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30 People Debated What They Count As Cheating And They Made Some Interesting Points
Interview
On the surface, infidelity seems like it’s easy enough to define. It’s a simple binary of doing or not doing certain things. Either you cheated or you didn’t. However, life is a lot more complicated than that. Someone can have not “done anything,” but still cross their partner's boundaries.
Someone asked “What's not really cheating but can count as cheating?” and netizens shared their best examples. We also got in touch with the person who started the thread to learn more. So get comfortable as you scroll through, upvote your favorite examples and be sure to comment your own thoughts and ideas below.
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#1
If you wouldn’t do it with your partner standing right there, don’t do it. You know where the line is. You know when you’re toeing it. You know when you’ve crossed it. Don’t play dumb.
Adam Belaire 4 months ago
While I get the sentiment, my mind also goes to "I wouldn't poop in front of my partner standing right there...does that mean I shouldn't poop?"
RELATED:
#2
Intentionally deleting texts so your partner doesn’t see them. If it needs to be hidden, it’s already shady.
#3
In a relationship, if my partner knows that I would really like to do something with them and they don't want to do the thing with me, but then do the exact thing with someone else.
For example: If I am a bike enjoyer and I always ask my partner to come with me for a bike ride and they always say no and that they don't like riding bikes, but then the one time a friend asks them for a bike ride together they go.
Donkey boi 4 months ago
I'm gonna catch some hate for this, but... It's a LOT more nuanced than you're making it seem. You need to consider a lot more that just 'A' doesn't want to do 'thing' with 'B' but will with 'C'. You need to think about how each party approaches the activity, is 'B' too competitive, too serious, not serious enough? How experienced is each party? Is 'B' too advanced to keep up with, not skilled enough to keep up, Is 'A' a complete novice and embarrassed to look an idiot in front of 'B'? The relationship with 'C', is it the lads? Because if it is, they just mucking about together and that makes it more fun. If it's just A & Linda from the office, it ain't bikes that they riding. Is it an activity that either 'A; or 'B' normally does without their partner present? because that can feel like an invasion of "me /their time". There are some things I would not do with my wife, because I know how she is and can be; And there are "her" things that I wouldn't want to ruin for her!
Bored Panda got in touch with the person who posted the thread and she was kind enough to answer some of our questions. Firstly, we wanted to know why she was inspired to post this particular query to the internet and what she thought of it getting so popular.
“I just posted that because I was bored tbh. I honestly didn't think it would get so much traffic. Which I really, really don't like,” she shared. Naturally, we also wanted to hear their thoughts on the topic. “Things that are not point blank cheating but is cheating imo: Hugging the same woman twice. Once is enough.”
#4
We went to brunch with a group of friends. My wife couldn’t finish her meal and said “does anyone want my bacon?” instead of immediately defaulting to offering it to me, her husband. Still haven’t forgiven her.
#5
Having a work wife/husband. The only people I’m aware of doing this, yeah they were cheaters.
General Anaesthesia 4 months ago
A trad wife at home, a work wife outside; work-life balance is good, no? [/s, just in case]
#6
Stopping at Dairy Queen for the Blizzard of the month, and savoring every delicious bite in your car before bringing home all the healthy food for your hubby’s diet.
“Also, lingering hugs? No. Whispering in another woman's ear 'Oh my God' you smell sooooo good while you're hugging her??? You might as well turn around and punch me in the face. I'm a black woman, so taking out another women's braids??? Absolutely not. She has hands, and if she doesn't, she has feet. I'm not sorry.”
#7
Flirting with someone online and calling it harmless fun.
#8
I guess when I found out he had taken another girls underwear from her bathroom floor because he liked her. Technically not cheating, but I kinda wish he had cheated rather than that.
#9
Emotional infidelity. People know when they’re giving something to someone else that is sacred to the relationship.
3 months ago
So you are able to completely stop all romantic feelings at will? That's amazing! For many people, it's a simple chemical reaction in the brain, one that a person has no conscious control over. A person is responsible for what they say or do, but having feelings for someone is totally involuntary.
“Intense eye contact for more than 4 seconds, while paying attention to what she's saying. And you're smiling? Absolutely not. Like, why don't you just stab my mom? Laughing uncontrollably at another woman's joke. So uncontrollably that you can't even breathe. She's not that funny,” she shared with Bored Panda.
#11
My partner made a whole plate of nachos while I was taking a nap and didn’t save me any, he might as well just have an affair at that point honestly.
#12
Allowing someone to think they have a chance with you (in other words, leading them on), or not shutting someone down immediately when you’re in a relationship and intentionally withholding the fact that you’re taken out of the conversation…
Source: Been There, Done That ✔️.
René Sauer 4 months ago
And what if you don´t notice that you are "leading someone on"? What if it only is in the persons head?
#13
When you know the person wouldn't be okay with it if you told them or asked them about it, so you don't tell them so they won't say no and you can pretend it's the same as if they agreed to it.
#14
Getting coffee with Marisa Tomei when you find out she's into short, stocky, bald men.
#15
Keeping pictures of your old crush on your computer with her husband and kids cut out of them.
#16
I read a fun Reddit post about a woman who developed a fake relationship (sexting included) with an AI version of Arthur Morgan. She stopped spending time with her partner and only confided with the AI about problems.
Is it cheating if it’s not a real person? Does the answer matter if the feelings are real?
#17
Flirting with someone to the point where it crosses emotional boundaries—it’s like playing with fire without getting burned.
#18
Watching advance episodes that you and your partner both watches.
Donkey boi 4 months ago
Neither my partner or myself are bothered by spoilers, so were both happy to let the other continue. If we think it's a 'You NEED to see it!' episode, it's obviously good so, why would we mind watching it again?
#19
Allowing yourself to be in a situation where you have the option to cheat.
You can stop that well in advance.
BoredPossum 4 months ago
Nah, that option can come fast and unexpected, especially for guys who are totally clueless when it comes to flirting.
#20
Secretly paying for Only Fans behind your partners back.
Darthest Starfish 4 months ago
.........this one is BS. It's porn and paying for porn is not great, but it's certainly not cheating.
#21
When my wife goes to Taco Bell without me.
Jane Jayne Jain Jeign Jein 4 months ago
You need to start documenting that behaviour for the divorce lawyer!
#22
"Monkey Branching", aka approaching a romantically compatible partner to pursue a friendship with them that's entirely innocent and platonic and is not breaching any sort of boundaries in any way - but the itended goal is to keep them in the loop and stay in touch so that you have an exist strategy should your current relationship go south.
#23
My first serious relationship I made friends with a coworker at work. On my side, it was nothing more than friendship so I did not understand why my ex was upset. This actually ended our relationship. A few days after my coworker made her move.
I didn’t see it at the time because I only saw her as a friend. But apparently being friends with someone who likes you is cheating.
#24
My wife had a dream I hooked up with her friend and was mad at me for weeks. Not sure if that counts or not.
#25
Having dating apps installed but stopped using them.
Darthest Starfish 4 months ago
Nope, don't have them and can't say I'd use them again; but it's not cheating. If you use them, then yes, I see your point.
#26
Using pet names that you use with your partner….especially with someone your partner already doesn’t trust.
#27
One of my friends once found messages from his gf telling some guy she was online friends with how if she gave him a lap dance her moves would make him bust in his pants lmao he was like “is this cheating,” i said bro that’s basically sexting and emotional cheating, you can’t be telling some guy you’d make him flood his khakis with a lap dance that’s crazy.
#28
Being nice and still hanging out with someone who is obviously trying to get with you.
Darthest Starfish 4 months ago
..................so being nice and being a friend is now cheating? If you make your intentions clear then should not be an issue.
#29
I'm so getting hate for this on reddit but watching p*rn. It is so damaging to relationships it's not even funny.
#30
Lying about your past. A sexual relationship is founded on certain terms, one of which is your past. If you have lied about those terms, then you have broken the basic contract.
What do you think ?
Huddo's sister 4 months ago
I'm confused by the title- are these things that feel like cheating but aren't, things that some people think are cheating but others think are a grey area?
Steve Hall 4 months ago
Most of these items sound like they are written by a very possessive person.
Vivi Pettiss 4 months ago
I'm so glad I never plan to be in a relationship. Half of this is manipulative bs.
Huddo's sister 4 months ago
I'm confused by the title- are these things that feel like cheating but aren't, things that some people think are cheating but others think are a grey area?
Steve Hall 4 months ago
Most of these items sound like they are written by a very possessive person.
Vivi Pettiss 4 months ago
I'm so glad I never plan to be in a relationship. Half of this is manipulative bs.
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