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I believe that most parents and teachers want their kids to succeed. And while we try to equip them with the best tools and information for their future life, there are some things we're teaching that are actually setting them up for failure. Whether by accident or due to a lack of self-awareness and knowledge, we give them these 'lessons' that do more harm than good when they come into practice.
One Reddit user wanted to get more opinions on what we need to stop teaching children, so they asked other users to share their thoughts. And they had some really insightful responses. People called out the toxic ideas that many are still putting into kids' young and impressionable minds, often without giving it a second thought. Society is evolving, and many ideas are already outdated and considered harmful, yet their echoes still come up when it comes to lecturing children.
Over 16k responses later, Bored Panda selected the most eye-opening responses to what we should stop telling children immediately. There are many 'facts' that are just rarely challenged, so let's not forget that even if we made a mistake, there's no shame in admitting and correcting it. Scroll down and upvote your favorite answers, share your thoughts, and if you think of anything that wasn't on this list, please tell us in the comments below!
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Abstinence only sex education. Please teach these kids about contraception and how it works, it’s been proven that comprehensive sex education is way better at preventing teen pregnancies than abstinence only.
The Doom Song 2 years ago
Indeed. If the kids are gonna do it we can at least make sure they're doing it safely!
Panzerkampfwagen VII Löwe 2 years ago
we learn all of that in the netherlands
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Tamra 2 years ago
Religious extremism has had far too much influence in shaping our laws and is creeping into our schools (US). We need nation wide standards for teaching comprehensive sex ed in our schools, and this is yet another instance where we could learn from other countries who have much more favorable rates of teen pregnancies.
Anxious&Bored Bear 2 years ago
30 years ago (yikes!), there was sex ed in my high school. During one class, the teacher blew up a condom to show how much it can stretch (so don't believe him if he says it does't fit). I'd bet the same school has only taughtt abstinence for the past 20 + years. Why is the country regressing instead of progressing?
TotallyNOTaFox 2 years ago
It is possible that a condom doesn't fit and rip if it is the wrong size, so if a guy says it doesn't fit it's better to be safe than sorry and get a bigger sized one. While we are at it: Teach guys to know the condom size they need
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Best Behave 2 years ago
It’s interesting that proponents of AO are often anti abortion. It’s almost as if they want women to be trapped into pregnancy with no options….
Squirrelly Panda 2 years ago
Yes, teach all methods to protection against disease and pregnancy, along with a grounding in basic statistics and the odds of any method working. Kids will often make dumb decisions, but fully informed kids tend to make better decisions than non informed, or worse, partially informed kids.
fair_weather_rose 2 years ago
I had a really good health teacher who made sure we were all well informed on everything. Sex, drugs, alcohol... her attitude was "I don't care what you do with your body, but here's all th terrible things that could happen if you do it wrong/badly." A lot of people didn't like her, but I'm grateful that I'm well informed.
Sarah SH 2 years ago
I have two teenage daughters. I had the talk with them about contraception and right before they started high school I got them on the depo birth control shot (given once every three months). They were like “Geez Mom, you think we’re going to be slutting it up when we’re fourteen?” I told them that the opposite was the point. As a high school teacher and former teenage girl, I’ve seen a lot of moms tell their adolescent daughters to come to them when they’re ready for birth control, which seems like it could work in theory until years down the road when they aren’t comfortable talking to their mom about specifics and it’s too embarrassing. Then kids take risks and could end up becoming pregnant. When I was in high school three girls became moms before they were sixteen. Getting my girls the shot before there was ANY chance of them becoming sexually actively was just a safety net. Obviously I also talked to them about how they should use condoms as well, but that I can’t help them with.
Katarzyna Drozd 2 years ago
Yup. My mother told me that any contraception is a sin and I'm forbidden to use it, and that I can have sex only after I'm married. Ah, and also if I would get raped, i would have to give birth and raise a child, because abortion is a sin. I'm 32 now, i moved out as soon as I was 18, and my mother still cannot understand why I went no contact with her and blocked her number long time ago
SilverIsGold 2 years ago
I get that your mom was conservative, but that’s a little harsh. Honestly I think that’s just the way she was raised. If you were raped as a kid she might then think that abortion was maybe the right choice.
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Chris Landrum 2 years ago
you tell. kids to stay away from something only makes them more interested
RELATED:
#2
To just ignore bullies. As a former teacher, it does nothing to address the issue. The bullying persists 100% of the time.
Miriam L 2 years ago (edited)
Wait. This should have been obvious to me - I've studied education and child development. I spend way too much time with kids. I guess the years of being told "don't react and he won't hurt you" as a child left too much of an impression. I knew they were talking nonsense, but I guess on some level I believed them. Looking at some of my experiences from this perspective - it all makes so much sense. When I was hurt most, and when he did a 180 on his behaviour and left me looking like a liar. The types of bullying. The other bullies I encountered later in my education. The more I "didn't react" the worse they got. It was about their reputation with their friends and the class. I was just an easy target. As long as they could show they had power over someone... I have a lot to think about
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Raluca Neacsu 2 years ago
ignoring them did nothing. beating the cr*p out of them solved the issue permanently. they were too ashamed to be defeated by a girl they picked on and thus parents or teachers never got involved
XenoMurph 2 years ago
If they get a reaction it just encourages them though
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Kate Jones 2 years ago (edited)
The problem is when the teachers also ignore the bullies. It was bad enough I was being hit by kids but the teachers just ignored it for the sake of it being some kind of learning experience or how it will 'toughen' us up. I was once doused with lighter fluid and they lit a match. I was dragged into a boys bathroom and got kicked. 2 gym teachers-male and female- used to make bets on students and forced them to fight with field hockey sticks. I had kids follow me home. I got a cigarette burned into my back. I mean... it was crazy. And it affected my life. And 90% of it happened right in front of teachers who ignored it. And if I did try and fight back, I got in trouble. I literally got suspended for 3 days once because a boy was slapping me in the head and I went to hit him back with a ruler and the sharp end sliced his cheek. The teacher who saw it happen grabbed me by the arm and literally dragged me to the principle's office. Teachers need to help these kids.
Wondering Alice 2 years ago
My teachers actively encouraged children to bully me. One teacher joined in, resulting in broken front tooth - which I had to stay in class with for hours until I passed out in pain. The 80's were not good times to be a child.
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OmBoyGanesh 2 years ago
In school, they stand up for themselves and fight back or defend themselves and get suspended or expelled because of bullshît zero tolerance policies. As adults, we are expected to use reasonable force to protect ourselves, yet we severely punish children for doing the same. - Kid in our community was expelled because of a zero tolerance policy. He defended himself from being pummeled once again by his bully. His parents are suing school, teacher, principal, district and playground supervisor for creating a physically unsafe & dangerous environment, party to assault, battery, etc. Many of us have donated $$$ to their legal fees & supported their fundraising efforts. Kids get treated like criminals for defending their basic rights & no matter how vocal they are about being bullied, they’re being punished when those in charge overlook the violence they allow to happen. They deserve to be sued. Fück zero tolerance policies.
Katie Andrews 2 years ago
As a retired teacher, and as someone who grew up as a fat female, I learned early on how to confront and force them to back down. I hated doing it, and it was a last resort. I only realized decades later that some people can only speak the language of power and control. I took control of the situation, bared my fangs and claws, and every time, every bully backed off and backed down. And I had less than zero respect for them as people, and let them know.
DennyS (denzoren) 2 years ago
I've always been confused why the bullies never seemed to be punished. Always the victims.
BlocksBuilds 2 years ago
That's exactly what everyone told me but after six years I told someone and it got much better. I'm still in school and I am still getting bullied but not that much and because of telling it to my parents I grown so much stronger in only a couple months. : )
Tamra 2 years ago
I'm so glad you told someone! I hope things continue to get better for you!
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KimB 2 years ago
I ignored my bullies right up until one grabbed me. Then I punched him right in the face in front of all his friends and a teachers aid. The teachers aid didn't say a word to any of us. I suspect she saw the whole thing unfold as it happened and maybe felt I was in the right because she never reported it that I'm aware of. I told my dad and his reply was that's my girl :)
#3
“Stranger Danger” it has some decent basic principles about safety, but the unfortunate truth is we need to teach children how to detect if adults in their life are treating them inappropriately just as much as strangers
Jessiebean 2 years ago
Yup. Especially from people who are around your children the most. Family members and friends!
scag$y 2 years ago
What a horrible world it must be, where you have to teach your children to be careful because Uncle Pete might touch them up. Truly horrible.
Alison Hell 2 years ago
It makes me absolutely sick and breaks my heart. And it goes on way too much.
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Sonja 2 years ago
Also teaching them about proper body autonomy and allowing them to enforce it even against family. Most perpetrators are in the immediate social circle of the victims. Teaching them to let granny hug them if she wants to is also teaching them to let the creepy uncle have their way and such is teaching them to give into abuse when it comes from family. It doesn't matter that granny isn't the creepy uncle, because small kids are not capable of making this distinction. They can understand: let no one touch you if it makes you uncomfortable, but they're not yet ready to make the distinction between creepy uncomfortable and generally uncomfortable
Tamra 2 years ago
There are some who will likely pop up here and start whining about "kids should do what they're told, and giving hugs is just good manners!". I've seen this before here on BP, and fairly recently too. I'm here to absolutely support everything you just said. Teaching children boundaries and bodily autonomy shouldn't be thought of as some new, bizarre behavior...it should be common practice.
Load More Replies... OmBoyGanesh 2 years ago (edited)
We were standing in line at a holiday ice skate rink. My 8yo standing behind us lost sight of us as the line moved a little. I turned around to see he was a group back from us, holding hands with a mom who was with her husband and two kids. This all happened in a matter of 90 seconds. I asked him what he was doing. He said he looked up and didn’t see us, but saw the nice lady and her kids so he told her he doesn’t see his daddies and needs to hold her hand until they find him. She obliged, but we found him before she or her husband could process & act. We were literally two people ahead of him and he didn’t see us. Right away he looked for a way to be/feel safe and communicates what he needed to happen. We’ve had many many take about peoples behaviors, his agency, understanding motivations & intentions, etc. etc., but never once uttered “stranger danger.” Then again, we practice body autonomy reinforce he’s due the same basic decency & respect any adult is, including verbally.
Sheba's Mum 2 years ago
We teach them not to talk to strangers but, in the next breath force them to say hello to a random person ( like a sweet old lady) in the supermarket who has spoken to them - even if we don't know them either.
Wondering Alice 2 years ago
Tell children who to get help from. People in the right uniform - such as someone behind the till in a shop - are good if you get lost. Groups of adults who don't know each other - such as those in a queue are safer than ones on their own. Help them identify public buildings so they know to go in to one of those and not a bar. And for adults in their own life, tell them no adult needs you to keep a secret. Ever.
#4
That play ends when you reach adulthood. Play is important, even when we're grown.
Teresa Spanics 2 years ago
Same here and I watch cartoons and read comics!
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Joseph Kastorff 2 years ago
You don't stop playing when you grow old. You grow old when you stop playing. ~ Shaw
Glen Ellyn 2 years ago
I loved this about my dad. He never lost his child-like playfulness and humour. I still miss him every day.
Hobby Hopper 2 years ago
I wish play were more accepted as an adult. I'd love to be doing cartwheels in the parking lot right now, or climbing a tree.
Fraxinus excelsior 2 years ago (edited)
I'm 52 and I'll randomly skip, and scoot down the ramp on the bar of a shopping trolley back to my car. My thought is, if you act old,you become old, I definitely don't act my age.
Tracy Sellars 2 years ago
Highly recommend Minecraft, like a computerized version of Lego. Also if you have a bad day you can blow things up and take your frustrations out on zombies.
mcborge1 2 years ago (edited)
I play Space engineers, it's similar to minecraft in that you build in a grid based system but unlike minecraft it doesn't look as blocky and you can build and control complex machines and vehicles aswell as construct buildings. I've been building this spaceport over christmas. I built that ship to get me to this planet from another one in the same system. The game is very relaxing whilst giving your brain a good workout. :) 244850_scr...d2c94d.jpg 
Ches Yamada 2 years ago (edited)
Agree, I love playing lol! And parents need to let kids get rid of their childhood *at their own pace*, not force kids to give up toys begore they're ready. Maybe it's okay if we keep some stuff all the way to adulthood, you know?
Felicia Marsin 2 years ago
Hell yeah. Was out for drive with a friend today, both well into our 60s - we were talking about there not being a law anywhere that says when you reach x age, you have to stop playing. Heck, just last week we were blowing bubbles while out having a swim at our local lake.
#5
Stop teaching kids *what to think*, and start teaching them *how to think.*
XenoMurph 2 years ago
Hmm, but with a lack of experience, they will come up with the wrong conclusion a lot of the time. So you kinda have to do both. I WILL teach her not to be a racist, making up her own mind on that is not acceptable.
LK 2 years ago
Coming to the wrong conclusion is part of learning HOW to think. It's one of the stages in learning. The next stage is learning why the conclusion was wrong, and how to work through to getting the correct conclusions.
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Tamra 2 years ago
I'm curious as to what, exactly, you think teachers are indoctrinating our children to?
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Elena Doyle 2 years ago
There’s a really good book called “Dumbing Us Down” that pretty much sums this up.
Leo Domitrix 2 years ago
I will not teach kids how to think about disease. I will teach them what it is, why we get it, and how to prevent it. This leads to solid foundations for their asking later, as adults, "OK, what's going on with this new virus?"
Niki A 2 years ago
Teach kids how to think about thinking for themselves. It's a process. Not what to think, but how to be careful and make up their own minds. For instance, "Take a step back and picture your worst enemy saying this. Then decide how you feel." They can decide for themselves. Provide tools, don't make them tools.
#6
That failure is something to be ashamed of and to avoid at all costs. We all fail sometimes and we need to be able to accept that.
JustJackie 2 years ago
I am so scared of failing, that I won't try anything new, or anything I'm not confident I can do. I really hate myself for this. I am the only person in my family who didn't go to University, and who doesn't have a drivers licence. I didn't even finish secondary school. I'm an underachiever because it feels safe, but I wish I wasn't so terrified of failure. I would love to open a bakery, that's been my dream forever, but I know I won't.
Tamra 2 years ago
Aw, JustJackie, I can feel your frustration from here. I am so much the same with regard to fearing failure. It makes me stuck and worse, it makes me stuck in fear. I started by doing small things, where the risk of failure was there, but even if I failed, it really wouldn't be a big deal. I realized that time will pass me by whether I try something or not, and I had to decide if I wanted to live with trying something and risking it not being successful, or living with the regret of never trying anything at all. I'd argue that trying something that doesn't work out can't really be considered a "failure"... it's just life.
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sin ead 2 years ago
I'm trying to teach my kid that 'Practice makes PROGRESS' not practice makes perfect. Grew up thinking that if I work hard enough and long enough things will be perfect. And now I'm trying to unlearn that so I will actually be able to start something and not stall at the first hurdle because I'm so anxious to get it perfect.
Leo Domitrix 2 years ago
Imagine if a 9-month-old was treated as a failure as it learned to walk. Now, apply that rule to, say, children at 9 years.
Stardust she/her 2 years ago
In my country, so much pressure is put on you not to fail that when some kid fails in an exam, they commit suicide
Fantastic Mr Fox 2 years ago
How do you avoid making mistakes? By having experience. How do you gain experience? By making mistakes.
rob kneepkens 2 years ago
Fully agree with this. As a teacher we see it so often. Kids are afraid to answer questions, speak their mind or share ideas out of fear to fail or be seen as dumb by other kids. This also stops them from asking questions which is so important in education and life in general.
Jewels 2 years ago
I absolutely agree with this but it's so hard! My Dad will call me r******d when I dont understand something and yell at me. It really hurts because I really do try my best and then to have him yell at me that I'm r******d and tell me to get out of his sight is heartbreaking :(
Sami-Jo Ross 2 years ago
I have zero drive to do anything unless I'm immediately good at it because my parents never praised the good things and focused on the failures. Thanks, Dad.
#7
If he’s mean to you, he likes you
Shark Lady 2 years ago
It's closely linked to boys will be boys, suggesting that women and girls should excuse bad behaviour because it's somehow their fault that men and boys aren't able to control themselves around women.
Ryan-James O'Driscoll 2 years ago
I really hate how "boys will be boys" is used to excuse poor behaviour. It's fair enough when used to brush off kids coming home from playing covered in nature and a hole worn into the knee of their jeans, but if they cross a line and make life problematic for others, that should never be swept aside.
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Squirrelly Panda 2 years ago
Very stupid, but many young girls are told by well meaning adults that when boys are mean to them its because the boy likes them. True or not, it is unacceptable behavior and adults shouldn't normalize it.
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heather7d@yahoo.com 2 years ago
I was harassed by this one boy my entire sixth grade year because of this attitude. Our teacher thought it was cute. It’s sad not much has changed since the early ‘80s.
Kate Jones 2 years ago
I think it's important to help boys, too. Boys don't necessarily know how to handle their emotions any more than girls are and they are often told by men to be rough, to be tough. So sometimes I'm sure it can be confusing for them to know how to deal with liking girls. It's important that boys have a strong male figure or at least a woman who will try to understand from a male perspective how to deal with social situations and how to be the best person they can be.
Wondering Alice 2 years ago
Yes, you are right. But we are not helping the boy in any way by dismissing his behaviour.
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Leo Domitrix 2 years ago
No, he's just mean. And telling him that is how to display "like"? Gets women killed.
NasiGorengPete Telor 2 years ago
"BuT tHaT's JuSt HoW hE sHoW LoVe" bleeeerrrgh I'm sick of that, look I get that people have different ways of showing affection and love but that does NOT excuse being mean or a bully for no d4mn reason
Catte West 2 years ago
Conversely, don't encourage boys to show affection by being mean. This will not automatically stop when they enter into adult relationships. Same goes for girls. Mean is just flat out mean.
#8
That you are only successful and happy with a college degree, married, and have children.
The Doom Song 2 years ago
Hmm yes that degree that has no job prospects, kids that you can't afford and a marriage where you barely see each other coz you have 6 jobs between you to feed those darn kids. Yes success!!!
Kate Jones 2 years ago
And degrading people who don't have them. At least wanting people to have those things is because the motivation is to want a happy life for them. Degrading or looking down on people who don't want them and are happy without them is completely ridiculous. Marriage and children do not always make you happy. And anyone telling you otherwise is a selfish person that only believes that because it made *them* happy (and, honestly, sometimes that isn't even true. So many people I know are miserable. They love their kids but if they had to do it over again they wouldn't have had them).
Chris Landrum 2 years ago
I try to encourage kids that college is not the only thing. We need many of the professions that college does not produce, and. often those jobs make more money than those from college
SpirklePlatz 2 years ago
No, no - that’s all confused. A person can only be happy when they marry a college-educated child.
Glen Ellyn 2 years ago
Every person can choose their own path in life. I, myself, am sick of hearing about "shoulds." We're all unique and I hope people will ignore those "shoulds" and find their own happiness.
#9
That you have to give relatives a hug or kiss if they ask for one.
Shark Lady 2 years ago
I had a rule that my daughter had to greet guests and say goodbye, however she got to choose how that happened. Some people she hugged, others she gave a high five and some she just spoke. You can teach a child the importance of manners without making them give up their bodily autonomy. They need to learn that physical contact is a two yes, one no concept and the importance of consent.
Anxious&Bored Bear 2 years ago
It just teaches kids that they have no right to their own bodies. I never thought about this as a kid, but I think it would have made a difference if I knew "No" was an answer that would be accepted.
Lisia Smith 2 years ago
I would tell children that I had a hug for them if they wanted it. They ALWAYS had the power to say NO. I was a shy child and I respect the fact that not every kid wants to touch a stranger/relative they don't know.
Rostit . 2 years ago
You're a good person for acting that way. And since it comes from me, that makes it even better because I think most people are awful.
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MotherofGuineaPigs 2 years ago (edited)
I did - No one touches you without your permission. No one. I will always back you up on it. I had to with a tickling incident - did she say stop? You need to stop right now. It's only tickling. No, it's touching her without her permission. Put it in those words made people back up quickly.
Alison Hell 2 years ago (edited)
I'm a grandma and it's hard to not go give my grandsons a hug because now it could just be all kinds of wrong. I dont even try as 'do they really want a hug or am I now forcing them'..sad to have no grandbaby hugs...
Rostit . 2 years ago
It's not wrong to hug him. It's wrong to force him to be hugged. The answer is simple. Respect him and he will respect himself and will likely love you for that and want to hug you It's the expectation of blanket affection that is wrong. It was wrong for your parents to make you get hugs and likely wrong for your kids. But at the time, people didn't understand the problems that could cause. Plus time have changed. Children learn earlier to stand up for being uncomfortable. So many molestations could have been prevented if children always knew that they don't have to accept physical contact against their wishes.
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Noname 2 years ago
Ugh, I HATE the French bisous thing! Yes, it's cultural, but I've hated this kissing thing with friends and relatives, and yes, the French, at work, have an obligitory "bisous" for co-workers. I offer a handshake instead, which is still ridiculous.
Fantastic Mr Fox 2 years ago
I had hope we could get rid of the handshake after Covid. As we found out, it's a spreader of germs. And then there is the surprising high number of men who don't wash their hands after going to the bathroom.
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SeaLouse 2 years ago
So I didn't have to give aunt Alice a peck on the cheek when I was a kid?
Rostit . 2 years ago
Nope. And uncle Ernie was wrong when he took you to pinball camp
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Terri Rimmer 2 years ago
I had a great uncle who would get drunk and try to grope me when I was a teenager.
DrBronxx 2 years ago
My baby will be bi-racial. She is being born into a culture (my wife's) that does not hug, but my family and culture are big into hugs. It might be overwhelming for my daughter when we visit my home. I have that locked-in excuse for her to the more stubborn members of my family, but I will also be explaining to them and her that she does not *need* to hug *anyone*. She will hug only the people she wants to.
Phil Vaive 2 years ago
You need to explain it to your family ahead of time, and let them know that there will be no second chances. If someone touches your daughter without her consent, you have to have a consequence (even if it means ending your time with the whole family early). You should never need an excuse to set a boundary.
Load More Replies... #10
You can get what you want if you’re nice.
It teaches children how to be manipulative & dishonest.
Instead, teach them to handle “No”.
Too many people grow up and get offended at being told “No”.
Teachers & Parents want their children to learn how to ask for things in a polite way - but not how to handle rejection.
My brother teaches children and he will actively tell kids “No” and encourage them to find alternative solutions that don’t infringe on someone’s decision.
Noname 2 years ago
One of my kids was always afraid to ask for anything because they were afraid I'd say "no" although I rarely said "no". When they were young, it became a frustrating guessing game for me as to what they wanted or needed, and as they grew, they still wouldn't ask for anything they needed or wanted.
Alison Hell 2 years ago
I was this way...I always had to work myself up to ask for something, and sometimes never did. I am still like this..I have to work myself up to ask or tell my husband something..not always but it happens. It's a struggle.
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Lara Verne 2 years ago
Cousin's daughter (5) didn't handle "no" well. She wanted chocolate after dinner and cousin said "no", so she hid his car keys, and wouldn't tell where they are, until she gets chocolate. Cousin hurried to work, so he gave her chocolate. But since then, she pull this stunt everytime she wants something. I warned cousin, but I can't dictate him how to raise his kids, right?
Daniel Marsh 2 years ago
At a MINIMUM, being polite and grateful are required for favors. Certainly you can't let a "no" become a "yes" just because the kid acts very nice. But I'm not sure I even understand how this looks. So often I see the opposite: the kid decides the wage unholy war against the parent until the parent caves.
#11
Family is everything. No sometimes their trash and need to be let go of.
Ches Yamada 2 years ago
Folks need to understand that all people can suck. Mothers, fathers, doctors, etc. Your title doesn't make you exempt from screwing up or being a bad human.
Russell Rieckenberg 2 years ago
But still I appreciate the effort. They didn't reflexively write *there, like most do.
Load More Replies... Leo Domitrix 2 years ago
This is why I moved 500 miles away from mine. And they were relentless till I was 30-ish. Mostly b/c they either wanted money or a cahracter witness in court. "Yes, Your Honor, I testify that the defendant is a piece of s**t" is what I'd tell them, and they finallllllly went away.
TheRightToArmBears 2 years ago
My friends are my family because we chose each other. Blood means nothing.
Dustin Alcaraz 2 years ago
First off, "They're"... and second, perspective goes both ways...but as a parent... my children could not be "trash"... they're just ...In a different world perspective.
Michael Largey 2 years ago
It's ok to think that family is everything if you remind yourself that you can't have everything.
#12
that there are ‘things for girls’ and ‘things for boys’ (like colors, toys, etc)
Mulberry Juice 2 years ago
I’m still bitter that I wasn’t allowed to be the football goalie in reception. Reasoning was that “the boys will be too rough and may hurt you, and we don’t want to hurt your pretty face” that teacher was pretty sexist and infantilising towards the girl constantly
D Peterson 2 years ago
Felt the same way 55 years ago when I wanted to take shop instead of home-economics (cooking & sewing).
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James016 2 years ago
Had this recently while buying my son some new clothes. As he has long hair, he is sometimes mistaken for a girl. Some woman rocked and told me that "this is the boys section" ME: "I know" she says it again so my son walks over to her and says very loudly "I'm a boy" and walks back to us. For some more context, he was wearing a blue Superman hoodie and jeans. He also has a dolls house because he really wanted it when he was younger. Still plays with it sometimes.
Kathy Smith 2 years ago
Sounds to me like you might be a pretty decent parent!
Load More Replies... Fraxinus excelsior 2 years ago (edited)
Absolutely, just become a grandparent and buying baby clothes is awful, pink frilly things in the female section,dinosaurs in the male section, stop this gender specified c**p. If a lass wants to play footy,climb trees,get mucky let her, if a lad wants to play dress up in mommy's old clothes let him, no wonder some of our our kids are in a mess. When I was younger, my mom put me in pretty dresses bought me dolls, I hated it I wanted football kits and Action Man. Remember please that pink is a male colour and men look fab in it, it's not girly or gay to wear it. There, rant over.
Leo Domitrix 2 years ago
The doctor's kit in my tiny toddler years? Black. Now it's blue or pink. For reals? The 70s were 50 years ago, get with it, humanity!
Biofish23 2 years ago (edited)
This one! I think we have made so much progress in encouraging girls to follow their interests without regard for outdated gender stereotypes, but I think we need to actively do better for our little boys. One small example. No one cares my daughter's favorite color is blue, but my son who loved pink as a toddler learned it was NOT FOR BOYS as soon as he went to school and now insists he has always hated pink.
Mrs. EW 2 years ago
I hated pink and hearts. Still do. For some reason, everyone got me pink everything and heart jewelry. I was a so called “tomboy”. While not keen on the term, it’s the best way to describe me. I preferred playing in the dirt, as opposed to being “proper”. I’m a drummer and enjoy outdoor activities and competitive sports with friends. None of that ever screamed pink and hearts!
Paul Harris 2 years ago
That is so untrue in today's world. Girls play football. Boys wear dresses to school.
Mulberry Juice 2 years ago
Unfortunately, I still hear about my friends younger siblings and their friends being told they can’t do things because of their gender
Load More Replies... Stymied Egan 2 years ago
The pink aisle in toy stores disturbs me. Even as a little girl, I didn't like the color pink. Why do they wrap what could be sexless items in pink and put them in a pink aisle?
TailsFangirl03 2 years ago
Boys section of clothing: Cool color schemes, video game character, stuff I like. Girl's section: Cherries, crop tops, minnie mouse, butterflies. Bleh.
#13
Food pyramid as it is. It's wrong.
Phil Vaive 2 years ago
They always were, but certain industry lobbies had it "revised"
Load More Replies... Jane Cortez 2 years ago
It’s about the cost of feeding a nation. Wheat, corn, soy began to be pushed in the 1950’s. The healthiest diet is actually with vegetables, then fruits, then lean protein, then grains, then healthy oils.
Leo Domitrix 2 years ago
Every individual also needs their own .... program? diet? .... you may be fine with more carbs and less protein, you may be fine without red meat, etc etc etc
Adam Jeff 2 years ago
The food pyramid isn't perfect but it's not a bad start. There are plenty of things that are taught in an over-simplified way at first, because otherwise it's too complicated for kids of that age to understand. It's like when you learn that everything is made up of atoms, then some years later the subject comes round again and this time there are protons and so on.
Becky Samuel 2 years ago
The thing is that it's *not* a good start. It's just plain wrong. To use your analogy it would be like starting off by teaching that everything was made of tiny elephants riding on the back of turtles.
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Fernando Álvarez 2 years ago
Completely wrong. Chilean author Pedro Grez explains this in his book Myths That Make Me Fat & Sick. It puts your views about nutrition upside down!
#14
That it's acceptable to use devices in public loudly without headphones
General Anaesthesia 2 years ago
You teach it by not teaching them to be considerate of others.
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François Carré 2 years ago
And teenagers watching videos together on a phone, super loud, and commenting it even louder, in the middle of a public and supposedly quiet place (the library). I'm baffled that apparently no one ever taught them that it's extremely impolite to ignore other people's need for silence, or even their mere existence, like that.
Frando Bone 2 years ago
Because they're part of the loud and proud "LOOK AT ME! GIVE ME ATTENTION OR ELSE!" generation, and they're getting coddled for it.
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Candy Cane 2 years ago
I work retail. Soooo many kids with loud a** tablets blaring their baby shark and banana songs, just so they don't run off and destroy stuff while their parents don't pay attention to them.
Ghaniyah Verma 2 years ago
People are gonna hate you. Just bring earphones, headphones, etc. with you if you're bringing your devices. Unless it's an ebook. They don't make noise.
#15
That ugly = bad/evil. I partially blame TV animation for this one though. This often makes kids fear elderly people and make unfair connections between appearance and personality.
Ches Yamada 2 years ago
We need to redefine "ugly". Villians used to often have bown/dark hair, for instance. As a kid I remember hating the fact that all the evil girls had dark hair. I wasn't evil - and I knew plenty of lighter haired girls that were.
Nitka Tsar 2 years ago
This is funny because I just noticed some minutes ago that in two of the biggest franchise of the last several years the super blond ones were the villains and the dark haired ones were the heroes. Harry Potter and Game of Thrones.
Load More Replies... Leo Domitrix 2 years ago
Blondes are dumb. Brunettes are serious. Redheads are moody. All things we can learn to live without thinking.
Ghaniyah Verma 2 years ago
You know, for some strange reason, I like good-looking villains a lot better. They look and seem nice, but they use that to deceive you.
Mia Black 2 years ago
Often the good looking people are the worst because they are spoilled just because of their good looking = must be a good person. In older Tales the good looking people were the villains and very cruel to other people. Also, why is blue eyed seen as beautyful? - to me this are frosty ghost eyes. I prefer dark marbles. But that is just me and in movies or so it should be more balanced between all types of people
Sonja 2 years ago (edited)
Now that you say it, that's absolutely true. In my youth I've read tons of fairytales where the good people were ugly. And many fairytales warned to dismiss people for their looks, like the prince in the beauty and the beast being cursed because he refused to help the fairy godmother because she looked old and ugly. In general, the good and the bad could look any way, they could be pretty, they could be ugly, young, old, everything was possible. The strange dwarf could be Rumpelstilzchen or a benevolent entity like the little Muk, you'd never know. The message was to judge people's actions and not their looks. And we have lost that message, creating a world were looks count more than actions and this is so vile.
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Helen Jane Witten 2 years ago
Yes and no. I think it's more important to be able to read facial expressions and body language because that will help in being able to identify some one who actually has ill intent. In those instances you can indeed judge a book by it's cover.
#16
That while they are special, they are not any more special than anyone else.
Lauren S 2 years ago
Yes!! With cousin Muffin. That show is so good. Asparagus is my favorite episode. (I do have a child I watch it with, but it’s my favorite of all his shows).
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Jilltdcatlady 2 years ago
I see this so much in all age groups. Not just millennials or gen z or whatever. Entitled people who think they are the main character in every situation.
#17
I don’t believe in forced apologies. They’re not legitimate apologies and the other child knows this. I also don’t feel adults should force children to accept an apology. Forced apologies and acceptances don’t have any benefits.
I am a 3rd grade teacher. My students know I won’t force an apology. Instead, I speak to the students about their choices and how it made others feel. I’ve found that, once students realize what they did, they do apologize on their own and the other student does accept it because they know the apology is sincere. Often times, students will even try to resolve the issue on their own. It’s common for students to ask me if they could speak alone in the hallway. They then return proudly stating that they resolved their issue.
Obviously, if something is not resolving itself, I’ll continue to help students through it. I will also step in for more significant disagreements. However, I’ve found that students are able to resolve issues an overwhelming majority of times. However, they are never truly resolved with forced apologies and acceptances of forced apologies because the underlying issue is still there.
Katy McMouse 2 years ago
Forced apologies are kind of like forced visits to the confessional. Confessing once a week, to a practical stranger, does not necessarily mean that you feel remorse.
Sonja 2 years ago
This is so true. It'll help only cause resentment in the forced child who feels still in the right and will hate the target more for having to apologize, and it will hurt the targeted child because it feels like dismissal of their feelings and minimizing the still existing problems, which is not just a feeling, it's true. It's even worse when people tell then to 'forgive each other and shake hands' because it's putting unfair blame on the victimised child who did nothing wrong.
Beeps 2 years ago
This! I have seen this sooo many times that when a child does something bad to another child (like their sibling, for example) their mum just shouts: “SAY SORRY!” The child, in return mumbles a completely petulant and insincere “I’m soaaaawy” half the time whilst pulling a face, and mum just accepts it and everything is fine and the poor kid who’s been wronged never really had a decent apology, and the child who did wrong didn’t really learn anything either.
D. Pitbull 2 years ago
YES. I think forced apologies - where you know there's no remorse or intent to do better behind it - are POINTLESS. It actually encourages the thought process of "I now have a clear slate to be a jackhole again!" - someone tried to tell me that even a 'fake apology' means that the person is being a good person ... I say to that "Uhh no. They're not."
Lara Verne 2 years ago (edited)
One teacher in elementary school did this, when she caught kids fighting, they had to apologize to each other and shake hands. It didn't work.
Cydney Golden 2 years ago
I always told my students that apologies are meaningless if your behavior doesn't change. If kids were not getting along, I never forced an apology. I stressed that it's okay not to like someone, but never okay to be mean about it.
Dawnieangel76 2 years ago
Meh, I've gotten through some difficult times just by saying "sorry" or "I love you" without meaning either. 🤷♀️
#18
That girls are weak or too emotional (I.e. crying like a girl or don’t be a p*ssy)
Ches Yamada 2 years ago
The vernacular needs to change. P*ssies can push a child out - they're STRONG. Male anatomy, however? One tap and they're out. So why does everything female mean weak ..? Or "daddy issues" - that means the MEN in a girl's family FAILED her, and yet it's a term used to demean the female victim?
Sonja 2 years ago
Daddy issues is also often used to discourage a woman setting boundaries and fighting for herself.
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Ashley Schriber 2 years ago
Yes. I see a lot of discussion on how shaming boys for being "like girls" is damaging and limiting to boys' mental health - and it is - but it also subtly teaches them to have less respect for girls. I'm just baffled by the fact that there are girls and women who say c**p like this.
StarlightPanda! 2 years ago
Also the opposite. Guys have feelings and for some reason society has frowned upon it for a long time for guys to be emotional.
Celtic Pirate Queen 2 years ago
Betty White said it best: "Why do people say 'grow some balls'? Those things are weak and sensitive. If you really wanna get tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding".
TAYLOR SWIFT IS AWESOME 2 years ago
Yeah, I’m a girl and a) I’m taller than a ton of boys, b) I’m stronger than a ton of boys, and c) I’m blonde and really really smart (not on-topic, just wanted to say that not all blondes are dumb)
Cydney Golden 2 years ago
It bothers me so much when people denigrate female ability! And calling the Dallas Cowboys Cowgirls does just that.
lil bear bear 2 years ago
I have had this stereotype drilled into my head. It makes me feel so weak, and I feel like I have to prove that concept wrong. Evry. Single. Day. And it sucks cause it's so mentally exhausting feeling like I have to push all my emotions aside and grind through each day, then let all the emotions out when I'm alone. If it wasn't such an accepted concept I probably wouldn't be this screwed up
Andrewsarchus42 2 years ago
pussy actually comes from the word “pusillanimous”, which means “coward.” It’s not linked to the slang for vag ina.
brandyy17 2 years ago
i hate wen ppl say girls r weak. that one girl u could call weak could grow up to b a famous athelete or ufc fighter or a cop. not only that they can b strong at any age. i was called weak ended up best track short distance runner in high school and best soccer player in high school. ended up stronger then some of the guys both physically and mentally. now a days not so much due to injuries but my strong mental health still remains.
#19
Gender stereotypes. My son asked me why he didnt have pretty dresses like me. I couldn’t answer his question, i asked him if he wanted to wear dresses like me. He said yes and i sew him one. He’s so happy!
RafCo (he/him) 2 years ago
Also, what is the past tense of sew? Is it sewed? Honest question, would like to know.
Load More Replies... Squirrelly Panda 2 years ago (edited)
Pink used to be a man's color, bue was for girls. Men used to wear lace and high heels if you go back far enough. The only reason for men's clothing and women's is because after puberty our bodies tend to have different shapes. Women have pants that fit our wider hips, men should have skirts that fit their narrower hips.
SarDemMin 2 years ago
Pink was considered a strong colour and blue weak. That's why it was a "man's colour" and vice versa. Then in 1940s or 50s, clothing manufacturers decided that pink was meant for girls and blue for boys. And I think everyone should wear whatever they fancy.
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Nitka Tsar 2 years ago
Good Mum! He will love that dress and the fact that you made it for him!
Ghaniyah Verma 2 years ago (edited)
Awww! It's adorable! You know, the thing the mother did for her son. Might be the dad. Idk.
I’m A Black Cat 2 years ago
Hubby used to be allowed to wear his older sister's clothes, incl dresses and skirts to kindergarden if he felt like it, grew up to be a wonderful man
Tyranamar Seuss 2 years ago
Exactly! My sons favorite color is pink and his favorite animal is a unicorn. I buy him pink and unicorn stuff all the time. He loves it!
#20
That Santa gives presents to "good" kids. When rich kids get a bunch of Christmas presents and poor kids don't, we're basically telling children that it is because the poor kids are bad and the rich kids are good.
Unwelcome guest 2 years ago
Just tell your kids that the rich people cheat and their parents bought the presents and hid the coal Santa gave them
Sonja 2 years ago
Or, alternatively, just be honest with them and tell them: I gave you as much as I could, but sadly I can't afford more, your friend got more because they earn more money. I always knew my presents came from my parents and I still loved Christmas. You really don't need Santa. Knowing that your parents love you and choose to give you something is much more magical and beautiful than thinking you get gifts on the whim of a stranger from the north pole
Load More Replies... Tyke 2 years ago
In our house Santa only brings the stocking gifts (of which there are about 6 and range from 50p to about £10 in cost. His "big" presents come from Mummy and Daddy, Uncles, Aunties, Grandparents - myself and the others get full recognition and thank you cards (he doesn't write me a thank you card, that is a step too far)
Gardener of Weeden 2 years ago
How we handled it. Santa brought one present, we gave the "big"gift. Santa also gave socks and underwear to naughty kids (he always got 1 pair cause no one is perfect) . When he got old enough to question, then the truth with kindness and fun. (even at 30+ he still gets a pair of socks in his stocking)
WhiteClawOfDeath 2 years ago
No no, it only sais good kids get gifts. Nothing about the amount of gifts or the value. Having lived in poverty for a while as a child, I can say I was always good and I was always happy with the gifts. By the time you are aware of value differences, you normally don't believe in Santa anymore.
Icecream Sarang 2 years ago
No Santa here. Problem solved. We still do presents over night, but they’re not from some old man sneaking into the house to make children happy.
Gossameringue 2 years ago
I've never been comfortable with the Santa myth. I still do it with my youngest out of respect for my wife, but it seems such a dilution of reality.
#21
“Please” isn’t a magic word. It often won’t get you want you want.
“I’m sorry” doesn’t erase a wrong and is only one small part of an apology, which the wronged party is not obligated to accept.
Tams21 2 years ago
But please is basic manners and is much more respectful than just demanding something. I think that makes it "magic" enough to be taught that way.
Noname 2 years ago
So, this âgés me, but I 💓 Barney the dinosaur and his song "please and thank you are the magic words" because being polite doesn't mean you'll get what you ask for, but you're being polite. It never hurts to be polite!!
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Katie Lutesinger 2 years ago
I loved the twist in BoJack Horseman where BoJack assumes that just saying sorry will automatically make everything okay just like in the sitcom that made him famous, only to be told "I don't forgive you" and "I'm not gonna be your prop so you can feel better." Because his apology is far too little, far too late.
Sarah SH 2 years ago
Very true. My husband doesn’t think he should say please/sorry to our kids because he’s the adult and they need to do what he asks. Wrong. I do it and they respect me more.
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Headless Roach 2 years ago
And for the love of roach, no "I am sorry IF YOU FELT offended". That's not an apology, it's a blame-shifting bs.
Wondering Alice 2 years ago
For the love of roach - I will challenge this more. Go to obey the roach (this how religions start??)
Load More Replies... Paul Harris 2 years ago
I disagree that this is something we should NOT teach out children. Please is NOT a "magic" world. This should be taught the proper way. Saying I'm sorry is a cop-out. You have to"show" that you are sorry by publicly announcing it so everyone knows what you did wrong to warrant such a statement.
Penguin2224 2 years ago
I dont necessarily think publicly announcing it is the right thing to do either though.
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Chris Maddock 2 years ago (edited)
"Please" has better odds of a positive response, it is polite and respectfull (if done ernestly) and increases the odds but there will be times when you will not get the desired result. Often, by the time someone says "sorry", the harm has already been done. It is better to teach respect for others as well as themselves so they won't put themselves in the position of needing to say "Sorry". Of course, an honest mistake that affects others negatively definitely means a "sorry" is required.
Ryyde Cade 2 years ago
An apology is meaningless if you apologise for doing same thing a second time
Anxious&Bored Bear 2 years ago
I've told someone once that saying "I'm sorry" doesn't make the hurt go away.
#22
To push down their feelings and never cry. You don’t heal unless you work through your emotions. Support them, don’t scold.
Ches Yamada 2 years ago
Can attest to the 'never heal' part. I was screamed at and slapped for crying. I just can't let go anymore. I still cry, but I am not able to let truly go anymore.
SarDemMin 2 years ago
Yeah, I had to stop therapy cos I was told I will have to go through a lot of emotions before I begin to heal. Cry in front of a stranger? Heck, not yet!
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~lophiiformes~ 2 years ago
A quote from my mom "Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about" You can't say that to a 7 year old and not expect any emotional consequences
Nat of Clan P 2 years ago
My son (11 yrs old) on occasion, feels blue - I know the signs by the look on his face so I say to him "Are you feeling sad?" and if he says he is, I encourage him to have a wee cry. It does wonders for the soul. I don't believe in bottling up your feelings as you'll feel so much better if you just let it out. There's no shame in it, it's cathartic.
Sami-Jo Ross 2 years ago
I bottle things up and refuse to cry until it just becomes too much, because I was always told they'd "give me something to cry about" if I cried as a kid. I can barely cry in my own room because my parents would interrogate me over it.
Horst 2 years ago
Yeah I used to get yelled at a ton as a kid because I cried. Which lead to anger issues, which lead to more yelling. I’ve even had my mom call me a crybaby and say that if I didn’t stop crying then nobody would wanna be my friend. But now she straight up denies that ever happened…
Ashen Brooks (They/Them) 2 years ago
thats usually what happens when parents say "stop overreacting" to us, that means "stop reacting" and so I have a hard time showing emotion .
Randy Sanders 2 years ago
It's OK to cry, but don't let people see you. It makes them think you are weak.
#23
Boys dont cry
Yali-girl with weird name 2 years ago
And pees! Don’t discriminate urinating!
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Kate Jones 2 years ago
I'm not a guy so I can't say but just observationally, I honestly don't see many women getting angry or upset by men showing emotion. Usually it's the opposite- their husbands or partners are not emotional enough. I'm sure there are some sh!tty women out there doing that. But more often than not it's other men getting on men about it. Or, specifically, fathers getting on sons about it. I really hope with the more knowledge we have the more this will stop generationally. I feel like a lot of men having children now are teaching their kids better because they see how damaging mindset has been.
Kay Christensen 2 years ago
My dad was an Iwo Jima Marine veteran, tough as nails. But I saw him shed tears (both sad and happy) far more often than my mom ever did. A real man isn't afraid to show his emotions, period.
Nathan Shipman 2 years ago
The adults in my family just raised us to believe that the only acceptable reason for ANYONE to cry is the mourning of a serious loss, lots of pain (physical or emotional), etc. It is not acceptable to cry when we just don't get our way.
Ronnie Beaton 2 years ago
I'm a man. I was 42 when my father passed away in 2013, and I cried. I was 50 when I my mother passed away in 2020, and I cried.
#24
They have to finish their plates, or they're being wasteful.
Liz Reid 2 years ago
Eat til you're full, not til it's gone. (And if there is any food left, Daddy will probably eat it anyway! )
Andrei Marentette 2 years ago
exactly. this is a leading cause of obesity
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Adam Jeff 2 years ago
It depends on the context - most importantly, was the portion appropriate to begin with. And whether they are allowed snacks between meals - if they leave (healthy) food on their plate and then an hour later they're asking for cookies, then I can see why such a rule could be implemented.
Monday 2 years ago
And who dished up the portion. If you dish up your own food then I'll absolutely hold you to the "you have to finish your plate" rule. Teaches people not to take more than they can actually eat. That being said if this was a kid I wouldn't force them to eat the whole plate in one sitting if they took too much, they just can't eat anything else until they finish everything they took. Whether it takes them 20 minutes or 12 hours doesn't matter. You can go play or do homework or whatever, just come back and finish the food later.
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Šimon Špaček 2 years ago
I have a theory (would love to get a proper psychologist to check it) that one of the reasons why so many people are fat is this. "You have to finish the meal, of you will not get ice cream". OK, you just told me to over eat and get a treat for it. And also you told me that if I eat everything in front of me, I deserve a treat, so what will I do when I see (or smell) a hamburger? Eat it. And get ice cream for being a good boy.
Adam Jeff 2 years ago
Yes but what are you teaching if you don't have such a rule: "if you just refuse to eat the green stuff, you can eat ice cream instead".
Load More Replies... TotallyNOTaFox 2 years ago (edited)
We in Germany say "Eat up or the sun won't shine tomorrow" - And now we have a lot of fat kids and global warming...
Sonja 2 years ago
Meal planning. Oh good! Leftovers! We can put them away for later! Also giving small children too much food or letting them take too much for themselves. Teach them to accept smaller portions and take more if they're still hungry is much better. It'll help them learn their limits and needs
Icecream Sarang 2 years ago
Right up there with if you get seconds, eat it all. No. Get a smaller portion and eat until you’re full. If you want more, get more.
ObsidianAce_ 2 years ago
I still have such bad guilt throwing food away when I can’t eat anymore or it’s past its date… it’s ridiculous but i hate it sm
#25
That the size of your body (height included) is any measure of your worth.
Michael Mckeon 2 years ago
You know what they say? Big nose, big feet, big hands...........................................one funny looking fella
Jilltdcatlady 2 years ago
Hahaha. I grew up hearing big hands, big feet..;)... big gloves and big shoes
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ginny weasley 2 years ago
And you chose to miss the point to slip in some fat shaming under the guise of being concerned for someone's health. Unless you are that person's physician you really need to learn to keep your opinions to yourself. And a person's body STILL has no impact on their worth.
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Purple Gurl 2 years ago
I am 5'3 1/2-yes, that half matters for reasons!- and 250 lbs. I cannot seem to get smaller sized to stick for long, so I am working on accepting who I am. I nearly unalived myself several times due to always being tormented by my weight and societal perceptions thereof
Flora Yost 2 years ago
Being a short man and the butt of jokes is one of the remaining allowable prejudices. People of every ideology/race/religion will find it acceptable to make disparaging remarks about short men; as if their masculinity and intellect is connected to their height. It's ridiculous.
Glen Ellyn 2 years ago
This also happens with short women. In high school I was nicknamed "munchkin" because of my short stature.
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Kit the Demon Angel 2 years ago
Another thing is that just cus your small, you belong in a lower grade. I am a little over 54 inches and in seventh grade. All the time kids will say "I thought you were in fourth grade! I mean you are so short."
StarlightPanda! 2 years ago
It sucks. Everyone is different in many ways, and that's beautiful! The world would be boring if we were all the same!
Glen Ellyn 2 years ago
Spot on! This is what I enjoy about true diversity.
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Sophia Watanabe 2 years ago
Thankfully, my parents don’t do this, but I knew a kid in 5th grade shaming others for not having big enough body parts (it was a 10 year old girl)
#26
kids learn by watching us. whatever we want kids to do or not do starts with grown-ups addressing our own hang-ups. full stop.
Mulberry Juice 2 years ago
“Do what I say and not what I do” is very confusing to a small child
Sarah SH 2 years ago
Absolutely. My kids don’t take my husband as seriously because he does things like yelling at them for their clothes being on the floor when his are all over the place too.
Load More Replies... Ches Yamada 2 years ago
Yep. My mother never stood up for herself or me. I remember as a child staring really hard at her, pleading for her to say something during an evil dr visit, but she wouldn't. She talked sh!t after! But would never stand up for either of us.
Panzerkampfwagen VII Löwe 2 years ago
my mom is the same but she says it is because she is english
Load More Replies... Cydney Golden 2 years ago
At Back to School night I always told parents you need to model what behaviors you want your kids to value. Show your kids that you read and write, create, and value learning.
scag$y 2 years ago
What if we all decided to down tools and just start having fun? Acting the goat, dancing, singing, telling jokes, having a whale of a time. Then our kids would copy us and we would end up in our retirement, living on the gosh darn happiest planet in the galaxy! Or this. We could just keep doing this, either? (I like the first option).
#27
To accept collective punishment. Whomever did something to get in trouble for is who gets the punishment. So many teachers do this to kids and it just breeds resentment for both the teacher and the kid who keeps getting the whole class in trouble.
I dont want my kids to be prepared to accept this as adults, and just deal with it from the govt, society, their employer, etc.
BobTDG 2 years ago
Collective punishment just makes people hate the teacher and whomever keeps getting in trouble.
Monday 2 years ago
That's the point. The kids don't care if the teacher is displeased with them but they care if their classmates hate them. It's unfair, but it's effective.
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Hotdogking 2 years ago
It is also a war crime under the Geneva Convention. So adults who do this are basically war criminals. (For the record, the second half of this comment was a joke)
Sonja 2 years ago
It also sets the mindset that one foul apple is a good enough reason to take away help from those who need it. My country spends millions to track down 'social aid fraudsters'. But if you look at the numbers, those so called frauds are minimal and the amount of money used to get that money back stands in no reasonable proportion. No company would invest so much money to get back so little, it's a waste of ressources. But it's a direct result of being willing to let innocents suffer along wrongdoers and make the life of people needing help worse because of trying to punish the wrongdoer at all cost. I do think that it's important to catch fraudsters, spammers and such, I really do, but it's more important to protect the innocent people. And that means, sometimes it's better to let a small misdeed go unpunished and if there are victims, to just use some ressources to help them out than hurting lots of innocent people just to get the one culprit.
Sahshdiurrbrjdjdjf 2 years ago
Yep. They used to do this to us in basic military training. It just caused rifts amongst the troop. Mind you the whole ethos of my military training was backward and inaffective.
Casey McAlister 2 years ago
When we got a collective punishment, i remember that I wasn't even angry with a kid who got us into trouble(because it was usually something harmless and insignificant", but I did think the teacher was stupid. You can't expect children to respect you if you pull s**t like this.
nuberiffic 2 years ago
As a teacher: sometimes the only alternative is punishing no one. Which also isn't fair.
Nolgoth 2 years ago
Collective punishment is really common in the military. From bootcamp and on. 1 person screwed up in boot, everyone got punished, 1 person screwed up on liberty during deploymemt, everyone got punished (for my boat's case we had to start having "liberty buddies", couldnt go out unless someone came with. Difficult when you dont mesh with the jock type personalities of everyone else and dont like getting drunk for fun).
Katie Andrews 2 years ago
As a retired teacher, I sometimes did collective punishments (very mild, as in no one could leave until all knees were tucked in... or being dismissed by me, not the bell... etc.). I taught them that they were lying by commission, ie doing something antisocial, then lying by omission, not taking responsibility for their actions. Step up, everyone else gets to go, and the one who confesses won't get punished badly; mostly I just wanted acknowledgment of wrongdoing, and to have a short conversation about what was REALLY going on, to see if there were unmet needs, anger at me or other students so the kid(s) were acting out, or something else going on. It worked. Kids learned to trust that I wasn't going to punish harshly, cared more about fairness and their feelings than being right. They knew I'd apologize to them if I was wrong, and would try to do better, and had expectations that they would do the same. I hope what I did worked to teach them responsibility, as well as trust.
#28
Religion in public schools
RP 2 years ago
Teaching religion is a great idea in all schools... i.e. reading the actual holy texts of multiple religions so that they actually know what is in them. Practising religion in any schools should not be allowed.
BlackestDawn 2 years ago
While I do fully agree personally I would use "teaching about religion" rather than "teaching religion" since it's a clearer distinction between them. "Teaching religion" can still be interpreted as teaching a specific religion as the right one and that you should follow it while "teaching about religion" is just how the many different religions have been used for both good and evil and how it has shaped history.
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Nitka Tsar 2 years ago
This is one I agree on wholeheartedly. If they want to teach religion, then please, teach every kind of religion in a theoretical way. I love my childrens school snd Kindergarten but the religion classes are a sore spot.
Katie Andrews 2 years ago
Retired teacher here and let me say, religion isn't banned in schools. Everyone is free to pray. But as far as teaching it? Teach ALL religions, and teach simply what each one believes, without indoctrination. Teach Bible, Torah, Quran, etc. as literature. Teach the belief systems and history without proselitizing. All of this is legal and leads to having minds opened to new ways of thinking.
Anna Stephenson 2 years ago
As long as you're teaching MULTIPLE religions, and academically, not as the literal truth! Then I just honk it's fine! (I was only ever taught Christianity until I reached a university. And in primary school it was taught as fact, not from a academic point of view- so as an atheist, I basically just sat there and coloured in the drawings with my multicoloured pens lol
Poeha 2 years ago
If they have to pay taxes, like in Holland, the pastor doesn't get paid and quits and ppl work for free, but only once a month or so, except when it's a woman, who doesn't have to work, cause her husband has a well paid job or an older guy who doesn't have to work anymore.
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Celtic Pirate Queen 2 years ago
Separation of church & state. I went to Catholic school most of my life (wanna see my scars?) and we had Mass 3 mornings a week. Hence, I haven't set foot inside a church for about 20 years.
#29
As a teacher, I'm always amused by the things people think we teach kids. "Stop teaching ______!"
You know what I spent significant time teaching this year? That soiled toilet paper goes in the toilet. That you can control how loudly you burp. That you have to charge a laptop computer for more than a minute to fill the battery.
Then you get the, "Why don't schools teach kids how to do taxes?" Yeah, kids love taxes. We couldn't get middle school kids to stop playing Fortnite long enough to focus on "The Human Body" unit for a week.
I'm just amused by all the things people think happen in schools.
And of course there is the notion that parents can teach kids, too. That's what we're doing with our son. If there's something important he needs to know, we're teaching it to him.
eeeeeeeee 2 years ago
Basic nutrition, simple cooking skills, finances, sewing/fixing the easy stuff....
Niki A 2 years ago
I totally wish we were teaching this, but most schools no longer teach home and life skills as a requirement. Who am I kidding, I am in a district that doesn't even provide sex education. Do you know how many questions I get about pregnancy and STD's? You can't run a house these days without basic math and reading skills, but so many can't do that. It's impossible to explain if you haven't been there, but we spend so much time on things that should be addressed at home that teaching what we need to is nearly impossible.
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Ashley Schriber 2 years ago
I admit I do not get the argument that you can't teach students practical stuff like how to do taxes because...they don't find it interesting? Unlike, say, the quadratic formula, or how to find the surface area of a cylinder, or the five-paragraph essay structure?
Casey McAlister 2 years ago
Yeah, kids don't like taxes, and honestly, who does? They also don't usually like algebra, but here we are.
Niki A 2 years ago
We are supposed to regulate their behavior, keep them engaged, keep them safe, make it fun, personalize it for everyone, solve petty disputes etc. Yet, I do not here many parents discuss their role in education. I always want to ask if you just think I have all the answers, or if you really really trust me THAT much. I'm not all-knowing, and it's ok for us both to be lost. Kids are mysterious like that, but they teach us too. Help me help them. Don't leave me alone with the responsibility for ALL learning.
JB 2 years ago
When I'm doing the emotional regulation work for 28 students times two classes because they don't yet have the vocabulary or comprehension as to why they're getting how they do and how to express it constructively, then there's no time for some of those life skills that would be neat for them to have. You know who can do it in ten minutes? Mom, dad, or guardian. I do not have to meet you to know if you're involved in the life, learning, and well being of your student, I can read it in their behaviour and performance! Your support, your little life lessons, your literally just spending ten minutes with them is ALL felt in the classroom.
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PurpleUnicorn 2 years ago
So much education about life and lifeskills should take place in the home, unfortunately many parents don't/can't
Raccoon Queen 2 years ago
My HS has a required personal finance class and I told myself I wasn’t going to take it until my senior year because if I took it earlier I wouldn’t pay attention
The Darkest Timeline 2 years ago
You know who decides what gets taught in American schools? Your elected officials. If you want things to change, vote for different people who will push for the changes you want. And what gets eliminated so we have time to teach the “basic skills” you’re asking be taught? Are you you okay with your favorite subject being jettisoned in favor of something that could be taught at home?
Naomi Pollock 2 years ago (edited)
the last paragraph is very condescending, blatantly generalizing that parents are incapable. Yes, not all parents can teach a child everything, but the bit about anything important a child needs to know, only this teacher can teach the child, I have to disagree with. People that live in multi cultural and multi ethnic countries especially have a rich and broad life experience that they share and teach their children
Alison Hell 2 years ago
There are many parents that cant or wont teach their kids the basics in life because they can barely function at being an adult. Sad reality and those kids shouldn't be penalized because their parents suck...schools should teach these things so all kids learn.
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#30
That you need to be friends with everyone.
Beeps 2 years ago
That’s a really great lesson, I wish my parents had done that.
Load More Replies... Randy Sanders 2 years ago
You can count my friends on one hand, And there is a reason for that. there is a difference between friend and acquaintance.
Celtic Pirate Queen 2 years ago
You need to be polite and treat everyone with respect, you do NOT have to be their friend. Sometimes people just don't click - and that's okay.
brandyy17 2 years ago
my parents drilled this into me wen i was kid. wanna kno wat happened? i got bullied all the way to high school. in middle school i found my friends and started to stop trying for everyone. i was still bullied tho i was called either the push over or the too nice kid. im still too nice but im not a push over. ive always had a heart of gold i just kno how to direct it now.
Jilltdcatlady 2 years ago
That you must forgive a seemingly nice person. Turn the other cheek.
#31
That challenging authority is wrong.
Sonja 2 years ago
An authoritative argument is a faulty argument. Especially if the authority figure isn't even an expert in that topic. A pharmacologist isn't a doctor, a doctor is not neccessarily a medical scientist or up to date, and even science can fail. Of course, an experts opinion is important and should be heard, but that doesn't mean it's not worth asking questions or that it can't be inconclusive
ginny weasley 2 years ago
Very very sick of the people who graduated Youtube U thinking they are capable of arguing with experts though.
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Randy Sanders 2 years ago
Always challenge ANY AND ALL authority. Ask pointed questions, it's OK. And so is having an unpopular opinion.
#32
Breakfast cereal is healthy
Ches Yamada 2 years ago
Certain types are better than others. I mean, look, I love my fruity pebbles and they're a nightmare, but plain bran flakes aren't unhealthy.
Michael Mckeon 2 years ago
Bran flakes aren't unhealthy, just rubbish lol
Load More Replies... The Other Guest 2 years ago
Somewhat off-topic: I had a childhood friend who put sugar on Count Chocula. Even as a kid I was appalled.
featherytoad 2 years ago
The original Cheerios are. I eat those every morning with raisins.
Load More Replies... Lara Verne 2 years ago
That's what cereal commercials said. No one else taugh kids that cereals are healthy.
#33
That doctors are scary. Many parents threaten their kids with the doctor when kids don't listen to them.
Ches Yamada 2 years ago
Sadly, I was taught that doctors were "authority figures" and therefore they couldn't be bad people. I was abused by d@mn near every doctor. We need the middle ground.
kath morgan 2 years ago
Turned out my dentist was notorious within this industry for his unsympathetic practices. We didn’t know any better, at the time.
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Jozie de Roo 2 years ago
I was scared of doctors in white jackets when i was a kid, but that was because they wanted to help me, and I only saw themwhen I was in pain.
Leo Domitrix 2 years ago
Please don't do this. The kid's already traumatized. Don't make them scream at the person in the white coat whose job is to try to look down their throat to see if it's strep or not. The kid already feels sh*tty. Thank you. ---- MD
Michael Mckeon 2 years ago
Who does this? F that! It would be a punishment for me. Sitting down at the doctors for 3hrs with kids going nuts sounds like a nightmare, I'll just stick with turning the WiFi off thank you
#34
That you need talent to be good at something.
Ches Yamada 2 years ago
I'm torn on this, because you often DO need talent to be good at something. Practice does not always make perfect - you need at least a little spark.
aj B 2 years ago
You need talent to be Great at something certainly. To just reach Good though I think even without any talent enough effort can get you there. Unfortunately many people lose that distinction.
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all 4 paws 2 years ago
I hate when people say im "Naturally talented" at something I'm good at. This isnt a "natural talent", sharon, it took so many f*****g hours of hard work
Šimon Špaček 2 years ago
Yes and no. Some people are naturally talented, an example would be absolute pitch. It is huge advantage. Still being a good musician also means few buckets of sweat, but being able to hear notes really helps.
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Jilltdcatlady 2 years ago
I re-read it to be "you'll never be good at something if you don't pick it up quickly". Leaving out the part where practicing is a slow process. And it's a waste of every ones time and effort while they wait for you to"catch up".
King Joffrey 2 years ago
To be really excellent at something, you do unfortunately need talent. Anyone can play football but only a few have the potential to be Messi. You can create music on your phone these days but very few people will turn out to be the next Mozart.
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What do you think ?
ejfs 2 years ago
Emotional intelligence should be taught as well. Learning to identify one's emotions, what caused them, how those emotions are making us think/behave. Of course, exceptions have to made for neurodivergent people but they can still learn this. It just takes longer.
Michael Mckeon 2 years ago
I find the neurodivergent kids tend to feel intense emotions and often are concerned about how the other party is feeling. The other neurodivergent students will pick up on these feelings and start to get unsettled too. These kids feel
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Summer Mason 2 years ago
As a mom, bullies exsist. And my children are trained to fight back. It's not okay for your son to push my daughter on the play ground. There for if it happens, she's allowed to punch your kid in the face. I really could care less what others think of this, but I will not raise my kids how I was raised. I didn't defend myself and was picked on till I became sucidiical at 8 years old. Finally one day I had enough and busted a kids nose with my back pack for touching my hair unsolicited and he treated me with suck distan I cringed hearing his name at roll call. Cory, your an a*****e, I didn't deserve to have my hair threatened to be chopped off cause your parents didn't raise you properly. I hope my daughter kicks your kids a*s too if it comes down to it. (Ltr, I had a bully who made me want to kill myself, I fought back and I will support my kids doing the same)
talliloo 2 years ago
i was never a terrible person or in any way a bad role model. but, after i had a child i became very aware of how i was mirror to him. i made sure that i practiced what i preached when i taught him things including the fact that parents are not always right and that there isn't a parent manual to follow. ended up having kids that would think about their actions when they got in trouble and/or before they acted. nope - not perfect kids as i had plenty of anxiety attacks about some of their antics. but we all survived until adulthood and they are good human beings, sometimes to a fault.
Chris Hooley 2 years ago
"No religion in public schools" FTW, but it needs to go further. No religion to be taught, full stop. If people grow up and decide they need to offload responsibility to a big, beardy sky-man or that they can't live without imaginary friends, then by that stage they're a lost cause. Don't pickle their minds from the start, though.
Nitka Tsar 2 years ago
That‘s a bit … mean. Religion has been around for thousends of years. I don‘t mind it if it is practiced in a quiet, non confrontational way. I just mind my kids being „brainwashed“ into it at school….
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witchling 2 years ago
Consequences. YOU bear the responsibility of your actions no matter if the outcome is positive or negative. YOU made a choice. YOU reap the rewards or suffer the consequences. I taught my boys this and I live by this. Perspective is everything. Wanna understand why someone reacts the way they do? Want to prevent an unnecessary argument? Want to be more compassionate, more empathic? Look at things thru their eyes. Don't see their situation thru your eyes, see it thru theirs. Teach this to young people and you will raise adults who respect the both the world and themselves.
John Hannah 2 years ago
I'd love to sit down with my school bullies and ask them what was going on in their lives back then. Everyone has a story behind their behaviour.
Lara Verne 2 years ago
Also thing like: Mother points at person in wheelchair: "This will happen to you, if you don't eat broccoli!"
ejfs 2 years ago
Emotional intelligence should be taught as well. Learning to identify one's emotions, what caused them, how those emotions are making us think/behave. Of course, exceptions have to made for neurodivergent people but they can still learn this. It just takes longer.
Michael Mckeon 2 years ago
I find the neurodivergent kids tend to feel intense emotions and often are concerned about how the other party is feeling. The other neurodivergent students will pick up on these feelings and start to get unsettled too. These kids feel
Load More Replies... Summer Mason 2 years ago
As a mom, bullies exsist. And my children are trained to fight back. It's not okay for your son to push my daughter on the play ground. There for if it happens, she's allowed to punch your kid in the face. I really could care less what others think of this, but I will not raise my kids how I was raised. I didn't defend myself and was picked on till I became sucidiical at 8 years old. Finally one day I had enough and busted a kids nose with my back pack for touching my hair unsolicited and he treated me with suck distan I cringed hearing his name at roll call. Cory, your an a*****e, I didn't deserve to have my hair threatened to be chopped off cause your parents didn't raise you properly. I hope my daughter kicks your kids a*s too if it comes down to it. (Ltr, I had a bully who made me want to kill myself, I fought back and I will support my kids doing the same)
talliloo 2 years ago
i was never a terrible person or in any way a bad role model. but, after i had a child i became very aware of how i was mirror to him. i made sure that i practiced what i preached when i taught him things including the fact that parents are not always right and that there isn't a parent manual to follow. ended up having kids that would think about their actions when they got in trouble and/or before they acted. nope - not perfect kids as i had plenty of anxiety attacks about some of their antics. but we all survived until adulthood and they are good human beings, sometimes to a fault.
Chris Hooley 2 years ago
"No religion in public schools" FTW, but it needs to go further. No religion to be taught, full stop. If people grow up and decide they need to offload responsibility to a big, beardy sky-man or that they can't live without imaginary friends, then by that stage they're a lost cause. Don't pickle their minds from the start, though.
Nitka Tsar 2 years ago
That‘s a bit … mean. Religion has been around for thousends of years. I don‘t mind it if it is practiced in a quiet, non confrontational way. I just mind my kids being „brainwashed“ into it at school….
Load More Replies... witchling 2 years ago
Consequences. YOU bear the responsibility of your actions no matter if the outcome is positive or negative. YOU made a choice. YOU reap the rewards or suffer the consequences. I taught my boys this and I live by this. Perspective is everything. Wanna understand why someone reacts the way they do? Want to prevent an unnecessary argument? Want to be more compassionate, more empathic? Look at things thru their eyes. Don't see their situation thru your eyes, see it thru theirs. Teach this to young people and you will raise adults who respect the both the world and themselves.
John Hannah 2 years ago
I'd love to sit down with my school bullies and ask them what was going on in their lives back then. Everyone has a story behind their behaviour.
Lara Verne 2 years ago
Also thing like: Mother points at person in wheelchair: "This will happen to you, if you don't eat broccoli!"
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