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Nobody’s flawless. It’s a simple fact, but it needs repeating: nobody is perfect; everyone has flaws. In reality, it’s a very tough idea to accept about our loved ones. Especially for parents, many of whom believe that their children are peerless angels and the best people on the planet.
However, some brutally honest parents anonymously opened up about their kids’ very worst character and behavior flaws in a series of r/AskReddit threads. They were very candid about what they dislike about their munchkins, and what they absolutely loathe about the things that they do. From excessive arrogance to compulsive lying and even worse, what follows is a dive into the darker side of parenting.
A small warning for all of you Pandas: this is an article that includes a lot of sensitive posts. Some of them might make you feel uncomfortable. Others might resemble your own family situation a bit too much. Keep that in mind as you start reading.
Bored Panda wanted to learn more about parenting, so we reached out to mom Samantha Scroggin, the blogger behind 'Walking Outside in Slippers.' She was kind enough to answer our questions about the challenges that parents face, correcting 'bad' behavior, and how there's no single right answer when it comes to rewards and punishments. You'll find her open and honest insights as you scroll down.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
My oldest son is severely autistic and twelve years old. Imagine someone bound by OCD that cannot talk and cannot understand seemingly very simple concepts.
He can understand some things, but the concept of abstract communication eludes him; i.e., I can tell him to get dressed, but he cannot understand that the 'tag' on a shirt goes behind his neck. So, there is a 25% chance his shirt is on correctly, 25% chance it is on backwards, 25% chance it is on facing correctly but inside out, and 25% chance it is on backwards and inside out. Of course, if it is cold outside, there is a 50% chance he'll come out in shorts. That isn't really too big a deal, but the inability to grasp this portion of communication bleeds into everything, things 99.9% of people take completely for granted.
When he was three, he had an ear infection. We didn't know that, of course, we just knew that he was inconsolable and in pain from *something*. He does not understand questions like 'does it hurt here?', or 'show me where it hurts', or 'does your stomach hurt?' Eventually his ear drum burst out yellow stuff and we said, 'oh. ear ache'.
He has never been given an aspirin for a headache. He's probably had a headache, but I don't know. He can't tell us if he has a headache, or any other kind of ache.
He can use the toilet, but doesn't really get using toilet paper. Or maybe he does, but saw us get upset once for throwing an entire roll into the toilet, so lately he has been going to the bathroom at 5:00 am, then finding clothes, sheets, towels, something, whatever, and wiping his a*s with those. We've pretty much run the washing machine on sanitize about .75 times a day the last two weeks. He's got a reason for it somewhere in his head that makes sense to him, but he can't tell us what it is, and we can't get him to figure out to f*****g come and get us if he's taken a s**t.
We've taken to 'hiding' foods he prefers in the house, given free reign to potato chips, or humus, or cranberries, or f*****g whatever, he'll eat and eat and eat, and then throw up later that night. It's not his fault, he's been on anti-psychotics for a few years now, one side effect of which is weight gain. I hate, f*****g hate, giving him anti-psychotics, but not quite as much as how he acts/acted when he wasn't on them.
As a family, we cannot realistically travel. Interruptions to his routine result in a constant moan / whine / crying / occasional outburst of self injury, or rarely, attacking others. The pain and fear he feels is very real to him, and we are powerless to provide him comfort. Instead, my wife will travel with my other sons while I stay home with him.
He has never had a friend that was not direct family or therapist. I don't see how he ever will. He will never kiss a girl, drive a car, or have a job. I have no idea if he *wants* to do those things or not, of if he knows they exist as things at all.
In the early days of his autism, we threw therapies at him by writing checks against the house and credit card companies to the tune of 30K+/year for five years or so. (insurance has subsequently helped out some with this). We're still digging our way out of that, slowly but surely. Ultimately, however, they haven't really done much in the context of turning him into a person that can life his own life. For example, they are working on having him keep a band aid on; they've had that as part of his program for about six months, and he'll keep a band aid on for fifteen minutes or so. Great. The reality is that when he gets a cut or laceration, it sits open for weeks; he simply will constant tear away any bandages. I'm sure that he has good reasons in his mind for not wanting a bandage on, but he just doesn't understand the concept of 'medicine' making you feel 'better' 'in a few days'; none of those things seem to get through.
He's never been to the dentist. There are some that will work with children like him when he is unconscious. We just haven't felt like giving him anesthesia to take him to the goddamned dentist. It's on the list for this year.
He goes through periods of self injury. When he was a toddler, he banged his head, *a lot*. He broke a few windows in our home. He very likely concussed himself a few times. Lately, he's been punching the table during favorite scenes from Disney films; he has a blood blister about three inches long on both hands. He understands when we tell him, 'don't do that, punch the pillow instead'. He'll punch the pillow for a few minutes, and then start banging the walls again; he is simply a slave to the routine.
When my wife and I die, people that make $10 an hour will take care of him, or not, for the rest of his life.
There's more, so much more, and the thing about autism is that it does not take one m***********g second off. Nobody gets a day off. Ever.
He works harder than anyone I know, harder than anyone reading this thread will ever work, and gets s**t to show for it. He inhabits a world where everything is too loud, too bright, too confusing and too unconforming to his patterns, and is trying as best as he can to navigate through it. He didn't ask for any of this. Sometimes he's got a d******d father who gets mad at him, who resents him for all of these things and a million others that he cannot control. Me. But he deserves better than that, so I'm trying, every f*****g hour of the day to remember that he is the one who got the raw deal, not me, not his brothers, him. I have bad moments, but no longer bad weeks or days. I'm working on it, if only I could work as hard as he does, I'd be golden.
So the answer to your question is autism happened to him, to us.
Chaotic-Pansexual (she/they) 2 years ago
These are things for why I’m glad I’m on the high functioning end of the spectrum. While, things are still rather difficult and I did get injured a lot as a child (much of my childhood I don’t remember well), being on this end allows me to still be able to navigate the world decently well and my loved ones don’t have to go through this kind of thing anymore, now that I’m older. I feel for those who still have to struggle this way
Parenting blogger Samantha, from 'Walking Outside in Slippers,' explained that there's no one-size-fits-all approach to parenting. Every family, every situation is unique.
"'Bad behavior' has become very subjective for me when it comes to kids. I have a son with ADHD, and he can't always control his outbursts. Those outbursts can include cursing or kicking a wall. There was a time when I would have wondered why parents with a kid like that weren't doing their job. But punishment isn't effective with my son," mom Samantha was very candid about some of the challenges that she has to face as a parent.
"Screaming and yelling back only add fuel to the fire. He does better with rewards and consistency. I believe it's important for parents to customize their parenting and consequences for undesirable behavior to what works best for their child. There's no one-size-fits-all punishment for all kids," she said.
#2
When I became pregnant, I had not ever wanted a child. I was not at all happy, in fact I cried so much and became very depressed. I felt very pressured I to going through with it by my husband. He had very good intentions but it was just not something I wanted for myself. We had agreed before we married that we did not want children.
So I was very resentful and miserable. But I absolutely did my best to be a good mother because my baby had no say in this and I beleive all babies deserve loving mothers regardless of circumstances. So I faked it as best as I could and got help. I never wanted to hurt her or for her to feel unloved but it was so hard.
Never did it feel natural to me. I never found much enjoyment out of raising a child, I was exhausted and burned out by all the stuff kids do. I resented giving up my plans, my work, my horse, my whole identity for a child I never wanted.
My daughter is now ten and we have a great relationship. I enjoy her her company now. My harshness has pretty much dissipated and I feel much better about being a parent now. Hoping my early issues have not forever damaged her.
Axolotl King 2 years ago
You sound like a lovely parent, maybe it's not what you wanted and I'm sure it was incredibly rough but you are giving her an amazing childhood and not putting the blame on her at all. That is so awesome and I hope she recognizes and appreciates that someday
#3
Using throwaway because my wife knows my reddit. When she was pregnant with our first and only child, we knew before birth that she was high risk of down syndrome because the gene was quite prevelant in both our family histories. We both got tested and the doctor told us that our daughter had over a 80% chance that she will be born with Down Syndrome. Our marriage up to this point was happy and wonderful.
We dated for 9 months before getting married, and were more of partners than a couple. Everything we did, we decided together. We bought our own business, which didn't cause any fights, but rather we thrived because she was good at what I wasn't and vice versa. I was a messy 'kid' before I met her, and she helped me change my ways. She lacked hobbies before I met her, and I helped her find things she truly loved doing. We were happy, very very happy.
The doctor told us that abortion was a viable option, but we needed to decide within a week or it would be too late. I knew right away that I was for the abortion, but didn't know how to bring it up. When we finally did sit down and talk, I brought all sorts of articles and books on kids with Down Sydnrome. I tried to show her rather than convince her of how hard our life would be if our child actually did have it. It was going to be hard for both os us to have a healthy child, let alone one that needed far more care. We were both busy, and happy.
She didn't want to take out our unborn child, and there was nothing I could really do to change her mind without really really making her mad and ruining our relationship. So reluctantly, I went with it.
As luck would have it, our daughter was born with translocation Down Syndrome. Only 1% of all cases of down syndrome are that, and it has a lot to do with heriditory conditions. I don't want to go into how bad our life became. I really can't even handle typing it out. My wife had to quit her job which she adored. We had to move to a smaller house after a year and a half because of the medical bills. When I came home from work, she was too tired to talk or even see me and went to bed, and my entire 5 hours of free time every. single. day. was spent caring for our daughter in some form or another. I Didn't see my friend for 9 months. Missed my cousins wedding because we couldn't even think about travelling.
Everything changed, and everything changed for the worst. My wife and I only talked when we fought. Either she was too tired and that caused her anger, or I worked too much and didn't help her enough. To tell you my life went to s**t is an understatement, because I can't even imagine how much extra stress my wife must have endured in those first couple of years.
I don't hate my daughter. But I do resent the fact that we had her, even though I knew our life would be this way. I go to the parks sometimes and sit and watch all the happy fathers play with their happy kids. Watch them throw the ball around, or just run around the jungle gym. That's the life I wanted, that I dreamed of, but I will never have. My wife and I are still together because neither wants to burden the other by leaving.
Bored Panda was interested to understand how parents might deal with their kids lying. "When I catch my kids lying, I try to get to the root of why. And I let them know that lying is a worse offense than whatever they're lying to cover up," blogger Samantha explained how she approaches this with her own kids.
"I believe in setting high expectations for kids as far as expecting them to be good, honest people who are kind to others. And I often communicate the importance of this to my kids."
#4
My middle son (19) stole a 9mm pistol from my 82 year old father. When I confronted him about it he said I didn't understand, he needed the money and if I had given him more he might not have done it. 2 months later got caught on video stealing the candy money jar from a Mexican restaurant, again says if I'd had given him money ( because he's completely cut off at this point) wouldn't have done it. Downward spiral continues, he takes no responsibility for anything . He's a selfish a**hole who won't take care of his kids much less himself. I never thought I'd say this about my own child but F**K THAT GUY.
#5
My feelings changed the moment my (then 17 year old) daughter sucker punched me on side of my head during an argument about her cleaning her room. If I wasn't holding my 1 year old at the time I'm positive I would have knocked her the f**k out. I guess in my mind she did something taboo. You never, ever hit your mom...but she did. I love her but she broke my heart that day and I can't seem to get over it.
Charlotte Grace 2 years ago
I feel that. Although my (high functioning autistic) 13 year old and I have gotten into a lot of physical altercations, when he punched me in the face and I had to call the police a definite line was crossed, and I don't think things will ever be the same.
#6
My son told his friends that I was abusing and molesting him because he wanted the attention. We were very close. Child services were called and then the police. He stuck to his story. I don't hate him. I never could. Sometimes I'm very angry but mostly the betrayal gets me. I would never have believed he would do that. After several awful months I think it's going to be alright legally but the legal fees and stress has been overwhelming. Things will never be the same between us. He is a teenager btw
Emma London 2 years ago
What a way to destroy your relationship with your parent forever - For teenager's crave for attention.
Samantha agrees that we tend to become more empathetic towards others as we grow up. "I know I have become much more sensitive to the plight of others. Maybe this is due to having kids myself, and feeling a little bit like everyone's mom. Or just an increased awareness of mortality and people's differing life circumstances. But empathy is a good thing. Most of us could probably use a little more of it," she said.
Very recently, Bored Panda spoke about kids’ capacity for empathy and (the lack of) kindness with psychologist, author, and mom-of-four, Eileen Kennedy-Moore, Ph.D.
"Children learn from observation of what others do, but also through explicit teaching and explanations, and through experience and observation of how others respond to certain actions," Dr. Kennedy-Moore explained to us, adding that we tend to develop more empathy for other people as we grow and mature.
"In general, we become more empathic at 19 than we were when we were at age 9, and that continues, so we're more empathic at 29 than 19, at 39 than 29, simply because we've experienced more of life, so it's easier for us to put ourselves in someone else's shoes," the psychologist said.
#7
I made an account just for this question. I beyond resent my son. He's seven. He lies all the time, never listens, and does harmful things to others. His father took off before he was born. The state say they can't find him without a SSI or address for me to receive support. I've been living off the state for over six years. I work and go to uni full time. Every day is an argument and fight with this child. There are no fun times. There are no happy moments. He makes me miserable. All I want to do is graduate with my bachelors in engineering. Every morning he makes me late for class because he refuses to listen to a single word. I've tried all the ways of disciplining or rewarding to get him on track. He's in special education for speech and math support. The doctor diagnosed him with ADHD last month. We are working through getting the right dose. But, for now- he made me miss my calculus class again because he refused to get out of bed this morning. I don't think I love him anymore. I feel like he's sabotaging my life and chances for getting out of the welfare system. I'm miserable with him in my life.
Merilyn Horton 2 years ago
Why don’t people consider adoption when they have an unwanted pregnancy?
#8
I recently gave up all parental rights to my only child, a son, after 13 years of dealing with his mother's lies, accusations, criminal and family lawsuits based on lies.
I truly loved my son. I was an excellent father who did everything possible to teach him the value of truth, kindness and honesty in life.
I have been accused of starving him, beating him, doing cocaine, methamphetamine and heroin (none of which i do). I have had to invest thousands of dollars in legal fees to defend against false claims.
My son has picked up her lying manipulative ways, as well as her desperate need for all attention to focus on her. He has become a liar just like his mother, who supports her falsehoods with his own voice. He has threatened to shoot me, and himself with my business protection firearm.
For the safety of myself, and the safety of my wife, i have severed all ties, and allowed him to be adopted by his stepfather... who is an evil and manipulative man just as his mother is... he is on his own, in a world i know little about. I fought hard for him, but he continued to lie, not only supporting her outrageous claims, but also coming up with some of his own, for added flair.
After 12 years of crushing heartbreak, i gave up.
Life has been so much less stressful and crushing since. I do this knowing that I gave 150% of my self to parenting so my burden of guilt is minimal.
**EDIT:** Lots of people pointing out that I am not perfect. Agreed. I definitely have my faults.... Numerous, as humans tend to be. None-the-less... The level of hateful alienation exacted by this woman defies all logic. None of her drug claims were true. believe it or don't... The facts are facts. None of the abuse claimed was true. I never even spanked this child, for fear of the obvious; She would call CPS at the first possible opportunity.
he and I spent each visitation together, hiking, biking, reading, motorcycling, learning, traveling, camping, preforming kitchen science experiments for fun answers to random kid questions.... I don't claim that this makes me a saint. I do, RIGHTFULLY, claim that this makes me a good parent. more so than many modern parents offer to their children in the age of "electronic babysitting". I paid my child support for 13 years, never missing, While she told him I refused to pay or help her.
My mother has showed up to her home to pick him up for visitations, while she and her friends and family would hole up inside her home, and call the police to report that I was "storming down their door". Meanwhile, the police arrive and find that my 67 year old mother was out in the car, alone, not me... Imagine the sheriff's surprise! Why was my mother there instead of me you ask?? Because 2 weeks earlier the police showed up to my home, after i picked my son up, saying that i had pushed her down and slapped her.... again... believe it or not, i just didn't to these things. it's a fact, so i don't need approval on it.
There is, in this world, a growing disregard for what is right and moral. This woman, and those she surrounds herself with are part of that toxic society. It goes far beyond simple family discord. Remember, this child has already made a LETHAL threat of grave bodily injury to himself, and me. This is not to be taken lightly in our current times. I believe that this general loss of respect for others is exemplified in this woman, and the way she has chosen to approach our *former* parent/co-parent/child relationship. This toxic child-rearing has destroyed his chance at a normal perspective on life. he will always view the world through a lens of deceit and anger. I genuinely tried to help, but when he won't help himself, and goes further still, hurting me and my wife... I must draw a line somewhere.
Believe it or don't, I'm a good human being.
#9
I have a 7 year old daughter. I think she has some kind of personality disorder. Some days she’s her normal loving, goofy self. Then there are other days where she is manipulative, mean, and hysterical. She says things to hurt you on purpose and will freak out if she doesn’t get her way, hurting herself in the process. But if I call her dad and FaceTime with him she stops on a dime and says I was lying and I hit her and don’t love her. I didn’t even know a kid that young could lie like that. She does this to me, my husband, and her stepmom. Her dad honestly believes we are all lying when we say something is wrong. She’s been to 3 therapists and they all act like we’re crazy because she puts on a good act. It makes me sick sometimes that I am happy when she goes to her dads house. I have a 1 year old son with my husband and I don’t want her to do to him what she does to me or her other family members. I don’t know what to do
Laura Silverstein 2 years ago
Maybe get a hidden camera (?) might help to expose any false claims
The psychologist explained that kids need 3 ‘ingredients’ in order to respond to others in a caring way. First, they need to be able to imagine how others think and feel. “The ability to imagine accurately someone else's perspective generally begins around age 4 and grows with age and experience.”
Second of all, children need to learn to manage their distress. In short, when they’re feeling overwhelmed, they tend to not have the ability to be overly kind. "Kids don't have the bandwidth to respond kindly to someone else if they are overwhelmed by their own feelings."
Lastly, children need to firmly believe that they are capable of helping others. "If they don't think they can help or don't know how, they're likely to freeze or avoid situations where someone is upset,” Dr. Kennedy-Moore said.
"Parents can help by talking about people's thoughts and feelings as they come up in books, movies, or real life. This gives children a window into people's internal life that helps with perspective-taking. Parents can help children manage their own emotions by naming those feelings as well as teaching specific coping strategies such as distraction, deep breathing, counting to ten, or using words to ask for what they want," she told Bored Panda.
#10
Because after his mom died , I stopped disciplining him. I thought if I gave him everything I never had ; coolest clothes , shoes, toys , dirt bikes, game consoles etc would make me a good parent. I was wrong. He's about to turn 18 and i can't even stand to be in the same room as him. He's manipulative, mean, arrogant and condescending. And it's all my fault.
#11
Throwaway because my husband knows my Reddit name and I am not sure how he would take this.
I remarried a wonderful man, my soul mate about 2 years ago. I have two kids of my own. One son and one daughter. One is 14 and the other is 21. He has a daughter. She is almost 8. We met when his daughter was about 3 and a half. It is bad to say, but personality wise she hasn't changed very much the last 4 or so years.
I don't necessarily dislike my stepdaughter all the time....I have just had to distance myself a bit. She has no manners, no respect, she is spoiled and will whine until she gets her way. For example I overheard her tell her great grandmother to shut up. I also heard her tell her mom "You are the most disgusting person I ever met". When they "scold" her she always tries to say she was "just joking" and then she will start crying and saying "nobody wants me around" and stuff like that.
I know this is turning into a long post and I apologize...it has just been building up so long. I try my best with her and I had such high hopes for a close relationship with my step daughter. But I have found that our personalities clash. And I am used to having respectful kids. My husband tries his best to make her act right, but every time she goes back to her mom's or her grandparents it gets worse. They give her everything she wants no matter what and they allow her to talk to them anyway because "she is still little and we may not have anymore kids/grandkids." So I don't blame my husband, I feel bad for him because he is tired of having to be the bad guy all the time.
Oh and she likes to torment my cats. I tell her all the time to be nice to them. Pet them gently or better yet! Leave them alone. But she likes to chase them, pour water on them, throw dirt at them....etc. She has plenty of toys in her room and also electronics and games. But she will cry and whine until my husband lets her use his laptop. She likes to watch toy commercials on Youtube and tell us what she wants for Christmas or her Birthday. She makes these 5 page long lists of what she wants all the time. And then if she doesn't get it, she whines that she never gets anything she wants. Her mother told us she picked out a 50.00 Halloween costume last week. She said she told her that was way too expensive to pay when she is only going to wear it a few hours. Well step daughter proceeded to cry and say she doesn't have anything and never gets anything and she needs new parents.
One more thing that makes me mad....if adults are in the room trying to have a conversation she will interrupt repeatedly until they stop talking and listen to her or watch her do some little something that could have waited. This child gets more attention that any child ever so I know its not lack of attention that causes it.
I could go on and on but no one wants to read a two mile long post of me complaining so I will end it here. Thanks for letting me vent a little.
One more thing I thought of! About a year ago I had my little grand daughter over at our house. She was about 9 months old at the time. Step daughter got caught trying to give the baby rocks. We all get onto her and tell her how dangerous it is to give a baby rocks, babies can choke and get injured or even die...all that. Well, a few minutes later I catch her putting the rocks in my grand baby's pocket and I go mental. After telling her she could choke and die if she gets ahold of a rock she is putting them in the baby's pocket!! Just one more example of there is something not right with this girl.
TL;DR Step daughter has no manners or respect for adults and even tried to harm my grand daughter once. My nerves just cant handle it anymore.
dream of delusion 2 years ago (edited)
okay i was getting a little annoyed at the “i was just jokingg” part but if you’re abusive to animals or babies or parents or anyOne that’s where i draw the line - i know she’s 8 but she should still have common respect by then
#12
I am a step parent. I love my son. Love him like crazy.
But.
He's a slob. And he married a slob with two slobby children and they had another child who is our adored grandson and likely also a future slob.
Their house is always filthy and by filthy I mean FILTHY. They have 5 dogs and at least two cats inside the house. The dogs are untrained and so they chew through everything and c**p on the floor. It smells like a cat box, dishes are never washed and sit caked with food just wherever they leave it. Laundry is piled high against the walls in the bedrooms and you have to pick a path across the living room dodging toys, dishes, dog c**p, and the cats who are always trying to stay one step ahead of the dogs.
The smell of cat p**s is so strong my eyes literally watered when I walked in. Beds not made? Yeah, they don't even have proper beds (we've given them three - don't know where they went). They sleep on bare mattresses on the floor - sheets optional. A floor that is covered with dog feces and dirt. I am astonished none of them have developed ringworm or typhoid. The kids smell like a dirty litterbox and go to school in wrinkled dirty clothing. It's humiliating for us and frightening. They've been reported to DFS, but I don't know what DFS did because the house is still a shithole. The whole situation makes me so angry I don't trust myself with either of them. The urge to shake them and scream "You stink! Clean your f*****g house!" is nigh uncontrollable.
It makes me sick that he and she allow this to go on. Neither of them were raised in dirty houses. I don't like either one of them, but I love them all very much.
Aidan Pite 2 years ago
That sounds like a psychiatric issue, honestly. I hope they all get the help they need. Even if that involves foster care.
"Parents can guide children toward seeing themselves as helpers by talking about how children's kind actions impact others. For instance, they might say, 'That was kind of you to help your brother with his block tower. He was sad when it fell down, and he felt happier when you helped him build it up again.' Or, 'Thank you for helping me put away the groceries. I'm happy that we got the job done quickly.'"
According to the psychologist, everyone makes mistakes and ends up doing something that isn’t kind. It’s inevitable that everyone will mess up at some point in their lives. That’s why parents shouldn’t jump to conclusions: they shouldn’t assume that a single mistake is an indication of “terrible things ahead.”
"Instead, acknowledge good intentions, describe the other person's feelings, and focus on moving forward. For instance, you could say, 'I know you're excited about going on the swings, but your sister also wants to swing, and she's sad that she hasn't had a turn yet.' Then, to move forward, you could ask, 'What can you do to help her feel better?' or 'What would be fair to everyone?'"
#13
I know this comment will probably be buried at the bottom but I'm gonna take this chance to get some stuff of my chest.
First of all - I don't hate my daughter - far from it. I love her with all my heart. Instead I hate the life we have.
My daughter has a rare chromosome disorder and is also on the autism spectrum (not full on autistic though). She'll soon be 5 and still doesn't speak. She has a hearing loss so she has to wear hearing aids. By not being able to speak (except for some words like yes or no) we can't really communicate with her. Everything is done by us asking her questions which she says yes or no to. Sometimes she shows us what she wants by pointing, using sign language (she knows some signs), or she goes and fetches something to show us. This covers her basic needs. But we can never have a discussion with her. Asking how her day was at pre school etc. We can't talk about stuff. She doesn't really have any friends and she just recently started "playing" with other kids at pre school. I could go on and on about this. But I'm terrified for the future. I can't really think about how her and our life will be when she gets older without tearing up. So many things she won't be able to experience - even though I don't even know if she would like to.
To summarise - I don't hate her. Far from it. I hate that she has this disorder. At the same time - her disorder has made she who she is. And I hate myself for looking at other families and being jealous for what they have. Hearing friends talking about how they discuss events with their 3 yo etc. Seeing other kids playing together and making up games and stuff while my kid is so far behind.
The worst part is that I sometimes wish myself or my family to be in an accident so there would be an end to this. I of course don't really wish for this but I sometime long for the life I didn't get. Before getting kids - this was my worst nightmare - having a kid with a disability.
I know I should probably start seeing a psychiatrist.
dream of delusion 2 years ago (edited)
i think seeing a psychiatrist will always help (unless it’s a c**p one) but.. it’s okay to hate a disability. i hate mine, all the time, and i know many people who do as well. so long as you don’t hate the person who has it
#14
Throw away because this may be my deepest darkest secret ever and even now it almost brings me to tears to type this. One of my children with mental illnesses has been disturbed and has survived numerous attempts.
There have been times where I have had to sit in a chair in her room and watch her all night while she sleeps. Everything is locked up in our house. I keep cleaning supplies in my desk at work and bring them home only to clean and then take them back. Everything is a battle with her. It's embarassing all the times we have an ambulance or cops come over. There is so much more that goes on.
Anyway, I can remember one really really awful period in our lives about a year ago where I honestly felt like had she not survived her attempts that life for me and her siblings would be easier.
There are a lot of days where I feel like I resent her inside. I just tell myself and try and remember that she is still the sweet girl I remember from her being a kid. What I resent is the person she is on meds and the depressed disturbed and self harming person she is when not on meds.
:(
#15
My dad likes to ask me "I bet you didn't know having kids would be so hard huh?" but no, I never in a million years figured how hard, and I by no means have it as bad as some in this thread.
Basically it started at "terrible 2's" normal, ok. But wait no, 3's were terrible, and 4's, and 5's, all terrible. It's a bit of just a bad memory at this point with a few highlights that stand out.
Kindergarten started, the school called every day saying how his behavior was bad. He wouldn't sit down on the bus, wouldn't sit still in class, wouldn't stop talking. During grade school, getting a simple page of homework done took 2 hours because he would hide it, rip it, throw it away.
I couldn't read books to him at night, he would slap it out of my hands, or bounce around on the bed to the point I couldn't finish.
He would go into terrible rages as he got older but still in grade school, threatening to throw up on me, smash the table, turn chairs over. Had no concept of behavior vs punishment or reward. None. We tried everything we could think of. I could say "don't touch that thing" and turn my back for a second, and he was touching it. Short term goals, long term goals, immediate punishment, or 'atonement' in the form of making up for bad behavior with 'good works', nothing matters. Nothing was being learned.
He would steal food. Plenty of health choices were available, want to eat 5 ham sandwiches? Extra dinner? Sure! No. I'm taking eating an entire carton of ice cream, a brick of cheese, 5 Popsicle's in one sitting etc. We tried teaching portion control, teaching how it was unfair that he got 9 items out of a box of 10 when 4 of us were in the house. We tried telling him we needed for instance, a block of cheddar cheese for dinner the next night, but he could have the sliced cheese. Nope, he ate up the block.
He's not allowed to eat food in his room but we find empty cups, plates, bowls, etc everwhere. Bowl under the couch? Check. Old pizza under the blankets? Check. Empty ice cream carton in the closet? Yep. Half eat frozen dinner in a pile of laundry? You guessed it. This has been going on from around 7 until now, at 12.
He was on meds for a while, Focalin at first. His teachers at school called me in one day under the pretense of seeing him read. Instead I got ambushed about how unhappy he was, and how he really needed more reading help. The next day they said he was done with the special reading program. What?
He lies about homework. "I don't have any". Great well the school website says you do, where is it, show it to me? "Oh I forgot it in the my locker/I did it already/I turned it in already". Lies. When hiding it around the house didn't work out, he turned to saying it was at school, knowing I couldn't verify until it turned up as late on the online grade sheet.
He steals, just around the house so far. Can't have soda? That's ok I'll take it anyway. I want to impress a girl? I'll take my moms necklace. My chain broke, I'll take my brothers, even minutes after being told "don't even think about it". I want a game mom said I could have next week? No prob I'll steal her credit card and order it now, or steal my brothers money.
He's currently in detention after school on Weds and Fridays to help him get his work done. He is also grounded. He lied about not needing to go last Wed and didn't show up. He tried to do it this past Friday but I called his teacher and marched his butt back to school. He cried and screamed about that.
I nearly had more than a few nervous breakdown when the school has called me and let me know about terrible things he's told other kids at school. We got into therapy. I took hidden videos when he would flip out, because it was so nightmarish I sometimes couldn't even believe it even the next day.
He's threatened to take his own life because some girl didn't want to date him. We thought we had that talked out with the therapist. Another night when he ran home early which was unusual, and I got a bad feeling. Shortly after the police and paramedics showed up because he threatened to take his own life, and smeared my red lip gloss across his chest and took pictures, and said he had stabbed himself. That was a very expensive bill. The therapist thought we had it sorted out. Nope, soon as he got his cell phone back he messaged the girl saying he was extinct from infection.
He asked repeatedly why the rules are what they are, and even if we lay down the law he'll pester and pester and pester. He'll tell me entirely unnecessary things while I'm working even after being told I need to not be distracted.
We keep tabs on his web activity, xbox, tv viewing, and cell phone usage. We try to provide knowledge of the bad things, but not allow him to bask in it like many on the internet do. I'm not religious but I roll with "see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil" It's hard. Evil is pretty cool, in many young peoples minds. Trolling is funny to them. Being mean is funny.
We try to keep him occupied with sports and activities, but he needs action and monitoring what feels 24/7 and I can't DO IT.
We have 2 kids and the youngest, who is 8 now, is so much EASIER I want to cry. I would have NEVER had kids if I knew how much work the first one was going to be. NEVER.
Riley Warrick 2 years ago
This kid needs to go to a treatment center. Unfortunately, OP might not be able to get him in because it's so hard to do if you're not a foster parent, even then it's so hard it's ridiculous. My sister has a kid who has similar behavior (not quite as bad though) and she tried to get him in a treatment center, sent letters, logged every behavior at home and school, even my mom wrote a letter asking them to put him in a center, but because he hasn't hurt anyone or himself, and is under the age of twelve, the judge wouldn't give the order. He would run away in the middle of winter without shoes, pee on his bedroom floor, throw fits that were so bad that they had to put L over and get the other four kids out of the van, and has threatened to kill his whole class (grade 3) and they still wouldn't give the order.
#16
I lost all respect when the kid began pushing homeopathic products and therapies. When did this kid become convinced that this literal snake oil is good for people? When did science and logic lose out? What's even worse is that the kid still thinks their views are completely normal and mainstream. Meanwhile, I can't get over the numerous people being hurt by this completely useless hokum every day which my progeny is advocating. All of those 'clients' should be going to a real doctor. My own kid is actually a force for bad outcomes. It makes me ill.
Lakota Wolf 2 years ago
I worked in the vitamins/supplements department of a retail store for 2 1/2 years. We had a homeopathic section. I could not bring myself to lie to customers about them. If they asked where the homeopathic section was, I’d point the way. If they actually asked about efficacy, I would tell them that the principle of homeopathics is that you put in a few molecules of an ingredient, then you “purify” it out up to 200 times, but the remaining pill/oil somehow “remembers” the ingredient that literally isn’t even molecularly present in the mixture any more… and somehow THAT cures you. Yeah, sorry, I trust science, not homeopathy.
#17
I dated a guy for five years, and he was the sole parent of a kid. He basically raised her barely above neglect levels. She had food, clothes, a room. But he would basically not do anything to care for her and wouldn't even see her for days on end. She was 6 when we met.
I felt I had to step in and help out, and he basically dumped raising her on me. I was overwhelmed, resented the fact that I had to change my life and lifestyle for her. But when I would withdraw, she basically was left in her room (frequently "grounded" for minor infractions because it meant he had an excuse not to interact).
I tried to make things special for her, planned outings and whatnot. She never expressed gratitude, and would blow temper tantrums that things weren't enough, I wasn't spending enough money, or we went to the local amusement park when she wanted to go to Disney.
her father was manipulative. If I took time for myself, he would tell her it was because I was being "selfish". She picked up on this, and would threaten to tattle on me if I didn't do something or told her to take time. She told her grandparents her grades were bad because I didn't do it for her.
When her father and I split up, it was hard because I knew her dad wasn't willing to parent at all, and I knew she would be neglected. No one deserves that. But I had to get out of the bad, abusive relationship. We kept in touch for a while, but her dad started using her as a weapon. I broke contact.
Now she posts angry messages on Facebook directed at me. She is entering her teen years and blames her problems on me.
#18
My mother wanted a boy, had one before me but it was a miscarriage, I was conceived a year after, I was an early delivery, she was in coma for 2 weeks and after that she did not take me or touch me or look at me or even fed me for days. my dad took care of me and looked after me. she still curses me and wishes it was a boy
#19
I don't dislike or hate my son but I damn sure have some resentments every now and then. I have a 5 year old with extreme behavioral/rage issues. They stem from a large dose of steroids required for a long period of time for a previous medical issue. I am not in the dark about these issues, I have a psychiatrist and counselor that we pay for for him. However, no one is willing to do anything because he is 5. No diagnosis. Barely medication (the wrong ones). I have had to inpatient hospitalize my 5 year old son twice. I have another child younger than him that was born around the time that all of this started happening and I just watch the difference between the two. I sometimes wish I could have switched and had her first because the only reason for trying again was so I could have a girl. I watch happy, functional families and it makes me angry because we have been burdened by this. We can't travel, we can't go to parks or things of that nature because he targets other children and I don't want to be that a*****e mom on the playground that just lets my son beat the s**t out of other kids. CPS is now involved for the 4th time in 2 years because at school he cracked a kid across the head with a rock because the school refuses to give him an IEP because he is so young. My husband and I have tried every parenting book, behavioral therapy method, strategy, etc. Nothing seems to work. Some days I just turn my phone on silent because I know its going to be the school calling me saying he wont sit still in class and keeps running out of the classroom acting like an a*s. But I have asked them repeatedly for an IEP and they refuse.
Don't get me wrong, I love my son more than life itself, but it f*****g kills me to watch him have to live like this. He is so angry all of the time and sometimes I have to hold him in a full nelson on the floor crying so that he wont hurt himself or anyone else. I wish other parents knew what this torture was like. The constant self-doubt, and wondering where we went wrong. It is slowly killing my marriage and I honestly wouldn't blame my husband if he did leave, in fact I'd probably send our daughter with him just to make sure she was safe.
So yes, I completely understand where some of these other parents in this thread are and I don't judge anyone anymore when they say their kids have pushed them to the edge. I've been there and back so many times, I have the route memorized.
#20
God help me, but I really do not like my son. He's boorish, self-aggrandizing, and prone to pulling together two or three disparate things that have most recently come up in conversation and then crafting them into an absurd anecdote or lie. He has, since even the time when he was a tiny child, routinely let things tumble out of his mouth that mortify me. He's nearly 25 now, thank fuck, but for the entirety of his school years I would go to parent/teacher conferences and watch the same sequence play out, again-and-again... I would meet the teacher, we would shake hands and I would already be able to make out the look of disgust on their face. Their expression would so obviously be "Oh, so this is the prick who formed this little asshole's personality, huh?" Then, as they would spend time with me and realize that I appeared to be an ok human being, they would begin unspooling to me every shitty/awful thing he had said to them and the other kids in his class. One time, my lily-white son was trying to get the attention of a little girl who sat beside him and, when she didn't jump to quick enough for him, he said "Excuse me, BLACK GIRL, may I have your attention?" We tried immersing him with loving, inclusive groups at school, at our church, and any hobby/sport/interest that came along that he showed enthusiasm for... He was never invited to a classmate's birthday party more than once... Worst of all? He continually sees himself as a victim. It's not that the shitty things he says to people are the problem... It's that they are too simple to understand how he really means them. They are simply too stupid to realize how awesome/brilliant/cool he is... Oh, it makes me sad. It truly does. I hate him and he won't go away.
#21
Ok. I read through the other answers and am going to give this my two cents, even tough I am the child and not the parent.
This has come up after many years in therapy, mostly classical psychoanalysis.
My mother does not like me because she never got attached to me at birth. A year before my twin sister and I were born, our parents had triplets who all died after a few days. Untreated trauma followed. I was born nearly suffocated and poorly, so my mother, wanting to protect herself from more trauma, never attached to me. She did however to my twin sister who was born healthy and thrived.
Years went by and this initial lack of attached turned into resentment or dislike during my childhood because by the time we were eight years old, our parents were divorced, and I physically resembled my dead-beat father. This only worsened during my teenage years as I was beginning to act up years of neglect and became depressed. She disliked the signs of her own doing neglectful parenting and lack of love in me. I remind her of that.
Ever since we have pretended to get along, but the relationship is never really there. I am a mother of two myself now and have taken all of this on board trying to do better. I am also trying to understand her. That ultimately this was not her fault.
Amy Taylor 2 years ago
Wow.. this sounds like my mother in law. My husband was born with a major staph infection and he nearly died in the hospital. She told me that she wouldn't go visit him in the hospital because she didn't want to get attached in case she lost him. That really explained so much to me about their dynamic. My mom lost her first child at 2 days old and the hospital never let her see him or hold him and that tormented her until the day she died.
#22
Dear God, where do I start?
Mine is a lying, manipulative user who sucks up every amount of goodwill and charity from people before she turns on them. She is either unwilling or incapable of doing ANYTHING for herself, yet she treats every functioning adult as if they're stupid and have no idea what they're talking about. She lives for instant gratification and is unable to see more than about ten seconds in the future. When that complete lack of motivation and foresight ends up with entirely predictable consequences, she blames everyone around her for conspiring against her.
She got pregnant right after graduating high school and moving out. Upon delivery, she wanted nothing to do with the baby. My wife and I were the ones who took it home from the hospital and have been raising it. Our daughter treats her own child like a plaything and only sees it rarely to show off for people. Otherwise, she's not around.
She recently started a fairly long stint in jail. My wife has been sending her about $50 a week for phone calls and commissary. We found out she's been collecting similar amounts from lots of other people, claiming nobody has been helping her.
#23
I dont dislike my kids, but I really do hate the life i have. People say the kids don’t need to change your way of living. But they do. They really do. Everything gets more expensive, you can’t be spontaneous in the same way as before kids etc. There are so much things that are so much harder to do now and I feel so trapped and lonely.
David Henry 2 years ago
All prospective parents should read things like this and all the other examples first. No more of these bright bubbly cheerfully worded parenting books. Show them the other side, how dark and bad it can get, and how sometimes the lifestyle itself ends up not being for you but unlike a bad career move, that move can't be undone. Even if you put it towards adoption you've given them a memory of the family who didn't want them. Sometimes it isn't the kids or parents fault. Sometimes it's the fact we f*****g gaslight parents into thinking it'll def even out and be wonderful.
Craig Reynolds 2 years ago
If your own parents have ever said the words, "just wait until you have kids" and some variation thereof, THAT should be an eye-opening RED FLAG to you to do some serious research about what it's really like.
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Tamra Stiffler 2 years ago
Who told this guy that kids don't change the way you live?? They change everything - that's just how it is.
Zobi123 2 years ago
Right?! I knew that before I became a parent. Doesn't everyone know that??
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Katinka Min 2 years ago
Who on earth says Kids don't need to change your way of living??? That is the biggest bull I've ver heard. Kids change everything! For about two decades.
Elizabeth Elliot 2 years ago
You have to shift gears and change your perspecive when you have kids. Anyone who says 'Having children didn't change me" has a nanny.
Linnea Jacobson 2 years ago
Who are these idiots who say that kids don't have to change your way of life? Can someone please tell me who these people are, so I know who to avoid taking any kind of advice from, ever?
B Jean the Jelly Bean 2 years ago
Somehow I just can't bring myself to feel sorry for you. You used "kids" as in multiple children. Why did n't you stop after having ONE? Life is only as happy as YOU make it. It's not your kids fault it's yours.
GramDB 2 years ago
Please get counseling. I wanted and adored all my 4 children… I had a hard but good time raising them. But it didn't really hit me how much until I lost one at 8 months old … how much I really did treasure them. Some people should not ever give birth … some are meant to be a parent. Decide and stick to it!
Patricia Howard 1 year ago (edited)
Maybe try being a little less selfish? Seriously tho why did you have children if your incapable of being selfless and loving? Unbelievable wow. Grow up and stop whining.
Nothanks L. Walk 2 years ago
THIS. This one is absolutely the most important in the list. People contemplating having children MUST read this. The ridiculous fantasy that the media sells us is a horrific lie and you would honestly not BELIEVE how many parents feel exactly as you do. Tell your story. Tell it far and wide.
Mary Pigott 2 years ago
My kids have chosen other to have kids for all of these reasons and more. I respect their decisions. I don't desperately need to be a grandmother, I raised two, that's enough for me.
Cybele Spanjaard 2 years ago
Set boundaries for yourself and on what they can have or teach them to learn to earn them, always keep to your word with firm but show love. Children respond more to the love of things and today as there are so many 'things' that balance is severely confused. Possessions, consumer expectations and trends that change every couple of months have too much influence. The electric society is destroying our children's views or reality.
Kristen Drake 2 years ago
It will improve over time. Teach your kids to do what they are able to, help them with what they aren’t yet able to do, and raise them to be independent. In a few years (and it goes more quickly than you think), you’ll have more freedom. Also, anyone who thinks kids won’t change their life is crazy.
Nikki Sevven 2 years ago
Who says having kids doesn't change your way of life?! Of course it does.
Azure Adams 2 years ago
Gee no duh. Society sells you the fantasy to make you miserable like all the other parents out there because misery loves company
Zobi123 2 years ago
Literally no one says that it's all sunshine and roses, aside from diaper companies. If you believe that, you should not be having children.
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While my problems aren't as serious as some of yours, I do resent my son. I fell pregnant when I while taking birth control. My husband and I had sworn that we wouldn't have kids, but kept this baby. He fell ill when he was a baby, and it ended costing thousands in bills and caused a lifetime of developmental problems. We treat him as if he is normal, don't tell him why he goes to his therapies, and to anyone who meets him they have no idea that there is anything wrong.
He has put a great strain on what was once a very good relationship. My husband and I were together for 4 years before having him. We rarely fought. After having him, we fight all the time. My husband works long hours to try and pay off all of the medical bills, which leaves me to basically be a single parent. We don't speak to my in laws because they tried to use my son as a pawn to make my husband hate me.
I love my son. I bust my a*s trying to give him a normal life. But I hate what he has done to the relationship I had with my husband. I hate the stress that his illnesses have put on my life.
Kathi Schäffer 2 years ago
I get that you're feeling this way. Also, we can't just turn off our feelings. And anger/hate is a feeling. I hope things get better for your family! ♥️
#25
My ex had a severely autistic brother. Non verbal except for humming which he would do 24/7. My ex liked to pretend her parents loved her brother but it was super obvious they divorced because of him. They fought tooth and nail on who would keep their normal daughter and who would keep their autistic son. They both wanted her.
#26
I realized it recently, in therapy.
It's not really them, per se. I realized about myself that I dislike children, period. That said, the presence of my kids in my life 24/7 has led to a great deal of resentment under the surface that I am now finally in touch with, which means now I'm also trying to deal with the guilt of feeling this way about the people I brought into this world.
I want - desperately - to be able to get in my car and drive to Alaska back just because I can. But I can't. I want to be able to have something called a "quiet weekend", assuming there is such a thing. I want to have money in the bank, better prospects for career advancement, the ability to take a risk like starting my own business. But I can't. I need the stable paycheck so that I can keep food on the table for the people in my house who took my wife away from me.
Meanwhile, my oldest is consistently lying to my face, my oldest two are constantly at war with each other over stupid shit, my third is special needs, I've got two in diapers, and this was all stuff that my wife and I walked into thinking it would be wonderful.
Worst of all: for her, it is wonderful, and that makes me the bad guy for having these feelings, since I'm obviously just being incredibly selfish.
You know what? She's right. I do feel like the bad guy for having these feelings, and I do feel like I'm being selfish, but I can't just snap my fingers and make these feelings go away.
I'm just hoping that one day, these children will grow up and get out of my house so I can have my wife back, assuming they don't take her out first.
Emma London 2 years ago (edited)
It's fairly common to people to expect a joyous family life and then it's a huge disappointment when the parental joy of spending time with our kids doesn't come. It doesn't help that the perfect parenthood myth has grown to a such a huge proportion that any resentment towards your kids or even wanting to be sometimes away from them is a huge tabu. So most parents just bite their tongue and bear it, thinking that it's normal thing to do. (It's not. Nuclear family is a recent concept, family units tended to larger and it was common to share parental duties and even give kids to relatives and childless couples to raise if things got too complicated.)
#27
I love my oldest son, but I don't like him. He's a compulsive liar and a self centered narcissist.
Anna Tribe 2 years ago
I went no contact for a couple of years then she came and said she needed her mum as her relationship was over. So I invited her in and we drank tea then I started putting my clean clothes away. She got furious, said very little of my clothes suited me and proceeded to throw out 95% of my clothes. She even took them to the junkyard. Then she started complaining about every little thing and nothing I ever did was good enough and she made me feel like I would rather kill myself than her torturing me all the time. So no contact again for a year. Then she told me she was pregnant and needed me. Under the 2 years we didn't speak I'd been shaving my hair totally bald because I was sick of my hair falling out. She was mad at me. I was ugly. I decided to let it grow out and about 2 months later she came to visit and she had bought an electric razor to shave my head. Told her no because I wanted to grow it. Again she got really angry with me. No contact again.
#28
I have two children, my eldest son was diagnosed with autism on the day my second son was born. My second son was then diagnosed with CP at nine months so it was overall a pretty sh**ty time for us. We resented our youngest for a while because we felt that if he wasn't born, then we would have been able to focus more on the eldest and his autism would have probably not as severe as it is now. But we let those feelings go some time ago. He is a wonderful younger brother and is doing very well. Our eldest son is also doing well and we can see that he has potential and it is up to us to unlock it. For us the mistake was never that we had children but rather that we were not educated/informed enough to make the right choices which could have prevented a lot of the issues we had during after pregnancy.
#29
I love my kids dearly, but there are definitely times I don't like them in the moment. My son has ADHD and maybe a bit on the aspie spectrum (never been evaluated for it but there's things that make me suspicious) and there are some times when he is ridiculously loud, invasive, obnoxious, disrespectful, etc. and seems literally incapable of stopping himself from doing it, or noticing that he's been asked to knock it off, or applying anything he's been told to the next time a similar situation comes up to not get in trouble again for the exact same thing. Then he acts like we're being unreasonable if we get upset or impose consequences for things like continuing to repeat the same loud, inappropriate statement after being clearly told to stop multiple times.
I know he wants to be a good person and cares about others for the most part, but when it comes to actually implementing these things, sometimes he just can't, and between just being annoyed and frustrated with him and feeling at fault for whatever imaginary failing must have existed in my parenting (or more likely his bio dad's genetics) to make him like this, there are times I can hardly stand him.
Still, I'm his mom and I love him and I'm never going to give up on him unless absolutely necessary to prevent harm to myself or my other kids, if he ever gets as bad as his father was about certain things. As more people get vaccinated and we are closer to the "end" of the pandemic, I'm going to start looking for a therapist with some experience with these things.
Gracie Mae 2 years ago
I think one of the most potent things I've ever said to any of my children (aside from "I'm not mad, I'm disappointed") was once while during a rough time with one, I said, "I love you, but I don't like you right now" & I walked away. I think that hit almost as hard as a slap to the face.
#30
Not a parent, not my kid, but I've been forced into the role of parent and I can't help but hate him.
I've been with my boyfriend for 8 years, I love him dearly and our relationship has always been great. We're young, 23 and 22. Last year his mother passed away unexpectedly due to complications with surgery.
He has a younger half brother who is 17 so he needs a guardian for one more year, can't be too bad right? Wrong.
He is a slob. 17 years old and almost 400 pounds. He eats everything. Literally everything. We decide to have tacos, so we cook up enough meat to have plenty of left overs for the next day, we tell him not to eat it all. Wake up the next morning, it's all gone. A normal person shouldn't eat this much! We still have taco fixings left so we'll have tacos again later on right? Nope, he decides to eat all the queso, just plain from the jar with a spoon and lies about it when confronted.
We have to physically go into his room and make him bring out all the dirty dishes to wash or we won't have enough clean dishes.
I know he's going through a rough time (he's eating habits have been like this forever though) so I try to do nice things, once a grocery store visit I pick up a nice little snack to have in the house. Popcorn seems safe right? Nope, all 8 bags gone in two days. I bought a two litter once trying to be nice, he drunk it all in an hour.
He goes to school, he has decent grades, he's turned down therapy multiple times. He comes home from school and plays LoL all day, I have to threaten to take away his computer to get him to do anything around the house to help out. He eats, sleeps, and plays video games.
We have to threaten to take away the computer to get him to shower. He's not interested in picking up any hobbies. We've tried to include him in so much, I've given up taking him places. I can't stand one more time of finally getting a chance to go somewhere I've been wanting to go, like the zoo for example. We take him a long and he seems happy to go. But once we get there it's just whining about how hot it is, how far he has to walk, how animals are dumb, how he's hungry, how he'd rather be at home. And then the drive home is just him trying to convince us to go to every fast-food restaurant we pass.
I feel like a bad person for resenting the guy, I know he's going through a lot with his mom's passing and maybe I'm selfish, but I hate the strain he's put on me and my boyfriend both mentally and financially. We're young, were trying to pay for college and a house and take care of our selves. We can't keep affording to feed him on these habits.
I've started taking to setting his portion of food aside from the rest of the meal but it doesn't matter, after we go to bed he'll devour the left overs. I can't begin to tell you how nice it would be to have an actual left over night, but we can't, we have to cook every night.
I can't deal with his shinning and crying if he's computer is taken away or how we've "ruined his day/life" He's just so ungrateful it drives me crazy. We've basically put our lives on hold for the next year to make sure he has a normal last year of high school and he's such an ungrateful brat.
He's always been spoiled and given his way while growing up. "He's a growing boy" "he's just a kid" No, he's 17 years old and acts like a 12 year old because all you people have babied him his whole life. You've set him up for failure.
I don't have it bad, I know. I'm only in this for one year and it could be so much worse, I just really needed to get that off my chest. So many other people in here have it so much worse, I can't imagine what it's like for most of the posters here.
What do you think ?
Kathi Schäffer 2 years ago
I think it's better to know you don't want kids then to have them and resent them. So good on you!
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Fabiana Suanes 2 years ago
There are options. Is not mandatory to have kids. They dont deserve to grow in families that seems to hate them. What kind of human beings they will become? We need adoption, we need abortions, proper sex education. So many bad things in the world could be avoided. If only. Im not american but please dont lose Roe vs Wade.
Nia Loves Art 2 years ago
A lot of these people wanted their kids and got a really unlucky draw.
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PixieVonBehr 2 years ago
As someone who had a rough childhood, I find these posts super helpful. I've never wanted children as a result of my own trauma but as a woman in her 30's I'm feeling pressure before my 'clock' gives out. Reading these helps me understand there's nothing wrong with me and having children would likely re-traumatise me all over again. Thank you for sharing your honest stories.
DuchessDegu 2 years ago
It's perfectly ok and normal not to want children even without a reason! I've had a great childhood, wonderful parents and other family members and I knew from a very early age I wouldn't want children ever!
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Yayheterogeneity 2 years ago
This makes me so sad. I wish there were more support programmes fitted for the different needs.
Mrs. Jan Glass 2 years ago
Parents of neurodivergent kids need so much more support than they have. It's just relentless.
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Mrs. Jan Glass 2 years ago
I didn't have kids. When I was 23, I had an abortion. All of the women in my family have kids under the circumstances above: didn't expect a special needs' child, husband/family pressured them, they though a child's love and "being a mom!" would give their lives meaning. It never, ever works, and now my family is riddled with broken, hurting, abusive people who keep repeating that cycle. I broke it. I chose an abortion instead, because, as I knew then, I'd rather risk regretting an abortion than regretting having a child. Best decision I ever made, and have never regretted it. More women need to understand that "being a mom!" isn't everything. If you're unhappy or lost or sad, having kids will only make it worse. Just ask my own mom. You just don't have kids and "hope it all works out," FFS!
Everything is fascinating. 2 years ago
Yep same, just glad we got all the best bits from both of us in our daughter. Can't imagine how hard life would have been if she'd got all my bad bits....
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Leo Domitrix 2 years ago
This whole thing was an argument for legal, safe abortion without people screaming at someone about being mean/bad/selfish... b/c the kids do know when they'yre not wanted. And look how great they turn out b/c of their parents.... Yes, it's not always parents. but holy c**p....
Cathelijne Van 1 year ago (edited)
Not always, but often it is. And don't forget there is only one side of every story here. *edit: I am not talking about the parents with disabled children
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Rebecca Moore 2 years ago
I have always wanted children but have never had them and have had a couple of breakdowns because of it. Some of these stories are so heartbreaking (and I only read a few) that maybe I've been lucky to not have them.
ShareMusic 2 years ago
There is so much pain here. So sad. So many heartbreaking difficulties. It doesn't help when teachers blame parents for every behavior issue their child has. Some children are just so challenging.
Everything is fascinating. 2 years ago
Honestly mate, I'm a middle aged dude with a teenage daughter. They are tough days, of course, but it's just amazing most of the time. Every moment with my daughter is just... fun. And has been since the first moment I held her and she stared into my eyes. Enjoy it, just accept the tiredness as the price you pay for snuggles.
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Don John 2 years ago
So glad im gay and have no kids.......... moneys my own....times my own.....nice house.. holidays booked for summer 2022.......... can just get up and get a plane/ train/bus anywhere i want if mood takes me........ i have zero paternal instincts..... and its pure bliss.
CrazyDogLady 2 years ago
These are super depressing but they've done one good thing for me - although my son's now going through very difficult times and i've been losing my s**t all the time, those reminded me of how much I love him no matter what and that I really need to step up my game and show it to him even more.
Mrs. Jan Glass 2 years ago
That's going to make so much of a positive difference. And if you need help, please don't rule out family therapy. There are tools to learn for effective communication or balancing the stress, and it's hard to see it when you're in the middle of it. To use the vernacular, "you're doing awesome, sweetie!" You really are.
Load More Replies... Katinka Min 2 years ago
Wow, that is one depressing post. But the world needs honest descriptions like this and I hope a lot fo people read it and THINK before they go and have kids. Thinks long and hard if they can provide for them, if they are metnally emotionally and financially stable enough to procreate.
H M 2 years ago
I have to say most people I know expected their kids to be mini-mes. They are not. Regardless of your interest, your way of life, they are individuals and make their own decisions. Much to the shock of many. They may become nice people, they may become terrible ones. You may have no comprehension of their work, interests or ideas. Animals get this, humans don't.
Sara 2 years ago
I wish people would stop trying to use or manipulate children to try and hurt their exes. Its not even about the kids in half of these. And some are about bratty sounding adults raising bratty kids. Or some whining about how they can't do fun stuff any more and their kids are a real drag. I can't stand parents like that. Usually, those people find others to raise their kids for them. My heart goes out to those in medical situations beyond their control. But the rest of these are horrible and selfish.
Mrs. Jan Glass 2 years ago
Then I hope they'll understand how hard parenting is, and maybe not be in such a rush to repeat it. It hurts, but we have to deal with the realities, too. Knowing that my mom had me to fulfill her own issues and for me to take care of her is painful, but also informed my decision to not repeat those mistakes myself.
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Annabeth Chase 2 years ago
Something I hated while looking at these was the amount of “severely autistic”, “high-functioning” and “low-functioning” labels added. Autism is a spectrum and it changes day-to-day. One day I’m completely fine, the next I’m crying because my mum tried to make me brush my hair.(I have a super sensitive scalp, that she conveniently refuses to believe exists)
Cathelijne Van 1 year ago
I just saw special brushes for sensitive scalp the other day on the internet. Just so you know 😘
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Curry on... 2 years ago
The concern I've heard from parents of children with physical or mental problems is, 'who will take care of them after I'm gone.' Indeed...who?
wv10014 2 years ago
In the U.S. there certainly aren't any good options because the GOP doesn't want to help anyone (everyone needs to "pull themselves up by their own bootstraps")
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Libra Rising 2 years ago
I'll make this brief but felt the need to comment. I had some very similar experiences with my second child. I sometimes hated my life because of her. We were persistent in therapy, found the right meds, secured an IEP, etc., and now she's 12 and like one of my best friends. She's still a lot and difficult sometimes but she bloomed and I know it's from the work we all put in. This can't be everyone's story and the path is still unfolding, but there is hope. I thought my life would be miserable until she moved out and now I actually miss her when she goes to her dads.
Amy Taylor 2 years ago
Yes it is!! Kids feel and know more than we give them credit for. It's wonderful parents like you that make them thrive when they are born with challenges.
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Tigerpacingthecage 2 years ago
I think people judge these people a bit to hard in general. They share their honest struggles and are in need of support, there's actually nothing wrong with that. People often focus on the practical struggles of parenthood but forget the emotional burden, and that responsibility. I started therapy after having kids when I realized how much their emotions bring out your own unprocessed feelings - I realized I needed to get those in order first to handle parenthood. It's not selfish and I'm sure this is more common than you think. Their feelings can really turn on your own. I'm sure most of these parents LOVE their kids but they are allowed to feel overwhelmed and reach out for support. Parents need to find happiness too to be better parents and feel content in life. The whole "parents need to sacrifice everything for their kids without any complaints" need to stop. Unhappy parents lead to unhappy kids. This is them venting, please let them.
Elvira Dirge 2 years ago
The number of people that read the title of this article, then opened it to read it, just to attack everyone who took it as a chance to vent and be honest are astounding. I know it's the nature of the internet, but has not one of these people ever felt guilty for feeling how they feel? Parenting is f*ing IMPOSSIBLE and even more so when it's complicated by medical, martial, etc issues. This is exactly why I don't like the word "just". "Just don't marry that person." "Just don't have kids." "Just take away x-y-z. That'll fix them." It's never EVER "just".
Terka Červeňáková 2 years ago
Lot's of these Are undiagnosed kids without proper care And help or medication. And #8, mum should set up hidden cameras And secretely record her argumenty with the daughter, So She can have prove for the girls dad And therapist....
Everything is fascinating. 2 years ago
WOW! Reading this makes me realise how lucky I am. I know that you can do nothing about who pops out, or if they are healthy. They might get all the bad stuff and make your life tough, and I really feel for the people whose kids are ill, not sure I could cope as well as them. And if you don't want kids, don't have kids. But.... after reading this, and seeing how many negative comments there are, I just have to give one glimmer of light to people who do want, or are expecting kids. In our case, we have one daughter, she is magnificent. Quite quiet, but always sassy, and smart, but polite. I'm guessing that's just her nature because we aren't perfect parents AT ALL. Of course parenting is hard and tiring sometimes. But honestly every moment has been a joy for me. She's 14 and getting a little less communicative, but we had a daddy daughter day in Edinburgh a few weeks ago we laughed so hard for the whole day. There are tough days, but for us, or maybe just me, the joy is... beyond words
Craig Reynolds 2 years ago
I never wanted kids and never had them. It wasn't because I didn't like kids. It was because I had a useless, unskilled (parenting-wise) father. He never did anything with me! Never taught me anything, never played catch, knew nothing of sports, so I learned nothing either. He knew nothing of how to be a father to a son. To do this day I know nothing about sports. I decided never to be a father because I had no role model to teach me and I was unwilling to go through the hassle of figuring it out. I also knew there were some mental health issues on both my parent's sides and I wasn't going to risk that as well. Part of the reason I divorced my first wife is that after a few years of marriage she changed her mind and decided she wanted kids and I refused to even consider it. She is bipolar, so is her brother, and so was her father so, NO WAY would I ever consider spinning that roulette wheel. That would be like staring down Karma and saying, "Show me what you got. I dare you."
Darlene Thorne 2 years ago
I like working with kids, but I never had that maternal instinct. After seeing what it has done to so many families, I'm glad I didn't. Ironically, I think after watching families both succeed and fail at it, I think I would have made a good Mom overall, but it does mean giving up a good deal of one's freedom, and freedom won out for me. I am pro-choice and after reading all these stories of people who had unwanted kids, I am even more so.
Geoff 2 years ago
I'm noticing that many of these posts talk about the crippling costs of caring for a child with special needs. Even in nations with public health care programs, special needs care can require additional costs that aren't covered by government plans. Even employer funded plans can come up short. I'm in Canada and I have a friend who has 2 kids on the spectrum and getting them specialized care is a financial challenge for him. I couldn't begin to imagine how much harder it would be on families in the US, where there is no funding at all. As if being a parent isn't tough enough, bearing the emotional and financial burden of a child with special needs is enough to leave even the strongest person in tears.
Nancy Bania 6 months ago
This article made me feel so much better about my relationship with my daughter. She's in her 40's and I'm in my 60's. I never, ever wanted kids, but my then husband talked me into it. I was a single parent (her dad died when she was 3) and did my best. She spent her youth lying, stealing, d***s, vandalism, jail and breaking every law. We've barely spoken in 20 years. Lesson for everyone - If you don't want kids - DON'T have them.
Jessica butts 11 months ago
Some of these parents are idiots and abusive. If you have a non-verbal child who is screaming in pain, you take them to the doctor immediately, you don't wait until their eardrum bursts. We can figure this stuff out! Please come see us!!
Cathelijne Van 1 year ago (edited)
I am torn here for a bit. It is so good that parents speak up and be honest. However I have seen around me, the people whose children behave this way, have themselves to blame. One was my friend and her kid was rude, hit her, screamed and yelled. He never had any boundaries. She always gave in. She was very selfish, wanted to go out on weekends and use drugs. Dump her kid with friends. She also yelled at him. She brought him over to stay and didn't tell him. She then bought back his love with buying him stuff. She put him in a hippie school whereas everyone told her he needed more structure in his life. Everyone disliked the kid but I thought it was so sad to see he just wanted to get her attention and love but did not know how
Brigit Sole-March 2 years ago
Sometimes narcissism, borderline personality disorder, and even the dark triad (narcissism, Machiavellianism & psychopathy or sociopathy) manifest in our children. When this happens, it is tough to get help for these kids, as they tend to be hardwired that way, and feel no need to change or be 'helped'. They often grow into toxic adults even when they have had 'good parenting'. Brutal but true. One imagines that young Hitler, Mussolini, Jeffrey Dahmer or other adult psychopaths must have been a handful, if not ignored and mistreated.
Holly Bee 2 years ago
I don't think telling parents that 'they had options' is all that helpful. If they REALLY didn't want kids, they shouldn't have put out. Sh!t happens. These people can't do a whole lot about that now. If they spent all their time thinking they should have gotten an abortion, and if thats all they're hearing from other people, then yeah they'd be miserable and resentful and guilty 24 7. How about offering actual helpful suggestions for their life NOW.
That'sEndorable 2 years ago (edited)
These stories are so moving. I love my son so much, and I get told so often that I'm such a great Dad. No, I'm not. I'm not saying I'm a bad Dad, but I have a great son... and one who has been "easy" in a lot of ways. I am so grateful for him. It's not that he doesn't have problems that make life a little complicated: he's had milk allergies, neurological problems, and I'm anxious for him because he's so small. But these people with kids with autism... I know they ALSO don't get the billion little rewards that can be so sustaining. They are so much stronger than I.
Mandy Kat 2 years ago
These posts were truly heartbreaking to read. As a parent of a special needs child, I can relate to that feeling of helplessness, never ending fatigue and stress. The mourning of the loss of hopes and dreams you had for your child, which were instantly crushed the moment you finally learned what’s wrong with your kid. Many of these parents seem to have some serious caregiver fatigue, and I can’t emphasize how important it is to carve out “me” time in your day, even taking a walk or closing the bedroom door just to breathe for 5 minutes or whatever works for you. I know, I know, when people used to tell me “be sure to take care of yourself!” I just wanted to punch them in the face. Like how could they possibly ever understand what I was going through? It took me awhile but now it is set as my important routine. And find support/affinity groups with parents who are struggling with parenting challenging kids. We are out there and we don’t judge your kid’s behavior.
Throw Away 2 years ago
I have recently had to go no contact with my eldest child. She is in her early 20s and married with a one year old and one on the way. Over the years I have taken her to therapists etc with her mental health issues as well as epilepsy. Last year she told me it was all my fault and that she didn't need any of the therapy or medications. She was begging for mental health support at around 14 and was self harming. I did absolutely everything I could to make her happy and feel supported. But she threw it back at me. She would run away a lot so I would have to go searching for her and often get the police involved. I believe now that she wanted the attention. Since having her first child her mental health has declined significantly. Her wife has control over everything in their relationship but when I brought this up I was called everything under the sun. I have been stopped from seeing my grandchild on and off over the last year because I apparently don't do enough for them.
Throw Away 2 years ago
She has now gone too far and over the course of the last month sent me far too many nasty texts. Telling me how I failed as a parent and calling me lots of names. For my own mental health I have now stopped all contact with her. I am utterly deverstated but some of the things she has said are unforgivable. I don't hatr my daughter, but I do hate her wife and I hate how my daughter treated me.
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Rory Theabeau 4 months ago
I don't like my grown daughter. She is the most selfish manipulative person. She lies about me. I spent so many years loving her and trying to do my best for her and she's such a selfish and hateful person. We aren't on speaking terms and I am so happy I don't have to continue that bad relationship.
Shawna Burt 1 year ago
I'm feeling the need to go give my parents a big freakin' bear hug, because they raised me right.
Charlotte Richards 1 year ago
I don't want kids. At all. In any capacity. I don't even want to live in the same house as kids. I just can't, the very thought makes me sick. However, my partner very much wants a kid or two of her own. I love her so much and I know how much it would mean to her to have a kid, but I just wouldn't be able to deal with it. I'm worried that if we have a kid, not only will it make me miserable, but it could put a huge strain on our relationship. I've actually thought about leaving if I must to avoid living in the same house as a child, and I hate it. I hate that I hate children enough that I'd even consider leaving my partner. She's wonderful, makeno mistake, and our relationship is thriving. We've had hurdles, but we've worked over them. This is probably the wrong place to ask but I don't have a Reddit account - AITA?
Monique Rosewood 1 year ago
A lot of these people did want children and were unhappy because they drew the short stick. That happens. My mother absolutely hated me growing up, not because of behavioral issues but because I looked like my father. There should be more education on how difficult having children will be.
Andrea Macinnis 2 years ago
A look on the other side. The first 12 yrs of my life was in the care of a mentally unstable mother and foster care. When my father finally got custody of both myself and a younger sister, he was already remarried with a baby boy. Realizing at the age of 12 that my parents would never reunite, i took to blaming my stepmother. By the time i turned 16, i was in full rebellion to my stepmother in every way. I did whatever i want, whenever i wanted. I had absolutely no respect for what this poor woman had sacrificed to be my stepmother. We literally hated eachother for years. Although i was a child for some of those years, i was old enough to know i was being an Ahole in my choice ways of tormenting her. By the time i had turned 20, my father, stepmother and i had washed our hands of eachother. It wasnt until my late 20s and my stepmother was in the throws of a sugar coma and diabetic shock that nearly killed her, did i realize how much of a damn good mom she had been for all those years.
Dorothy Cloud 2 years ago
I could not finish reading all these scenarios. My heart breaks for all of them. I pray their lives will soon be happier.
Kat 2 years ago (edited)
Most are really unfortunate examples, but then some are just plain a ..hole people and I feel sorry for their children. Also reading all the comments has made me wonder if I'm actually the only one here that actually likes her kids and is happy to be a parent and who really doesn't feel like it is that hard. Also it hasn't stopped us from travelling, we do it with kids and it's a lot of fun.
Gladys Hayes Southerland 1 year ago (edited)
glad you spoke up as l was wondering the same thing. I was a single mom with 2, seven years apart. Best adventure of my life! My daughter says she was so happy with our little family, when the teacher asked what did she want to be when she grew up, she replied 'a single mother like my mom" & l got a phone call that night. We had great times, challenging times, and always loving times They're 37 & 29 now and we're the best of friends, still.
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Kurtis Wethington 2 years ago
Remember how talks shows would have teens who "can't WAIT" to have kids as if it'd be fun and glamorous then they get sent to boot camps and women's shelters to see how hard parenthood (ESPECIALLY single motherhood) really is to scare them straight? Same energy here, but in written form and no bratty, wannabe Z-listers in skanky clothes screaming at the audience.
Susan Bosse 2 years ago
I'm thankful daily for my son. I'm even more so after readying these. I feel for these families and I can empathize with their situations.
WarpedThoughts 2 years ago
Wow. How to make your audience depressed with an article 80% full of jack a*s parents bitching about their CHILDREN?!? In most cases. Good on yea Bored Panda for encouraging depression and mental illness in a post. Bye 🤘
MimSorensson 2 years ago
A bit tasteless pushing some religious narrative in a thread like this, isn’t it? People share their real pain that they live with, and you feel it prudent to respond by lecturing about some delusional end-of-the-world-scenario, trying to push your god on people…? Not morally ok, man. Please, as an adult, keep your perceived self righteousness and your oppressive beliefs to yourself.
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Axolotl King 2 years ago
Or maybe it's a good thing that people are finally able to talk about the hardships of being a parent? I imagine not too long ago this kind of talk was greatly frowned upon. There are also plenty BP articles that talk about the joy of parenthood
Load More Replies... Kathi Schäffer 2 years ago
I think it's better to know you don't want kids then to have them and resent them. So good on you!
Load More Replies... Fabiana Suanes 2 years ago
There are options. Is not mandatory to have kids. They dont deserve to grow in families that seems to hate them. What kind of human beings they will become? We need adoption, we need abortions, proper sex education. So many bad things in the world could be avoided. If only. Im not american but please dont lose Roe vs Wade.
Nia Loves Art 2 years ago
A lot of these people wanted their kids and got a really unlucky draw.
Load More Replies... PixieVonBehr 2 years ago
As someone who had a rough childhood, I find these posts super helpful. I've never wanted children as a result of my own trauma but as a woman in her 30's I'm feeling pressure before my 'clock' gives out. Reading these helps me understand there's nothing wrong with me and having children would likely re-traumatise me all over again. Thank you for sharing your honest stories.
DuchessDegu 2 years ago
It's perfectly ok and normal not to want children even without a reason! I've had a great childhood, wonderful parents and other family members and I knew from a very early age I wouldn't want children ever!
Load More Replies... Yayheterogeneity 2 years ago
This makes me so sad. I wish there were more support programmes fitted for the different needs.
Mrs. Jan Glass 2 years ago
Parents of neurodivergent kids need so much more support than they have. It's just relentless.
Load More Replies... Mrs. Jan Glass 2 years ago
I didn't have kids. When I was 23, I had an abortion. All of the women in my family have kids under the circumstances above: didn't expect a special needs' child, husband/family pressured them, they though a child's love and "being a mom!" would give their lives meaning. It never, ever works, and now my family is riddled with broken, hurting, abusive people who keep repeating that cycle. I broke it. I chose an abortion instead, because, as I knew then, I'd rather risk regretting an abortion than regretting having a child. Best decision I ever made, and have never regretted it. More women need to understand that "being a mom!" isn't everything. If you're unhappy or lost or sad, having kids will only make it worse. Just ask my own mom. You just don't have kids and "hope it all works out," FFS!
Everything is fascinating. 2 years ago
Yep same, just glad we got all the best bits from both of us in our daughter. Can't imagine how hard life would have been if she'd got all my bad bits....
Load More Replies... Leo Domitrix 2 years ago
This whole thing was an argument for legal, safe abortion without people screaming at someone about being mean/bad/selfish... b/c the kids do know when they'yre not wanted. And look how great they turn out b/c of their parents.... Yes, it's not always parents. but holy c**p....
Cathelijne Van 1 year ago (edited)
Not always, but often it is. And don't forget there is only one side of every story here. *edit: I am not talking about the parents with disabled children
Load More Replies... Rebecca Moore 2 years ago
I have always wanted children but have never had them and have had a couple of breakdowns because of it. Some of these stories are so heartbreaking (and I only read a few) that maybe I've been lucky to not have them.
ShareMusic 2 years ago
There is so much pain here. So sad. So many heartbreaking difficulties. It doesn't help when teachers blame parents for every behavior issue their child has. Some children are just so challenging.
Everything is fascinating. 2 years ago
Honestly mate, I'm a middle aged dude with a teenage daughter. They are tough days, of course, but it's just amazing most of the time. Every moment with my daughter is just... fun. And has been since the first moment I held her and she stared into my eyes. Enjoy it, just accept the tiredness as the price you pay for snuggles.
Load More Replies... Don John 2 years ago
So glad im gay and have no kids.......... moneys my own....times my own.....nice house.. holidays booked for summer 2022.......... can just get up and get a plane/ train/bus anywhere i want if mood takes me........ i have zero paternal instincts..... and its pure bliss.
CrazyDogLady 2 years ago
These are super depressing but they've done one good thing for me - although my son's now going through very difficult times and i've been losing my s**t all the time, those reminded me of how much I love him no matter what and that I really need to step up my game and show it to him even more.
Mrs. Jan Glass 2 years ago
That's going to make so much of a positive difference. And if you need help, please don't rule out family therapy. There are tools to learn for effective communication or balancing the stress, and it's hard to see it when you're in the middle of it. To use the vernacular, "you're doing awesome, sweetie!" You really are.
Load More Replies... Katinka Min 2 years ago
Wow, that is one depressing post. But the world needs honest descriptions like this and I hope a lot fo people read it and THINK before they go and have kids. Thinks long and hard if they can provide for them, if they are metnally emotionally and financially stable enough to procreate.
H M 2 years ago
I have to say most people I know expected their kids to be mini-mes. They are not. Regardless of your interest, your way of life, they are individuals and make their own decisions. Much to the shock of many. They may become nice people, they may become terrible ones. You may have no comprehension of their work, interests or ideas. Animals get this, humans don't.
Sara 2 years ago
I wish people would stop trying to use or manipulate children to try and hurt their exes. Its not even about the kids in half of these. And some are about bratty sounding adults raising bratty kids. Or some whining about how they can't do fun stuff any more and their kids are a real drag. I can't stand parents like that. Usually, those people find others to raise their kids for them. My heart goes out to those in medical situations beyond their control. But the rest of these are horrible and selfish.
Mrs. Jan Glass 2 years ago
Then I hope they'll understand how hard parenting is, and maybe not be in such a rush to repeat it. It hurts, but we have to deal with the realities, too. Knowing that my mom had me to fulfill her own issues and for me to take care of her is painful, but also informed my decision to not repeat those mistakes myself.
Load More Replies... Annabeth Chase 2 years ago
Something I hated while looking at these was the amount of “severely autistic”, “high-functioning” and “low-functioning” labels added. Autism is a spectrum and it changes day-to-day. One day I’m completely fine, the next I’m crying because my mum tried to make me brush my hair.(I have a super sensitive scalp, that she conveniently refuses to believe exists)
Cathelijne Van 1 year ago
I just saw special brushes for sensitive scalp the other day on the internet. Just so you know 😘
Load More Replies... Curry on... 2 years ago
The concern I've heard from parents of children with physical or mental problems is, 'who will take care of them after I'm gone.' Indeed...who?
wv10014 2 years ago
In the U.S. there certainly aren't any good options because the GOP doesn't want to help anyone (everyone needs to "pull themselves up by their own bootstraps")
Load More Replies... Libra Rising 2 years ago
I'll make this brief but felt the need to comment. I had some very similar experiences with my second child. I sometimes hated my life because of her. We were persistent in therapy, found the right meds, secured an IEP, etc., and now she's 12 and like one of my best friends. She's still a lot and difficult sometimes but she bloomed and I know it's from the work we all put in. This can't be everyone's story and the path is still unfolding, but there is hope. I thought my life would be miserable until she moved out and now I actually miss her when she goes to her dads.
Amy Taylor 2 years ago
Yes it is!! Kids feel and know more than we give them credit for. It's wonderful parents like you that make them thrive when they are born with challenges.
Load More Replies... Tigerpacingthecage 2 years ago
I think people judge these people a bit to hard in general. They share their honest struggles and are in need of support, there's actually nothing wrong with that. People often focus on the practical struggles of parenthood but forget the emotional burden, and that responsibility. I started therapy after having kids when I realized how much their emotions bring out your own unprocessed feelings - I realized I needed to get those in order first to handle parenthood. It's not selfish and I'm sure this is more common than you think. Their feelings can really turn on your own. I'm sure most of these parents LOVE their kids but they are allowed to feel overwhelmed and reach out for support. Parents need to find happiness too to be better parents and feel content in life. The whole "parents need to sacrifice everything for their kids without any complaints" need to stop. Unhappy parents lead to unhappy kids. This is them venting, please let them.
Elvira Dirge 2 years ago
The number of people that read the title of this article, then opened it to read it, just to attack everyone who took it as a chance to vent and be honest are astounding. I know it's the nature of the internet, but has not one of these people ever felt guilty for feeling how they feel? Parenting is f*ing IMPOSSIBLE and even more so when it's complicated by medical, martial, etc issues. This is exactly why I don't like the word "just". "Just don't marry that person." "Just don't have kids." "Just take away x-y-z. That'll fix them." It's never EVER "just".
Terka Červeňáková 2 years ago
Lot's of these Are undiagnosed kids without proper care And help or medication. And #8, mum should set up hidden cameras And secretely record her argumenty with the daughter, So She can have prove for the girls dad And therapist....
Everything is fascinating. 2 years ago
WOW! Reading this makes me realise how lucky I am. I know that you can do nothing about who pops out, or if they are healthy. They might get all the bad stuff and make your life tough, and I really feel for the people whose kids are ill, not sure I could cope as well as them. And if you don't want kids, don't have kids. But.... after reading this, and seeing how many negative comments there are, I just have to give one glimmer of light to people who do want, or are expecting kids. In our case, we have one daughter, she is magnificent. Quite quiet, but always sassy, and smart, but polite. I'm guessing that's just her nature because we aren't perfect parents AT ALL. Of course parenting is hard and tiring sometimes. But honestly every moment has been a joy for me. She's 14 and getting a little less communicative, but we had a daddy daughter day in Edinburgh a few weeks ago we laughed so hard for the whole day. There are tough days, but for us, or maybe just me, the joy is... beyond words
Craig Reynolds 2 years ago
I never wanted kids and never had them. It wasn't because I didn't like kids. It was because I had a useless, unskilled (parenting-wise) father. He never did anything with me! Never taught me anything, never played catch, knew nothing of sports, so I learned nothing either. He knew nothing of how to be a father to a son. To do this day I know nothing about sports. I decided never to be a father because I had no role model to teach me and I was unwilling to go through the hassle of figuring it out. I also knew there were some mental health issues on both my parent's sides and I wasn't going to risk that as well. Part of the reason I divorced my first wife is that after a few years of marriage she changed her mind and decided she wanted kids and I refused to even consider it. She is bipolar, so is her brother, and so was her father so, NO WAY would I ever consider spinning that roulette wheel. That would be like staring down Karma and saying, "Show me what you got. I dare you."
Darlene Thorne 2 years ago
I like working with kids, but I never had that maternal instinct. After seeing what it has done to so many families, I'm glad I didn't. Ironically, I think after watching families both succeed and fail at it, I think I would have made a good Mom overall, but it does mean giving up a good deal of one's freedom, and freedom won out for me. I am pro-choice and after reading all these stories of people who had unwanted kids, I am even more so.
Geoff 2 years ago
I'm noticing that many of these posts talk about the crippling costs of caring for a child with special needs. Even in nations with public health care programs, special needs care can require additional costs that aren't covered by government plans. Even employer funded plans can come up short. I'm in Canada and I have a friend who has 2 kids on the spectrum and getting them specialized care is a financial challenge for him. I couldn't begin to imagine how much harder it would be on families in the US, where there is no funding at all. As if being a parent isn't tough enough, bearing the emotional and financial burden of a child with special needs is enough to leave even the strongest person in tears.
Nancy Bania 6 months ago
This article made me feel so much better about my relationship with my daughter. She's in her 40's and I'm in my 60's. I never, ever wanted kids, but my then husband talked me into it. I was a single parent (her dad died when she was 3) and did my best. She spent her youth lying, stealing, d***s, vandalism, jail and breaking every law. We've barely spoken in 20 years. Lesson for everyone - If you don't want kids - DON'T have them.
Jessica butts 11 months ago
Some of these parents are idiots and abusive. If you have a non-verbal child who is screaming in pain, you take them to the doctor immediately, you don't wait until their eardrum bursts. We can figure this stuff out! Please come see us!!
Cathelijne Van 1 year ago (edited)
I am torn here for a bit. It is so good that parents speak up and be honest. However I have seen around me, the people whose children behave this way, have themselves to blame. One was my friend and her kid was rude, hit her, screamed and yelled. He never had any boundaries. She always gave in. She was very selfish, wanted to go out on weekends and use drugs. Dump her kid with friends. She also yelled at him. She brought him over to stay and didn't tell him. She then bought back his love with buying him stuff. She put him in a hippie school whereas everyone told her he needed more structure in his life. Everyone disliked the kid but I thought it was so sad to see he just wanted to get her attention and love but did not know how
Brigit Sole-March 2 years ago
Sometimes narcissism, borderline personality disorder, and even the dark triad (narcissism, Machiavellianism & psychopathy or sociopathy) manifest in our children. When this happens, it is tough to get help for these kids, as they tend to be hardwired that way, and feel no need to change or be 'helped'. They often grow into toxic adults even when they have had 'good parenting'. Brutal but true. One imagines that young Hitler, Mussolini, Jeffrey Dahmer or other adult psychopaths must have been a handful, if not ignored and mistreated.
Holly Bee 2 years ago
I don't think telling parents that 'they had options' is all that helpful. If they REALLY didn't want kids, they shouldn't have put out. Sh!t happens. These people can't do a whole lot about that now. If they spent all their time thinking they should have gotten an abortion, and if thats all they're hearing from other people, then yeah they'd be miserable and resentful and guilty 24 7. How about offering actual helpful suggestions for their life NOW.
That'sEndorable 2 years ago (edited)
These stories are so moving. I love my son so much, and I get told so often that I'm such a great Dad. No, I'm not. I'm not saying I'm a bad Dad, but I have a great son... and one who has been "easy" in a lot of ways. I am so grateful for him. It's not that he doesn't have problems that make life a little complicated: he's had milk allergies, neurological problems, and I'm anxious for him because he's so small. But these people with kids with autism... I know they ALSO don't get the billion little rewards that can be so sustaining. They are so much stronger than I.
Mandy Kat 2 years ago
These posts were truly heartbreaking to read. As a parent of a special needs child, I can relate to that feeling of helplessness, never ending fatigue and stress. The mourning of the loss of hopes and dreams you had for your child, which were instantly crushed the moment you finally learned what’s wrong with your kid. Many of these parents seem to have some serious caregiver fatigue, and I can’t emphasize how important it is to carve out “me” time in your day, even taking a walk or closing the bedroom door just to breathe for 5 minutes or whatever works for you. I know, I know, when people used to tell me “be sure to take care of yourself!” I just wanted to punch them in the face. Like how could they possibly ever understand what I was going through? It took me awhile but now it is set as my important routine. And find support/affinity groups with parents who are struggling with parenting challenging kids. We are out there and we don’t judge your kid’s behavior.
Throw Away 2 years ago
I have recently had to go no contact with my eldest child. She is in her early 20s and married with a one year old and one on the way. Over the years I have taken her to therapists etc with her mental health issues as well as epilepsy. Last year she told me it was all my fault and that she didn't need any of the therapy or medications. She was begging for mental health support at around 14 and was self harming. I did absolutely everything I could to make her happy and feel supported. But she threw it back at me. She would run away a lot so I would have to go searching for her and often get the police involved. I believe now that she wanted the attention. Since having her first child her mental health has declined significantly. Her wife has control over everything in their relationship but when I brought this up I was called everything under the sun. I have been stopped from seeing my grandchild on and off over the last year because I apparently don't do enough for them.
Throw Away 2 years ago
She has now gone too far and over the course of the last month sent me far too many nasty texts. Telling me how I failed as a parent and calling me lots of names. For my own mental health I have now stopped all contact with her. I am utterly deverstated but some of the things she has said are unforgivable. I don't hatr my daughter, but I do hate her wife and I hate how my daughter treated me.
Load More Replies... Rory Theabeau 4 months ago
I don't like my grown daughter. She is the most selfish manipulative person. She lies about me. I spent so many years loving her and trying to do my best for her and she's such a selfish and hateful person. We aren't on speaking terms and I am so happy I don't have to continue that bad relationship.
Shawna Burt 1 year ago
I'm feeling the need to go give my parents a big freakin' bear hug, because they raised me right.
Charlotte Richards 1 year ago
I don't want kids. At all. In any capacity. I don't even want to live in the same house as kids. I just can't, the very thought makes me sick. However, my partner very much wants a kid or two of her own. I love her so much and I know how much it would mean to her to have a kid, but I just wouldn't be able to deal with it. I'm worried that if we have a kid, not only will it make me miserable, but it could put a huge strain on our relationship. I've actually thought about leaving if I must to avoid living in the same house as a child, and I hate it. I hate that I hate children enough that I'd even consider leaving my partner. She's wonderful, makeno mistake, and our relationship is thriving. We've had hurdles, but we've worked over them. This is probably the wrong place to ask but I don't have a Reddit account - AITA?
Monique Rosewood 1 year ago
A lot of these people did want children and were unhappy because they drew the short stick. That happens. My mother absolutely hated me growing up, not because of behavioral issues but because I looked like my father. There should be more education on how difficult having children will be.
Andrea Macinnis 2 years ago
A look on the other side. The first 12 yrs of my life was in the care of a mentally unstable mother and foster care. When my father finally got custody of both myself and a younger sister, he was already remarried with a baby boy. Realizing at the age of 12 that my parents would never reunite, i took to blaming my stepmother. By the time i turned 16, i was in full rebellion to my stepmother in every way. I did whatever i want, whenever i wanted. I had absolutely no respect for what this poor woman had sacrificed to be my stepmother. We literally hated eachother for years. Although i was a child for some of those years, i was old enough to know i was being an Ahole in my choice ways of tormenting her. By the time i had turned 20, my father, stepmother and i had washed our hands of eachother. It wasnt until my late 20s and my stepmother was in the throws of a sugar coma and diabetic shock that nearly killed her, did i realize how much of a damn good mom she had been for all those years.
Dorothy Cloud 2 years ago
I could not finish reading all these scenarios. My heart breaks for all of them. I pray their lives will soon be happier.
Kat 2 years ago (edited)
Most are really unfortunate examples, but then some are just plain a ..hole people and I feel sorry for their children. Also reading all the comments has made me wonder if I'm actually the only one here that actually likes her kids and is happy to be a parent and who really doesn't feel like it is that hard. Also it hasn't stopped us from travelling, we do it with kids and it's a lot of fun.
Gladys Hayes Southerland 1 year ago (edited)
glad you spoke up as l was wondering the same thing. I was a single mom with 2, seven years apart. Best adventure of my life! My daughter says she was so happy with our little family, when the teacher asked what did she want to be when she grew up, she replied 'a single mother like my mom" & l got a phone call that night. We had great times, challenging times, and always loving times They're 37 & 29 now and we're the best of friends, still.
Load More Replies... Kurtis Wethington 2 years ago
Remember how talks shows would have teens who "can't WAIT" to have kids as if it'd be fun and glamorous then they get sent to boot camps and women's shelters to see how hard parenthood (ESPECIALLY single motherhood) really is to scare them straight? Same energy here, but in written form and no bratty, wannabe Z-listers in skanky clothes screaming at the audience.
Susan Bosse 2 years ago
I'm thankful daily for my son. I'm even more so after readying these. I feel for these families and I can empathize with their situations.
WarpedThoughts 2 years ago
Wow. How to make your audience depressed with an article 80% full of jack a*s parents bitching about their CHILDREN?!? In most cases. Good on yea Bored Panda for encouraging depression and mental illness in a post. Bye 🤘
MimSorensson 2 years ago
A bit tasteless pushing some religious narrative in a thread like this, isn’t it? People share their real pain that they live with, and you feel it prudent to respond by lecturing about some delusional end-of-the-world-scenario, trying to push your god on people…? Not morally ok, man. Please, as an adult, keep your perceived self righteousness and your oppressive beliefs to yourself.
Load More Replies... Axolotl King 2 years ago
Or maybe it's a good thing that people are finally able to talk about the hardships of being a parent? I imagine not too long ago this kind of talk was greatly frowned upon. There are also plenty BP articles that talk about the joy of parenthood
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