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“We Are Not Pretending”: 50 Things Women Want Men To Finally Understand

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It’s clear that gender differences entail way more than just the way people look or the different things that their bodies go through; they can also present themselves in even the most mundane of things, such as the size of one’s jean pockets, for instance. (Shoutout to wearers of women’s jeans that fit basically nothing in the pockets, while men’s ones could fit a medium-sized lawnmower; or at least they look like they could, when compared.)

But knowing that such differences exist doesn’t make it easier for some people to understand—or have empathy for—those of the opposite sex better. In order to be understood better, women of Reddit recently took to a thread started by a member of the ‘Ask Reddit’ community to discuss the things they wished men would get. Their answers covered everything from menstrual pain to the aforementioned pocket size of their jeans, so if you’re curious to see what else they emphasized, scroll down to find their thoughts on the list below.

Below you will also find Bored Panda’s interview with a psychologist, author of Hidden In Plain Sight: How Men’s Fears of Women Shape Their Intimate Relationships, Dr. Avrum Weiss, who was kind enough to answer a few of our questions on gender differences.

This post may include affiliate links.

#1

“We Are Not Pretending”: 50 Things Women Want Men To Finally Understand We don't get colorful hair, long nails, lips filled, make up done and outfits on to appear attractive to men.

We do want to look nice for some men on occasion. But the majority of the time it's because *we* feel good like that.

You think i dyed my hair pastel purple to seem attractive to some dudes? I felt AWESOME with them.

AND a lot of other women compliment you. Which is a nice addition.

So the "actually, men don't like black lipstick" is meaningless. *I* like black lipstick. It is not for you. It is for me.

RandomPolishGurl , Matheus Natan Report

Final score:

317points

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#2

“We Are Not Pretending”: 50 Things Women Want Men To Finally Understand Here's a dumb one: the amount of toilet paper we need to use. I've seen a lot of men complain about how much TP the women in their house go through, and they say things like "I hardly use any! Why can't they learn to live off a few squares like I do!"

Men don't understand that women have a lot more to clean up. Men usually only use it after going #2 or to clean up a little drip. Women can't just shake it and be done. We also have discharge to clean up, which is constant (not just when we're aroused as some men believe) and it's only worse when we're ovulating. Then on top of that we have periods to deal with. We need more toilet paper than you do! Get off our back!

RovenshereExpress , Vlada Karpovich Report

Final score:

269points

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#3

“We Are Not Pretending”: 50 Things Women Want Men To Finally Understand Feminism isn’t hating men.

Inner_Word_363 , freepik Report

Final score:

267points

In the thread, women got quite open and honest about the different aspects of their lives, which might have seemed like common knowledge to other females in the community. But to some of their male counterparts, the information might have been something they didn’t know—or didn’t take seriously—before, as men tend to deal with a different set of joys and troubles themselves.

#4

“We Are Not Pretending”: 50 Things Women Want Men To Finally Understand If we have s*x with you, we may get pregnant, even with contraception.

You may then disappear, even after acting like a respectable person, and fight any ties to your child forever.

We may be required by law to bear your child, and become a mother alone, struggling to support ourselves and a newborn.

If we don’t die during pregnancy or childbirth, which is more common in some parts of the US than in any other development nation.

So don’t ask why women won’t just sleep with you, why we won’t “give you a chance” and just have sex once, or why we’re not going to Netflix-and-chill for the first date. Women enjoy s*x too, but we are facing the rest of our lives potentially raising your child alone, if we don’t die first.

Mushrooming247 , freestocks.org Report

Final score:

238points

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#5

“We Are Not Pretending”: 50 Things Women Want Men To Finally Understand That truly sharing household and domestic tasks means doing it unprompted. I don't want to have to ask you to tidy up or answer questions if it's your turn to cook or constantly manage social calendars and remind you or things. My brain needs a break too and taking initiative means a lot.

brainsteam , RDNE Stock project Report

Final score:

236points

In an interview with Bored Panda, psychologist Dr. Avrum Weiss pointed out that men and women are not that different inherently, but they are socialized very differently. “There is research showing that children as young as four months old are socialized differently by their parents, based on their gender,” he said.

“Children tend to play in same-sex groups until around grade school. At that point, the girls tend to play with each other as do the boys. The girls play games that help them learn about relationships (playing house, school, or doctor, for example), whereas the boys play games that focus on competition and aggression. When boys and girls get romantically interested in each other they have each been living in very different worlds with very different skill sets.”

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#6

“We Are Not Pretending”: 50 Things Women Want Men To Finally Understand We aren't mad at you because we are on our period, we are mad at you because we have less tolerance for stupid things on our period.

charesleeray8 , David Garrison Report

Final score:

231points

#7

“We Are Not Pretending”: 50 Things Women Want Men To Finally Understand That my hobbies and interests being associated with femininity doesn’t make them “stupid” or “boring” or any less gratifying.

fatchancefatpants:

Why am I called a basic b**ch for liking pumpkin spice and crafting, yet dudes who like football and beer are mAnLy and cool? They're also basic bitches. These things are popular cuz they're enjoyable, let people enjoy things.

DateLate6732 , Adrienn Report

Final score:

218points

#8

“We Are Not Pretending”: 50 Things Women Want Men To Finally Understand The energy it takes to actually get in the mood enough for it to not hurt to have our *body penetrated*. That's why so many women don't want to do it multiple times a day and aren't ready at the slightest suggestion.

It's so easy to just get an erection and jam it into something, I wish more men understood that being penetrated is not the same.

Like, the vagina is a collapsed tube. That's why tampons the size of a finger stay in place. You can't just jam s**t in there. Even with tampons you have to go easy.

624Seeds , Andrea Piacquadio Report

Final score:

216points

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“The landmark research of Carol Gilligan, Ph.D. showed us that women are more socialized to focus on other people and relationships than men are,” Dr. Weiss continued to point out, adding that men learning how to listen, as opposed to ‘fixing’ things, is often an important part of what they can do to improve their relationships.

#9

“We Are Not Pretending”: 50 Things Women Want Men To Finally Understand That when we talk about feeling unsafe at night walking home alone and stuff like that... We know, 999 of 1000 men we come across are just normal men heading somewhere, who don't mind us in any way. Problem is, we don't know who the 1 is that maybe has evil intentions.

MauOnTheRoad , lalesh aldarwish Report

Final score:

209points

#10

“We Are Not Pretending”: 50 Things Women Want Men To Finally Understand Just treat us like we are PEOPLE, not just women. That would fix a LOT of things.

Droxalope_94 , RDNE Stock project Report

Final score:

184points

#11

“We Are Not Pretending”: 50 Things Women Want Men To Finally Understand We have no control over our periods. Not when they come, not when they go, nothing. And the things we can get or take to minimize them often have harsh side effects that not all of us can or want to deal with. This is something you must understand.

RWBYRain , Karolina Kaboompics Report

Final score:

179points

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But it’s not only men that could benefit from active listening. Any person can arguably make their relationships better and understand the struggles or the day-to-day of others better if they take time to listen to what others have to share; or if they put themselves in the other person’s shoes.

“Even if you can’t yet be empathic, you can still learn to listen respectfully, assuming that what your partner says makes sense to them and needs to be respected, even if it doesn’t yet make sense to you,” Dr. Weiss emphasized.

#12

It’s not just that there’s a tiny minority of bad men, it’s that there are a large number of supposedly decent men who tacitly support the actions of bad men.

p0tat0p0tat0 , RDNE Stock project Report

Final score:

179points

#13

“We Are Not Pretending”: 50 Things Women Want Men To Finally Understand I'm just being nice. I'm not flirting or interested in you.

OkAdministration5886 , Sora Shimazaki Report

Final score:

176points

#14

“We Are Not Pretending”: 50 Things Women Want Men To Finally Understand That No just means “no” and we aren’t saying "no" to play hard to get.

FoxSure8573 , SHVETS production Report

Final score:

174points

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#15

“We Are Not Pretending”: 50 Things Women Want Men To Finally Understand That ignoring their mom being passive aggressive to their gf/wife is actually re-enforcing that behavior and harming their relationship…not keeping the peace.

boboanimalrescue , cottonbro studio Report

Final score:

160points

#16

“We Are Not Pretending”: 50 Things Women Want Men To Finally Understand The majority of us do not want to see your d**k pics so stop sending them! Especially unsolicited! Keep it in your pants buddy.

jacquiwho , cookie_studio Report

Final score:

155points

#17

“We Are Not Pretending”: 50 Things Women Want Men To Finally Understand That when a man complains that "She needs to tell me what's wrong, I can't read her mind!" she likely already told him 100 times and is at the point where she stopped trying, because he never changed his behaviour regardless of what's been discussed.

Sipyloidea , RDNE Stock project Report

Final score:

155points

#18

“We Are Not Pretending”: 50 Things Women Want Men To Finally Understand I know it’s not just women that this happens to, but not being listened to in an academic/professional environment. We have helpful insights to problems just like men, we are smart and creative and skillful too. I’m tired of having my intelligence underestimated and ignored.

Enoughforfluffy , Polina Tankilevitch Report

Final score:

143points

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#19

“We Are Not Pretending”: 50 Things Women Want Men To Finally Understand A lot of us don’t view you as protectors. I know that’s the image you have been sold since you were a child, but the people you are supposedly protecting us from come from the same group you do. And bad men don’t walk around with a sign saying “I’m a bad man” so our caution has to be applied as a blanket policy. We don’t hate you, we just know that if something bad happens to us the first thing people will do is ask why we even “put ourselves in that situation”. It’s not personal.

Aethereuz , Antoni Shkraba Report

Final score:

140points

#20

“We Are Not Pretending”: 50 Things Women Want Men To Finally Understand That period pains for 1 in 10 women can be worse than contractions at birth. we are not dramatic or overexaggerating. womens health is terribly lacking and underfunded and we are just surviving out here. It's not our fault and doesn't make us less of a person. extra help with food and cleaning around those pain attacks can mean the world to us.

Bunnla , Andrea Piacquadio Report

Final score:

137points

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#21

“We Are Not Pretending”: 50 Things Women Want Men To Finally Understand Pregnancy and post partum is not easy. I’ve seen men make comments with women with hyperemesis “they throw up to not gain weight” l myself had it with my first child and I would want to die smelling cooked food. And felt like I had a violent hangover every day all day long.

Also now at my age underestimating how bad hot flashes are.

--dee , Ömürden Cengiz Report

Final score:

124points

#22

“We Are Not Pretending”: 50 Things Women Want Men To Finally Understand If you are in a relationship with a woman and having issues in the bedroom, take a good hard look at how the other parts of your relationship are working. Chances are VERY high there’s a reason why the desire is dwindling that isn’t only s*x related.

Maximum-Vegetable , Kampus Production Report

Final score:

117points

#23

“We Are Not Pretending”: 50 Things Women Want Men To Finally Understand I think a lot of guys don't really get how if you act like an additional child to be taken care of at home then this is going to have a direct, deeply negative impact on whether your partner sees you as a f**kable competent adult down the line.

Read: this generally means doing your fair share of housework as another adult in the same household without your partner having to act as your manager. If you've been living here for 5+ years and the house isn't huge, you should generally have an idea of where xyz household item typically gets stored or how to do the laundry. That isn't to say that suddenly doing the chores will fix all your relationship problems, but it's generally a good idea to be like this from the beginning and be consistent.

This probably isn't that gendered irl but you see this crop up a lot in hetero relationships where somehow the gf has wound up doing most housework, childcare *and* also works full time and the dude maybe mows the lawn once a week or "does household projects" that somehow never actually get completed.

cardamom-peonies , Lisa Fotios Report

Final score:

112points

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#24

“We Are Not Pretending”: 50 Things Women Want Men To Finally Understand Most adult women have incredibly high tolerance for pain. This can be due to a myriad of contributing factors like menstruation and child birth, but can also be contributed to by factors women do not want to speak openly about, like poverty (not able to afford care or treatment), abuse (mental, physical, sexual), or even fear of being labeled as weak or emotional every time they make a complaint.

If an adult woman in your life complains to you about pain or illness, please take her seriously. You aren't necessarily responsible for solving it, but showing a little compassion can really brighten their day. Yes, some women will not have a high tolerance, but it's definitely the minority.

chillinn_at_work , Marcus Aurelius Report

Final score:

111points

#25

“We Are Not Pretending”: 50 Things Women Want Men To Finally Understand We deserve equal pay.

Commercial-Whole9501 , Karolina Kaboompics Report

Final score:

109points

#26

“We Are Not Pretending”: 50 Things Women Want Men To Finally Understand We’re not trying to start arguments because we’re bored. You did something that upset us and we’re trying to communicate that to you. We don’t sit around thinking of problems just cause.

Mobile_Screen4017 , Ketut Subiyanto Report

Final score:

101points

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#27

“We Are Not Pretending”: 50 Things Women Want Men To Finally Understand Sometimes men just don’t get how important it is to listen and validate feelings instead of trying to fix things right away it’s not always about solving problems, sometimes it’s just about being heard.

bellaerayy , Samson Katt Report

Final score:

100points

#28

“We Are Not Pretending”: 50 Things Women Want Men To Finally Understand Groping your gf/wife constantly is not as hot as you think it is. We are objectified like that everywhere. Having it done to us at home, too, is a HUGE turnoff for a lot of women.

That_Weird_Girl_107 , Tim Samuel Report

Final score:

97points

#29

“We Are Not Pretending”: 50 Things Women Want Men To Finally Understand Men having a smaller paycheck is fine, but them being insecure about it is REALLY unattractive.

WineAndDogs2020 , Mikhail Nilov Report

Final score:

90points

#30

“We Are Not Pretending”: 50 Things Women Want Men To Finally Understand How much our menstrual cycle affects us, not just the bleeding part. Hormones are a hell of a d**g. E: Not to mention hormonal birth control means we have to handle added hormones and side effects.

Rubyhamster , Nataliya Vaitkevich Report

Final score:

88points

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#31

“We Are Not Pretending”: 50 Things Women Want Men To Finally Understand Sometimes I’m quiet because I don’t want to talk or have nothing on my mind. I also look out the passenger window when I’m a passenger because I like looking out the window. It’s not because I’m mad, it’s because when I drive I never get to look out the window!!!

No_Support_7203 , Ган-Эрдэнэ Булгантамир Report

Final score:

87points

#32

Mansplaining is incredibly frustrating.

Resident-Tourist-266 Report

Final score:

81points

#33

If a woman breaks up with you randomly one day … remember that she broke up with you months or even years ago in her mind.

capricornthings Report

Final score:

78points

#34

Stop hitting on people at work. They have to be polite for you and it forces them into a conflict.

Final score:

77points

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#35

“We Are Not Pretending”: 50 Things Women Want Men To Finally Understand That women aren't a monolith. Just because your ex liked x doesn't mean your new girlfriend will. Just because your mom likes x doesn't mean your aunt will. Just because your sister had light periods doesn't mean your friend is faking her pain. And on and on. Women are people and while they share common experiences, they have their own preferences.

Like 90% of the ask women threads are removed because they aren't asking women general questions about their experiences in being women. They're incredibly specific questions that they should be asking their girlfriend or their mother. (I. E. Will my girlfriend like x in bed, what should I get my mom for mothers day, etc.).

Alcohol_Intolerant , Polina Zimmerman Report

Final score:

76points

#36

“We Are Not Pretending”: 50 Things Women Want Men To Finally Understand To the older men out there - menopause is a roller coaster of physical and emotional changes. Please educate yourselves about it and be supportive and patient.

frisbeemassage , Marcus Aurelius Report

Final score:

76points

#37

Stop taking "starting a family" so lightly. Creating a child is 99% a woman's work and 1% a man's pleasure. Put yourself in her shoes and think twice before pressuring her to have a(nother) child, or mocking her because she didn't bounce back. Pay some respect because you did absolutely nothing.

Also, since we don't live in a vacuum and we inherited gender roles, put much more effort in your family because I swear that your partner is doing way more than you think. You are not a fifty-fifty couple, especially if you have kids.

MrBocconotto Report

Final score:

73points

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#38

Being arrogant isn’t hot.

maesommer Report

Final score:

72points

#39

“We Are Not Pretending”: 50 Things Women Want Men To Finally Understand Your jean pockets are much deeper than ours, hence our fondness in bags.

delightful_baby , Nataliya Vaitkevich Report

Final score:

71points

#40

You are allowed to cry and have any negative emotions you feel. You get sad, be sad. It is okay.

MapleGoesInEverythin Report

Final score:

71points

#41

“We Are Not Pretending”: 50 Things Women Want Men To Finally Understand That they need each other. I wish they could get past the programming or the perception that speaking to and loving their friends is not "weak" or "gay" or in any way a bad thing.

Too many men want women to fix them by providing them with the type of friendships women have between themselves, with the bonus of s*x. That's not how it works.

You are capable of (and very much should be) leaning on each other. Not us.

YOU CAN DO IT!

The_Salty_Red_Head , Mental Health America (MHA) Report

Final score:

70points

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#42

That most of us don't actually like doing emotional labor all the time; we're just socialized for birth to provide that service for men.

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Final score:

67points

#43

Being independent doesn’t mean we don’t want love.

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Final score:

66points

#44

That just because you have the girl doesn't mean you can't lose her, no matter how much they love you. You start to get so comfortable that you stop trying and start to treat them like an option.

Once they start to change with you it's not because we found another guy, we just put as much effort as you do or treat you like you treat us. Then we slowly fall out of love and we just stop arguing , stop complain. If we bring stuff up it's not an attack towards you . If you get defensive and turn it around on her. Then she will stop coming to talk to you. By the time you realize it we have already checked out.

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Final score:

60points

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#45

At sex:

it's not because we show or tell you that what you're doing is good, that it mean "go faster and harder". NO!!!!

It means keep going and change nothing.

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Final score:

55points

#46

“We Are Not Pretending”: 50 Things Women Want Men To Finally Understand Many men might not fully understand the pressure women feel to balance multiple roles in their lives, whether it's career, family, or social expectations. It can be overwhelming, and sometimes they just need support and understanding.

Special_Display_7712 , Yan Krukau Report

Final score:

55points

#47

“We Are Not Pretending”: 50 Things Women Want Men To Finally Understand When i first met my now husband he didnt understand why women are scared of most men. it wasnt until i was harassed, stalked and humiliated by men that he completely understood, he apologized for never taking me seriously before.

it didnt take long for him to come to the realization, which honestly happened within the first few months of dating.but gross men being gross it happened a lot where we used to live, my husband has saved me many times, and ill always be thankful for him.

gummiepad , Keira Burton Report

Final score:

52points

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#48

The vagina is a naturally moist place. When we say we’re dry, don’t imagine skin dry. Imagine your mouth. Normally it’s a wet place right? But when we say we’re wet, it’s noticeable. Like you smell something delicious and you’re salivating so much you have to swallow. THAT IS WET. Not normal mouth feel wet.

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Final score:

52points

#49

That we understand you better than you far understand us. Not only are women generally given a lot more social training than men, and raised under the expectation of being empathic caregivers, but the male experience isn't really an avoidable one.

I grew up reading books and watching movies with male protagonists about male issues, not because I sought them out but because that was just the books and movies there were. Meanwhile the majority of movies don't even pass the Bechdel test. Understanding women is optional, the female experience takes effort to find and learn about.

I see reddit threads titled things like "Men, what do you wish women understood?" and its full of things that pretty much every woman has known for years whether we wanted to or not. We know what you feel. We know why you feel it. And we're stuck over explaining for the nth time why we're nervous around strange men.

I_swallow_dogs Report

Final score:

47points

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#50

“We Are Not Pretending”: 50 Things Women Want Men To Finally Understand Saying things they don't mean because they think it's what we want to hear.

I don't care who responded badly in the past. Each person is a new page and they should not be held responsible for the transgressions of past partners. If you can't adequately separate the two, you should not be actively dating. Or, at the very least, have excellent communication skills and be able to talk through what is going on in your head.

It's exhausting getting the flip flop and whiplash of men who say one thing and then do the opposite a short time later.

leese216 , RDNE Stock project Report

Final score:

44points

Note: this post originally had 59 images. It’s been shortened to the top 50 images based on user votes.

Miglė Miliūtė

A writer here at Bored Panda, I am a lover of good music, good food, and good company, which makes food-related topics and feel-good stories my favorite ones to cover. Passionate about traveling and concerts, I constantly seek occasions to visit places yet personally unexplored. I also enjoy spending free time outdoors, trying out different sports—even if I don’t look too graceful at it—or socializing over a cup of coffee.

A writer here at Bored Panda, I am a lover of good music, good food, and good company, which makes food-related topics and feel-good stories my favorite ones to cover. Passionate about traveling and concerts, I constantly seek occasions to visit places yet personally unexplored. I also enjoy spending free time outdoors, trying out different sports—even if I don’t look too graceful at it—or socializing over a cup of coffee.

Gabija Palšytė

Gabija is a photo editor at Bored Panda. Before joining the team, she achieved a Professional Bachelor degree in Photography and has been working as a freelance photographer since. She also has a special place in her heart for film photography, movies and nature.

Gabija is a photo editor at Bored Panda. Before joining the team, she achieved a Professional Bachelor degree in Photography and has been working as a freelance photographer since. She also has a special place in her heart for film photography, movies and nature.

What do you think ?

Veronica Jean 1 month ago

Add: WOMEN ARE NOT TINY MEN. our bodies are COMPLETELY different. What works to lose weight for you may not work for me thanks to my hormone disorder/time of the month/stress levels/ biological differences. Stop telling me how to lose weight.

26points

LSD 1 month ago

How do we make this list compulsory reading for e.v.e.r.y.o.n.e? It needs to happen.

13points

Daria 1 month ago

A lot of very good points here, I hope more men would take notice.

11points

That_One_Harry_Potter_Nerd 1 month ago

Another thing that men and, sometimes, other women, need to be educated about is what it means to be aromantic and/or asexual. In a society where sex and love is praised and worshipped and prioritized, it is those who've never felt any sort of romantic or sexual attraction who are left behind. I've heard stories of people who have broken up with boyfriends and girlfriends for being asexual, and it shows everyone that you'll only be loved for sex. Asexuality and aromanticity are both spectrums, and they are both valid, and you deserve to be treated like any other person. just because you don't feel romantic or sexual attraction doesn't make you less of a person.

6points

Daria 1 week ago

I am asexual (but not aromantic), and I know what you mean. Most of my friends share stories about their "one-night stands" and sexual experiments, which made me feel left out of something important, sort of like being blind to certain colors. Even though I can still have sex after some preparation when I want to make my bf happy, it feels more like a chore to me. My bf knows about it and doesn't press, but my previous relationships didn't work out largely because of my asexuality. It's frustrating also because I used to blame myself for being different, thinking something was wrong with me. It's not until I met my current bf that I finally learned to accept myself, for which I'll always be grateful.

1point

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Shark bait hoo haha 1 month ago (edited)

As I have read each statement, I kept thinking to myself "ok check, I taught my son this, yes I taught him that too. We just talked about this the other night". I think a lot of the problems we as women have is that women before us have failed in raising their sons properly by teaching them about women and how we respond to things, about our periods and the biology of a woman, and how to truly listen to someone. I made it a point to raise my son with the proper knowledge of women and the similarities and differences we each experience. He is 22 now and even now we still talk about these topics. He has also clued me in on a couple of occasions where I didn't understand men's perspectives on stuff. It goes both ways.

5points

Tabitha 1 month ago

Well, the issue of some fathers totally undoing all the good work their wives diligently did in raising their sons to be truly good men still exists.

2points

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Harry 1 month ago

Real men respect women No we don't always understand but should make an effort to find out

3points

Roxie Carter 1 month ago (edited)

Single men think they are competing against every other single man. In reality, they are competing again the peace and safety a woman feels when she is single. Be peaceful, be safe.

3points

Annabelle 1 month ago

All. Of. This.

2points

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General Stukov 1 month ago

Man here so I've got no ground to stand on. Maybe a lot of these issues aren't just woman specific. They're are things that men go through that's just as difficult to handle but our bodies are different and just being a kind human being in general. My girlfriend adores the train rides my adhd goes on. I support her on her lowest and highest times And she does the same for me. She knows my shortcomings and only asks i communicate and we've been going strong for 20+ years

2points

marianne eliza 1 month ago

Dear men, Remember what a pregnancy will do to a woman's body. It will never again be the stretchmark free zone you knew. And ladies? Is he a father of babies from more than one woman? He probably trades the old model in for a new one as soon as the body swells.

2points

Steve Sharpe 1 month ago

This thread makes me feel a little bit disheartened, it's kind of "shrug and walk away" thing. It doesn't bother me personally all that much - I'm a great big ugly bugger who's as old as the solar system, thick shoulders and broad skin etc etc. The thought of one of our foster children coming to BP to look at funny pictures of cats and stumbling in to a thread like this is heart breaking though. Would I tell the boys - their names are Abdul-Khabir (Abi), Jack, and Azadah (Zed), they're real little boys with rubber dinosaurs, dolls, toy cars and all the rest of it - would I tell them that everything they read here is correct? That they'll grow in to these horrible monsters who will be judged and hated by society simply because they go pee-pee standing up, that they'll be universally despised just because of how they were born (as if Abs and Zed don't get enough of that already)? Tell me how we move past this and start working together and not against each other.

1point

Sophia Athene 1 month ago

Knowledge. Seek out information on these subjects. Directly Google how to raise a boy to be empathetic. Then teach your boys that sometimes you'll be perceived as x but if you don't do x, you'll find people who love you for it, be it acquaintances, colleagues, friends, boy/girlfriends, or husbands/wives.

2points

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somnomania (she/her, queer) 1 month ago

what i learned here, as an aroace woman who has never had a conventional relationship, has never had sex, and has only been hit on like twice (and i was not aware that's what was happening until much later), never partied, nothing like that, is that this post was largely alien to me. very little of it was relatable to me personally, but most of it seemed like it should be common knowledge for all genders.

0points

Toothless Feline 1 month ago

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Arcady Royzen 1 month ago

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Tabitha 1 month ago

Way to turn the whole subject around and blame the victims, Arcady.

9points

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JenC 1 month ago

Second, where is the father in this theoretical home you are talking about. Perhaps the theoretical mother tried, but the husband's words or actions also affected the son.

7points

highwaycrossingfrog 1 month ago (edited)

I'm sorry that you feel the need to blame being an inadequate man on the people who are affected by your inadequacy, Arcady. It's clear now that women being misunderstood and mistreated by men is all the fault of women

7points

JenC 1 month ago

Third, you are a grown man, an adult who is capable of self reflection and growth. You can choose to change how you think or act, instead of blaming how you act on how you were brought up.

6points

JenC 1 month ago

You say "think of what needs to be done differently" what do you think this article is about? Also, a lot of the items on this list were written by younger women who don't have grown sons yet, so you can't blame them.

5points

Veronica Jean 1 month ago

Add: WOMEN ARE NOT TINY MEN. our bodies are COMPLETELY different. What works to lose weight for you may not work for me thanks to my hormone disorder/time of the month/stress levels/ biological differences. Stop telling me how to lose weight.

26points

LSD 1 month ago

How do we make this list compulsory reading for e.v.e.r.y.o.n.e? It needs to happen.

13points

Daria 1 month ago

A lot of very good points here, I hope more men would take notice.

11points

That_One_Harry_Potter_Nerd 1 month ago

Another thing that men and, sometimes, other women, need to be educated about is what it means to be aromantic and/or asexual. In a society where sex and love is praised and worshipped and prioritized, it is those who've never felt any sort of romantic or sexual attraction who are left behind. I've heard stories of people who have broken up with boyfriends and girlfriends for being asexual, and it shows everyone that you'll only be loved for sex. Asexuality and aromanticity are both spectrums, and they are both valid, and you deserve to be treated like any other person. just because you don't feel romantic or sexual attraction doesn't make you less of a person.

6points

Daria 1 week ago

I am asexual (but not aromantic), and I know what you mean. Most of my friends share stories about their "one-night stands" and sexual experiments, which made me feel left out of something important, sort of like being blind to certain colors. Even though I can still have sex after some preparation when I want to make my bf happy, it feels more like a chore to me. My bf knows about it and doesn't press, but my previous relationships didn't work out largely because of my asexuality. It's frustrating also because I used to blame myself for being different, thinking something was wrong with me. It's not until I met my current bf that I finally learned to accept myself, for which I'll always be grateful.

1point

Load More Replies...

Shark bait hoo haha 1 month ago (edited)

As I have read each statement, I kept thinking to myself "ok check, I taught my son this, yes I taught him that too. We just talked about this the other night". I think a lot of the problems we as women have is that women before us have failed in raising their sons properly by teaching them about women and how we respond to things, about our periods and the biology of a woman, and how to truly listen to someone. I made it a point to raise my son with the proper knowledge of women and the similarities and differences we each experience. He is 22 now and even now we still talk about these topics. He has also clued me in on a couple of occasions where I didn't understand men's perspectives on stuff. It goes both ways.

5points

Tabitha 1 month ago

Well, the issue of some fathers totally undoing all the good work their wives diligently did in raising their sons to be truly good men still exists.

2points

Load More Replies...

Harry 1 month ago

Real men respect women No we don't always understand but should make an effort to find out

3points

Roxie Carter 1 month ago (edited)

Single men think they are competing against every other single man. In reality, they are competing again the peace and safety a woman feels when she is single. Be peaceful, be safe.

3points

Annabelle 1 month ago

All. Of. This.

2points

Load More Replies...

General Stukov 1 month ago

Man here so I've got no ground to stand on. Maybe a lot of these issues aren't just woman specific. They're are things that men go through that's just as difficult to handle but our bodies are different and just being a kind human being in general. My girlfriend adores the train rides my adhd goes on. I support her on her lowest and highest times And she does the same for me. She knows my shortcomings and only asks i communicate and we've been going strong for 20+ years

2points

marianne eliza 1 month ago

Dear men, Remember what a pregnancy will do to a woman's body. It will never again be the stretchmark free zone you knew. And ladies? Is he a father of babies from more than one woman? He probably trades the old model in for a new one as soon as the body swells.

2points

Steve Sharpe 1 month ago

This thread makes me feel a little bit disheartened, it's kind of "shrug and walk away" thing. It doesn't bother me personally all that much - I'm a great big ugly bugger who's as old as the solar system, thick shoulders and broad skin etc etc. The thought of one of our foster children coming to BP to look at funny pictures of cats and stumbling in to a thread like this is heart breaking though. Would I tell the boys - their names are Abdul-Khabir (Abi), Jack, and Azadah (Zed), they're real little boys with rubber dinosaurs, dolls, toy cars and all the rest of it - would I tell them that everything they read here is correct? That they'll grow in to these horrible monsters who will be judged and hated by society simply because they go pee-pee standing up, that they'll be universally despised just because of how they were born (as if Abs and Zed don't get enough of that already)? Tell me how we move past this and start working together and not against each other.

1point

Sophia Athene 1 month ago

Knowledge. Seek out information on these subjects. Directly Google how to raise a boy to be empathetic. Then teach your boys that sometimes you'll be perceived as x but if you don't do x, you'll find people who love you for it, be it acquaintances, colleagues, friends, boy/girlfriends, or husbands/wives.

2points

Load More Replies...

somnomania (she/her, queer) 1 month ago

what i learned here, as an aroace woman who has never had a conventional relationship, has never had sex, and has only been hit on like twice (and i was not aware that's what was happening until much later), never partied, nothing like that, is that this post was largely alien to me. very little of it was relatable to me personally, but most of it seemed like it should be common knowledge for all genders.

0points

Toothless Feline 1 month ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Arcady Royzen 1 month ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Tabitha 1 month ago

Way to turn the whole subject around and blame the victims, Arcady.

9points

Load More Replies...

JenC 1 month ago

Second, where is the father in this theoretical home you are talking about. Perhaps the theoretical mother tried, but the husband's words or actions also affected the son.

7points

highwaycrossingfrog 1 month ago (edited)

I'm sorry that you feel the need to blame being an inadequate man on the people who are affected by your inadequacy, Arcady. It's clear now that women being misunderstood and mistreated by men is all the fault of women

7points

JenC 1 month ago

Third, you are a grown man, an adult who is capable of self reflection and growth. You can choose to change how you think or act, instead of blaming how you act on how you were brought up.

6points

JenC 1 month ago

You say "think of what needs to be done differently" what do you think this article is about? Also, a lot of the items on this list were written by younger women who don't have grown sons yet, so you can't blame them.

5points

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