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On the surface, infidelity seems like it’s easy enough to define. It’s a simple binary of doing or not doing certain things. Either you cheated or you didn’t. However, life is a lot more complicated than that. Someone can have not “done anything,” but still cross their partner's boundaries.
Someone asked “What's not really cheating but can count as cheating?” and netizens shared their best examples. We also got in touch with the person who started the thread to learn more. So get comfortable as you scroll through, upvote your favorite examples and be sure to comment your own thoughts and ideas below.

#1

30 People Debated What They Count As Cheating And They Made Some Interesting Points If you wouldn’t do it with your partner standing right there, don’t do it. You know where the line is. You know when you’re toeing it. You know when you’ve crossed it. Don’t play dumb.

Scared_of_the_KGB , ira / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Adam Belaire
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

While I get the sentiment, my mind also goes to "I wouldn't poop in front of my partner standing right there...does that mean I shouldn't poop?"

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#2

30 People Debated What They Count As Cheating And They Made Some Interesting Points Intentionally deleting texts so your partner doesn’t see them. If it needs to be hidden, it’s already shady.

fairytaalecassy , Pixabay / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Iampenny
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have done this in the past, but to be fair, I was discussing his birthday present which was to be a surprise. This, or something similar, is really the only excuse for doing so.

Fellfromthemoon
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Or, the other party shares a secret with me that none of my partner's concern.

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Raumpfleger
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have to oppose! Even after being married for more than 15 years, privacy is privacy. I got chats which aren't of her concern and vice versa. I also would never go through her phone nor would my wife go through mine and that's how it should be (for us at least).

Nicole Weymann
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yupp. If either feels the "need" to monitor the other it's a show of lack of trust. Either get a grip on your trust issues/jealousy or the relationship is doomed anyway. And controlling/monitoring an actually cheating partner's communication is just teaching them to hide it better. Stupid games.

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General Anaesthesia
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Or - If you feel your texts need to be hidden from the partner you might need to rethink your choice of partner. Abuse comes in many forms. Don't be gaslit into thinking you're the shady one.

viimatar
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Apparently the concept of privacy in correspondence doesn't either exist in the OP's country, or then they just ignore it?

Heffalump
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Personally, I routinely delete texts one I've read them: if I was careless and someone was able to read them, It would not just be my privacy that would be violated, but the privacy of everyone who'd texted me.

Aussiegirl
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I delete mine as well, I also clear my calls list. I have nothing to hide I just like like it tidy 😅

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Barry Fruitman
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Unless you have a hyper-controlling partner, but you should dump them anyway.

Magenta Blu
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Intentionally deleting texts so my phone is still capable of working. Specially pics and voice notes. Who keeps them?

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#3

30 People Debated What They Count As Cheating And They Made Some Interesting Points In a relationship, if my partner knows that I would really like to do something with them and they don't want to do the thing with me, but then do the exact thing with someone else.
For example: If I am a bike enjoyer and I always ask my partner to come with me for a bike ride and they always say no and that they don't like riding bikes, but then the one time a friend asks them for a bike ride together they go.

Impossible_Form_2826 , Munbaik Cycling Clothing / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Donkey boi
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm gonna catch some hate for this, but... It's a LOT more nuanced than you're making it seem. You need to consider a lot more that just 'A' doesn't want to do 'thing' with 'B' but will with 'C'. You need to think about how each party approaches the activity, is 'B' too competitive, too serious, not serious enough? How experienced is each party? Is 'B' too advanced to keep up with, not skilled enough to keep up, Is 'A' a complete novice and embarrassed to look an idiot in front of 'B'? The relationship with 'C', is it the lads? Because if it is, they just mucking about together and that makes it more fun. If it's just A & Linda from the office, it ain't bikes that they riding. Is it an activity that either 'A; or 'B' normally does without their partner present? because that can feel like an invasion of "me /their time". There are some things I would not do with my wife, because I know how she is and can be; And there are "her" things that I wouldn't want to ruin for her!

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Bored Panda got in touch with the person who posted the thread and she was kind enough to answer some of our questions. Firstly, we wanted to know why she was inspired to post this particular query to the internet and what she thought of it getting so popular.

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“I just posted that because I was bored tbh. I honestly didn't think it would get so much traffic. Which I really, really don't like,” she shared. Naturally, we also wanted to hear their thoughts on the topic. “Things that are not point blank cheating but is cheating imo: Hugging the same woman twice. Once is enough.”

#4

30 People Debated What They Count As Cheating And They Made Some Interesting Points We went to brunch with a group of friends. My wife couldn’t finish her meal and said “does anyone want my bacon?” instead of immediately defaulting to offering it to me, her husband. Still haven’t forgiven her.

Accomplished_Egg6239 , Vincent Rivaud / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Lyoness
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I love how wholesomely funny some of these are (and I'm saying that as a bacon lover).

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#5

30 People Debated What They Count As Cheating And They Made Some Interesting Points Having a work wife/husband. The only people I’m aware of doing this, yeah they were cheaters.

RavingSquirrel11 , Ron Lach / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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General Anaesthesia
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A trad wife at home, a work wife outside; work-life balance is good, no? [/s, just in case]

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#6

30 People Debated What They Count As Cheating And They Made Some Interesting Points Stopping at Dairy Queen for the Blizzard of the month, and savoring every delicious bite in your car before bringing home all the healthy food for your hubby’s diet.

CrabbyPatt111 , Sarah Stierch / flickr (not the actual photo) Report

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“Also, lingering hugs? No. Whispering in another woman's ear 'Oh my God' you smell sooooo good while you're hugging her??? You might as well turn around and punch me in the face. I'm a black woman, so taking out another women's braids??? Absolutely not. She has hands, and if she doesn't, she has feet. I'm not sorry.”

#7

30 People Debated What They Count As Cheating And They Made Some Interesting Points Flirting with someone online and calling it harmless fun.

Galactic_Goose_3 , Monstera Production / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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DadManBlues
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I did it several times. Never met them in real, no photos of body parts etc. I thought it was fun, but I woul d be jealous if wifey would do the same.

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#8

30 People Debated What They Count As Cheating And They Made Some Interesting Points I guess when I found out he had taken another girls underwear from her bathroom floor because he liked her. Technically not cheating, but I kinda wish he had cheated rather than that.

Far_Change9253 , cottonbro studio/ pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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#9

30 People Debated What They Count As Cheating And They Made Some Interesting Points Emotional infidelity. People know when they’re giving something to someone else that is sacred to the relationship.

pastyoureyescheese , Ron Lach / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So you are able to completely stop all romantic feelings at will? That's amazing! For many people, it's a simple chemical reaction in the brain, one that a person has no conscious control over. A person is responsible for what they say or do, but having feelings for someone is totally involuntary.

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“Intense eye contact for more than 4 seconds, while paying attention to what she's saying. And you're smiling? Absolutely not. Like, why don't you just stab my mom? Laughing uncontrollably at another woman's joke. So uncontrollably that you can't even breathe. She's not that funny,” she shared with Bored Panda.

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#10

30 People Debated What They Count As Cheating And They Made Some Interesting Points Suggesting opening up your relationship with someone specific in mind.

SadlyNotDannyDeVito , Budgeron Bach / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Hphizzle
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And that never seems to end well. At least for the person suggesting to open it up.

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#11

30 People Debated What They Count As Cheating And They Made Some Interesting Points My partner made a whole plate of nachos while I was taking a nap and didn’t save me any, he might as well just have an affair at that point honestly.

awholedamngarden , Karolina Kaboompics / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

#12

30 People Debated What They Count As Cheating And They Made Some Interesting Points Allowing someone to think they have a chance with you (in other words, leading them on), or not shutting someone down immediately when you’re in a relationship and intentionally withholding the fact that you’re taken out of the conversation…

Source: Been There, Done That ✔️.

adeduedemballa , Bethany Ferr/ pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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René Sauer
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And what if you don´t notice that you are "leading someone on"? What if it only is in the persons head?

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#13

When you know the person wouldn't be okay with it if you told them or asked them about it, so you don't tell them so they won't say no and you can pretend it's the same as if they agreed to it.

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#14

30 People Debated What They Count As Cheating And They Made Some Interesting Points Getting coffee with Marisa Tomei when you find out she's into short, stocky, bald men.

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#15

30 People Debated What They Count As Cheating And They Made Some Interesting Points Keeping pictures of your old crush on your computer with her husband and kids cut out of them.

PinkMonorail , Karolina Kaboompics / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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DC and S
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This seems oddly specific. ...PLEASE tell me this is oddly specific and not a thing many people do.

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#16

30 People Debated What They Count As Cheating And They Made Some Interesting Points I read a fun Reddit post about a woman who developed a fake relationship (sexting included) with an AI version of Arthur Morgan. She stopped spending time with her partner and only confided with the AI about problems.

Is it cheating if it’s not a real person? Does the answer matter if the feelings are real?

add0607 , Andrea Piacquadio / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Tempest
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So scary how we’ve already come to this stage. Perhaps this needs a new term coined to describe the “cheating” situation.

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#17

30 People Debated What They Count As Cheating And They Made Some Interesting Points Flirting with someone to the point where it crosses emotional boundaries—it’s like playing with fire without getting burned.

kennagiveahug , cottonbro studio / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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viimatar
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Except that in this case, someone does get burned, unless all three are willing to accept a triad relationship. This kinda ignores the third party's feelings entirely.

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#18

30 People Debated What They Count As Cheating And They Made Some Interesting Points Watching advance episodes that you and your partner both watches.

TooStrong4U1991 , cottonbro studio/ pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Donkey boi
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Neither my partner or myself are bothered by spoilers, so were both happy to let the other continue. If we think it's a 'You NEED to see it!' episode, it's obviously good so, why would we mind watching it again?

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#19

30 People Debated What They Count As Cheating And They Made Some Interesting Points Allowing yourself to be in a situation where you have the option to cheat.

You can stop that well in advance.

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BoredPossum
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nah, that option can come fast and unexpected, especially for guys who are totally clueless when it comes to flirting.

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#20

30 People Debated What They Count As Cheating And They Made Some Interesting Points Secretly paying for Only Fans behind your partners back.

gibtnlb , Eren Li / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Darthest Starfish
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

.........this one is BS. It's porn and paying for porn is not great, but it's certainly not cheating.

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#21

When my wife goes to Taco Bell without me.

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#22

30 People Debated What They Count As Cheating And They Made Some Interesting Points "Monkey Branching", aka approaching a romantically compatible partner to pursue a friendship with them that's entirely innocent and platonic and is not breaching any sort of boundaries in any way - but the itended goal is to keep them in the loop and stay in touch so that you have an exist strategy should your current relationship go south.

Reasonable-Mischief , RDNE Stock project/ pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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#23

30 People Debated What They Count As Cheating And They Made Some Interesting Points My first serious relationship I made friends with a coworker at work. On my side, it was nothing more than friendship so I did not understand why my ex was upset. This actually ended our relationship. A few days after my coworker made her move.

I didn’t see it at the time because I only saw her as a friend. But apparently being friends with someone who likes you is cheating.

SeesawOne485 , Artem Podrez / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

#24

30 People Debated What They Count As Cheating And They Made Some Interesting Points My wife had a dream I hooked up with her friend and was mad at me for weeks. Not sure if that counts or not.

Thrillhouse801 , Craig Adderley/ pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Tempest
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Of course that counts! You have to be faithful at all times. Including in HER dreams! /s

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#25

30 People Debated What They Count As Cheating And They Made Some Interesting Points Having dating apps installed but stopped using them.

No-Cauliflower-4727 , Nik / unsplash (not the actual photo) Report

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Darthest Starfish
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nope, don't have them and can't say I'd use them again; but it's not cheating. If you use them, then yes, I see your point.

#26

Using pet names that you use with your partner….especially with someone your partner already doesn’t trust.

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#27

One of my friends once found messages from his gf telling some guy she was online friends with how if she gave him a lap dance her moves would make him bust in his pants lmao he was like “is this cheating,” i said bro that’s basically sexting and emotional cheating, you can’t be telling some guy you’d make him flood his khakis with a lap dance that’s crazy.

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BoredPossum
Community Member
2 months ago

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Nah, it could be tacky boasting from her side.

#28

30 People Debated What They Count As Cheating And They Made Some Interesting Points Being nice and still hanging out with someone who is obviously trying to get with you.

SexyAriana532 , William Fortunato/ pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Darthest Starfish
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

..................so being nice and being a friend is now cheating? If you make your intentions clear then should not be an issue.

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#29

30 People Debated What They Count As Cheating And They Made Some Interesting Points Lying about your past. A sexual relationship is founded on certain terms, one of which is your past. If you have lied about those terms, then you have broken the basic contract.

teraza95 , Diva Plavalaguna/ pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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David Morgan
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Disagree. The past is your business alone, provided it doesn't impact the current relationship. If you aren't being honest about the CURRENT relationship then that is a problem.

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#30

30 People Debated What They Count As Cheating And They Made Some Interesting Points Deep emotional connection with someone to the point you feel like they understand you better than your current partner. It's always a trap because you don't really know them that well and it's just one aspect in which they seem to be better, while in fact they might be not.

ProfessorCautious798 , Oleksandr P / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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BoredPossum
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes, yes, to the OP, you listen, hmm. Once you start down that path, forever will it dominate your destiny, consume you it will.

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Note: this post originally had 50 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.