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No matter how self-confident we may present ourselves to the outside world, everyone has chinks in their armor. You know, these little flaws we find when our inner critic takes control to pick our features apart one by one. Unfortunately, our insecurities can get the better of us and sometimes even start to control us.
Women especially feel pressure to achieve perfection we all know doesn’t actually exist. Many have been lured into believing they have to be secure about their looks, personality, intellect, career, and every other aspect of their life. So sometimes, all we need are little reminders to give us a bit of a boost to conquer any self-doubts we may have.
Recently, user naruturtle created a post on the Ask Reddit community and asked men to share the things women and girls shouldn’t be insecure about. The thread received hundreds of comments that remind ladies to stop needlessly obsessing over imperfections and feel confident in their own skin. Below, you’ll find some of the most illuminating answers from the thread, so upvote the ones you agree with and be sure to share your thoughts in the comments!
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#1
I asked my husband this question, so here's his answer:
Weight gain. Not seriously obese or lack of caring for health, but don't worry about a little extra fluff. So go ahead, eat that pizza slice(s) you're secretly eyeing!
This one is a big one for me because I gained due to birth control and a couple years of poor eating when we went through money struggles. Now we're having our second and final child, so I've been extra insecure with all these body changes and gaining weight. Of course he's on board with me wanting to lose weight and get back to where I was, but he always tells me I'm beautiful and he loves every bit of me. He has never made me feel bad for my body
Wang Zhuang 2 years ago
This is probably the number 1 insecurity, and should be number 1 on this list. Incels and the idiots who get rejected on Tinder are the ones who call out women for their weight, but most mature men don't really care. Be yourselves and love yourselves, ladies.
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#2
I personally want to find the person that told women freckles should be covered up and I don’t want to hurt anyone so I’ll just have a strongly worded conversation with them. Maybe it’s just me, but I have a serious weakness for freckles. From a dusting across the bridge of a woman’s nose to head-to-toe ginger freckles. I think they’re gorgeous.
Susie Elle 2 years ago
The number of ads I get on Youtube about cosmetics that cover up 'facial impurities' is staggering and all of them are dumb because why are you not allowed to have a mole or something along the line?
To learn more about female insecurities and how needless obsessions over them affect our lives, we reached out to psychotherapist Sheri Heller, LCSW who specializes in the treatment of complex trauma, narcissistic abuse syndrome, and addictive disorders. "How we criticize ourselves is predicated on whether or not we have a realistic assessment and sense of acceptance of who we are," she told Bored Panda.
Heller explained that when our relationship with ourselves is mired in rejection, perfectionism and self-loathing critical scrutiny of who we are and what we do is a constant source of distress. Way too often, women find fault within themselves and worry about how other people perceive them. And even when they hear words of encouragement to stop self-doubting themselves, learning how to overcome it is challenging.
#3
Ovulation and periods. It’s completely natural, and only weirdos and teen boys get grossed out by you talking about it.
#4
Not a man, but a lesbian, so I think I can provide some input here.
Anything genital related - pubic hair grooming standards, labia size, shape, colour, etc.
Everyone is a little different, and I nor any woman I've ever slept with, or any man in any of the guy talk I've been privy to as a lesbian (always a little weird to be a part of), has ever cared about any of it. Whatever you were born with is completely natural and beautiful. And if you want to rock a full bush, or go completely bald, or do a landing strip, or whatever your little heart desires, you do you and anyone in a position to see it is just going to be glad they're in that position.
#5
Being a total dork, plenty of guys want a goofy girl that we can be ourselves around
According to a report by Weight Watchers, females are indeed highly self-critical — they were found to criticize themselves at least eight times a day. The survey of more than 2,000 women revealed a worrying trend with one in seven admitting to being regularly judgmental of their body, personality, relationships, money, or career success every day.
An estimated 46 percent admitted having negative thoughts at least once before 9:30 AM. Moreover, a staggering 89 percent revealed they prefer complimenting their friends but not themselves, and 88 percent even said they would never criticize them in the same way.
"Women often get caught up in one-dimensional prescriptives that superficially measure a woman’s worth," Heller said. "This runs the gamut from measures of beauty to degrees of selflessness, popularity, and image."
#6
Being bad at sex. If a guy says you’re bad at sex, he’s a piece of s**t. Real good sex comes from an emotional connection. It’s not you, it’s them. They suck.
#7
Wearing the same dress again. Nobody cares except other insecure women.
#8
Approaching/getting rejected by guys. We'd say yes to a tree if one approached us first
"Likewise, there are cultural demands placed on women to not only embody mothering attributes and live up to markers of vanity, but also to achieve success in the marketplace. This do all, be all paradigm sets many women up to be self-conscious about falling short of the impossible," the psychotherapist added.
When self-consciousness finds its way into every aspect of our lives, it can significantly affect our well-being. Heller told Bored Panda that being plagued by insecurities causes a person to live an inauthentic life. "One may attempt to conceal their fragility and wounds and aspire to be someone they are not."
"Moreover, one may go into hiding and not realize latent potentials. Psychologically and emotionally, the person afflicted by insecurities feels alienated and alone. They are disconnected from themselves."
#9
Lack of long eyelashes. Literally, no dude has ever cared about eyelashes.
Isaac7lego🇺🇸 2 years ago (edited)
Yup, honestly those long fake eyelashes can kinda be odd looking
#10
I like girls who can be real around me. When they feel comfortable and say whatever dumb s**t is on their mind, I feel like I’m actually connecting with someone. Cliche, but I think being yourself and losing the insecurity, in general, is the most attractive thing someone can do.
#11
Brains. Being a nerd is the new sexy.
Serial pacifist 2 years ago (edited)
Brains should be a point of attraction regardless if you are a man or a woman. I am a man, but I find it very condescending to conclude that smart women are "sexy", as if they are some rare, extravagant breed, while it is supposed to be some kind of a natural state of men, who are actually proven to be, throughout history, the supreme idiots of humanity.
It's troublesome enough to feel doubtful about yourself, but often these thoughts seep into our relationships as well. When asked how big of an impact they have on our connection to others, Heller told us, "When we are not at peace with who we are, we cannot adequately engage with others. The inability to authentically express oneself with others leads to co-dependent maneuvering. One might succumb to fawning, people-pleasing, manipulating, and controlling to fulfill dependency needs."
#12
Things I/most men don't care about:
Stretch marks.
Uneven breasts
Breasts that hang/sag (That's actually sexy, in my opinion).
Veiny breasts
It's perfectly fine if you aren't shaved down below.
Your round belly is actually cute.
I love the way you look in the morning.
Imperfections make you unique, and aren't something to be self-conscious about.
In short, if you treat me/most guys with respect; give lots of affection; are dependable; trustworthy; kind; honest; and make us feel good about ourselves, whatever insecurities you have, we likely find endearing/cute/sexy.
#13
Breast size. A good portion of us don't give a s**t about that.
#14
Gray hairs, I love when you own it. Plus the silver streak kinda reminds me of Rogue from X-Men.
To avoid bringing other people down, everyone should think twice before making unsolicited comments about a person’s looks, characteristics, or qualities. "When men (or women for that matter) highlight things in women which they view as 'problematic', it exacerbates shame," Heller explained and added that a common example of this is body image. Pointing out or shaming perceived physical flaws diminishes self-regard and self-worth.
#15
Wrinkles. Every wrinkle is a scar of a thousand smiles.
#16
Burping or farting around us. I know too many girls that have said they think it is rude or going to turn us off of them. Personally, I would want you to let go of any gas because I know how uncomfortable that is and I couldn’t imagine if you were holding that in on top of period pain or other things. Please just pass your gas and don’t let it be something you think will turn us off.
#17
Being the one to make the first move. Especially in today's age, it can be very complex for a man to know if it's even ok to ask anymore...
When our confidence is low and fragile, we have a hard time believing in ourselves. This might lead to ditching our dreams or even cause serious health issues. "Often, this sort of wounding leads to self-destructive behavior such as eating disorders and sexual compliance," the psychotherapist noted.
Luckily, threads like this one remind us how important it is to raise awareness about self-worth issues women face every day. You see, shrinking others' faith in themselves is never the right way, and people should be encouraged to embrace their bodies and silence those inner critics that limit their lives.
#18
Honestly, damn near everything. It’s sad seeing beautiful women treat themselves like s**t because their cheekbones aren’t right or their thighs are slightly red or whatever. Ladies: guys DO NOT CARE IN THE SLIGHTEST about these things. They will love you for who you are. And the guys that do make a big stink about physical 'abnormalities' aren’t worth chasing after in the first place.
#20
Small breasts, contrary to what most would have you girls think, there are plenty of guys out there that love, if not even prefer, smaller breasts over larger breasts.
#21
I grew up with older sisters. There were so many things they would be insecure about but I always assured them they shouldn't. Please dont be so stressed about your hair first of all. Your weight, please don't be so hard on yourself. Your clothes, please. The differences are small to notice to most men when you stress about those little things. Please, take it easy
#22
Intelligence.
Some of the smartest women I know will too often concede the room to loud but dumber men.
#23
Being afraid to make the first move. I can't tell you how fantastically guys would respond if women just dropped this "men have to make the first move" mentality. If they just walked over and said "hey you're cute and I like your personality, wanna go out sometime?" Men would go nuts. A lot of Women, not all, act like this is an insane idea, but tbh it's very refreshing and a really attractive quality. Fuck the bs of norms.
Skara Brae 2 years ago
Oh yeah.This! Ladies, if the guy you like inexplicably won't ask you out, it could be they like you, but are afraid it would ruin your friendship if you say no. Also, obvious hints aren't as obvious as you think, especially for guys who haven't had a girlfriend yet.
#24
How much sex they’ve had. As long as it’s done responsibility and you’re loyal to your established SO, I couldn’t care less how many came before.
#26
Cellulite, stretch marks, anything that might be seen as a 'blemish.' My girlfriend has all of the above and I never noticed any of it until she said something about them.
NsG 2 years ago
Blame Photoshop and all the media that sets the standards and expectations for what women should look like. Throw in pron magazines and we're up against impossible images. I realise many, many men can tell the difference between the false images and reality, but a lot of the damage to our self worth happens in our teen and pre-teen years from boys who *haven't yet* worked out the difference and make us feel less worthy. (And pre-teen magazines aimed at girls)
#27
Their body hair. It's natural to have body hair.
Donkey boi 2 years ago
My wife said it's weird that body hair on women doesn't bother me in the slightest, but on men I find it disgusting. I couldn't care if my wife grew her hair like Cousin It, but I'm shaving my armpits, I'm waxing my chest, I'm trimming my pubes!
#28
Acne on the face, back, or wherever. None of us really care. I had bad acne growing up and at some point, I learned that any respectful person will not judge you for it because you can’t really control it.
#30
I had a GF who was insecure about the shape of her breasts. To me they were fantastic.
What do you think ?
Beth S 2 years ago (edited)
I think this list is very sweet, but the fact of the matter is that many women are absolutely brutal towards each other and even more brutal with themselves. We need to learn to lift each other up and also love ourselves.
Aliquid 2 years ago
True... a lot of people complain about the "beauty standards", but most of the time it is other women who are judgmental, and the women's magazines that are setting the standards... half the time the men are completely oblivious to the things that women are told to be self conscious about.
Load More Replies...
Swan 2 years ago
these men are talking for themselves; not evry single men; they're all different with different tastes and personalities
Bljurg 2 years ago (edited)
Yes, and those men that have juvenile or idiotic standards are, guess what, juvenile idiots, not men, so you you should not care about their opinion, they are not worth dating.
Load More Replies...
Swan 2 years ago
can't we just say that all women can or could be beautiful instead of insulting the other spectrum : "don't care about thigh gap it's only good the other wy, big labia is better than barbie doll looking having wrikles/stretch marks/fat makes you look human i.e. not having those makes you look not human, not makeup better than make up, small boobs better than ugly big boobs........ no need to insult the opposite spectrum!
Ghosts 2 years ago
I think the message was wholesome but got a little mixed up. Nothing is better or worse. There's someone for everyone.
Load More Replies...
Beth S 2 years ago (edited)
I think this list is very sweet, but the fact of the matter is that many women are absolutely brutal towards each other and even more brutal with themselves. We need to learn to lift each other up and also love ourselves.
Aliquid 2 years ago
True... a lot of people complain about the "beauty standards", but most of the time it is other women who are judgmental, and the women's magazines that are setting the standards... half the time the men are completely oblivious to the things that women are told to be self conscious about.
Load More Replies... Swan 2 years ago
these men are talking for themselves; not evry single men; they're all different with different tastes and personalities
Bljurg 2 years ago (edited)
Yes, and those men that have juvenile or idiotic standards are, guess what, juvenile idiots, not men, so you you should not care about their opinion, they are not worth dating.
Load More Replies... Swan 2 years ago
can't we just say that all women can or could be beautiful instead of insulting the other spectrum : "don't care about thigh gap it's only good the other wy, big labia is better than barbie doll looking having wrikles/stretch marks/fat makes you look human i.e. not having those makes you look not human, not makeup better than make up, small boobs better than ugly big boobs........ no need to insult the opposite spectrum!
Ghosts 2 years ago
I think the message was wholesome but got a little mixed up. Nothing is better or worse. There's someone for everyone.
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