It To Make A Hard Boiled Morning Snack

    vice Report

    #66

    Instead Of Wasting Cans, Put Them To Use And Make Do-It-Yourself Cup

    Instead Of Wasting Cans, Put Them To Use And Make Do-It-Yourself Cup

    CracklesCousin Report

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    Andrew Gibb
    Community Member
    7 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    got scabby lips caused by the winter cold? This handy DIY scab remover is just what you need...

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