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Anyone who has seen an unruly or loud child in public has probably immediately assumed the parents were simply negligent and that any child you might have would simply be better behaved. Of course, practice is generally a lot harder than theory, as many new parents discover.

Someone asked “What’s one thing you used to judge parents on before you had kids?” and netizens shared their best examples. So get comfortable as you read through, upvote your favorite and, if you are a parent, be sure to share your own thoughts in the comments section below.

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#1

“Comes With The Territory”: 39 People Who Judged Parents Too Soon Tantruming or screaming in public places. I thought if they can’t behave, don’t take them out! Quickly realized the only way to teach them how to behave in public is to take them out!

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Marianne
Marianne
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And the only way to teach them not to have tantrums anymore is to let them have that tantrum and setting boundaries.

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Child of the Stars
Child of the Stars
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Letting them tantrum is super important! It's not just about boundaries, it's also about learning emotional regulation.

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Blondie23
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

and sometimes you can do everything 100% right and the kid will still throw the tantum and not listen... kids can be arseholes like that!

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Child of the Stars
Child of the Stars
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I found pretty quickly that the tantrum is almost never about what they're crying over. There's always an underlying issue. With my kids, they were usually hungry, tired, or (before toilet training) needed a change.

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Sunny Day
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Incorrect. They should be behaving at home first. For someone's first driving lesson, you don't take them on the LA freeway at rush hour and expect them to cross 6 lanes to get to the right exit. You teach them to drive before getting anywhere near LA traffic. Teach your kids to behave at home and they'll behave in public because you give them The Look.

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Tamra
Tamra
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Kids learn by doing, much like the rest of us. You can't keep a child isolated at home until they have some semblance of perfect manners. You get on with your life, and take them with you, and teach them along the way. Kids have to be exposed to new things so they can learn how to navigate those situations. Sometimes, that means a public tantrum.

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Kelly Scott
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1 month ago

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They can't learn this at home first? Sheesh.

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TheBlueBitterfly
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No, because "home" is not the same as "unfamiliar place around strangers" so kids aren't going to act the same.

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#2

“Comes With The Territory”: 39 People Who Judged Parents Too Soon "Because I said so". I swore id never use that phrase. I would explain things to my kid instead. And I do. But after the third or fourth time explaining the exact same thing you just gotta take a bath because I said so.

LuuluSoul , Kaboompics.com/Pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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HTakeover
HTakeover
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1 month ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

After growing up with this as the default, I swore I'd never leave the little ones without a reason, no matter how bad or dumb. Instead, I explained it simply, to a degree they could understand the logic behind, the first time. After that, if it's something I just need them to do, I use some variation of the phrase "asked and answered." When consistent about it, they learned that they hit a wall. But if they keep pressing, I occasionally add something like "just because you don't like the answer doesn't change it." If it's something that I don't really care too much about, they're free to try to weasel around it because that pushes them to find creative solutions to problems. They can tell the difference by the tone I use - sigh versus energetic. Actually worked pretty well. They're all teens now, so everything is up for debate in their minds 'cause obviously I'm wrong about everything. But that's a teen thing.

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#3

“Comes With The Territory”: 39 People Who Judged Parents Too Soon For me, it was leashes for toddlers. I’d ask myself, 'What kind of monster would chain their kid to a leash!' Now I have a toddler, and I can totally see why people might need a leash in public places

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Libstak
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Kids run out between cars in a split second, a leash is a great idea imo while you are teaching them to stay by your side in public places stay off the roads.

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#4

“Comes With The Territory”: 39 People Who Judged Parents Too Soon Gentle parenting. As strange as that sounds. I thought "getting your a*s whooped" was normal. I was raised in an abusive neglectful home. I knew I had it bad growing up (my parents were alcoholics/addicts, mom overdosed when I was 21) but after having kids I realized *just how bad*.

Now that I'm a parent in a stable healthy home environment, I see how seriously important it is to try to be calm and gentle with my kids. I would never "beat them with the belt" as I had heard SO many times growing up.

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#5

“Comes With The Territory”: 39 People Who Judged Parents Too Soon Dirty cars and car seats.

Now I've learned that mess just comes with the territory

sirsassypants11 , Jean Papillon/Pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Gourdeous
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1 month ago

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This is one I don't agree with. Dirty boots and waterproofs go in the boot, no eating in the car.

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#6

“Comes With The Territory”: 39 People Who Judged Parents Too Soon Definitely public meltdowns.

Now having a daughter with sensory issues, I only feel heartache now when I hear/see it.

It sucks.

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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My firstborn got overwhelmed at too much noise, too much movement, too many people... He couldn't help himself. 30 years later, he's solved the problem by staying home as much as possible.

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#7

“Comes With The Territory”: 39 People Who Judged Parents Too Soon Older kids in strollers. My twins were still using the stroller at 4. I didn't have a car, if we're going out for a 6 hour outing to the city I'm absolutely taking the stroller, much safer crossing the road or walking through crowds and somewhere to crash when they're ready for a nap.

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Debbie
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1 month ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And a place to hang/ store your bags and shoppings!

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#8

“Comes With The Territory”: 39 People Who Judged Parents Too Soon Making special food for their kids. Judged them so hard for that. Now I’m a short order cook. Ah well.

pdx_grl , cottonbro studio/Pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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#9

“Comes With The Territory”: 39 People Who Judged Parents Too Soon I was never going to bribe my child. I was going to teach him to be respectful and behave without the promise of candy/fruit snacks/screen time. Bahahahaahha. I was young, so full of hope.

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Marianne
Marianne
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You can teach them while they're awake and you have spare time. If it's bed time or you have to leave the house in a hurry, you do what is needed to keep the peace.

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#10

“Comes With The Territory”: 39 People Who Judged Parents Too Soon When the parents would decline invitations out for dinners / restaurants at night time, or want the dinner to start at 5pm oh how naive I was! My sister and I would say why don’t they just bring the baby. Now I realise one dinner/night out means a few days out of routine and catch up on already sleep deprived parents!

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Child of the Stars
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And choosing a spontaneous restaurant when out. There are a couple of local places in my city that I found out the hard way are not kid- or baby-friendly, either in the menu or not having high chairs or booster seats. Which is fine, but it's something I learned to ask about before eating someplace new.

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#11

“Comes With The Territory”: 39 People Who Judged Parents Too Soon Living a flexible life with baby. I'd see relatives with young ones who took hours to leave their house because of all the prep, timing naps and feeds. I'd think to myself, wow couldn't they just do all that outside the home, like at the mall or in the car? Surely, when I have a child they will fit into MY schedule, not the other way round.

Welp... I was very judgemental and naive.

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Stephanie A Mutti
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The times when you have plans to do something at whatever o'clock on a weekend afternoon and the kid just won't wake up from that nap

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#12

“Comes With The Territory”: 39 People Who Judged Parents Too Soon Basically everything

- screen time
- kids on a leash
- carrying a screaming kid out of a store and leaving a cart behind for someone else to deal with
- cereal for breakfast, lunch and dinner
- going out in public with food slopped on their clothes (mom or kid)

I was a great parent before I had a kid lol.

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ILoveMySon
ILoveMySon
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Exactly. I was heavily involved in childcare and thought I was doing everything "right" because I was also an aunt. 😅 Everything changed when I became a parent. 24/7 is very different and I loved it.

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#13

“Comes With The Territory”: 39 People Who Judged Parents Too Soon Cosleeping. I SWORE up and down my baby would never sleep with me.. then the PPD/PPA hit. The long nights of waking up every 2 hours to breastfeed. Then him waking up everytime I set him down in the bassinet. I gave up and decided I needed sleep.

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Roxy222uk
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've never understood why people are so against this. Where do they think babies have slept for most of human history?

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#14

“Comes With The Territory”: 39 People Who Judged Parents Too Soon A kid cried through almost an entire 8 hour red eye flight. Back then, I thought geez why don’t the parents do something? Now: those poor parents. That toddler is emotionally abusive.

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Marianne
Marianne
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nobody enjoys sitting next to a screaming baby/toddler. But I assure you no person suffers as much as the child's parents. You can't just "make" them stop. Being crammed into a seat, your options are limited.

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#15

“Comes With The Territory”: 39 People Who Judged Parents Too Soon Parents who discipline their kids in public. I'm not talking spankings, but the loud stern talking too that the whole store can hear. I get it now.

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Blondie23
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

yeah because they probably already told that kid 3216587321654 times not to do something and now it's time to embarss them so they stop!

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#16

“Comes With The Territory”: 39 People Who Judged Parents Too Soon Carrying your kid in your arms when you have a stroller : "Why do you even buy a stroller if you don't put your kid in it, stupid parent?"

Yeah I learned the hard way why XD.

Inara_R , Lisa Fotios/Pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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TMTMTMTM
TMTMTMTM
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Never having had a kid or dealt with one: I'd like to learn. Why carry your kid &c?

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#17

“Comes With The Territory”: 39 People Who Judged Parents Too Soon I have a fun one! Little kids (3-6) wearing character stuff with characters from media for big kids (8-13+). Like a 3yo wearing a (not lego) Batman shirt. I just assumed you were a s****y parent who let your 3yo watch pg13 movies. Well, my 3yo loves "Baby Yoda". He has multiple Grogu shirts, and a matching book bag and lunch box, he asked for a "Baby Yoda Cake" for his birthday. Did I let my little preschooler watch The Mandalorian? F**k no! I bought a tube of strawberry Crest toothpaste that had Grogu on the package and it was love at first sight 🤷🏼‍♀️.

raiu86 , davitydave/Pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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CP
CP
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It is amazing how cultural osmosis can affect everyone.

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#18

“Comes With The Territory”: 39 People Who Judged Parents Too Soon It was never out loud, but I judged parents that said their kid "saved" them from their previous bad life styles or choices or mental health issues or whatever else. It seemed like a lot to put on a kid and if you need help managing (which is normal and reasonable) you should lean on an adult not tiny person who will potentially feel responsible for managing everyone else's emotions once they're grown. But then I had a kid. And all of my bad habits and questionable coping mechanisms became painfully obvious and I realized I had to learn how to deal with life in a healthy way if I was going to be a good example and emotionally present parent. It's caused me to work on some things I wouldn't have otherwise and has kind of saved me.

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Child of the Stars
Child of the Stars
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yup. People assume it means that the parent uses the kid for emotional support, but in reality it means the responsibilities of parenting highlights what the parent needs to change. In my case, my oldest got me sober and my youngest got me into therapy. People sometimes look at me weird when I say my kids come second after my sobriety and mental health, but the reality is if I don't have a handle on those first, I can't be a parent.

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#19

“Comes With The Territory”: 39 People Who Judged Parents Too Soon Breastfeeding in public. I never understood why women did that. I thought why didn't they just do it before they left home?! Now that I'm a mother I know that a nursing mother's schedule is entirely based around when the baby needs to eat and if she only left home when the baby was satiated she would never be able to leave the house! Now that I know better I am happy to see moms getting out into the world with their babies and feeding them in public if needed.

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Heather Atwood
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I will never understand ANYONE who has an issue with public breastfeeding!

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#20

“Comes With The Territory”: 39 People Who Judged Parents Too Soon Children at Brewery's. Now I know brewery's with their beautiful wide open green grassy spaces so kids can run off their energy and delicious ice cold beer so parents can drown their sorrows are MADE for parents 😂.

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#21

“Comes With The Territory”: 39 People Who Judged Parents Too Soon Lol! I used to see mothers at the shops all the time walking around with prams and thought don’t you have anything better to do? then I had a baby and realised the shops are weather and temperature controlled, have parenting rooms with places to feed and change baby, indoor play spaces, the ground is nice and smooth for the pram, you get parking easily with parenting car spots and there is coffee, food and shops and it’s nice to just be around other people because it can be very isolating with a baby.

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#22

“Comes With The Territory”: 39 People Who Judged Parents Too Soon Picky eating children. “Just make them eat what you are making…” or “I’ll never be a short order cook making separate meals…”. But alas. I picked other battles to fight and here I am, making 3 meals a night. Ugh.

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#23

“Comes With The Territory”: 39 People Who Judged Parents Too Soon Co sleeping. I had never been so sleep deprived in my life after an entire month of waking up every 45 minutes to 2 hours. I now understand the "survival mode" reason for co sleeping.

Pumpkin156 , Pavel Danilyuk/Pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Marianne
Marianne
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It just happens. You breastfeed in your bed and suddenly it's 2 hours later and you and the baby peacefully sleep next to each other.

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#24

“Comes With The Territory”: 39 People Who Judged Parents Too Soon It was the leashes for us too. We have 5 kids, 4 of them were perfectly content staying right with us for the most part, the oldest boy would literally take off running for the street though.

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#25

“Comes With The Territory”: 39 People Who Judged Parents Too Soon Buhahaha I used to tell friends “just bring your kid to blah blah blah! They can nap in the car!”

Umm no. It’s not that easy I was so dumb lol.

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DrBronxx
DrBronxx
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1 month ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I remember when my family were all visiting us for our wedding. They were staying for three weeks, and we made a holiday out of it. I remember planning out schedules for what to do each day. I would say things like "Ok, we need to leave no later than..." or "on that day we can just have a late lunch." I was given a reality check by my brother, who had two small children at the time. We ended up being a lot looser with the schedule, and it wasn't as jam packed as I had initially made it. Now with a child of my own I realise that just one day out requires a lot of planning, but also the plans can go out the window for any number of reasons, so you have to be really flexible.

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#26

“Comes With The Territory”: 39 People Who Judged Parents Too Soon Screen time at a restaurant. We rarely hand over a phone, but sometimes the wait for food is long, and we’ve exhausted all our other resources. Screens are a tool

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Debbie
Debbie
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Screens with headphones or screens without sound. Not even sound on lowest setting please.

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#27

“Comes With The Territory”: 39 People Who Judged Parents Too Soon Picky eaters. My kids weren’t going to live on chicken nuggets and pizza. My kids would eat whatever we eat.

I have one who will try whatever and eat what he likes, and one who only eats standard kid food.

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#28

“Comes With The Territory”: 39 People Who Judged Parents Too Soon Potty training late. And then my first kid had some developmental delays and didn’t potty train fully until just shy of age 4. Karma.

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Child of the Stars
Child of the Stars
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Neither of mine were completely trained until almost 4 and neither is delayed. Kids will train when they're ready.

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#29

“Comes With The Territory”: 39 People Who Judged Parents Too Soon I remember going on our annual family vacation for the first time after my wife and I were newly married. My sister-in-law would start bedtime routine for their then 6 and 8 year olds at 7pm. I thought that was the most insane millennial helicopter s**t I’d ever seen. Sure enough I have a 5 and 7 year old and bedtime routine starts at 7pm.

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#30

“Comes With The Territory”: 39 People Who Judged Parents Too Soon That my son wasn't going to gorge on snacks.

Snacks were a forbidden treat in my house so naturally I developed a binge eating disorder and a healthy dose of attached shame, so I consulted a pediatric therapist and we agreed to have a variety of snacks available to be had with no shame attached. He was also offered 3 balanced meals a day to try and promote healthy eating whilst not focusing on it, unfortunately as it happens my boy is autistic and has ADHD and at this point if all he's eaten in the day is 4 oranges and a good few bags of crisps I'm just glad he's eaten. It's better than forcing him to sit at the table for meals and meltdown because he doesn't like the way his safe food looks that day.

So now the balanced safe meal is put next to him with whatever activity he's doing and 90% of the time he will unconsciously pick at it whilst doing said activities but some days, snacks are the safe food and that's okay.

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HTakeover
HTakeover
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A lot of adults forget how a kid's metabolism works and forget how important snacks in general are. They haven't yet developed those large stores of calories, or sections of undigested food, to burn off between meals.

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#31

“Comes With The Territory”: 39 People Who Judged Parents Too Soon Snotty noses. Urrgghh... It's so gross.... How hard is it to wipe their noses. Well i had a kid with allergies, and then daycare with the 59 colds per year... and i did wipe his nose... Because it was gross, but it was also a knockdown drag out fight to get him to use a saline rinse or any sucking machine to really get it cleaned. Babies are strong as hell when you don't wanna break their arms tryna hold them down. I still think it's gross, and I think people still need to try, but I'm way less judgey because lil hulks are hard.

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DrBronxx
DrBronxx
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1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My toddler loves to run at you and give you a hug. When you're standing, she just hugs your legs. When she has a cold, you get very messy trousers from all the snot.

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#32

“Comes With The Territory”: 39 People Who Judged Parents Too Soon Using iPads or their phones when they were out. I said I wouldn’t let her watch iPad until she was at school

Hahahahahaha

Giving her the phone has saved my sanity while I was at the shops.

anon , Kaboompics.com/Pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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#33

“Comes With The Territory”: 39 People Who Judged Parents Too Soon Early leave from work for daycare pickup. I was always like, just pick them up AFTER work you shammer. Then I learned about state and daycare policies which limits care to so many 8 hours. So if you have a commute...well, best of luck.

Then there are add-on costs....competition just to get in to one....and then the horrible school hours that still require before and after school care FOR THE SAME PRICE AS A NORMAL FULL DAY OF DAYCARE!!

It probably cost my wife and I 25k/yr for two kids for daycare for 8 years. A normal average run of the mil daycare.

yippekayaye_7 , Alexander Grey/Pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Brian Droste
Brian Droste
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

25k a yr for two kids? That is what my income was for a full year before I retired. That was before taxes.

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#34

“Comes With The Territory”: 39 People Who Judged Parents Too Soon Only talking about their kids. It’s gotten easier over time, but besides work what am I even doing besides momming real hard?

cakesandkittens , Anastasia Shuraeva/Pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Kelly Scott
Kelly Scott
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1 month ago

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Again, did you not research ANYTHING before you had a baby?

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#35

“Comes With The Territory”: 39 People Who Judged Parents Too Soon "god why is that kid eating so much junk!"

Mskimchi87 , cottonbro studio/Pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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#36

“Comes With The Territory”: 39 People Who Judged Parents Too Soon Screaming kids on a plane.

Took my then 4 month old and 2 and a half year old on a plane so they could see my wife's family for the first time.

Vowed I would never do it again.

Tickets already booked for a mid year flight.

Turbulent-Cat-4546 , Wemerson Santana/Pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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DrBronxx
DrBronxx
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We travelled with our then-6-month-old last year. Four long flights. Thankfully, we had bassinet-row seats each way, and she was just small enough to use them. She'll be almost two the next time we travel. We have the bassinet rows, but she's too big for the bassinet. We couldn't afford a third seat, so she'll be on our laps the whole way. She's generally not a noisy girl, and very friendly, but 12+ hours on airplanes will test her quite a bit. Not exactly looking forward to it!

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#37

“Comes With The Territory”: 39 People Who Judged Parents Too Soon I still judge this: if parent doesnt parent. Like screaming kid ok but what does parent do? Is there with kid handling it somewhat? Or playing on phone? Kid is jumping on couch, not theirs they can jump home if they want, does parent tries to stop it or just ignores it?
Kid grabs toy from another kid kid cries what does parent do? Do they go to return toy or just sit and stare at mud?

Round-Ticket-39 , Stephen Andrews/Pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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#38

“Comes With The Territory”: 39 People Who Judged Parents Too Soon My kids were never going to eat food while not seated properly. Never! I remember doing CPR training for the like 7th time and the instructor mentioned how dangerous it is for kids to walk/run around with food in their mouth. Oops. I know it's not good, but sometimes I just don't have the energy to force my daughter to sit. It's better now that she's 3 and can be reasoned with.

toddlermanager , Shohei Ohara/Pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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#39

“Comes With The Territory”: 39 People Who Judged Parents Too Soon Letting them be fussy eaters. My kid is fussy as all get out. It drives me nuts, but there’s not much else I can do.

realzealman , KATRIN BOLOVTSOVA/Pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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sweet emotion
sweet emotion
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Luckily my mom was a really good cook, because we ate what was put on the table or went hungry. There were exceptions, of course : we were not forced to eat liver and onions (Dad loved it but only got it once or twice a year because Mom didn't like it herself) and we were not forced to eat fish / seafood meals (but all three of us learned to eat tuna, shrimp and white fish by the time we were about 10). If it was a mom-and-dad meal (especially during Lent), we were served buttered noodles or PBJ sandwiches. We also sat at the table until we were sure we had finished eating and had verified there was no dessert - but these were the days when there was only news on TV during dinner time, so no biggie.

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