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Naming babies sure is fun - you get to learn all kinds of awesome names and choose one for your adorable spawn. However, as with almost everything in life, there are certain unspoken rules for naming human babies. First off, the name should be appropriate, meaning you shouldn’t call a little human something like Paper Clip. It’s just wrong. Second, remember that the tiny little human will someday be bigger than you, so calling your baby Baby might have repercussions in years ahead (for the Baby, not you, though). And lastly, always remember that a name has the power to make an impression on people, so one should avoid combinations like Sergeant Sergeant. Because then, your baby will absolutely have no choice but to become a Sergeant Sergeant Sergeant one day. 

And yeah, although these rules are pretty valid and not so hard to stick to, some people make it their life goal to break them. Hence this amusing Reddit thread where people shared the worst names they’ve ever seen. There’s Granny Gremlin, a preschooler named Xerox, and tons of names that might’ve been pretty fine if not for the absolutely kooky combo they make when paired with the person’s surname. Some of them are so freaky we cannot even mention them in this text! 

As to why these people’s parents chose such unfortunate names, we have no clue. Might it have been a bet to come up with the funniest name possible? Or perhaps the person was in a rush and just named their baby after the first thing that popped into their mind? Perchance a mistake? Who knows! And although we do feel sorry for the people who have to carry probably the worst names of all time, it’s nevertheless quite an entertaining read. So, scroll down below, check out the hilarious names people shared on this AskReddit thread, and vote for the most outrageous ones!

This post may include affiliate links.

#1

67 Of The Worst Names Ever, As Documented By People On The Internet Lemon_Scented_Seal said:
"My mom had a coworker who named her child Tequila."

8bit-meow replied:
"I was in 5th grade with a Tequila. We had a big sleepover and pretended we were at a club and she was the bartender."

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The Doom Song
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Her siblings names are Smirnoff, Bombay, Ballentines and Turkey. I'm guessing what the were conceived on

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#2

UrDraco said:
"Icy Dong. And Erika, spelt airwrekkah."

WaitingForTheFire replied:
"Was airwrekkah born during a plane crash?"

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#3

67 Of The Worst Names Ever, As Documented By People On The Internet Jazzlike-Channel3465 said:
"An 80+-year-old lady called Gremlin."

IAmNaaatBorat replied:
"Never feed her after midnight."

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#4

67 Of The Worst Names Ever, As Documented By People On The Internet peppermintblues said:
"I’m in healthcare and the worst name I’ve seen on a kid is Meatball."

TheGoober87 replied:
"Son of Meatloaf?"

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#5

67 Of The Worst Names Ever, As Documented By People On The Internet "The girl at my school was Crystal Shanda Leer."

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#6

"Once at work, I met a guy whose first name was Greg which is not all that bad. The only thing is, his last name was also Greg

Greg Greg."

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#7

67 Of The Worst Names Ever, As Documented By People On The Internet "Kaliber and his brother Gunner and their cousin Ruger."

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#8

"'Messiahiscoming' is by far the worse I've heard. It's beyond ridiculous."

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#9

mattxfish said:
"I went to school with a kid named “Phuc”. It was pronounced “fook” but seeing teachers/substitutes take attendance was always a good time."

Leaf_Warrior replied:
"From what I know it's a pretty common Vietnamese name (if I'm including Phuoc) and means "blessing" or something else with a really positive connotation. Just a bit unfortunate in how it sounds similar to a certain word in the English language."

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Vic
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Example Hardik is a common name in India. So is Ramandeep..

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#10

"A guy named Ashley Hole who went by "Ash"

I s**t you not."

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#11

67 Of The Worst Names Ever, As Documented By People On The Internet "In the military, there was this guy called Richard (Dick) Sergeant. Who was a Staff Sergeant? So his name was Staff Sergeant Dick Sergeant. He owned it though so good for him."

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Ruby White
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

who Tf's Idea was it that d**k is short for Richard?

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Donkey boi
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It dates back to the middle ages (well before D**k was used to denote penis) where they liked rhyming. Richard gets shortened to Rich, then Ric(k), which sounds like D**k. Just like William is Will, which sounds like Bill. Robert, becomes Rob, which sounds like Bob. Margaret, abbreviated to Meggy, rhymes with Peggy. D**k never meant Penis until the 1880's an only became a term for an arsehole in the 1960's. At some point in the 1700's a d**k was a slang term for a male sexual partner. Prior to that it you were 'dicking' someone you were watching them (usually someone with authority waiting to see if you are going to cause trouble. eg, 'Don't do it now, the headmaster is dicking you').

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Glenn Christensen
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How do you even get D**k from Richard? I guess you could just ask nicely.

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Bidango Smith
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I had a neighbour who's last name was Major and his rank was Sargent ... "promoting him" to Sargent Major. He said their was another guy in his platoon who was Major General.

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RamiRudolph
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why does that make me think of Duty Calls that was used to advertise Bullet Storm.

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Red Wyvern Emperor
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wasn't there a story about two officers. One was colonel named Lieutenant and one liautenant named Colonel, if I recall it right. XD

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Auntriarch
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We have a police officer surnamed Sergeant. And yes, he did get promoted. But my favourite was police constable Paul Colin Peacey. PC P.C. Peacey

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Riche White
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When I was in the National Guard we had a sergeant who's last name was Major, and a major who's last name was Sargent

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Tucker Cahooter
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There was a politician in Australia called Richard Face. I don't think he was worried about being called D**k Face, I am pretty sure he used that himself at one point

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Elchinero
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Mom said she knew lady who named their kid "Guy" Pronounced "Gooey"

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#12

67 Of The Worst Names Ever, As Documented By People On The Internet "A few years after graduating, I found out that a guy in my grad class named his daughter Charizard."

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#13

"Quandale Dingle. No contest."

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bluegal (they/them)
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In our school, we got to vote someone the "Quandale Dingle of Noodletoon." :)

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#14

67 Of The Worst Names Ever, As Documented By People On The Internet ddcaypuno said:
"Someone named their Child "Drink Water" here in the Philippines. The full name would be "Drink Water Rivera".
Hope that counts."

kajnbagoat7 replied:
"Drinkwater is a second name in the UK. There’s a football player called Danny Drinkwater."

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#15

"Worked at a credit union processing loan docs for borrowers.

Worst name: Nip Hickey.

Best name: Kitty Divine."

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#16

"In elementary school, there was a boy named Famous. His younger sister was Fashion."

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#17

"Tazer Face."

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#18

67 Of The Worst Names Ever, As Documented By People On The Internet "Keithesia, because her Dad's name was Keith, and because her mom was in Anesthesia when she was born. Not kidding. She seemed embarrassed to explain it to me. Poor girl."

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Adam Zad
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A woman had paternal twins, a boy and a girl. When she came out of the anesthesia, she was told her brother had named the kids. "Oh, no!" She said. "My brother is an idiot! What did he name them?" She was told the girl's name was Denice. "Well, that's not too bad," she said. "What about the boy?" "Denephew."

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#19

"The guy up the road from where I grew up was named Harry Crack."

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Never Snarky
Never Snarky
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Former Mayor of Fort Wayne, Indiana was named Harry (not Harold) Baals.

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#20

67 Of The Worst Names Ever, As Documented By People On The Internet "Knew a girl named LaSonja. When I first saw her name I read it as "La-sahn-ya." She informed me that it was in fact pronounced Lasagna. Even acknowledged 'like the Italian dish.'"

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#21

"Went to school with these trailer park kids. They were twins. Bud Light and Bright Light."

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Raven Sheridan
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Poor Bud Light. I bet all of the other trailer park kids are now boycotting him. 😔

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#22

"A student I work with is named Dymmonic. It’s pronounced ‘Demonic’. Poor thing."

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#23

"In high school, I knew two twins whose last name was 'Poos'. Chris Poos and Alex Poos. I called them 'the sh**s.'"

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#24

"Clindamycin. Yes, spelled exactly the same way as the antibiotic. When questioned, the mom said 'I just thought it was pretty.'"

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#25

"Eye'n pronounced Ian.

"To be different", per his mom.

What the hell."

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#26

67 Of The Worst Names Ever, As Documented By People On The Internet "Rusty Clam. It's so bad it's almost good."

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Donkey boi
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's what my ex used to call it when she was on her period, 'Can you get me some pads when you go shopping? I've got a rusty clam'.

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#27

67 Of The Worst Names Ever, As Documented By People On The Internet "My elementary school boyfriend in 3rd grade was named Matthew Wiener the kids started calling me Mrs Wiener so I told him I couldn’t be his girlfriend anymore lol."

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Little king trash mouth
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Had a school principal with that last name who INSISTED it was pronounced "whiner." Sure, Jan.

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#28

"My mom was a nurse and one woman named her newborn daughter Tarantula Iguana.

Runner up is the name I heard as a camp counselor: Sevenne, pronounced like the number, and yes the kid was 7 years old."

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#29

"I once met a girl named Cliche."

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#30

"Found someone's name tag and the name was Nevah Petty."

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#31

"My brother went to school with a kid named William William William."

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Susan Bosse
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My college history professor's daughter was Amy Hawkins but married an Amy. So she was Amy Amy.

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#32

67 Of The Worst Names Ever, As Documented By People On The Internet "There's a doctor at my hospital named Dr. Kunts."

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#33

"I knew a student named Baby. Sister was Princess. So Princess and Baby."

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#34

67 Of The Worst Names Ever, As Documented By People On The Internet "A bit of an urban legend, but here in Wales an English-speaking new mother wanted to give her daughter a Welsh name (a fairly common practice) and saw some writing on a sign in the hospital. She read the sign out loud and thought it sounded really nice and would be a good name for her daughter.

The name she gave was Allanfa Dân. This translates to Fire Exit."

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Donkey boi
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My nephew is named the Irish slang for penis, because my sister is an idiot.

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#35

"Xerox, poor kids will be bullied for the rest of their life."

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#36

"Myferson (not sure if that’s how it was spelled). It was a compacted version of “my first son”. Parents were tweakers."

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#37

"Girth gotta be the worst name I've heard."

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#38

67 Of The Worst Names Ever, As Documented By People On The Internet "Heard some people named their kids Khaleesi during the height of Game of Thrones... Bet they regret that now."

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#39

"My dad's coworker is named Chris Cross. "

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Jessica SpeLangm
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's not a stupid name. It just happens to be the same name as a one hit wonder duo.

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#40

"Renesmee."

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#41

ZookeepergameSea3890 said:
"Knew a girl in school, the poor thing was named Cheyfatte. Everyone pronounced it as "she fat". Their last name was Lay."

-partlycloudy- replied:
"My brain actually having trouble computing this one and keeps trying to turn it into Lafayette."

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Turd Ferguson
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't get why they included the last name, is there a joke I'm missing here or am I just dumb?

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#42

"Phayth! It is pronounced Faith."

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#43

"Atreyu.

His parents named him after the character on NEVER ENDING STORY."

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YTK
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ha, I was named after the dwarf king in lord of the rings. To add on to the stupidity, I’m taller than both my parents

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#44

67 Of The Worst Names Ever, As Documented By People On The Internet "One of my high school friends named her daughter Peppermint Vespa. Vespa was after Spaceballs, not the scooter. Regardless, she's going to be miserable in school. Not even a decent middle name to go by, poor kid."

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#45

"Bruhilga. It just conjures the image of an evil witch brewing her cauldron. (My friend’s aunt’s name.)"

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#46

"Crystal Methanie."

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#47

67 Of The Worst Names Ever, As Documented By People On The Internet "I once met a kid in school named “Zachary”. The issue was that it was spelled “Zaquarie” the kid was fine, ate glue once, and was a bit standoff-ish but overall not mean for a then 5-year-old."

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#48

"I work at a daycare and I watch two sisters, one named Tesla (after Nikola Tesla, not the car) and Poe (named after Edgar Allen Poe). I see ridiculous names every day watching children but those have probably been the worst."

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#49

Lone_Ronin_ said:
"0nica pronounced Zeronica, that’s a zero, not an o."

SweetAlbaD replied:
"What country allows numbers in names?"

herranton replied:
"The USA, in many states. Unless they are specifically banned at the state level, you can include numbers while naming a child. Some states do ban it though."

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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's it! I'm naming my next kid 1-3 pronounced entree!

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#50

"I know a woman whose name is Thumbelina."

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Rebel Peewee
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I know a Cinderella! She has a loooong chin hair she's been growing for a decade, it's her pride and joy.

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#51

"I went to High School with a girl named 'Candy Ho.'"

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#52

67 Of The Worst Names Ever, As Documented By People On The Internet "I tutored a homeschooled kid name Godspromise, I went to school with a girl named Barry-Anne and I have taught multiple kids with the middle name Danger.

On a different note, I also taught an 8-year-old named Ian. I don't know why that's as funny to me as it is. An absolutely fantastic kid too."

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#53

"I have a baby nephew named Eros, I frequently make jokes about his name to my wife, in private, of course. I heard his name again yesterday and I was "Really? We're still calling him that? If there was a person that needed a nickname, it was that kid. I propose we call him Mordecai.'"

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#54

"Distant relative named their son Ur'Majesty."

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Natty Tempest
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I had two characters in a book called 'prince' and 'duchess' and they call their son 'duke'... I worried it was really odd until I remembered it's a book about fungus zombies

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#55

67 Of The Worst Names Ever, As Documented By People On The Internet GentlemanLuis said:
"Met a girl in college my first year who was named 'Jewel-Leah'."

Poptart270 replied:
"So like Julia but spelled differently?"

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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Mum lost her jewels on Alderan.. in a galaxy far far away..

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#56

"Eden Seamenn. I felt so bad for her."

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#57

zubaz69 said:
"Cornelvis. Yes, it's really someone's name."

Scrapper-Mom replied:
"Like a weird marriage between "Cornelius" and "Elvis"."

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Turd Ferguson
Turd Ferguson
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This bothers me too much. I personally can't stand when portmanteaus end up featuring all of one word as opposed to just part of it.

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#58

67 Of The Worst Names Ever, As Documented By People On The Internet "My sister's sister-in-law named her son Brewer."

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#59

67 Of The Worst Names Ever, As Documented By People On The Internet aRiotofPenguins said:
"I knew a girl in high school named Tuesday."

martusfine replied:
"Tuesday means “to shine”; wherever you are. Tuesday, I hope you’re shining brightly."

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Nosirrow
Nosirrow
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yikes, named after the Germanic god Tiu, God of war. At least Wednesday is the day of Odin, he's cooler than Tiu, or Tyr.

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#60

67 Of The Worst Names Ever, As Documented By People On The Internet "Cash dynamite, to the mom named Exclamation."

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GDTRFB
GDTRFB
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My daughter was filling in Valentine’s Day cards for her second grade class. When she showed me, I pointed out what looked like an obvious spelling error. My daughter showed me the class roster to prove she was right. Sure enough, she had a classmate named Teerreessaa.

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#61

"Bliss Angel."

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Satan
Satan
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nope. Nope. How do you look at a baby and give it the name of a stripper you saw last week?

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#62

"Gelsey. Kelsey with a G like in gallon. Ugh."

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#63

"I taught a kid whose real name is Ricky Rock n’ Roll Smith."

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#64

67 Of The Worst Names Ever, As Documented By People On The Internet "Diesel."

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#65

67 Of The Worst Names Ever, As Documented By People On The Internet "I was riding an Amtrak train. I was in my early 20s at the time. I was seated next to a high school kid. We got to talking. He told me his last name was Virgin. I immediately started laughing and then said, "Wow, I'm sorry, I should not have laughed." He graciously accepted my apology."

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Nosirrow
Nosirrow
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It is a funny surname. Mine means a loaf of bread, I'm used to teasing.

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#66

67 Of The Worst Names Ever, As Documented By People On The Internet "Probably Godwill. Not because it's a bad name, the guy just ended up being, not Christian."

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#67

"There's a kid in my baby brother's class named "Nice"..."

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Nosirrow
Nosirrow
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In the late 90s I heard of a Polish girl named Nike, after the goddess or whoever she was. Pronounced Nikeh, without/ai/.

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