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The first thing I’ll do after quarantine and this pandemic mess is go to a restaurant. I want to see how it feels to be welcomed, seated, asked ‘what would you like to order?’, be showered with ‘excellent choice,’ poured a glass of Chardonnay, and make up my mind what to get for dessert.
Most importantly, it’s the opportunity to be smiled at and smiled to, joyfully and with ease, like nothing else exists in this world except that restaurant, the food, your companion… and the server.
But this is where it gets tricky. In such a lovely environment like a restaurant, servers still have to deal, time to time, with a fair share of serial a-holes. And it’s not a-holes per se that annoy the heck of them, it’s their a-hole behaviors that refuse to abide by unwritten rules.
For those who’re wondering what the unwritten rules actually are, I’d say it’s half common sense, half being polite, patient, and understanding. But let’s hear from the servers themselves who shared honest responses to the “What unwritten rules do restaurant servers wish patrons would abide by?” question posted on Quora.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Crying Children And Adults Who Ignore It
When children cry and cry and cry and cry in a restaurant, other people find it annoying. Please, take your child outside for a moment to calm him down.
RELATED:
#2
Snapping Your Fingers At Servers
Don’t ever snap your fingers at a server, bartender, anyone. Ever.
A.M. Pierre 3 years ago
I was at a restaurant in Munich with maybe 10 friends and friends of friends. One of the friends of friends drank a little too much of the strong Munich beer before dinner and started snapping her fingers at the server. We were mortified and apologized to him. He was gracious and laughed at off. A few minutes later, he asked her what she wanted to eat. When she didn't look up, he snapped his fingers at her. She got mad. We all thought it was hilarious.
#3
Flirting
Don’t hit on waitresses. Don’t touch waitresses. I’ve cooked in bars where my job included removing such people from the establishment with force.
A.M. Pierre 3 years ago
Also, don't assume that a server smiling at you and being nice to you means they like you. Being. Nice. Is. Their. Job.
#4
Touching Their Servers
When people touch their server. I'm not to be touched. I don't like it, and I'm not your pet. I'm not your buddy, baby, friend, or lover.
Linda van der Pal 3 years ago
The reverse is also true: waiters please don't touch your clients! (Much, much more rare, I know, but it happened to me once. It was just my lower arm, so no sexual intentions, but still not appreciated.)
#5
Coming In Minutes Before Closing
If Google says that the restaurant closes at 11, the right time to order is not three minutes before closing.
The staff are not people willing to work every single day overtime like they had no lives of their own.
They are people with loved ones and hobbies as well.
WilvanderHeijden 3 years ago
In the Netherlands you can order all you like, but when the kitchen is closed, the kitchen is closed.
#6
Being Impolite
Please, get off your cellphone when I’m taking your order
WilvanderHeijden 3 years ago
I've seen servers just walking away if the customer was phoning and ordering at the same time. I'd always tip these servers extra.
#7
When People Go And Sit At A Dirty Table
PLEASE DO NOT HELP YOURSELF TO A SEAT AT A DIRTY TABLE.
First of all, it’s gross. Why would you sit yourself down in someone else’s mess?
Second of all, if it’s not clean, we aren’t ready for you at that table yet. Now someone has to awkwardly bus the table and wipe it down while your impatient ass just sits there being all in-the-way.
로희 3 years ago
Does this happen frequently in most countries? Because in the two countries I live in, customers usually wait at the restaurant's entrance until a server attend to them. Except for fast food restaurants, but usually all the tables are not dirty because customers normally clean after themselves.
#8
Ordering Something That's Not On The Menu
Do not order anything that isn’t on the menu. I’ve run into so many situations where customers want to make up their own dish that isn’t on the menu (ordering fish and chips at an Italian restaurant). Perhaps it’s because they don’t know how to read, and therefore can’t understand anything the menu says. That menu is there for a reason. Read it. This is not a private chef service
Hans 3 years ago
A good restaurant will have waiters who are able to explain the menu, and they will be able to advise in case a customers has certain allergies or disliked. Simply ordering something that is not on the menu is rude, **asking** for something that is not on the menu is just fine in my opinion. Asking for example whether a certain ingredient you do not find in any other dish is available should just be fine – an example would be particularly hot peppers in a place that does not regularly have so spicy dishes. If asked politely, you will just get a polite answer, sometimes even met with gratitude for real interest in what the place can offer.
#9
Acting Like You Own The Place
This restaurant is not your house. You’re a paying customer. We get that, and we respect that. But do not forget that you are a guest. In addition, you are not the only guest. There are other people here too. So when you request that we turn down the music, turn up the lights, or adjust the heat/air conditioning, you should know that we may not be able to make this accommodation, even if you ask nicely. If you go on to demand such accommodations, you’re not only disrespecting us (because you’re essentially treating the restaurant like your house, and us like servants who run it for you), you’re also disrespecting the other guests (because they may not desire the same accommodations that you desire). This is not your house, and this is a space that you’re sharing with other people - and if you’re the only one asking for something to be changed, we’re unlikely to do it if it will affect other guests.
#10
Helping Without Being Asked To
I hated when customers tried to help me. Don't get me wrong. I appreciated the sentiment, but when a customer took things from my tray or grabbed things from my hand it became dangerous.
Mrs_ Possum 3 years ago (edited)
Yup, this. I worked in a restaurant for a bit, some years back, and people grabbing things off the tray can really unbalance a heavy tray. If the server removes things from the tray themselves, they can adjust their own balance, but not when people just randomly take things while you're trying to set it down, etc. Especially with lots of drinks. I once had someone plunge their hand into a load of drinks on a tray to get to their one, and they nearly knocked over all the others.
#11
Not Understanding When The Bar Is Full
Understand that when the bar is full, the bar is full. No, I'm not going to go and 'see if anyone's done' at the bar so you can squeeze in for free corn chips at happy hour. I've politely told you you're more than welcome to stand at the bar, but all the seats are taken. And for the love of god, don't try to take other customers' seats while they're in the bathroom.
#12
Being Glued To The Phone
Please do not be glued to your phone, especially if you're in a large party. I work in a tapas restaurant, which means everyone orders small plates to share. We recently had a table of ten do this, ignoring runners and servers that were bringing their food, causing the food to be returned or eaten by different table members, and so the person who ordered the food would finally look up from their phone and start complaining that they never received the food they ordered. Of course, the other table members neglected to tell them they had received it and eaten it. Why? Because THEY were now on their phones. They nearly made a server cry with rude comments about her intelligence and figure (“that skinny bitch probably ate them, she needs to put on weight before her hips cut me”) is just one thing I heard. It's worth mentioning that these were all morbidly obese people.
#13
Not Considering The Hard Work In The Kitchen
Allergies. If the truth is you don't like a food, then just say that. Say you don’t like bell pepper. The amount of work that happens in the kitchen is hardly ever seen in the dining room. Respect the staff by not adding to that amount of work if it’s not necessary.
#14
Clients Who Can't Manage Their Time
Don’t order a well-done steak if your movie starts in 15 minutes.
#15
Being Overly Picky And Making It More Difficult For The Staff
The menu is not a canvas for your wildest imagination, unfortunately. I have come across customers who ask what ingredients do we have, and start building their own portion based on them.
I know the struggle of being a hard customer and not being able to take whatever from the menu due to dangerous allergies, but don’t be picky in vain. The staff is usually crowded with special orders anyway.
Dilly Millandry 3 years ago
Check with the restaurant first perhaps with what they can and cannot do. Leaving out an ingredient isn't always that much of a problem. Let's face it though, if it has a menu where you can't find anything you like or can eat then pick somewhere else.
#16
Disrespectful Behavior
Do not address us as “waiter”/“waitress”, or snap your fingers at us.
This is basic human respect. I will openly ignore such requests for my attention, and you’ll be waiting a while for me to come back.
#17
Wasting Servers' Time
This is a more Spanish restaurant specific thing than anything, but please for the love of god do not order 6 plates and then ask me which are spicy, having me bring back the ones that are. Please. It's a Spanish restaurant, nearly everything is spicy. Stop wasting our time. You wouldn't believe how often this happens.
#18
Complaining That The Food Takes Longer To Come Out When The Place Is Busy
Food takes longer to come out when we’re busy
When a restaurant is busy, it’s usually no secret. It’s loud, it’s full, staff are running around, the whole deal. You can also anticipate when a restaurant will be busy, like on Friday and Saturday nights. If you choose to dine at such times as these, you can expect your food to take longer to come out. Why? More people, more orders, more work for the kitchen to do. So if you’ve just placed your order now, it could take 20, 30, 40 minutes, or even longer than that. If that’s too long for you, none of us have any sympathy for your complaints. You knew it was busy, so you knew it would take long. You chose to dine at this time, so you knew what you were getting into. We don’t care that you’re hungry. Everybody is hungry. That’s why they’re here! What do you think we’re going to do? Bring your food out first before someone else’s, just because you’re complaining? Dream on.
#19
Not Accepting Where You're Being Seated
Please accept where I seat you. I understand you want a booth. But we only have four, and by dinnertime, I've already reserved them for my six other 6:30 reservations. And if you're a party of two, you're going to get placed at a two top. Not a full-size table.
#20
Sitting At An Empty Table Without Asking
If you see a table with no one at it, that is not necessarily your table! There might be a reservation plotted for your table later that night. The restaurant limits how many people can sit in each time-block.
LOttawa 3 years ago (edited)
If it's reserved, shouldn't there be a note on the table saying so? If not, and there's no hostess to sit us down, how are we supposed to know which table is free and which one isn't? *Just mentioning that I said if there are no hostess, I did not say, what if the hostess is unavailable. The post makes no mention wether there is one or not, makes no mention of what type of restaurant it is (fancy or not).
#21
Tipping Is Important
Tipping is not mandatory, but servers live off of our tips.
What do you think ?
Sam Kunz 3 years ago
I've been in the industry for 11 years now. A manager now. But started as a busser and worked my way up. A lot of these I agree with. I think people who snap their fingers for waiters should be thrown out on their asses. But other things like ordering off the menu, remember you are in a CUSTOMER IS KING business. My restaurant, if we got the ingrediants will make you anything and the chef loves a challenge. I think some diva servers forget that they are there to serve the customer. And that's the end of it.
Consequential_mishaps 3 years ago
I completely agree with you on this, rude and obnoxious behaviour should never be tolerated but some of this nonsense about "don't call me a waiter" stuff is just idiotic. And especially in the USA where you are not being paid by your employer but by the customers because of the sick mentality business owners have there, which essentially means the customers are paying your salary. I know this explanation seems like overkill but I felt was warranted since some people complaining here seem to not understand the concept clearly.
Load More Replies...
troufaki13 3 years ago
Respect goes both ways though. If I (politely) ask for water, just because it's free doesn't mean you can ignore me. I'm thirtstyyy T.T
Kiss Army 3 years ago
I wish servers would understand this. Just because I order water doesn't mean that I am cheap and won't tip well. (I always tip good service at least 20% and great service even better). I do not like the taste of alcohol, I drink only diet pop and don't have caffeine in the evenings because it makes it hard for me to sleep. Most places do not have any drinks that are alcohol, sugar and caffeine free other than water, but for some reason when we order water there are some serves that we can see a visible shift in their attitude because they somehow judge us as unworthy of good service because ordering water somehow makes us look cheap and like we will be bad tippers.
Load More Replies...
Nevits Yibble 3 years ago
Okay so let's now have a thread on how to appropriately treat customers. We've all had our share of rude staff, terrible food, bungled orders, diva chefs and negligent management. You spent hoards of cash on advertising to get us in the door. Just care about us when we get there
Catlady6000 3 years ago
It's worse when you're a server, and you know how it should be. It's where I'd rather go to McDonalds than a nice sit down.
Load More Replies...
Sam Kunz 3 years ago
I've been in the industry for 11 years now. A manager now. But started as a busser and worked my way up. A lot of these I agree with. I think people who snap their fingers for waiters should be thrown out on their asses. But other things like ordering off the menu, remember you are in a CUSTOMER IS KING business. My restaurant, if we got the ingrediants will make you anything and the chef loves a challenge. I think some diva servers forget that they are there to serve the customer. And that's the end of it.
Consequential_mishaps 3 years ago
I completely agree with you on this, rude and obnoxious behaviour should never be tolerated but some of this nonsense about "don't call me a waiter" stuff is just idiotic. And especially in the USA where you are not being paid by your employer but by the customers because of the sick mentality business owners have there, which essentially means the customers are paying your salary. I know this explanation seems like overkill but I felt was warranted since some people complaining here seem to not understand the concept clearly.
Load More Replies... troufaki13 3 years ago
Respect goes both ways though. If I (politely) ask for water, just because it's free doesn't mean you can ignore me. I'm thirtstyyy T.T
Kiss Army 3 years ago
I wish servers would understand this. Just because I order water doesn't mean that I am cheap and won't tip well. (I always tip good service at least 20% and great service even better). I do not like the taste of alcohol, I drink only diet pop and don't have caffeine in the evenings because it makes it hard for me to sleep. Most places do not have any drinks that are alcohol, sugar and caffeine free other than water, but for some reason when we order water there are some serves that we can see a visible shift in their attitude because they somehow judge us as unworthy of good service because ordering water somehow makes us look cheap and like we will be bad tippers.
Load More Replies... Nevits Yibble 3 years ago
Okay so let's now have a thread on how to appropriately treat customers. We've all had our share of rude staff, terrible food, bungled orders, diva chefs and negligent management. You spent hoards of cash on advertising to get us in the door. Just care about us when we get there
Catlady6000 3 years ago
It's worse when you're a server, and you know how it should be. It's where I'd rather go to McDonalds than a nice sit down.
Load More Replies... Related on Bored Panda
