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Redditor u/alvl70charizard told Bored Panda that they're "a huge fan" of the r/AskReddit subreddit. "I find myself often scrolling endlessly reading some of the most passionate people give their opinions and life experiences. The night before posting, I had a conversation with my friends and my partner about the 'little things' in a relationship. Things like fears, interests, and future goals," they opened up about the inspiration behind the question they asked.

"The conversation was fun and eventful with everyone giving their two cents, but the group quickly moved on to another topic. But like many others, I tend to overanalyze, and found myself asking, 'What’s one thing my partner doesn’t know?' Or, 'What’s one thing I don’t know about my partner?'" the redditor shared how they started thinking more and more about relationships and honesty.

"Now I like to think that my wife and I are super open about our relationship, but surely there’s something we don’t know right? So, I asked her and much to my surprise she said, 'Everything and anything I know you know.' I felt relieved almost instantly, but I figured someone out there needed to answer the question for their own well-being. So, I created the question in the thread!"

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Someone Asked, 'What’s One Thing Your Partner Doesn’t Know?', 40 People Delivered That I don't need to read aloud. My girlfriend struggles with insomnia but for some reason when I talk to her late at night she passes out almost immediately. So whenever I read a book I read out loud softly under the guise that it helps me focus. It works every time :)

xxzaif , Bogdan Cheșa Report

Final score:

737points

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Jude Macneil 2 years ago

This is really wholesome

192points

silviazb*tch , Михаил Калегин Report

Someone Asked, 'What’s One Thing Your Partner Doesn’t Know?', 40 People Delivered My wife is prone to nightmares and often whimpers or screams in her sleep when she has one. I can reassure her without waking her and get her to feel safe enough that she makes happy little cooing noises while she’s still sound asleep. I’ve been doing this for her for over thirty years.

Final score:

691points

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Jaekry 2 years ago

Adorable. And reassuring is wholesome. The nightmare might end, but the feelings usually linger some time afterwards.

163points

Redditor u/alvl70charizard revealed to Bored Panda that, in their opinion, they definitely think that honesty is always the best policy in any romantic relationship. They also practice what they preach. "I think my partner and I have created a space where that is true. If there is something going on in our lives, it’s better to be there together and tackle it head-on as a unit rather than individuals," they mused.

In their view, a partner should 'ideally' be comfortable sharing everything. "But there are situations where withholding information may be for that person’s mental and physical benefit. The question then arises, 'Is that the right thing to do?' I honestly don’t know."

Someone Asked, 'What’s One Thing Your Partner Doesn’t Know?', 40 People Delivered That I know our daughter's reddit account, and that I check in on her regularly.

I feel deep, profound guilt about following her, because while I respect her privacy I know that she has significant physical and emotional issues. She's at college out of state, and battles with clinical depression and an unusual and incurable chronic illness, and she really, really tries not to let on to the world when she's going through a rough patch. She'll make a comment or post something that lets me know that she's feeling crushed or broken, and I'll co-incidentally reach out to her the next day and give her an opening to talk about anything that's bothering her. Most of the time it works and she'll vent for awhile and feel a little better. Some of the time we just trade pictures of cats. Either way, she knows that she's loved and that someone is thinking of her.

If I told my wife about this? She'd blow the whole thing up and like a bull in a china shop she'd make it pretty clear that she knew our daughter's account and immediately interject herself into our daughter's life so she could fix everything. I understand that, because my wife is brilliant and protective and only sees the world in black and white. But I also understand that my daughter has to fix her own life - and that she's doing it every day, but that it doesn't hurt to have someone text her out of the blue and tell her a dad joke and try and make her laugh while she's doing it.

I wrestle with the idea that I'm simultaneously a bad parent and a bad husband because of this. I've been married for almost thirty years, and this is the only thing I've ever kept from my wife. I hate it, but it's a hole I dug for myself, so I have to sit in it alone.

Randomizer73 , NeONBRAND Report

Final score:

620points

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yeciye 2 years ago (edited)

It’s a pretty nice hole. It actually sounds wholesome.

258points

Someone Asked, 'What’s One Thing Your Partner Doesn’t Know?', 40 People Delivered Boyfriend has financial struggles, not because of anything he’s ever done. His mother is mentally unwell and his father can’t work for various reasons. He’s been the sole provider for his family since he was a teen and has to balance his job on top of being the top 5% in his university cohort to maintain two scholarships.

He had to put his mom in a psychiatric hospital by himself when he was 19. He had no support from relatives except his grandma, who doesn’t have an income herself but tries her best. He currently is raising his younger brother and paying rent for the both of them. He acts strong about it but he gets “financial panics” very very often.

In comparison, my family isn’t rich but we’re definitely lucky enough to be comfortable. My parents pay my tuition, but I still work part time (teaching) because I don’t get any pocket money and I also enjoy it. I’m a very frugal person though so a lot of it just gets saved up.

So, sometimes I secretly transfer some money into his account. I pretend to “borrow” his phone and delete the SMS notification off of it. He’s never noticed. It’s not a lot of money but I like to think it helps him get a little bit of extra something.

_k0ella_ , Maxim Ilyahov Report

Final score:

530points

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Vicky Zar 2 years ago

This had me tear up.

138points

Someone Asked, 'What’s One Thing Your Partner Doesn’t Know?', 40 People Delivered When we watch movies together we always snack. One of our favorites to munch on during the movie are the Sour Punch Bites. She takes all the blue ones because I don't like them and they are her favorite - always says how lucky she is that worked out like that.

The blue ones are also my favorite, but she can have them.

xbone42 , Atul Vinayak Report

Final score:

497points

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Vicky Zar 2 years ago

I had to google what that is and I found that you can buy bags of just blue ones. Why don‘t you buy those and both be happy?

199points

They referred to one of the posts in their thread as an example of how difficult it is to decide on what to do in certain cases: "For example, one of the posts in the thread discussed how a user hadn’t told his wife that her mother called for her right before she passed away. She had left the room just minutes before and he never told her. Personally, I don’t know what I would have done or said in a similar situation."

Situations like that fall into a bit of a grey area and, according to the redditor, "a majority of people would agree it comes down to the person and the situation." In short, there's no easy answer about total whether or not total honesty is possible (or even recommended) in extremely delicate situations that can have a deep, lasting, negative impact on your partner.

"I would just like to add a huge thank you to everyone in the Reddit community that submitted any responses. Especially those that wrote some personal information it means a lot when a community can come together and talk about their lives like we did," the redditor praised their fellow internet users.

Someone Asked, 'What’s One Thing Your Partner Doesn’t Know?', 40 People Delivered She suffers from depression, and when she hits a slump she feels like laying in bed and doing nothing, even though 99.9% of the time just getting out of bed and doing something, ANYTHING will make a dramatic difference in her day. So usually when she hits a slump I'll manufacture some fake emergency that only she can help me solve, like "hey babe I think one of the cats has a scratch on his face but he won't hold still for me to look." Of course, the cat is fine, but I just tricked her into getting out of bed and doing something, and that's always the hardest part.

shutterpunts , S L Report

Final score:

487points

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Vera 2 years ago

As someone who recognises this mood and behaviour, you're doing a kind thing for her.

250points

Someone Asked, 'What’s One Thing Your Partner Doesn’t Know?', 40 People Delivered That most of the times I ask my wife for a hug are when she's feeling down or upset, because she doesn't like to be "clingy or needy" so she internalises and goes quiet.

I tell her I need a hug because of one thing or another so I can comfort her without making her feel like she's inconveniencing me.

candinos , Anastasia Vityukova Report

Final score:

441points

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Pittsburgh rare 2 years ago

I really felt this. I also have trouble externalising if l'm feeling upset so this is really thoughtful

122points

GoGoNJDevil , LinkedIn Sales Solutions Report

Someone Asked, 'What’s One Thing Your Partner Doesn’t Know?', 40 People Delivered That her mom called for her the moment before she died. When her mom was dying she was in the room with her for almost 24 hours straight and left for 30 seconds and I was there and in those 30 seconds her mother died but not before calling for my wife. I don't know if it will haunt her or not, but I just don't think it's something she needs to know

Final score:

439points

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René Studer 2 years ago

Understandable, It would probably haunt her. I know I wouldn’t take that well.

198points

TheVampireSantiago , Kinga Cichewicz Report

Certified relationship coach Alex Scot explained to Bored Panda that there is a difference between secrecy and privacy. The former can be harmful to a relationship if left unchecked while the latter is a healthy part of living.

She told us during an earlier interview that transparency is vitally important in any relationship that you pursue, but especially in romantic ones. If you’re ever stuck wondering whether or not you should tell your partner something, the first thing you should do is put yourself in their shoes and imagine what they would want.

"If it can affect your partner or family, there absolutely should be transparency. Whenever in doubt, put yourself in the other person’s shoes and ask yourself what you would like if you were in their situation," relationship coach Alex told Bored Panda.

#10

Someone Asked, 'What’s One Thing Your Partner Doesn’t Know?', 40 People Delivered I rub her back when she's asleep because she makes happy noises and I like to think it makes her have better dreams... I do also do this to the dog though.

Final score:

433points

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Bardhi's Dad 2 years ago (edited)

Sweet secret!

88points

#11

Just how often I check her out. She brags to her friends that I'll check her out 10 times a day. Dearest voluptuous woman, that's how many times I make sure you catch me. I am stealing glances the entire time we share any space.

HeftyPockets Report

Final score:

422points

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Ace Girl 2 years ago

Aw I love this. <3

94points

#12

Someone Asked, 'What’s One Thing Your Partner Doesn’t Know?', 40 People Delivered My husband's birthday is Christmas Eve. Unfortunately his birthday gets forgotten a lot. The first year we were married almost no one remembered, and although he claimed it didn't bother him, I could see that it really did. So now I send out a text first thing on the morning on Christmas Eve, and all everyone to take a moment to wish him a happy birthday, and explicitly stated that no one is to let him know that I've sent out the text. Almost 12 years in, and he hasn't found out

dream_weaver35 , Adem AY Report

Final score:

415points

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Kate Todd 2 years ago

Such a lovely kind thing to do. My birthday is on the 23rd of December and it' often gets overlooked. It's nice to be remembered on your birthday

130points

"If it wouldn’t impact them, then you have the option of keeping it to yourself. The difference between privacy and secrecy is that secrecy has a sense of shame, guilt, or knowing that your partner or family member wouldn’t be ok with whatever took place,” she said that we should strongly consider opening up about a secret if it has a direct effect on our loved ones.

Of course, every situation is different and in some cases, a bit of discretion might save our partners a world of hurt. However, that really depends on the secret in question. And the secret-keepers have to take into account the fact that trust is incredibly hard to rebuild after it’s been broken.

Alex said that it is “always a challenge” to rebuild that trust. The bigger the secret, the longer it will take. "For smaller offenses, it will take less time, but for larger offenses, be prepared to be overly transparent for a time and hire a therapist or coach to walk you through the process. Trust takes consistency to rebuild and consistency equals effort over time."

#13

Someone Asked, 'What’s One Thing Your Partner Doesn’t Know?', 40 People Delivered My husband borrows my concealer sometimes to cover up acne. Problem is, he has this beautiful olive skin and I have very fair skin…it didn’t match but he was too embarrassed to buy his own concealer so he insisted on just using whatever I was using. So I bought him his own and put it in the spot where he knows to look for mine. It took me a few tries but I eventually got the right color match

megpal426 , No Revisions Report

Final score:

400points

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Joonscrab 2 years ago

I wish it was just normal and simple for boys to do makeup, but you're so sweet!

167points

#14

Someone Asked, 'What’s One Thing Your Partner Doesn’t Know?', 40 People Delivered I bought the flowers his workplace sent him when his mother died. Everyone else in his family were sent flowers by their work except him and I was utterly furious. He’s a teacher and both of us have made a lot of personal sacrifices for his job but when I contacted them I was told they couldn’t send him anything because it would “set a precedent” or some bollocks. So I told them I’d pay and I bought a huge bouquet and sent it to him. It really meant a lot which makes me even sadder.

Laylelo , Carrie Beth Williams Report

Final score:

347points

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Kristy Nelson 2 years ago

Wow, that's terrible of them.

172points

#15

Someone Asked, 'What’s One Thing Your Partner Doesn’t Know?', 40 People Delivered Whenever we get fast food to go, she enjoys eating the extra fries which have fallen out of their carriage and into the bag. I'm not really sure why she enjoys them so much but whenever there aren't any, I drop a few down when grabbing my fries secretly and then give her the bag. It's been 8 years haha. I always grab my fries last and she's never noticed.

NecromanticGarden , JC Gellidon Report

Final score:

346points

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Foxxy (The Original) 2 years ago (edited)

One of my friends and her partner fight over the bag chips lol.

64points

throwawaythewayside , Toa Heftiba Report

#16

Someone Asked, 'What’s One Thing Your Partner Doesn’t Know?', 40 People Delivered I pretend to be asleep when he wakes up because I love how sweetly he wakes me up :)

Final score:

340points

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Moolia 2 years ago

Cute 😊

57points

#17

Someone Asked, 'What’s One Thing Your Partner Doesn’t Know?', 40 People Delivered One time, when I was making his favorite dinner (baked chicken tenders) I didn't have any eggs so I dredged the chicken in mayo before breading it (he hates mayo). He said it was the best batch I've ever made and had seconds. I will take this to my grave.

Shakezula69iiinne , Tyson Report

Final score:

337points

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Mona 2 years ago

Well, I mean... mayo is basically eggs, so...

144points

#18

Someone Asked, 'What’s One Thing Your Partner Doesn’t Know?', 40 People Delivered I always make sure he has the best softest towel for him to dry himself after a shower.

I make sure he gets the big cup so he doesn't have to get up to refill.

I lie to him how much his medicine costs because I don't want him to stress. It takes me a month to pay it off (we buy a three month supply).

I buy the best meat and chicken so his stomach doesn't have problems and don't tell him about the price. So he just eats happily and with no stress.

I pat-pat every one of his shirts (when folding laundry) with my hand so my loving energy goes in it to protect him and for him to hopefully not have stomach ache that day.

_________Ello , Giorgio Trovato Report

Final score:

336points

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Elliot Fowler 2 years ago

Why does the pat-pat one hit different? Even though it involves zero sacrifce unlike the others.

185points

deckpumps_n_deldos , Peter Werkman Report

#19

Someone Asked, 'What’s One Thing Your Partner Doesn’t Know?', 40 People Delivered I put "no salt" salt into his salt shaker he keeps on his table near his video games. He is notorious for over-salting his food and has high blood pressure. I've been doing this for almost 4 years now. He can't tell the difference.

Final score:

330points

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Jo Johannsen 2 years ago

Check with his doctor, too. It's fairly easy to get more potassium than is good for you, and I think there are medications that it interferes with.

111points

#20

Someone Asked, 'What’s One Thing Your Partner Doesn’t Know?', 40 People Delivered He does not know that he was my teenage crush since I was 12 and I wrote so many beautiful poems on him. We have been married for 6 years and have a child together. I don’t know if I will ever have the courage to tell him that I have always loved him.

Mai128 , Hello Revival Report

Final score:

305points

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Yvonne Dauwalder Balsiger 2 years ago (edited)

Eh, I fail to see why you would need courage for that! It's sweet, moving and very flattering for him. I mean, it's not like you were an adult crushing on a teen, leaving them alone and waiting for the teen to become an unsuspecting adult, so you can make your move. (That would be kinda gross, but still basically ok, I guess. Some acquaintance first met when she was 15 and he was 20. He crushed on her immediately, but kept his distance, because he didn't want to be that guy. She really liked him a lot, too, so she asked him out after turning 16, so it wouldn't be illegal for him. 8 years later, they are still a couple.)

77points

#21

Someone Asked, 'What’s One Thing Your Partner Doesn’t Know?', 40 People Delivered That I have a folder of photos on my computer called “Places I have found my wife’s shoes” that is legitimately filled with thousands of pictures of my wife’s shoes that are neither in the closet or shoe rack

I started it years ago as a joke and it has gotten out of hand

gerryf19 , Mona Siswanto Report

Final score:

301points

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Vera 2 years ago

And when your 50th anniversary comes up, you make a giant photo book out of it! It's not just funny, it's also lots of memories of shoes she wore when you were younger :)

206points

Dutch Swimmer Goes Viral For Super Revealing Trunks During 2024 Olympics: “Is This Legal?”

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#22

Very early in the relationship after the second date his monitor broke right on Sunday. I knew he was an avid gamer.

So I quickly bought a 27" monitor on eBay and told him I had that laying around. While he was on the way to me, I power walked through half the town to get it and quickly changed clothes because it was drizzling.

He had low income and no money and I didn't want him to feel like he's in my debt. We're over two years together now.

Nemdolas Report

Final score:

286points

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Bardhi's Dad 2 years ago

That's realy nice what you did. Keep that secret.

95points

#23

I always give him the bigger towel, leave him the bigger slice of pizza, make sure there’s a few bites of food in the pan because he likes to sneak extra when he puts the dishes in the sink after dinner, hang the covers a little longer on his side of the bed, leave the last three cookies so he has at least two and can leave the last one for me like he likes to do. The list goes on and on, but he will never know how much joy he brings me and how he saves my life everyday. Okay, sap is over, back to regular, un-wholesome internet-ing.

angelofireland Report

Final score:

278points

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Bardhi's Dad 2 years ago

❤

52points

Woman Put A Water Fountain With A Camera In Her Yard, Here Are 24 Photos Of Regular Visitors (New Pics)

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#24

Someone Asked, 'What’s One Thing Your Partner Doesn’t Know?', 40 People Delivered That I knew he was planning to propose to me but I still acted surprised.

Married 14 years now, still haven't told him. He is so proud of the idea that he managed to surprise me.

Syntania , Andre Jackson Report

Final score:

248points

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Rachknits 2 years ago (edited)

Me too! He has a story about how my engagement ring set off the metal detector at the airport and how he had to cover it up so I wouldn't guess (we were on our way to Venice and I guessed he would propose there). Thing is I knew all along because my step mum gave the game away before we left (yeah, she was like that). To this day (married 18 years) I pretend I had no idea. He's not on BP

94points

#25

Someone Asked, 'What’s One Thing Your Partner Doesn’t Know?', 40 People Delivered My wife is the biggest softie for animals, and we have birds that nest right in a column on our porch. One day a baby bird fell out and she saw. Well it ended up dying, but I buried it and told her that I saw the momma bird come down and get it. It made her day so much better that I haven't had the heart to tell her it died and probably never will.

I also distract her whenever I see roadkill coming up, or tell her it was just a plastic bag or something.

JBroski91 , Fabrizio Frigeni Report

Final score:

240points

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Miranda Small 2 years ago

I do the same with roadkill for my partner - I'll distract him with a question or put on his favourite song or just say it was some garbage. It doesn't always work, but I know it ruins his day to see some poor animal crushed, so I try to make it better

90points

#26

Someone Asked, 'What’s One Thing Your Partner Doesn’t Know?', 40 People Delivered My wife thinks I always fall asleep next to her when we cuddle at night (we go to bed at different times but I jump in for a few minutes to snuggle before she zonks out). I don’t, I just fake it. But it makes her super happy so every time, I pretend to drift off and she has to wake me and it makes her laugh every time. This has been going on for 9 years.

She’ll never know.

AndrogynousRain , Adam Winger Report

Final score:

234points

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Bardhi's Dad 2 years ago

Sweet!

41points

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#27

Someone Asked, 'What’s One Thing Your Partner Doesn’t Know?', 40 People Delivered When we worked together, someone kept stealing food from my husband’s lunchbox. He started deliberately packing more food. He assumed the person was stealing food because they were hungry and couldn’t afford it.

I found out who did it. She hated him and was doing it to try to piss him off. I told her if she did it again I would make a big stink of it, but never told him because I didn’t want to shatter his illusion that he was doing a nice thing for someone who really needed it.

Update: I think I need to fess up tonight and let him know so many people who aren’t me think he’s a treasure. I may not fit in the house with how big his head is going to get after that though!

Heysandyitspete , Caroline Attwood Report

Final score:

219points

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MsLou 2 years ago

Tell him to never stop being a good person

72points

itsmyfrigginusername , Mathilde Langevin Report

#28

Someone Asked, 'What’s One Thing Your Partner Doesn’t Know?', 40 People Delivered How highly I think of her. She is brilliant and capable but has the most insane and deeply rooted case of imposter syndrome I've ever seen.

Final score:

210points

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René Studer 2 years ago

That sounds rough. Good for you to be there for her. A supporting partner or friend makes it a lot easier to deal with mental health issues.

60points

Woman Moves Out Of Parents' Home After They Asked Her To Give Her Space To Brother, They Freak Out

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#29

Someone Asked, 'What’s One Thing Your Partner Doesn’t Know?', 40 People Delivered That I'm over 4 years sober. You think they would have noticed, but when I started going to AA at lunch at work after a hard year of trying and failing, sobriety finally stuck. I had been sober a month and she accused me of being drunk again and that I was obviously sneaking alcohol and clearly I was hungover and that I was a loser who would never get his sh*t together. I thought, "well I won't say anything and work on myself until even she will notice.' So I did, I stayed sober, I got fit, I ran a marathon, I got therapy, I got treatment for what turned out to be adult adhd that had gone undiagnosed for 51 years, I started anti-depressants and generally turned my life around.

She never noticed, and I'm regularly accused of being a lousy drunk by her. About every other week or so. I'd say it hurts, but I'm in such a better place now that I truly don't give a sh*t what a toxic person like that thinks, which makes her even more negative. I've stayed married to her for 26 years, but I don't think I'll make it much farther.

zyzzogeton , Mahdi Bafande Report

Final score:

206points

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Foxxy (The Original) 2 years ago

Don't waste any more time, just divorce her already.

298points

Brian Bennett 2 years ago

You sir are frankly married to a shithead dump the b***h and run you deserve much better. Don't be afraid you proved how strong a person you really are !

14points

Vera 2 years ago

Sounds like you built yourself up to be strong enough to leave that relationship. Be proud of who you are!

57points

lenka 2 years ago

This sounds like a horrible situation to be in for you both. If you have been married for 26 years and only sober for the last 4, then honestly, she is a saint for sticking with you this far. You have done amazing to be sober for 4 years and to turn your life around and you absolutely should be proud of yourself! Throughout this process however, did it occur to you that she might have no trust left? That she has suffered the trauma, disappointment, anxiety, depression and everything that comes with loving an alcoholic? It's soul destroying - watching someone you love struggle with alcoholism and really really hard to regain faith and trust. You might be in a better place but perhaps SHE needs some support?

53points

Vicky Zar 2 years ago

I love your response. Sadly the OP probably won‘t see it, as this was copied off reddit. The comments there were mostly around the lines of „she is toxic, leave her…“

18points

Alex the Country Dog 2 years ago

Wish I could upvote this more. Healthiest response yet.

6points

Courtney 2 years ago

If he was an alcoholic all that time it would be a pretty jarring difference after 1 year let alone 4 total. If you don't notice that you are just blind.

5points

No you can't have my name 2 years ago

She's a saint for sticking with him? She has been completely unsupportive and downright abusive. If he had *said* that he was going to get clean, then it would be about trust issues. But he didn't tell her. He didn't tell her anything. And I can guarantee, as a fellow ADHD-er with other issues that getting proper help and on the right medication makes a HUGE difference. And she continues to treat him like a deadbeat drunk, like she thinks he's worthless. And at the end he said she gets even worse when she realizes her verbal abuse has no effect on him anymore. That's not a saint sticking with a drunk, that's an abuser who can't accept that their easy target is getting too strong.

1point

Mac Zmail 2 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

0points

Nujoie Roberts 2 years ago

I wonder how terrible he could've been if op-pouse ain't notice sobriety for 4 YRS tho!!!!

0points

Veronica Sjöberg 2 years ago

You need to get help for the two of you. I am a sober alcoholic myself and i know how much it hurts to hear these things all over again. And again. And again. Especially during arguments (no matter what the original problem is and no matter how long you've been sober). To constantly be accused even if you follow the rules (and that's often hard work in itself). There's help to get though, to rebuild trust. I get that she's been hurt but if she constantly mistrust you it will never work. She needs to talk about her hurt and you need to be open about your process - preferably with professional help.

12points

No you can't have my name 2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Marilyn Ransberry 2 years ago

To be fair you weren’t being honest with what you were doing. However it looks like you now need to start again. Some advice? Don’t keep secrets like this.

8points

Sarah Spencer 2 years ago

I hope you get the space and the peace you clearly need. X

4points

Robert Thompson 2 years ago

Been there. Only made it 9 years. I would give up my drink (energy drinks) for lent every year. Discovered that nothing changed when I wasn't all hopped up on caffeine. I could take the abuse, making 6 figures but living paycheck to paycheck (and being accused of not making enough (our rent was $500/month)), the complete lack of respect or gratitude, or even acknowledgement. But when I discovered that she didn't want me to progress at church, that is when I decided that my love for God exceeded my love for her.

2points

Monica Klint 2 years ago

Perhaps have a talk before… you made your life turn around without making her a part of it… being a drunk affected your surroundings so much …. So talk to her if she stayed with you while you drank… and if you still want her. Otherwise then just get out.

2points

Shelby Moonheart 2 years ago

Tell her already! A marriage of 26 years is worth working on.

2points

Esther Marianne 2 years ago

Sounds like she could benefit from Al-Anon. Does she know that exists?🙂

2points

Emma Starr 2 years ago

Good for you!! That's an awesome accomplishment and I'm very happy for you!

2points

Kristy Nelson 2 years ago

Wow, please continue to stay healthy for you and get out of that toxic marriage. I'm sorry you have had to deal with that. Please continue your AA meetings.

2points

Beachbum 2 years ago

She sounds awful, leave her and finally be happy!

1point

Maggie King 2 years ago

Get OUT! You'll never win her unnecessary approval! You'll forever be "a disappointment" cuz she's a miserable, angry person. Good for you, I'm in year 13 clean.

1point

pat hayes 2 years ago

honestly....you rock....dump her toxic ass!

1point

Sue Sue 2 years ago

She hasn’t noticed?? Leave her, and find somebody who actually deserves you, and your inner strength!!

0points

mom24boys 2 years ago

Leave her, keep improving your life. Take it from someone who knows. I didn't... it's been 39 years and he just keeps dragging me down. I have to work twice as hard to reach (or even continue toward) my goals. 8 years ago, his health changed dramatically so if I left, I'd be abandoning a sick man, the father of my children.

0points

Petra Biedermann 2 years ago

You are such a strong person, please leave your toxic wife and I am sure you will be happier single!

0points

Dvora Cat 2 years ago

You deserve better.

0points

Celeste 2 years ago

First of all, congrats to making it through four years by taking it "one day at a time". Sorry for the cliche, but it works, it really does! Up until this point, you've been granted the serenity to accept what you could not change (then), and the wisdom to know the difference. But for the grace of God, you will find the courage to make the changes needed when the time comes. I literally received my four MONTH chip today. I can't wait to make it to four YEARS.

0points

Wendy Mitchell 2 years ago

By staying, you allow the perpetual re-injury. You know the truth, now its time to share it with someone who wants to truly *know* you.

0points

Carol Worke 2 years ago

Get out of the marriage! You deserve a life

0points

Rebecca Clark 2 years ago

She's still wounded from all the hurt and disappointment she experienced through you while you were an alcoholic. It took you 22 years to get sober. Give her 22 years to get over what you put her hrough for the 22 years you were drunk. She waited for you. You wait for her. Period!

0points

Danielle Schaefer-singleton 2 years ago

GOOD FOR YOU..I'M MARRIED TO A newly found dumrum head.binges for like a week... TRYIN to get out...GOOD FOR YOU♡♡ CONGRATS...STAY STRONG

0points

Ashley Deane 2 years ago

My husband has been sober 3 years now. It's hard, really hard. It's hard to trust him when he's lied about drinking/being drunk. It's hard to forget and forgive the time an amazing officer brought his drunk ass home rather than the drunk tank. BUT over the past 3 years he's proven not only to me but to himself that he's sober and in a healthy place. I'm so sorry you're still going through this but unfortunately I think you've gotten past the part of forgiveness. I don't think she'll be able to get past the past.. good luck and CONGRATULATIONS!!

0points

Britney Carlisle 2 years ago

Congratulations on your sobriety! You deserve to not be taken for granted.

0points

Storm Rise 2 years ago

You're a flippin' legend for going sober! That's a hell of a thing to go through and good on you. I don't know why your wife is so bitter, but it might be the right time to move on- for both of your sakes. Stay strong- you're a winner!

0points

Kristy Strong 2 years ago

Go find your soulmate.

0points

Melissa M 2 years ago

My man is an alcoholic and is worse than ever because he’s switched to stuff that raises his blood sugar and has made him fat. Over the last few months he stopped drinking so much and has replaced it with food. He’s now bigger than he’s ever been since we’ve been together.

0points

L.a. Williams 2 years ago

I understand where you are coming from no one should put up with abuse I know this won't be a popular opinion but try separating maybe she'll see the light. If not you have a tough decision to make.

0points

Kristin 2 years ago

Hail to the no, get outta there!

0points

Mart Deecee 2 years ago

Divorce her. You can get better, and she can be with someone "at her level".

0points

Cass Malone 2 years ago

That's horrible the way she's treated/treating you. GET RID OF HER! You don't need that toxicity in your life

0points

Deborah Padgett 2 years ago

Time to let her go, she will make you crazy. You deserve better.

0points

Niall Mac Iomera 2 years ago

...wouldn't she notice that she never sees you consume alcohol? Also, she's terrible. Why waste a quarter of a century with her?

0points

Azure Adams 2 years ago

ditch the betch and get going with you. She sucks and you got better. Much better. she's the loser now

0points

LynzCatastrophe 2 years ago

She's thought the worst of you for years now and is so used to past behavior now she sees it where there isn't any. You have made a great accomplishment, don't stay with someone who could drive you back there because she makes you feel horrible. You deserve to be happy.

0points

Dan 2 years ago

This one is very sad

0points

Lizzie 2 years ago

This saddens me. You deserve better. Find someone to support you, not put you down.

0points

Joan Davis 2 years ago

Good for you! Congratulations. Now take the final step....leave the real toxic situation! Live alone and learn to truly be you!

0points

Erin Shaw 2 years ago

set yourself free. You deserve to enjoy your life. You worked hard for it.

0points

YoyoSthlm 2 years ago

Leave her. You deserve a happy life. Also, you never know if she will push you too far one day and it will trigger you to start drinking again.

0points

Betsy Novack 2 years ago

I get both sides. Jim sure she went through a lot. She could have just given up. But both need some help. She's got every right to be mad but he still on that pink cloud. They will have to deal with it eventually

0points

Betsy Novack 2 years ago

Is it worth being miserable in a better place. I'm amazed she hasn't accused you of an affair. Running a marathon, getting in shape. Time to move on. She won't let youi stay there.

0points

Dawn C 2 years ago (edited)

you've already given yourself 1 gift...the gift of SOBRIETY. Now give yourself another one....the gift of peace, understanding AND divorce!🙂

0points

Saltea 2 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

0points

Evi Grimes 2 years ago

This is beautiful in a different way than the other posts here. It's ugly that she treats you so bad, but beautiful that you are seeing your true self now and giving yourself the respect you so rightly deserve. She is the next bad thing you need to quit. Get rid of anything that holds you back.

0points

Natasha Merriweather 2 years ago

Good for you turning your life around, you have made some great choices. 26 years is a long time make sure it is what tou want. Please try counseling first.

0points

Kelly Jo Andrews 2 years ago

Tell her the truth and walk away.

0points

Lily 2 years ago

How very sad to be with someone who is so cruel. I hope with your feet on the ground, you can walk away and find more of the better life you've started.

0points

Sathe Wesker 2 years ago

His hits home but for a different way. I’m in that middle of trying to get sober. I went through detox and counseling, all while being fully supported by my man… I ended up slipping after some time.. he knew and i didn’t lie. Now he rally’s behind me as I’m trying to do it all over again. He has talks with me but would never say the s**t your wife does… that is pure toxic and SHE sounds insecure.

0points

Synsepalum 2 years ago

WTF? Ditch her butt

0points

MJ 2 years ago

You should never had to suffer through that alone, and certainly after that amount of time to still suffer through verbal abuse from the partner who should have been lifting you up when you couldnt stand and holding you up when you found your feet.

0points

Felicia Dale 2 years ago

Leave asap!

0points

Summer Mason 2 years ago

My dude. 1st congrats on sobering up getting your health in check. Now it's time to dump the rest of the garbage in your life.

0points

Martha Meyer 2 years ago

Should have got divorced ages ago.

0points

Lisa Intally 2 years ago

I really fail to see how anyone's partner couldn't notice all that. It's pretty obvious when someone is sober after being a chronic alcoholic.

0points

Nancy Lynch 2 years ago

Congratulations on your four years especially in that toxic environment. Keep it up and stay positive.

0points

Anne Allen 2 years ago

I've been sober for 17 years. My first marriage didn't make it either. Unfortunately, many don't. Talk with your sponsor about what to do. Toxic people can be a serious threat to your sobriety. Don't let this lie - really! Your sobriety is worth everything, protect your serenity.

0points

Nikki Hilton 2 years ago

No one deserves to be so disrespected. Pack. Go. Hold your head up! You've got this!

-1point

Regina phalange 2 years ago

I would have divorced 25 years before!

-1point

Melissa 1478 2 years ago

You beautiful soul, I have almost 8 yrs but I have been single every one of those days. If your significant other doesn't appreciate the amount of work you've put into yourself then its time for a life change. They should have been in your corner this whole time. Keep your head up, don't settle or become complacent.

-1point

A. Embleton 2 years ago

Leave. Please. You deserve better.

-1point

Dina Anastasakos 2 years ago

Wow....just leave. You deserve so much better.

-1point

Quiavonna Thompson Mutts on the Manasquan LLC 2 years ago

The fact that you were even able to stay straight with someone like that is a miracle. I hate to advise it but...get out..now.

-1point

Jessica Gunn 2 years ago

Does everyone here realize that this OP won't be reading these responses? Good response tho

-1point

Kimi Tomminello 2 years ago

That's half the fun of BP lol it's like screaming at the TV screen. There are people that drift over here from reddit as well so you never know.

5points

Veronica Sjöberg 2 years ago

Doesn't really matter to me actually. It could be a fictional senario and I would still like to reflect on it.

1point

Alex the Country Dog 2 years ago

Yes, Cap’n Obvious. 😉Any regular BP’er knows they *probably* won’t see these responses. Does happen. The point of replying is not about the OP, but about sharing and discussing opinions of a situation that could be any one of us or any one we know. Replying as if directly to OP is just an easy and pat path to that discourse.

0points

Izz R.! 2 years ago

It's not healthy bein in a toxic relationship after all the hard work you have gone through. the toxicity may get worse and be a trigger for you, separation is hard but mental health is important, there are people to be around with who are better suited to support you!

-2points

Yvonne 2 years ago

Walk away.

-2points

Jesse Taylor 2 years ago

She's projecting. It's about her, not you.

-2points

Courtney 2 years ago

What an awful person. How do you not notice that?

-2points

Debra Paciello 2 years ago

yea, time to drop that mess in the bin

-2points

Not Proud British 2 years ago

This is awful. She is clearly gaslighting you. Absolutely get yourself out of there. You deserve so much more and she deserves everything she gets. Oh and well done. I mean, really well done. In spite of everything, every reason to drink, you have stayed strong. You should be so proud of yourself. With that in mind, remember you can achieve anything you want to. Be whoever you want to be. Go out there and seize life my friend.

-3points

Slune 2 years ago

A lawyer quick! To much time already wasted! You only live once - get the best out of it!

-3points

Syrah 2 years ago

Get out now

-3points

Loubie Lou Marsh 2 years ago

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Katy1959 Katy1959 2 years ago

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Jacqueline Chandler 2 years ago

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Heather Menard 2 years ago

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Woman Refuses To Chip In For Babysitting Because She Doesn’t Even Have Kids, Asks If She’s A Jerk

See Also on Bored Panda

“This Breaks My Heart”: People Stunned—And Angry—After Woman Buys Lost Luggage From Airport

#30

Every night I turn around to cuddle him and I give his shirt a big sniff because his smell makes me relax.

Micarei Report

Final score:

187points

POST

Kanuli 2 years ago

I give my wife my pillow every now and then when I leave for work and know she would be lonely. Yep smell is relaxing 😌

69points

#31

Someone Asked, 'What’s One Thing Your Partner Doesn’t Know?', 40 People Delivered When we were dating she tickled my feet and I acted as if I wasn't ticklish. 13 years later she will tickle them and be amazed I am not ticklish, everytime it tickles.

I have to hide this forever.

dontworryimstupid , jose aljovin Report

Final score:

182points

POST

Bardhi's Dad 2 years ago

How can you pretend you'r not ticklish? I could never do that!

102points

#32

He knows because I tell him a lot, but I don’t think he fully understands how much I love and rely on him. I don’t think he could know without being in my head, but I have pretty acute anxiety. I know enough about my anxiety to know when I’m freaking out over nothing, so I try to keep it mostly contained to my own brain and keep the external freak outs to a minimum. Just his presence keeps me grounded and calm. He is my best friend and I don’t know if I could have accomplished most of what I have without him.

Buttonwillow Report

Final score:

180points

POST

Sori 2 years ago

tHIs!!!

36points

"I Didn't Start The Dryer": Karen Gets Taught A Lesson After Throwing Out Neighbor's Wet Clothes

See Also on Bored Panda

Guy Divorced 3 Years Ago Drops Off 3 Y.O. With His Ex-Wife Completely Out Of The Blue

#33

Someone Asked, 'What’s One Thing Your Partner Doesn’t Know?', 40 People Delivered The degree to which I was really abused by my ex. Actually no one knows

Pahanka , Zhivko Minkov Report

Final score:

169points

POST

Kristy Nelson 2 years ago

I hope you are able to get help for your healing.

108points

#34

Every time we go into a restaurant or place of business, I make sure to identify all the exit points in case something bad where to happen.

Also never have my back to the doors.

Mi11ertime442 Report

Final score:

164points

POST

Sarah Spencer 2 years ago

I can completely relate to this.

55points

#35

Someone Asked, 'What’s One Thing Your Partner Doesn’t Know?', 40 People Delivered That when I tell her I don't want her to make cookies cause we are being healthy, that I really want her to make cookies.

Ezzy17 , Mae Mu Report

Final score:

141points

POST

Gabby M 2 years ago

But of course lol

35points

#36

He doesn't know I fix his DIY properly when he is out. He's so proud of "his"work...

Report

Final score:

133points

Sarah Spencer

POST

Vicky Zar 2 years ago

Hmmm…. Wouldn‘t it be better to let him learn from his mistakes instead of letting him think he does it perfectly?

85points

pabst_jew_ribbon , Joshua J. Cotten Report

#37

Someone Asked, 'What’s One Thing Your Partner Doesn’t Know?', 40 People Delivered My fiancé doesn't know I put a king snake in the attic last spring to take care of a rat and squirrel issue.

Final score:

128points

POST

MyOpinionHasBeenServed 2 years ago

Better pray she doesn't find out.

92points

“All Three Shot Out Pink”: Triplets' Baby Shower Turns Sour, Pregnant Wife Wants A Divorce

See Also on Bored Panda

College Student Does Exactly As Told After Roommates Demand They Keep Their Stuff In Their Room

#38

When I shower she thinks I make an absurdly loud noise when I'm washing my butt. Really I'm just squeezing water in my palm, but it's much funnier that she thinks it's my butt. Even done this while we were both in there to really get her going

Sometimesmeeping Report

Final score:

126points

POST

Gabby M 2 years ago

Odd but hey if she laughs, who am I to say anything.

53points

#39

The Botox I get between eyes because I don’t want to get that angry scowl wrinkle…he tells me I still look so young at 45. I might confess this year

Report

Final score:

111points

TJay

POST

DennyS (denzoren) 2 years ago

This isn't so bad, once it isn't affecting your health or anything. I don't really know much about the procedure.

34points

#40

We're in a LDR. I happily and willing set out on journey to go see my boyfriend first. We're both not financially well-off (but that's our business). He doesn't know how much more I make than him. He doesn't know how much it cost to get my passport, the plane ticket, nor how much I spent while I was there. He doesn't know when I came back home I was in debt. It's not his problem. (It wasn't even a big deal to me because I could pay it off.) Only recently, when his sister asked me how much I paid for the flight, did I tell her, in which my boyfriend overheard.
I don't want our relationship to become about competing with money and developing resentment.

Report

Final score:

98points

MyOpinionHasBeenServed

POST

Pangoro 2 years ago

Forgive me but, what's an "LDR"?

21points

Storytelling, journalism, and art are a core part of who I am. I've been writing and drawing ever since I could walk—there is nothing else I'd rather do. My formal education, however, is focused on politics, philosophy, and economics because I've always been curious about the gap between the ideal and the real. At work, I'm a Senior Writer and I cover a broad range of topics that I'm passionate about: from psychology and changes in work culture to healthy living, relationships, and design. In my spare time, I'm an avid hiker and reader, enjoy writing short stories, and love to doodle. I thrive when I'm outdoors, going on small adventures in nature. However, you can also find me enjoying a big mug of coffee with a good book (or ten) and entertaining friends with fantasy tabletop games and sci-fi movies.

Read less »

I'm a Visual Editor at Bored Panda since 2017. I've searched through a multitude of images to create over 2000 diverse posts on a wide range of topics. I love memes, funny, and cute stuff, but I'm also into social issues topics. Despite my background in communication, my heart belongs to visual media, especially photography. When I'm not at my desk, you're likely to find me in the streets with my camera, checking out cool exhibitions, watching a movie at the cinema or just chilling with a coffee in a cozy place

Read less »

What do you think ?

POST

GirlFriday 2 years ago

I am very independent and in the last year my boyfriend moved into my home, a home I have meticulously taken care of and upgraded by myself for the last twelve years. I do not need help with handy tasks around the house, but I will occasionally ask him to fix something and he absolutely beams when I ask. It often takes him way longer than it would me, but I don't say anything and always thank him profusely and praise his work. The look of pride and sheer joy on his face when I do that is worth all of the aggravation that I have to endure watching him take an hour to do a task that would take me 5 minutes.

21points

Victoria Pitt 2 years ago

Relatable! I've lived alone for the past 8 years and my bf just moved in this year. In general, I am way more handy than he is. So it does take some willpower for me to take a step back when he wants to try to tackle a new project. Luckily we work really well as a team and he's willing to take any tips or ideas if I tell him. He is so proud when he does a new project though lol I try building him up so he's confident to do more.

8points

Ivana 2 years ago

In my relationship I have only had two secretes from my husband. The first secrete I kept from him for about 6 years. When we first started dating, he went on this huge rant about how he would never date a virgin because they cling to the first person they sleep with and idolize that person to the point it ruins the relationship. So I did not tell him I was in fact a virgin until 6 years later when my dog died and he took me to the woods to camp out and while I cried myself to sleep I told him. He said that was cute and kissed me. Second secrete isn't really something I intentionally keep from him but he leaves his things in the strangest places and as I find them throughout the day I either make a mental note so I can tell him where it is when he is looking for it later, or I move it to a spot where he can find it. He loses everything and I have made it my job to keep tabs on all of his important things and making sure he never loses them.

11points

Victoria Pitt 2 years ago

My bf and I just joke about how we are each other's firsts so we don't have to acknowledge that we both have had past relationships/partners. I mean I didn't meet him till I was 38, so. . .

6points

Amberleigh Mysts 2 years ago

He is horrible about letting me know when he's low or out of something. I try to keep tabs but I lose track sometimes. So on those certain super duper important to him items I keep them put away and when judgment day comes and he's freaking out because his deodorant is gone I swoop in and save the day with a fresh one which must have come from on high from the way he reacts. Been doing it for 17yrs won't stop until I am unable to do so and even then I'll probably arrange it thru family he is my world.

8points

Kai David 2 years ago

Having triplet boys and a husband that changes his outfit every time he leaves the house. That's a lot of laundry to do. He told me he can only have tide due to deathly allergies. Tide is EXPENSIVE. I ran out and did not have enough for tide. So I bought a cheaper detergent. I poured it into the tide bottle and threw the empty away in some one else's trash bin. I watched for any allergic reaction or rash. None whatsoever. So for the past 20 odd years, I buy 2 cheaper bottles, pour it into the tide bottle and life goes on.

8points

Amy Stone-Chandler 2 years ago

My now ex husband surprised me for our honeymoon. Had no idea where. It was 3 weeks in Jamaica at 2 different 5 star resorts. That night at our wedding, reception one of his groomsmen told me(I hadn't asked) and spoiled the surprise to purposely be a total douche.. I didn't tell him.

7points

Black Pearl 2 years ago

I want love like these people have. The only problem is I'm completely chicken and haven't gotten a boyfriend yet. Every time I get a crush I don't end up telling him and then he starts dating another girl and I'm left alone. I mean, I have friends that I know I can rely on, but I just want someone that I know for a fact I can rely on with anything.

7points

J. Normal 2 years ago

I "fell in love" on my wedding day. I knew I loved him and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. But I did not get that out of my head love for him until the moment we walked down the isle and he hugged me and spun me around. ( married 40 yrs) Before you go for a long term relationship, live 1st. date some, don't date some - you have time, and when you are not looking, that is when it will find you.

4points

Alex the Country Dog 2 years ago

Going on 29 years married here. We were best friends first. Still best friends. Chemical attraction fades, and I didn’t even feel that in the beginning. Deep love combined with genuine friendship creates its own chemistry that endures.

3points

memyselfandI 2 years ago

My first bf was my second ever crush and I was his first, and I think I mostly started liking him because he liked me. Believe me, you do NOT want someone like that, with a super huge crush on you, at least not until they’ve simmered down some. I ended up having to practically cut him off even though he was my best friend, just because I was so tired of being idolized and clung on to. Best advice is to find a guy friend first, become really good friends with him, then decide if you’re interested in more or not. And be okay with either answer. Then ask him straight whether he’s interested, boys lack natural intuition and he’ll probably miss even the most obvious hints. Good luck. (I need it too, stuck on the “tell him” part. Haven’t found a good chance yet.)

0points

Kusotare 2 years ago

I cook for her. I'm pretty competent in the kitchen (the six years in a restaurant kitchen was my favorite job ever, but I hated the zombie hours and low pay), but if I was just cooking for myself, it'd be instant ramen and boxed macaroni and cheese on a regular rotation. Since it's important to me that she have delicious and interesting meals, I do so much more. I even cook meals that I think are a waste of time, money, and otherwise good ingredients because they're childhood favorites of hers or comfort food that makes her feel at home.

6points

WildHoneyPie 2 years ago

You are a treasure!

0points

C Pope 2 years ago

I needed this reminder of all the good hearts still in this old world. Perfect timing.

4points

Leo Domitrix 2 years ago

It was a secret for years that I used onions. Hubby was sure he hated them in food, in general, and on principle. Eventually, he figured it out. Turns out he doesn't hate foods he thought he hated!

4points

WildHoneyPie 2 years ago

My husband will watch cooking shows and baking competitions with me even though I know they're not his favorites. on the other hand, I've seen Tombstone and the Rock and movies like that with him approximately 60, 000 times so it works out...

3points

Rider 2 years ago (edited)

I know the scar above his lip is from a bullet. And a few other unsavory and scary moments from his life. All told to me by his ex in an attempt to create conflict, fail. His actions were a product of his childhood neighborhood. I let him grow to be the man he wanted to be. He is glorious.

2points

LazyPanda 2 years ago

This is the warmth I needed to feel today. Thank you for this mostly wholesome collection

2points

Robert Thompson 2 years ago

Finally! a thread that brings out all the Good Pandas.

2points

Ffaelan Condragh 2 years ago

More than half of these are people in abusive relationships that don't know it. Pretty sad.

1point

Stannous Flouride 2 years ago

Like the way old maps used to have, "Here Be Monsters" around the edges, this sort of BP post needs, "Here Be Onion Ninjas" at the top.

1point

Ben 2 years ago

I have passion for washing dishes...but I always let her do it. I don't think she realizes this.

1point

Danny de Meyer 2 years ago

All of these, I experienced exactly the opposite in 1 (one) marriage

-2points

POST

GirlFriday 2 years ago

21points

Victoria Pitt 2 years ago

8points

Ivana 2 years ago

11points

Victoria Pitt 2 years ago

My bf and I just joke about how we are each other's firsts so we don't have to acknowledge that we both have had past relationships/partners. I mean I didn't meet him till I was 38, so. . .

6points

Amberleigh Mysts 2 years ago

8points

Kai David 2 years ago

8points

Amy Stone-Chandler 2 years ago

7points

Black Pearl 2 years ago

7points

J. Normal 2 years ago

4points

Alex the Country Dog 2 years ago

3points

memyselfandI 2 years ago

0points

Kusotare 2 years ago

6points

WildHoneyPie 2 years ago

You are a treasure!

0points