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Effective therapists don’t necessarily provide instant cures for mental struggles. Instead, they help people reframe thoughts more favorably through words of wisdom that may leave a lasting impact.
These words are a huge deal for patients whose lives have improved. Some are opening up in this Reddit thread that asks, “What’s one thing a therapist has said to you that you will never forget?”
One person shared their renewed perspective on the concept of family. Another individual received one of the most unique and eye-opening pieces of advice about letting go of ill feelings.
Whether or not you’ve been to therapy, you may pick up a thing or two just by reading these responses. Scroll through, and hopefully, you do take something valuable with you.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
“The urge to binge lasts 7 minutes”.
I struggled with binge eating disorder for 20 years and finally sought help last January. I would get the urge to binge around the same time every night, around 9:30. I bought a little sudoku book from the dollar store and played for 10 minutes every time I got the urge to binge.
Obviously, it took a lot more than that statement for me to begin my recovery, and those 7 minutes were absolutely grueling for the first few months, but I can proudly say I’ve been binge-free since February 1st, 2023.
#2
There is a difference between “I don’t want to live anymore “ and “I don’t want to live LIKE THIS anymore” - yup, Mrs. Kim, you were right and I’m still around!
#3
She asked if there was anything I wanted to do in my life that I no longer thought I could do. I told her that I wanted to go to law school but that was no longer in the cards for me. She said, “you know that you can still go to law school right? No one has to give you permission.”
I’ll be graduating with my JD in May of next year.
I doubt she understands the true impact of her simple statement that day.
Alexia 3 weeks ago
Struggling with limitative beliefs is so difficult and you really need someone else to light up things for you. "I don't deserve to [enter whatever - be happy, live better, have a good relationship etc.]" But actually, you CAN do what you were dreaming to, and you DO deserve to be happy. That voice telling you otherwise is not yours.
#4
“You show up for other people because no one ever showed up for you, and you don’t ever want anyone else to feel that pain.”
#5
Therapist: “If you were my client while you were a minor i would have absolutely called child services.”
Me: “What? Why? They weren’t perfect, but it’s not like they were abusing me.”
Therapist (after a brief pause): “Not all abuse leaves bruises that others can see.”
#6
She once told me “you don’t have to earn rest”. It hit me hard because I always felt I had to accomplish a certain amount or be productive before I could relax. Hearing that made me realize it’s okay to just be, and that rest is a right, not a reward. It really changed how I approach self-care and balance in my life.
21st century hustle culture is toxic.
#7
“you can be alone, and that’s ok. if only one person ever loves you, even if that person is you, it is enough.”
#8
"You can't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm"
BannedFromABoatShow 3 weeks ago
The first time I heard this I actually had to sit down. It completely changed my world.
#9
"When I first read your file I thought for sure I'd see a long history of dysfunctional relationships, violent crime and prison time. Instead you've managed to turn into a relatively normal person. I see 5 different traumas from your childhood, any one of which would be enough to have derailed the life of most people. The fact that you're relatively normal is actually a testament to you as a good person."
Made me cry. Hard to say to people "sure I'm messed up, but at least I deserve some credit for not being anywhere near as messed up as I could be" and have them understand. It was nice to be seen and understood by someone.
cerinamroth 3 weeks ago
My therapist said a similar thing to me. She couldn’t believe I‘d managed to have a relationship, a job and a created a stable home for our kids given my background but that she said I was one of the most receptive and resilient people she’d ever met. I’m quite proud of that.
#10
A therapist once told me, "You don’t have to fix everything at once. Just start somewhere." It helped me let go of the pressure to be perfect and focus on small steps. It made the bigger issues feel less overwhelming.
#11
“Just because someone is trying their best that doesn’t mean it’s okay.”
For context we were discussing a family member who just sucks at communicating; he often just ignores me, makes no attempts to get to know me as I am now, is generally just not a great family member. He’s trying his best, but it’s not good enough. I don’t have to act like it is.
#12
My therapist and I were discussing how I felt about a pretty deep betrayal from my now ex-wife. I was beating myself up for not seeing how bad she really was when there was plenty of evidence. He wrote down something on his yellow notepad and then held it up right in my face, practically touching my nose.
He said "what's that say?"
I couldn't read it; it was too close to my face. Stepping back from it a bit, it could read it said "you're too close to see it." He was right. I was too close to the problems and the situation to have been able to see it where in retrospect it was so obvious. I stopped beating myself up over it and was able to let it go.
Susie Elle 3 weeks ago
It's like a desensitisation. The perspective of 'normal' shifts to accommodate what you hold close to you, but only when you step away from it do you see you were trying to hug a cactus with your bare hands all this time, and that constant pain it not a normal.
#13
“You’ve brought up how Chipotle sending you just a bowl of beans in a DoorDash order has affected you 9 times in your last 25 visits. I believe you may be autistic.”
Spoiler: I’m autistic.
Yayheterogeneity 3 weeks ago
It sometimes is such a relief to get a label to the symptoms unnerving us.
#14
I had talked recently about my inability to find a partner because I’m looking for XYZ and “not a lot of women fit what I’m looking for.”
She paused for a minute and asked me “well…what kind of partner do YOU want to be?”
Blew my mind. Completely changed my approach to dating.
Brandie Litchfield 3 weeks ago
Be the type of partner that you seek. How can you attract that energy if you do not put forth that energy?
#15
"Notice the feelings, like leaves on a river. Call them what they are, then let them go, let them float down the river past you. Don't judge yourself for having them, and don't engage with them. Simply acknowledge them, let them go, and move on."
I remember these words vividly because it's a coping strategy I use almost every day.
sturmwesen 3 weeks ago (edited)
This is one I struggle with. I understand the concept but how do you not wallow in them, interact with them or judge?
#16
"You're a people pleaser. And, aren't you a people? So,when is it YOUR turn?"
StrangeOne 3 weeks ago
I have to remind myself this all the time. Most of the time it ends with me having to defend myself.
#17
"You have family, it just looks different." I learned to ignore my blood relatives and call my friends my chosen family. I have the best family now :)
Aileen Grist 3 weeks ago
The blood of the covenant (friends) are more important than the waters of the womb (family). Often wrongly used as 'blood is thicker than water' to state the opposite
#18
"You can’t control how others treat you, but you can control how long you allow it." That really stuck with me because it shifted the way I approached toxic relationships and situations.
#19
“If you make an intentional, well thought-out decision, how someone else responds to it is none of your business”
I didn’t believe him for years.
#20
She made(asked) me sit at a park and look at the children at a playground and asked me how could I at that age of done anything to deserve the abuse. I was in a space where I felt I was to blame somehow. I will never forget my rage at realizing I was a baby.
Joshua David 3 weeks ago (edited)
This epiphany came to me recently. I was severely depressed and it was exhibiting itself as rage and anger, a year in bed, emotional outbursts etc. I was severly abused by my Polish immigrant father and was allowed by my mother. I'm 46 and 2 years ago i asked my GP if they could prescribe me prozac. After six months i was able to move my 10 hear old wounded inner self to freedom. Im changed from this medication. Depression, anger, heightend emotions are gone. Saved my 12 year relationship. It wouldn't have been possible without Tonya, my therapist. The breakthroughs were shocking and startling everytime. It's been 2 years on the meds now and i can't even remember the person i was for 44 years. Please talk to somebody.
#21
Depression doesn’t have to be sadness or the lack of happiness. It could come in the form of unresolved anger. Made me reframe a lot of what I was trying to fix.
Lady Miss Pie 3 weeks ago
Depression is *not* sadness or sick of happiness, it is the absence of vitality. Everyone should listen to Andrew Solomon. Depression is not a mood.
#22
There comes a time when you have to transition from being your son's manager to his consultant.
#23
“You don’t have to be perfect to be good enough.” That really changed how I see myself and my struggles. It stuck with me.
Child of the Stars 3 weeks ago
A friend of mine once put it like this: I don't have to do the yoga poses perfectly to get the full benefit of doing yoga.
#24
"maybe the reason it's so hard to believe your significant other loves you is because it's the first time in your life you've ever experienced unconditional love"
#25
That child that was never loved or acknowledged is still waiting, not on your parents but on you. You are her parent now. Will you ignore her, not love her, not value her, and not find her worthy as well? You decide if she thrives or survives. Your parents let her down. Will you do the same?
Multa Nocte 3 weeks ago
I think this is one of the most important items on this entire list. Sometimes you have to be your own parent because most of them are never going to change and be that perfect parent you always wished for.
#26
“When you stop making yourself small, some people will no longer fit in your life.”
#27
When you get married, realize that you’re marrying multiple people. Who you are and who your spouse is today isn’t going to be who they are 10-15 years from now.
Changed the way I view a lot of discussions with my partner ever since.
#28
I was telling my psychiatrist about my worries and fears that kept me up at night for the past several years.
Psych :
When did these thoughts begin?
Me:
“Probably for the past 15 years”
Psych:
“And in 15 years of sleepless nights, how many of these things have actually occurred and you had to take care of them?”
Me: “Not a single one”
Psych: “Then why not wait to deal with it when it actually happens?”
The simplicity of that statement was almost childish, but it really made me realize that I was worrying for no reason and I was able to stop that behavior.
#29
For me, it was a time I was talking about how self-conscious I was when dating and what that other person thought of me. She told me "You're so focused on whether that person would like you, that you don't even realize if you even like them back".
#30
"Of course you're anxious. You're an introvert, and a natural leader. They're not mutually exclusive."
Effing nailed the root of my problem. I'd worked so long in sales learning to be chatty I forgot how much I like being alone.
Rahul Pawa 3 weeks ago
I can relate. I consider myself a shy extrovert, which I think most people think of as mutually exclusive.
#31
“Your self confidence will fluctuate day to day, maybe even minute to minute. That’s transient. But what doesn’t fluctuate is your knowledge, your training, your intelligence and intellect. Those things stay consistent and improve with time. Don’t put too much stock in your self confidence being a measure of how competent you are. Trust in the other things that are consistent and concrete.”
#32
I recently turned 37. About 2 years ago, I started therapy for one reason, but we migrated to my anxiety and depression.
One day, my therapist told me about breathing techniques... which I knew about. But she had a child patient who would say, "smell the flowers... blow out the candles..." as in, breathe in through your nose and out of your mouth. It was the sweetest thing... it also makes me wonder where this little girl is now since she was in therapy at such a young age. I hope she's doing better. I never met her, just heard this one story... but I think of her often and want all the good things for her. 💜
#33
“You’re whole life you had to fight to prove yourself to the people around you and now you’re just tired”
#34
"unspoken expectations of others are just future resentments"
Edit: This quote suggesting that you stop expecting things from others. It just means that if you do have expectations of others it's your responsibility to make the other person aware of them.
For example. If you expect your husband to clean the dishes after you've cooked dinner but you never voice those expectations to him then eventually you will resent him for not doing it. People need to be taught how we would like them to be our friends. Then it's up to them if they want to do those things are not.
Amy S 3 weeks ago
Mmm, I'm not sure about this one. As an adult there are something you should know how to do (pick up after yourself, brush your teeth, basic household chores). Putting one person in charge of making the other aware of basic expectations is very close to giving them the mental load of running the home.
#35
Your over functioning is allowing their under functioning. In relation to my kids and what I was asking them to do around the house. She asked me if I wanted to release adults into the world who were under functioning humans. Nope! Next day started with chores and responsibilities and everyone is happier
#36
“They’ll get over it.” We were discussing setting boundaries, and how hard it was for me to say no. People would be mad if I said no, I told her. “So?” she said. “They’ll be mad.” When I just stared at her, not comprehending, she went on with that pearl of wisdom: they’ll get over it. I thought of all the times I’d been upset with people and had had to get over it, and realized she was right. Even the person whose anger I feared the most would get over it, in time. The first time I said no was hard. I fretted about it and the other person’s reaction for a while. It got easier, though, and now I have no trouble at all.
The Phantom Stranger 3 weeks ago
*Also refer back to the one about not setting yourself on fire to keep somebody else warm.
#37
Let’s pretend that everyone says exactly what they mean. Don’t try to figure out the subtext. Take it at face value. Believe them.
#38
Today my therapist spoke out loud to the “part” of me that is depression, thanked it for doing its best to keep me safe, but that it’s time for a new job now because we’re healing now. We’re working on what that job could be. Maybe reminding me to rest.
#39
So I was doing behaviroal therapy after I dropped out of college and was listing all the accumulated trauma in my life wich prevents me from motivating myself from doing anything.
My therapist looked at me for a few silent seconds and said "that sounds like a great excuse for being lazy and smoking weed all day"
Turned out I really needed to here that hard truth from someone who was otherwise a very kind and empathetic individual.
It made me realize that I couldn't honor the loss of a loved one by being a lethargic bum and gave me the strength to snap out of my (psychological) weed addiction.
mandy the capibara 3 weeks ago
That is a it is a very mature thing to admit, well done. Acknowledging that someone is helpful to you by permitting you to be kind to yourself is one thing, but acknowledging that someone does a good thing by giving you a loving kick up the bum, and taking some accountability is another.
#40
Think of past me and future me as completely different people. My decisions today don’t affect me. Because the me that makes those decisions will be gone - past me. Future me, a different person, has to live with the consequences. So treat that person with love and respect and don’t put him in bad or awkward situations.
What’s one thing a therapist has said to you that you will never forget?
J. Maxx 3 weeks ago
Okay, so all these are wonderful; now for a s****y one...my therapist told me I was Gay because I was molested as a little kid. I looked at him and told him straight-up that he was full of s**t and that I was born Gay. He stated that as a therapist of 25 years, he knew what he was talking about. I told him as a Gay man of 35 years, I knew what the f**k I was talking about. He paused, looked up, and said, "That's fair." I never went back.
Metalhead Turtle 🇺🇦 3 weeks ago
It's currently at 89 at the time of me typing this comment.
Load More Replies... J. Maxx 3 weeks ago
Okay, so all these are wonderful; now for a s****y one...my therapist told me I was Gay because I was molested as a little kid. I looked at him and told him straight-up that he was full of s**t and that I was born Gay. He stated that as a therapist of 25 years, he knew what he was talking about. I told him as a Gay man of 35 years, I knew what the f**k I was talking about. He paused, looked up, and said, "That's fair." I never went back.
Metalhead Turtle 🇺🇦 3 weeks ago
It's currently at 89 at the time of me typing this comment.
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