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Being a parent is one of the hardest jobs in the world. It’s impossible to do it perfectly, but there are a million different ways to do it well. As long as your little ones have all of the love and support they need, as well as a clean and safe place to rest their heads at night, you're probably doing a great job.
But sadly, there are some moms and dads out there who could use a lesson in how to be a good parent. Redditors have recently been sharing glaringly obvious red flags that someone’s not a good parent, so we’ve gathered the most heartbreaking ones below. We hope that none of these examples remind you of your own mother and father, pandas, but they might be good reminders of what not to do with your kids.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Filming everything your child does and creating a social media page to garner likes and ad revenue.
#2
Your own children being afraid of you, no child should be afraid of the person that looks after them nearly 24/7.
ILoveMySon 4 months ago
I noticed this in the children of a neighbor years ago and started paying more attention. Turned the parents into CPS. I was correct in my deduction and the children were removed. Yes I WILL be "that person" where children are concerned.
#3
When the older kids have no life or time on their own as they're too busy raising their siblings.
#4
Using children as pawns in divorces or separations.
Nathaniel He/Him Cis-Het 4 months ago
My mum and dad fought over who got custody of me. My mum lost and she ended up with me.
#5
I'll use my mom as an example: When their goal is to have a child, not to raise an adult. So they purposefully keep them young, discourage independence, and pour their entire identity into being mom. Then, when that kid becomes an adult, they have no idea what to do with their life.
pineapple87 4 months ago
Oh, I've seen too much of this. It's not always about not wanting your kid to grow up, though, a lot of the time a parent just does everything for them because "it's just faster if I do it myself" without realizing that they're denying their kids the chance to learn vital life skills.
#6
Letting your child watch a video on their iPad on full volume in a restaurant. Please parent your child and engage with them so they know how when they are older.
#7
Taking their bedroom door off because they haven't "earned" privacy.
Nikki Gross 4 months ago
My Mom did that to me one time and I completely deserved it. I was 15 and we were arguing and I had a bad habit of slamming my door when I was mad. She told me if I slammed it one more time that she was taking it off its hinge, so being a brat I yelled and slammed it again. 2 seconds later Mom comes in with a hammer and screwdriver and took it off the hinge. At the time it was just the two of us living in our house, so it wasn't like I lost all privacy since it was in the summer and Mom was at work most of the time and i only lost it for 3 days. I learned my lesson since I'm 47 and she's gone now but I still won't slam a door.
#8
Being on your phone while the kids are running rampant. i get people need breaks but at a restaurant i don't really want kids coming over to my table and messing with food and screaming everywhere.
#9
Stealing from your child. When I started college I had saved up about $800 for books and supplies. Two days before class starts I go to buy my book. I have $600 worth of stuff ranging from up and my card declines. I put everything back and check my bank app. I have $30. It says that the last transaction was an in bank transfer to my dad account. I called him and asked what happened.
His response:
“I was short on bills. I’ll get you back in two weeks on payday.
Me: “ok but you didn’t ask. I need that for school and I just looked like a moron since my card declined.”
Him: “I’m the parent. I don’t have to ask you for anything. You should be grateful I’m giving it back at all. It’s not my fault you didn’t check your bank account before trying to make a big purchase.
Later that night he cussed me out for changing my passwords and log in info. He says he has the right to see what I’m spending my money on.
I got the money back a week later with an extra $200 “for the inconvenience”.
But the damage was done. I already had flunked two quizzes because I didn’t have textbooks and my library only had the outdated copy that gave me wrong answers.
#10
Treating your kid as your therapist.
Red PANda (she/they) 4 months ago
This doesn’t mean don’t show emotion to your child, just don’t dump all your worries onto them and anxieties that they shouldn’t have to think about as a kid
#11
Having extremely unreasonable, unrealistic expectations for your child, i.e., maintain 5.0 GPA Pre-K to College, earn a noble peace price at 20, somehow get married at 25, and have 6 kids by 30, get six figure job right after college, take care of the entire family on their own dime etc.
Rebel Peewee 4 months ago
When i was a HS teacher, i was astounded at the shear amount of energy that parents put into making sure their child had perfect grades while totally disregarding helping them shape into functioning adults who, i don't know, could actually thrive in college and beyond, not just get into a good school.
#12
Never apologizes.
Binky Melnik 4 months ago (edited)
I was an adult before I found out that parents apologize to their kids. I just assumed it was something that wasn’t done but then they were always, ALWAYS right, and so had nothing to apologize for.
#14
Constantly yelling and losing it on your kids. How are they going to learn about stability and communication with parents like that.
#15
Trapping a child in a car as you smoke. Add into the mix the child has chronic bronchitis. Chronic bronchitis is a pulmonary disease, not a cold. No child should have this. Commenting for a friend.
Stephanie Did It 4 months ago
Born to smokers, raised by smokers. Severe asthmatic for 65 years, in and out of ICUs and ERs. I'm now on a medication that is working, but I'll never get back those years of being miserably sick and ruined occasions my "caregivers" inflicted on me.
#16
Not having open lines of communication, where your children feel they can't talk to you about their day, concerns at school, or what's on their mind, might indicate a need to work on the relationship.
Cassie 4 months ago
My mom died when I was a kid and my dad made it very clear that he wasn't interested in dealing with my issues. When I was a teenager, he got offended that I wouldn't come to him for anything, but every time I tried he would get annoyed or even mad. But I'm still the bad guy for not wanting to talk to him about anything.
#17
Parents (usually moms) that self identify as “crunchy/silky/scrunchy/almond/whateverthef**k moms”. Parents that post their kids all over online on the same pages they post their OF links and photos and videos of themselves half naked. Parents who tell everyone their kid is neurodivergent as an excuse for their behavior, especially if they’ve never actually been tested. Family vloggers. Parents who exploit their disabled children for money/attention. Parents who post videos of their kids throwing a fit or getting hurt because they think it’s funny. Parents of adult children who no longer speak to them.
pineapple87 4 months ago
The tantrum filming. I can't even imagine what kind of damage those kids grow up with when their negative emotions have only ever been met with ridicule.
#18
Fetal-alcohol syndrome. When you see it, you know. If you don't know, Google right now. Had a classmate in grade school with it.
I was walking through the forest, minding my own business, when a family walked past me going the other way. The father was covered in tattoos and looked older than he should. He had a cigarette hanging out of his cap. The mother was platinum blond wearing all black stretch fabric and a polished face mask of pale looking makeup. They club. And I don't fault them for their lifestyles or priorities. The mother was pushing a stroller with a child; it was a paved trail. The father was just BITCHING about anything and everything - I've never heard so much bitching in a forest, of all places. It's how I knew they were there - I heard him before I saw him. They had a little boy in tow - probably 7-8. My problem with them all was that when we both came around the bend, when they saw me as I saw them, THE FIRST THING this child just out of diapers did, was shout, "HEY! F**K YOU! HEY! HEY! F**K YOU! F**K YOU!" - over, and over again, flipping me the double bird. The father was indifferent, and the mother was hoping to ignore the whole thing. I looked the kid in the eyes and said, "Your parents must be so proud of you." And I carried on.
I met up with an old friend. He and I go back to diapers. I haven't seen him in 15 years and we got together for his birthday. He invited some other friends out, too. So we were having a drink when his friends showed up. They had a son. He was 3-4. This was 11pm on a Saturday, in a bar. The child had deep bags under his eyes. They ordered him caffeinated Cola, and poured it into a sippy cup for him. He complained he was tired, they told him to sleep in the booth, which is impossible in a bar at 11pm on a Saturday. Frankly, I had lost my appetite, as it were, to this, and endeavored to speed the night along for the child's sake.
Children bear the burden of their bad parents. You look how they behave and that tells you everything you need to know. You look at their outbursts, their scars, their fears, their coping mechanisms.
#19
Sheltering children from uncomfortable feelings.
You have to let your kids learn to process and handle those feelings. Don't assume something is too hard for them to understand, I promise they already know something is happening/wrong, so help them understand it.
This also goes for punishments too. Nobody likes to make their kid mad or cry. It's not fun grounding kids for a messy room, not getting chores done, or lying but they need those life skills. You've only got a set amount of time to teach them to be good, thoughtful, respectful humans.
#20
Trying to be your child’s friend and not setting structure or expectations or disciplining them.
#22
When they expect gratitude for food, shelter and the bare minimum they provided as they had too.
Becca not Becky 4 months ago
I think it's good to teach gratitude for the simple things (there are people who don't have those) but it's wrong to weaponize it
#23
Not knowing anything about your child's life. Best friends, favorite things, favorite teacher, what they like or don't like to eat. Not having an interest in them as individuals. Not allowing them to be individuals.
#24
Child : scream
parent : scream louder.
Weasel Wise 4 months ago
Child knows they can't scream cuz it will result in far worse when nobody is looking. My parents are pieces of shìt.
#25
Not showing up for your kids. As someone who's worked up to 3 Jobs at one time I've never missed a concert, sporting event or birthday. There are of course circumstances that can't be bypassed but if you miss more than you attend it's a you problem.
Trillian 4 months ago
That being said, some schools really need to make an effort to make events more "working parents friendly". Especially now just before the summer holidays there is a ton of conferences, get-togethers, sponsored runs, sports competitions and whatnot, I can't take time off for each and I just wish they would move some of it to the later afternoon or weekend.
#26
When a parent compares their child to another child such as their friends, cousins, etc. Never giving the child any praise. Speaking to them as if they are a child when they are a teenager. Not paying attention while they are playing or acknowledging when they come up to you wanting to show you something. Replying “later” to everything they ask you to do. When they want something such as to see their friends, and instead of supporting them, you never allow them any social freedom. The list goes on.
#27
I'm telling on myself from the past here (bad parents can become better), but putting off therapies your child needs and refusing to set boundaries because you feel bad about a situation that happened.
This allows for bratty kids who think the world revolves around them and setting boundaries later with the child is Hell. My kiddo is recovering and doing so much better now, but it took a huge wake up call and it shouldn't have.
I can't stress this enough: parent your kids! They will be so much better for it in the long run. No amount of guilt should stop you from teaching your children boundaries and how to respect them.
#28
Your kid seeking out other adults to confide in when it comes to difficult topics, because they're scared of how you'll react.
#29
As someone who works wit elementary aged kids, being too controlling about everything, not just with your kid but trying to control what your kid is around when you aren’t, there are several parents who have tried to get books taken out of our school library, freaked out that teachers put on movies during indoor recess (we are a catholic private school owned by the Archdiocese there are so many restrictions) or even that we give out cookies for after school snack. There are two young kids who have already learned how to lie to their mom, they are in third and first grade so they can have the fun treat we give out instead of just getting an apple while everyone else gets popsicles.
#30
Parents who let their home go to s**t. I get it, kids are messy, lives are busy, and your home will never be perfect. But some scattered toys, piles of schoolwork, and a few drop zones around the place isn’t what I’m talking about. I’m talking about moldy food everywhere, hoarding, not cleaning up after animals, and houses full of rodents and roaches attracted to the biohazard of a mess.
#31
Playing favourites when all kids should be equally loved (not my experience but my boyfriend's).
Lsai Aeon 4 months ago
I'm an only child, my mother's favorite child was anyone else's child. She adopted me but wanted a boy and got a girl. Took it out on me
Ilikemybooksshakennotstirred 4 months ago
Ugh. I know a little bit what that feels like
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wowbagger 4 months ago
Playing favorites is a common tactic of emotionally abusive people. It keeps family members competing for their attention and approval. When parents do this, it can lead to life-long tensions between siblings, so not only do you have a stressful childhood, but you can end up deprived of healthy sibling relationships as an adult. Not that I'm bitter or anything.
Ionescu Popa 4 months ago
its much worse in many occasions. animal-like tempers by themselves, or satanists in similar environments, simply sacrifice one or few. it was done as a religious act before, it is done more covertly now, but the purpose is similar. and in areas like eastern africa its in still in the open.
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smugdruggler 4 months ago
I always tell people that having a favourite isn't a problem but showing favouritism definitely is.
Louisa Spoke 4 months ago
I was hated by my parents and particularly by my mother. My elder sisters always were given things and I just didn’t get them. My aunts and uncles and family were the same with giving presents attention etc. I’m still trying to work out why they behaved the way they did.
FaceTime Audio 4 months ago
My sister's the favorite child. She can get away with so much. Luckily, I'm my grandma's favorite of all her grandkids.
Michelle C 4 months ago
My dad made clear that his ex-stepchildren were his favorite children. As my ex-stepmother had done, they don’t talk to him anymore, either.
#32
Parents who cave-in to their kids demands and let the kid control them.
#33
Pressuring constantly his/her own children, displaying them like trophies or accomplishments instead of human beings.
#37
When your kids do the conga around your corpse at your funeral.
Weasel Wise 4 months ago
Why would this be concerning? It's a celebration of release from their abusers and captors.
#38
Giving your kid everything he wants.
#39
Anyone who calls them self a boy mom.
Zedrapazia 4 months ago
For anyone who needs a description what that is: A Boy Mom is an Instagram and TikTok trend of women who specifically wanted a boy, are now absolutely spoiling that kid with no boundaries at all, and have weirdly parasitic, boyfriend-like relationships to their own sons if they are older
#40
“We don’t say no in this household.”
The idea and sentiment behind that phrase I can understand but the way the majority of parents put this in practice is just always saying, “Yes.”
I’ve been in numerous 504 meetings where the the behavioral issue can be mitigated by boundaries.
kitten levels tokyo 4 months ago
This would hit me different if I knew what a 504 meeting was.
#41
Parents with fat kids who continue to feed them garbage.
kitten levels tokyo 4 months ago
I read that some people live in “Food Deserts” where the only options are garbage food and extreme fatness. 🤷♂️
#42
Not leading by example.
#43
Your kids at grandmas more than with you because you’re out having a “good time” every weekend!
LandAhoy (they/them) 4 months ago
This is OK- shared custody with grandparent if grandparent is willing. Essential with young parents who may otherwise resent having a child. A million times better than the parents partying all weekend with them NOT being sent to Grandma's.
#44
I'm an "influencer" and my kids are part of my channel.
FluffyDreg 4 months ago
I know someone who has a survivalist/camping/travel YouTube and his kids appear every now and again. Mostly on traveling vacation videos. Hes a bit bordering with how often they do show up but it's not enoigh to be red flag territory.
#46
People who have family blogs.
#47
Not monitoring your kids screen time.
Michael Largey 4 months ago
The key is providing them alternatives so interesting and involving that the screen time will limit itself.
#48
A child flinching.
FluffyDreg 4 months ago
I get the point but if theres a very loud sound kids who hsvent been abused will flinch because its an instinctive reflex.
#49
When your kids jump in the air and click their heels when finding out you dead.
#50
Be on first name basis with all the officers at the juvenile detention facility.
Shark queen 🦈🦈🦈 4 months ago
Wait there is a case where this is okay. If they are either A a social worker or b an officer as well.
What do you think ?
Sergio Bicerra 4 months ago
I may add parents who force their kids to follow their steps, despite kids protests: same interests, same sports same college, same career. Then live their lives through them: choose their partners, orquestate their wedding, when to have kids, name traditions, how to raise them.
Susan Bell 4 months ago
Moms who treat their son like he is their god, king, love of their life, only child ever born. I don't ever see dads do this with daughters, but it must be out there. Seems like every single mom with an only child who is a boy, though...
Emie N. 4 months ago
Not all moms with sons are like this. Just the ones who make it their whole personality. And yes "girl dad's" exist as well. I've seen it and it's creepy.
Load More Replies...
Sky Render 4 months ago
I would add: putting your relationship with your partner ahead of your children, especially when it becomes apparent that your partner is an abuser to your children. It happens far too often, ie. it happens at all.
Joshua Stovall 4 months ago
The eardrum shattering screen most often heard in for some reason these children's play should be reserved for one occasion: danger, immediate danger to the child or some one around them. These children have not been taught that when you scream that eardrum shattering piercing scream, people run over. Now it's considered just part of normal play. What kind of r++++++d s++t is that?
ZGutr 4 months ago (edited)
I suffered from a cerebral bleeding. My wife told me years later that there was a period my personality was different. Up to a level where I terrified my wife and kids three or four times. I was not aware at the time and I'm not sure I could have prevented it either. But even now -15 years later- it still brings tears to my eyes that it happened. I'm so ashamed I scarred the ones that supported me the most and did literally anything for me at my lowest point in life. They don't hold it against me, they don't blame me, but that was when I was the worst parent/husband, and I have no clue as how to ever make up for that.
Dill 4 months ago
You probably don't need to, you were ill at the time. It was through no fault of your own whatsoever. They know that. They can look back at that time and recognise that it wasn't the real YOU and it was brought about entirely due to your brain injury. I know I'm just a stranger on the internet, but I'd find it easy to forgive a parent for that. They may think 'that was a scary time' but it can be rationalised. You must have been scared when you found out what was wrong. It was a bad time for you all.
Load More Replies...
Tobias Reaper 4 months ago
being jealous of your kids doing better than you did rather than being happy for them. While at the same time taking credit for their success like it was somehow because of them even when they were not there.
Lisbeth Guz 4 months ago (edited)
Moms that are so concerned and controlling about their daughter's weight and diet that they end up giving them eating disorders.
Andy Frobig 4 months ago
You want children? Go ahead, but acknowledge that you are creating a living entity with no regard to what that living entity wants, just to fill a void in your own life. Don't want kids, or indifferent? Take steps to prevent them. Think you have a logical reason to have kids? You don't
Russell Rieckenberg 4 months ago
"Fail videos" where the kids are crying and the adults are laughing.
Rosgrana 4 months ago
Insisting on treating your children exactly the same, and demanding that everyone else do it too, even though they are very different personalities and ages.
Swan 4 months ago
society nsisting on treating people exactly the same, and demanding that everyone else do it too, even though they have very different personalities need and reactions!! yes!
Load More Replies...
Kalikima 4 months ago
My sister used to under feed her boys cuz she didn't want them to "grow up fat".
Chris Robertson 4 months ago
Lying to the child. When I was 6 or 7 my mother promised she wouldn't try to pull out my loose tooth if I opened my mouth and let her look at it. I did, and she grabbed. After that, I no longer felt it was my duty to lways tell her the truth.
Maisey Myles 4 months ago
Absentee father and alcoholic mother. Last one to bed would cover up mama when she passed out on the couch. Never attending any function or event. Always late or forgetting to pick me up at school.
DetriMentaL 4 months ago
I understand the concept of "it takes a village to raise a child" but this village is tired of keeping an eye on your kids for you mr and mrs neighbors!
Mila Sliacka 4 months ago
Oh god, some of these posts bring memories. Let me add a few more: locking up apples and other fruit from your kid because you’re on a special diet and you would not have enough, not watching if your kid bathes and changes clothes for school, telling your child random s**t like: tomorrow you’ll tell everyone at school I’m 29 (she was 37), telling your daughter she’d be so pretty if she dropped 7kg, letting your husband beat the child and when the child comes to you saying: it’s ok, he’s a prince who is protecting me from you (the mother from the child). And many more. There was a history of mother daughter abuse in my family. I think I ended that cycle. My therapist says so.
Binky Melnik 4 months ago
I don’t understand the people here who are sooo concerned about votes on articles. What’s it to you? If you find it sooo interesting that you feel the need to comment on nearly every article, why don’t you contact BP to see whether you can get a job with ‘em? Why force the rest of us to read your constant complaining? Seriously: it’s as if you have some sorta vested interest in it. Just get a job there so you can fix whatever it is you think is broken.
Load More Replies...
Sergio Bicerra 4 months ago
I may add parents who force their kids to follow their steps, despite kids protests: same interests, same sports same college, same career. Then live their lives through them: choose their partners, orquestate their wedding, when to have kids, name traditions, how to raise them.
Susan Bell 4 months ago
Moms who treat their son like he is their god, king, love of their life, only child ever born. I don't ever see dads do this with daughters, but it must be out there. Seems like every single mom with an only child who is a boy, though...
Emie N. 4 months ago
Not all moms with sons are like this. Just the ones who make it their whole personality. And yes "girl dad's" exist as well. I've seen it and it's creepy.
Load More Replies... Sky Render 4 months ago
I would add: putting your relationship with your partner ahead of your children, especially when it becomes apparent that your partner is an abuser to your children. It happens far too often, ie. it happens at all.
Joshua Stovall 4 months ago
The eardrum shattering screen most often heard in for some reason these children's play should be reserved for one occasion: danger, immediate danger to the child or some one around them. These children have not been taught that when you scream that eardrum shattering piercing scream, people run over. Now it's considered just part of normal play. What kind of r++++++d s++t is that?
ZGutr 4 months ago (edited)
I suffered from a cerebral bleeding. My wife told me years later that there was a period my personality was different. Up to a level where I terrified my wife and kids three or four times. I was not aware at the time and I'm not sure I could have prevented it either. But even now -15 years later- it still brings tears to my eyes that it happened. I'm so ashamed I scarred the ones that supported me the most and did literally anything for me at my lowest point in life. They don't hold it against me, they don't blame me, but that was when I was the worst parent/husband, and I have no clue as how to ever make up for that.
Dill 4 months ago
You probably don't need to, you were ill at the time. It was through no fault of your own whatsoever. They know that. They can look back at that time and recognise that it wasn't the real YOU and it was brought about entirely due to your brain injury. I know I'm just a stranger on the internet, but I'd find it easy to forgive a parent for that. They may think 'that was a scary time' but it can be rationalised. You must have been scared when you found out what was wrong. It was a bad time for you all.
Load More Replies... Tobias Reaper 4 months ago
being jealous of your kids doing better than you did rather than being happy for them. While at the same time taking credit for their success like it was somehow because of them even when they were not there.
Lisbeth Guz 4 months ago (edited)
Moms that are so concerned and controlling about their daughter's weight and diet that they end up giving them eating disorders.
Andy Frobig 4 months ago
You want children? Go ahead, but acknowledge that you are creating a living entity with no regard to what that living entity wants, just to fill a void in your own life. Don't want kids, or indifferent? Take steps to prevent them. Think you have a logical reason to have kids? You don't
Russell Rieckenberg 4 months ago
"Fail videos" where the kids are crying and the adults are laughing.
Rosgrana 4 months ago
Insisting on treating your children exactly the same, and demanding that everyone else do it too, even though they are very different personalities and ages.
Swan 4 months ago
society nsisting on treating people exactly the same, and demanding that everyone else do it too, even though they have very different personalities need and reactions!! yes!
Load More Replies... Kalikima 4 months ago
My sister used to under feed her boys cuz she didn't want them to "grow up fat".
Chris Robertson 4 months ago
Lying to the child. When I was 6 or 7 my mother promised she wouldn't try to pull out my loose tooth if I opened my mouth and let her look at it. I did, and she grabbed. After that, I no longer felt it was my duty to lways tell her the truth.
Maisey Myles 4 months ago
Absentee father and alcoholic mother. Last one to bed would cover up mama when she passed out on the couch. Never attending any function or event. Always late or forgetting to pick me up at school.
DetriMentaL 4 months ago
I understand the concept of "it takes a village to raise a child" but this village is tired of keeping an eye on your kids for you mr and mrs neighbors!
Mila Sliacka 4 months ago
Oh god, some of these posts bring memories. Let me add a few more: locking up apples and other fruit from your kid because you’re on a special diet and you would not have enough, not watching if your kid bathes and changes clothes for school, telling your child random s**t like: tomorrow you’ll tell everyone at school I’m 29 (she was 37), telling your daughter she’d be so pretty if she dropped 7kg, letting your husband beat the child and when the child comes to you saying: it’s ok, he’s a prince who is protecting me from you (the mother from the child). And many more. There was a history of mother daughter abuse in my family. I think I ended that cycle. My therapist says so.
Binky Melnik 4 months ago
I don’t understand the people here who are sooo concerned about votes on articles. What’s it to you? If you find it sooo interesting that you feel the need to comment on nearly every article, why don’t you contact BP to see whether you can get a job with ‘em? Why force the rest of us to read your constant complaining? Seriously: it’s as if you have some sorta vested interest in it. Just get a job there so you can fix whatever it is you think is broken.
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