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30 People Debated What They Count As Cheating And They Made Some Interesting Points

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On the surface, infidelity seems like it’s easy enough to define. It’s a simple binary of doing or not doing certain things. Either you cheated or you didn’t. However, life is a lot more complicated than that. Someone can have not “done anything,” but still cross their partner's boundaries.
Someone asked “What's not really cheating but can count as cheating?” and netizens shared their best examples. We also got in touch with the person who started the thread to learn more. So get comfortable as you scroll through, upvote your favorite examples and be sure to comment your own thoughts and ideas below.

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#1

30 People Debated What They Count As Cheating And They Made Some Interesting Points If you wouldn’t do it with your partner standing right there, don’t do it. You know where the line is. You know when you’re toeing it. You know when you’ve crossed it. Don’t play dumb.

Scared_of_the_KGB , ira / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

67points

Adam Belaire 2 months ago

While I get the sentiment, my mind also goes to "I wouldn't poop in front of my partner standing right there...does that mean I shouldn't poop?"

8points

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#2

30 People Debated What They Count As Cheating And They Made Some Interesting Points Intentionally deleting texts so your partner doesn’t see them. If it needs to be hidden, it’s already shady.

fairytaalecassy , Pixabay / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

38points

Iampenny 2 months ago

I have done this in the past, but to be fair, I was discussing his birthday present which was to be a surprise. This, or something similar, is really the only excuse for doing so.

26points

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#3

30 People Debated What They Count As Cheating And They Made Some Interesting Points In a relationship, if my partner knows that I would really like to do something with them and they don't want to do the thing with me, but then do the exact thing with someone else.
For example: If I am a bike enjoyer and I always ask my partner to come with me for a bike ride and they always say no and that they don't like riding bikes, but then the one time a friend asks them for a bike ride together they go.

Impossible_Form_2826 , Munbaik Cycling Clothing / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

36points

Donkey boi 2 months ago

I'm gonna catch some hate for this, but... It's a LOT more nuanced than you're making it seem. You need to consider a lot more that just 'A' doesn't want to do 'thing' with 'B' but will with 'C'. You need to think about how each party approaches the activity, is 'B' too competitive, too serious, not serious enough? How experienced is each party? Is 'B' too advanced to keep up with, not skilled enough to keep up, Is 'A' a complete novice and embarrassed to look an idiot in front of 'B'? The relationship with 'C', is it the lads? Because if it is, they just mucking about together and that makes it more fun. If it's just A & Linda from the office, it ain't bikes that they riding. Is it an activity that either 'A; or 'B' normally does without their partner present? because that can feel like an invasion of "me /their time". There are some things I would not do with my wife, because I know how she is and can be; And there are "her" things that I wouldn't want to ruin for her!

23points

Black Cat 2 months ago

I was going to say the same thing, maybe he wouldn't keep up with you so it wouldn't be enjoyable, maybe you're too competitive etc etc

3points

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Katiekat 2 months ago

That's divorce-worthy, or at least considering it. They don't value your time or company? Then why stay?

7points

LaserBrain 2 months ago

Not at all. There could be any number of reasons why they may prefer to do something (like ride bicycle) with someone else. If you are not mature enough to recognise your SO's freedom and autonomy, you don't deserve them. That's just controlling, possessive, and disrespectful to them, not to mention annoying.

1point

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Debbie 2 months ago

I don't entirely agree, this depends on communication. Ask why they don't want to go with you but do go with that friend. Maybe his friend has some issues, and eventhough he really doesn't like riding, he goes for his friend? And no, I don't think that he then also has to do things he doesn't like with you just because you like them. You can share other activities. (And yes, it depends a little if the friend is someone he could be attracted to). It's not divorce worthy. They can do other things together, you don't have to do things because someone else wants them to. If he does nothing with you or doesn't suggest an other activity... then yes.

3points

Steve Hall 2 months ago

Some things are not fun with some people.

2points

Sarah Matsoukis 2 months ago

What if you do it in a way the other one doesn't enjoy? My ex and I were both gamers, we shared some fave games but playing together was horrible because our playstyles were completely incompatible.

2points

viimatar 2 months ago

Not that simple. There are various reasons why the partner wouldn't want to go with the OP - being tired, being too preoccupied, needing time to wind down... whereas this friend might be someone they see once in 6 months, or maybe they needed time just between the guys for once. Maybe the OP is just inconsiderate and pedals too fast, or otherwise acts annoyingly. We know absolutely nothing about the background - and yet, most of the commenters are right away suggesting that a divorce is the only option. It’s not the first option or even the most viable choice. It might be reasonable to suggest that they sit down and talk what keeps on eating on their relationship, or get a few sessions of couples counseling, but the first instinct shouldn't always be divorcing. No wonder the statistics are do bad, if this is the most usual approach?

2points

Janelle Collard Premium 2 months ago

I'd ask her why she doesn't want to ride with me. Are you going too fast? Does she like to stop + look at stuff + you need to do Tour de France when you ride?

1point

Fran 2 months ago

Everybody seems to be focusing on the bike thing. I know exactly what the poster means. My ex will not go on a car ride with me, too tired, but will gladly go on a 2 hour round trip , go trek up a mountain he said we will go to (we never), or get a take away (whenever I asked hell say no, they're too greasy) if anyone else will ask. I propose a good idea to save some money and stock (he has a glamping pod, uses a 1lt bottle of juice everyday, I suggested to get the smaller 200 MLS ones, told him for years) no can't do, but his mother mentions it ones, guess what he uses now. Is disrespectful. I get the competitiveness thing, but sometimes people are just *"'**

0points

BoredPossum 2 months ago

Exactly, I'd be gone in a second.

0points

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Bored Panda got in touch with the person who posted the thread and she was kind enough to answer some of our questions. Firstly, we wanted to know why she was inspired to post this particular query to the internet and what she thought of it getting so popular.

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“I just posted that because I was bored tbh. I honestly didn't think it would get so much traffic. Which I really, really don't like,” she shared. Naturally, we also wanted to hear their thoughts on the topic. “Things that are not point blank cheating but is cheating imo: Hugging the same woman twice. Once is enough.”

#4

30 People Debated What They Count As Cheating And They Made Some Interesting Points We went to brunch with a group of friends. My wife couldn’t finish her meal and said “does anyone want my bacon?” instead of immediately defaulting to offering it to me, her husband. Still haven’t forgiven her.

Accomplished_Egg6239 , Vincent Rivaud / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

35points

Lyoness 2 months ago

I love how wholesomely funny some of these are (and I'm saying that as a bacon lover).

14points

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#5

30 People Debated What They Count As Cheating And They Made Some Interesting Points Having a work wife/husband. The only people I’m aware of doing this, yeah they were cheaters.

RavingSquirrel11 , Ron Lach / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

34points

General Anaesthesia 2 months ago

A trad wife at home, a work wife outside; work-life balance is good, no? [/s, just in case]

4points

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#6

30 People Debated What They Count As Cheating And They Made Some Interesting Points Stopping at Dairy Queen for the Blizzard of the month, and savoring every delicious bite in your car before bringing home all the healthy food for your hubby’s diet.

CrabbyPatt111 , Sarah Stierch / flickr (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

31points

Katiekat 2 months ago

WORTH IT

11points

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“Also, lingering hugs? No. Whispering in another woman's ear 'Oh my God' you smell sooooo good while you're hugging her??? You might as well turn around and punch me in the face. I'm a black woman, so taking out another women's braids??? Absolutely not. She has hands, and if she doesn't, she has feet. I'm not sorry.”

#7

30 People Debated What They Count As Cheating And They Made Some Interesting Points Flirting with someone online and calling it harmless fun.

Galactic_Goose_3 , Monstera Production / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

31points

DadManBlues 2 months ago

I did it several times. Never met them in real, no photos of body parts etc. I thought it was fun, but I woul d be jealous if wifey would do the same.

1point

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#8

30 People Debated What They Count As Cheating And They Made Some Interesting Points I guess when I found out he had taken another girls underwear from her bathroom floor because he liked her. Technically not cheating, but I kinda wish he had cheated rather than that.

Far_Change9253 , cottonbro studio/ pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

29points

Tempest 2 months ago

Honestly this sounds more disturbing than cheating…

34points

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#9

30 People Debated What They Count As Cheating And They Made Some Interesting Points Emotional infidelity. People know when they’re giving something to someone else that is sacred to the relationship.

pastyoureyescheese , Ron Lach / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

27points

2 months ago

So you are able to completely stop all romantic feelings at will? That's amazing! For many people, it's a simple chemical reaction in the brain, one that a person has no conscious control over. A person is responsible for what they say or do, but having feelings for someone is totally involuntary.

1point

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“Intense eye contact for more than 4 seconds, while paying attention to what she's saying. And you're smiling? Absolutely not. Like, why don't you just stab my mom? Laughing uncontrollably at another woman's joke. So uncontrollably that you can't even breathe. She's not that funny,” she shared with Bored Panda.

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#10

30 People Debated What They Count As Cheating And They Made Some Interesting Points Suggesting opening up your relationship with someone specific in mind.

SadlyNotDannyDeVito , Budgeron Bach / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

24points

Hphizzle 2 months ago

And that never seems to end well. At least for the person suggesting to open it up.

4points

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#11

30 People Debated What They Count As Cheating And They Made Some Interesting Points My partner made a whole plate of nachos while I was taking a nap and didn’t save me any, he might as well just have an affair at that point honestly.

awholedamngarden , Karolina Kaboompics / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

24points

Kelly Boreham 2 months ago

He's a bloody monster!

18points

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#12

30 People Debated What They Count As Cheating And They Made Some Interesting Points Allowing someone to think they have a chance with you (in other words, leading them on), or not shutting someone down immediately when you’re in a relationship and intentionally withholding the fact that you’re taken out of the conversation…

Source: Been There, Done That ✔️.

adeduedemballa , Bethany Ferr/ pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

24points

René Sauer 2 months ago

And what if you don´t notice that you are "leading someone on"? What if it only is in the persons head?

7points

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#13

When you know the person wouldn't be okay with it if you told them or asked them about it, so you don't tell them so they won't say no and you can pretend it's the same as if they agreed to it.

4URprogesterone Report

Final score:

23points

Lyoness 2 months ago

I don't know why this isn't higher on the list.

4points

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#14

30 People Debated What They Count As Cheating And They Made Some Interesting Points Getting coffee with Marisa Tomei when you find out she's into short, stocky, bald men.

rob_s_458 , Columbia Pictures Television Report

Final score:

22points

TTorrest Author 2 months ago

I notice you threw stocky in there.

3points

#15

30 People Debated What They Count As Cheating And They Made Some Interesting Points Keeping pictures of your old crush on your computer with her husband and kids cut out of them.

PinkMonorail , Karolina Kaboompics / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

22points

DC and S 2 months ago

This seems oddly specific. ...PLEASE tell me this is oddly specific and not a thing many people do.

23points

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#16

30 People Debated What They Count As Cheating And They Made Some Interesting Points I read a fun Reddit post about a woman who developed a fake relationship (sexting included) with an AI version of Arthur Morgan. She stopped spending time with her partner and only confided with the AI about problems.

Is it cheating if it’s not a real person? Does the answer matter if the feelings are real?

add0607 , Andrea Piacquadio / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

21points

Tempest 2 months ago

So scary how we’ve already come to this stage. Perhaps this needs a new term coined to describe the “cheating” situation.

7points

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#17

30 People Debated What They Count As Cheating And They Made Some Interesting Points Flirting with someone to the point where it crosses emotional boundaries—it’s like playing with fire without getting burned.

kennagiveahug , cottonbro studio / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

20points

viimatar 2 months ago

Except that in this case, someone does get burned, unless all three are willing to accept a triad relationship. This kinda ignores the third party's feelings entirely.

9points

#18

30 People Debated What They Count As Cheating And They Made Some Interesting Points Watching advance episodes that you and your partner both watches.

TooStrong4U1991 , cottonbro studio/ pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

15points

Donkey boi 2 months ago

Neither my partner or myself are bothered by spoilers, so were both happy to let the other continue. If we think it's a 'You NEED to see it!' episode, it's obviously good so, why would we mind watching it again?

2points

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#19

30 People Debated What They Count As Cheating And They Made Some Interesting Points Allowing yourself to be in a situation where you have the option to cheat.

You can stop that well in advance.

dasaigaijin Report

Final score:

15points

BoredPossum 2 months ago

Nah, that option can come fast and unexpected, especially for guys who are totally clueless when it comes to flirting.

14points

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#20

30 People Debated What They Count As Cheating And They Made Some Interesting Points Secretly paying for Only Fans behind your partners back.

gibtnlb , Eren Li / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

15points

Darthest Starfish 2 months ago

.........this one is BS. It's porn and paying for porn is not great, but it's certainly not cheating.

8points

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#21

When my wife goes to Taco Bell without me.

luckynug Report

Final score:

15points

Jane Jayne Jain Jeign Jein 2 months ago

You need to start documenting that behaviour for the divorce lawyer!

9points

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#22

30 People Debated What They Count As Cheating And They Made Some Interesting Points "Monkey Branching", aka approaching a romantically compatible partner to pursue a friendship with them that's entirely innocent and platonic and is not breaching any sort of boundaries in any way - but the itended goal is to keep them in the loop and stay in touch so that you have an exist strategy should your current relationship go south.

Reasonable-Mischief , RDNE Stock project/ pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

14points

Jane Jayne Jain Jeign Jein 2 months ago

Everyone needs an exist strategy.

11points

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#23

30 People Debated What They Count As Cheating And They Made Some Interesting Points My first serious relationship I made friends with a coworker at work. On my side, it was nothing more than friendship so I did not understand why my ex was upset. This actually ended our relationship. A few days after my coworker made her move.

I didn’t see it at the time because I only saw her as a friend. But apparently being friends with someone who likes you is cheating.

SeesawOne485 , Artem Podrez / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

14points

Emma S 2 months ago

Women often notice signs that many men miss.

10points

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#24

30 People Debated What They Count As Cheating And They Made Some Interesting Points My wife had a dream I hooked up with her friend and was mad at me for weeks. Not sure if that counts or not.

Thrillhouse801 , Craig Adderley/ pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

13points

Tempest 2 months ago

Of course that counts! You have to be faithful at all times. Including in HER dreams! /s

12points

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#25

30 People Debated What They Count As Cheating And They Made Some Interesting Points Having dating apps installed but stopped using them.

No-Cauliflower-4727 , Nik / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

13points

Darthest Starfish 2 months ago

Nope, don't have them and can't say I'd use them again; but it's not cheating. If you use them, then yes, I see your point.

6points

#26

Using pet names that you use with your partner….especially with someone your partner already doesn’t trust.

Spiritual_Vacation62 Report

Final score:

13points

BoredPossum 2 months ago

Fluffy, whose a good boy?

5points

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#27

One of my friends once found messages from his gf telling some guy she was online friends with how if she gave him a lap dance her moves would make him bust in his pants lmao he was like “is this cheating,” i said bro that’s basically sexting and emotional cheating, you can’t be telling some guy you’d make him flood his khakis with a lap dance that’s crazy.

realfakejames Report

Final score:

12points

BoredPossum 2 months ago

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#28

30 People Debated What They Count As Cheating And They Made Some Interesting Points Being nice and still hanging out with someone who is obviously trying to get with you.

SexyAriana532 , William Fortunato/ pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

11points

Darthest Starfish 2 months ago

..................so being nice and being a friend is now cheating? If you make your intentions clear then should not be an issue.

15points

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#29

30 People Debated What They Count As Cheating And They Made Some Interesting Points Lying about your past. A sexual relationship is founded on certain terms, one of which is your past. If you have lied about those terms, then you have broken the basic contract.

teraza95 , Diva Plavalaguna/ pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

9points

David Morgan 2 months ago

Disagree. The past is your business alone, provided it doesn't impact the current relationship. If you aren't being honest about the CURRENT relationship then that is a problem.

18points

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#30

30 People Debated What They Count As Cheating And They Made Some Interesting Points Deep emotional connection with someone to the point you feel like they understand you better than your current partner. It's always a trap because you don't really know them that well and it's just one aspect in which they seem to be better, while in fact they might be not.

ProfessorCautious798 , Oleksandr P / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

Final score:

9points

BoredPossum 2 months ago

Yes, yes, to the OP, you listen, hmm. Once you start down that path, forever will it dominate your destiny, consume you it will.

6points

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Note: this post originally had 50 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.

Justin Sandberg

I am a writer at Bored Panda. Despite being born in the US, I ended up spending most of my life in Europe, from Latvia, Austria, and Georgia to finally settling in Lithuania. At Bored Panda, you’ll find me covering topics ranging from the cat meme of the day to red flags in the workplace and really anything else. In my free time, I enjoy hiking, beating other people at board games, cooking, good books, and bad films.

I am a writer at Bored Panda. Despite being born in the US, I ended up spending most of my life in Europe, from Latvia, Austria, and Georgia to finally settling in Lithuania. At Bored Panda, you’ll find me covering topics ranging from the cat meme of the day to red flags in the workplace and really anything else. In my free time, I enjoy hiking, beating other people at board games, cooking, good books, and bad films.

Kotryna Br

Kotryna is a Photo Editor at Bored Panda with a BA in Graphic Design. Before Bored Panda, she worked as a freelance graphic designer and illiustrator. When not editing, she enjoys working with clay, drawing, playing board games and drinking good tea.

Kotryna is a Photo Editor at Bored Panda with a BA in Graphic Design. Before Bored Panda, she worked as a freelance graphic designer and illiustrator. When not editing, she enjoys working with clay, drawing, playing board games and drinking good tea.

What do you think ?

Huddo's sister 2 months ago

I'm confused by the title- are these things that feel like cheating but aren't, things that some people think are cheating but others think are a grey area?

3points

Barry Fruitman 2 months ago

Yes

1point

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Steve Hall 2 months ago

Most of these items sound like they are written by a very possessive person.

0points

Vivi Pettiss 2 months ago

I'm so glad I never plan to be in a relationship. Half of this is manipulative bs.

0points

Huddo's sister 2 months ago

I'm confused by the title- are these things that feel like cheating but aren't, things that some people think are cheating but others think are a grey area?

3points

Barry Fruitman 2 months ago

Yes

1point

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Steve Hall 2 months ago

Most of these items sound like they are written by a very possessive person.

0points

Vivi Pettiss 2 months ago

I'm so glad I never plan to be in a relationship. Half of this is manipulative bs.

0points

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