I always say "Someone else's broken arm doesn't make my finger less broken"

This. A hundred times.

My counselor tells me that a lot. Its incredibly frustrating when I can often literally wake up in the morning feeling anger (I have a bipolar disorder.) Hard to pinpoint what has made me angry overnight 🤔

Uncommon Boston

Uncommon Boston

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Too true. My first husband was physically abusive. Took me years to figure out why I choose him -- he was what felt normal. Hearing about the physical abuse my father witnessed; his grandmother hitting his mother, which was considered normal helped me understand why he did the same. I decided the buck stopped here. I would not raise a child in that environment. We never called him stupid or saw him as failure, instead we showed him what he did right and discussed what to do better next time. No shame or guilt. He decided what to focus on, we were advisors. He was able to share his victories and problems. As an adult he would face the same type of challenges, do we teach him how to face these difficulties or drown in them? Malicious behavior had consequences. He drew on the kitchen floor with a permanent marker, he was in preschool and knew better. Calmly without judgement or anger, he was given a toothbrush and mild cleanser. Someone had to clean it up. He gave us an evil smile, then got to work. We actively choose not to act in anger. Not to punish mistakes, only intentional acts he knew were wrong. Live was easier for all of us.

It's true. My therapist told me "You're extremely depressed", which took me by surprise because I didn't *think* I was sad. Instead, I just felt angry all the time. Which I now know was a defence mechanism.

My therapist found it very telling that I was afraid to spend time with myself - even when alone, I always made sure I had some sort of distraction because otherwise I would start to think about things I was trying to avoid thinking about. Ugly, miserable things.

That one hit like a ton of bricks

This is a major theme in BoJack Horseman. In fact in one episode BoJack apologises to a guy he once screwed over, and is completely taken aback when the guy says "Okay, but I don't forgive you. You have to live with the shitty thing you did, and you need to know that it's never EVER going to be okay. Now get the f**k out of my house." And indeed they never do reconcile, because some things just aren't forgivable even if you do apologise.

OMG--so true. We're not children anymore. We did what we had to as children to survive. We don't have to repeat the same stories and behaviours.

I always say this to people. There are no bad decisions, just different risks and consequences. You took a decision based on what was less risky considering that current situation you were at. However, sometimes some risks and consequences are totally impossible to foresee.

I have to say, not all parents tried their best. At least not at parenting. My mother tried her best to make us seem like a happy, functional family from the outside but didn't do much to make it that way on the inside.

But what if you believe your first thought, wouldn't the second thought be a lie.

Coming out of a clinical depression I found it very helpful to strive every day to deliberately find one beautiful thing in my everyday environment. A flower, a building, a cloud, someone's clothes, anything. And after a while it became habit. And life got brighter because of that habit. Probably seems facetious, but it really helped me.

Manipulation in all its glory.

That's a good point. I've also heard the saying "Everybody is the hero in their own minds."

Relentlessly dwelling on the bad is not good for you. Give yourself a break.

Luckily I twigged onto that a long time ago! My SO reminds me greatly of my mother, easily the kindest and most supportive person in my entire life. Except my SO's even kinder and more supportive!

As you heal, you will inevitably have to leave some people behind...

This really depends on the friend and the issue you have in my opinion. I had a friend who could act like they were really invested in your issues, yet behind your back complain to others.

The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb

Yes. This.

You're only carrying it because they ladled it onto your shoulders, due to their being too chickenshit to own it themselves.

And with practice, you will learn to set boundaries in a more assertive and diplomatic way.

Uncommon Boston

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My father told me what you think becomes what you say when you are old. He sees me as he how he did when I was a teenager. And reminds me of this often. Understanding helps, increasing the distance between us is better. How do I make sure I won't be a mean old lady..

I feel like tired could be an emotion, almost...

When I get these thoughts. I acknowledge them being horrible. They are a great indicator if I need to either sleep or have a snack.

Uhm,what ? I'd need some context for this.

Constantly choosing the known hell over the unknown heaven

This. We tend to focus on the things we "fail" at, and ignore the successes. We beat ourselves up over the kitchen being a mess and not having the strenght to deal with it and ignore the things we DID manage to do. We look at that blanket we knitted that look like s**t/ job interview we crashed and burned/ the new recipe we tried out that turned out bad and we feel like a failure, instead of looking at it as learning. We should in general have the same attitude as when we are gaming. If you die/fail in-game you learn from in and try again. It is all practice. Keep knitting and your blankets will turn out better and better.