In a roundabout way, this reminds me of holidays with my ex. We were together for 8 years and he spent one thanksgiving with my family. Nothing outrageous happened, we just had a nice holiday at my parents house. We agreed to alternate holidays with our respective families, but it didn't happen that way. He ended up spending every following holiday with his family (sometimes I would go, too, because I liked his family), and basically ditched my family for 7 years in a row. He would always hide behind the excuse of having to see what his family had planned first, as if he, a grown man, needed permission to stay with my family. He made his family look bad because he was so selfish around the holidays. I just wanted a few holidays spent with both him and my family at the same time, but with him, it was impossible. As much as my family gets in my nerves, I love our holiday traditions and I wanted to share that with him more than once. Instead, my needs, as usual were last with him. NTA, OP

This is an opportunity for OP to learn that other people's feelings are not her problem. If her mom is sad, that's for mom to deal with, not OP. Also if OP decides to give her family another chance next year, setting some boundaries would be helpful. Say no to watching the kids, say no to sitting at the kids' table. Make a plan for what you can do if put in that situation.

I'm 30 y/o and as a kid in the late 90's early 2000's kid's tables weren't a thing either. They existed sparsely, and the more I heard about them as I got older the more I realized why they exist now versus then. Kid's tables exist generally for families with kid's who have no discipline, and for parents who don't set proper boundaries where kid's end up running the household, either to a minor or major degree. Living overseas and seeing how the children behave here during their countries holiday's further cemented this for me.

Awe, does this mean the parents are gonna have to do their job??? Oh, the horror! Hahaha! OP, go enjoy your holiday in peace! (I have 2 young children, and I watch them while making the holiday meals. If I can do it, so can they.)

When it came to our family gatherings, we'd do a turns. This year, my sister watches them, next year me, next year my SIL. But no one has to do it every year. Maybe a suggestion?

At 22 years old, she’s old enough to make her own choices in life. And learn to set boundaries.

I use to get treated the same way the one event I got there I was told kid duty I walked over to var made a mix drink and said they are family but not my kids and I did not force there parents to have them I am a adult and not baby sitter for holidays and if they really think that it is my job they was wrong I was chewed out and was told I was wrong cause there parents needed time to visit family and relax like I did not work two jobs already drive 4 hrs to get there to be told baby sitter time nope I said then replied if that is how you see me at 27 yrs old well it was nice seeing for these few mins or maybe and hour or two then I said by if you think I am baby sitting I walked out door drive home after that I did not attend anymore holidays for a few years I called said hello and stuff and I stayed home ate alone watched football and had a good time family events is not like they was when I was young so I don't blame the girl and the mom well she and the other parents are so wrong

To this day, I (36nb) prefer to hang out with the kids at gatherings. I have my own kid (12) but the kids are more fun than the adults who basically just brag about said kids. My kid is also clearly the most awesome of the bunch, and it's pretty obvious, so I don't need to brag. If people want to know how great he is, they can get to know him like I do their kids, who are also great, but not usually in the dumb ways their parents brag about. Little Sally won a baby beauty pageant? She's barely 2 idc and neither does she. But she can burp the entire ABCs including the words at the end? Obviously far more impressive, and something she's demonstrating real pride in. I remember being 22ish and wanting to be included with the adults before realizing that the adults are mostly super boring. Now I either avoid the family gatherings by hiding out at my dad's place where we just watch movies and eat bacon and just tell everyone we had a fancy dinner, or I show up and hide amongst the children. This year I literally drove 800 miles to avoid the family Thanksgiving gathering. Told everyone my dad was doing something special. It was bacon. Bacon is special.

Hey MOM, why aren't you sad that your daughter has never had the chance to bond with her other cousins at the adult table because you have pressed her into service as the default nanny for YEARS? When you and dad and all of the aunts and uncles are gone, all she will have for family will be siblings and cousins, and she won't really KNOW her cousins because you SELFISHLY have kept them apart every holiday. HIRE a sitter and APOLOGIZE to your daughter!

See I'm petty as f*ck- if they sit around getting drunk, and you're now 22- why don't you just join in on the drinking- BYO alcohol even- just to make the point that hey, they shouldn't just expect to be able to rely on you for free babysitting- it's YOUR thanksgiving too!- with any luck they'll stop relying on you pretty damn quick!

It's simple. If you don't want to be given a responsibility again, do it very badly.

You seem to be welcomed by your BF's family. Go where you're welcomed. Works best for your sanity!

Some will always try to shame you because you are tired of being used. And if the parents need time off then p**n the kids off on the people who think you should be happy to do It and see how many times they want to do it. That would never work for me. I loved my mom but would never let anyone use me like that.

You are a grown a*s woman. Do what you want with every day of your life, not just the 'holidays'.

NTA Your whole family is TA! Not only your mom, but apparently the whole family dumps babysitting on you in the playroom! They even fail in giving you any kind of gratuity for the "free" babysitting. I grew up at the Thanksgiving kids' table. My older cousins watched over my sister and I. We had a big family (20+ ppl). Three tables were used every year, all in the same room. Ten ppl at the old ppl table, the grands plus their children and spouses. Kids were scattered at the two other tables. Please God, go spend time with your bf's family! It would your soul and mental health all the good in the world!

Your mom is the reason adult children end up going NC with their families.

Go around to your neighbors with children, and ask what the going rates for babysitting are. Then announce to the family, "If you want me to look after your kids, my babysitting rates are $X/child per hour. It's either THAT or I'm spending Thanksgiving with (insert boyfriend's name here). Your choice."

I joked that I always got sat at the kids table because I did but it was me my niece and nephew and if I really didn't want to sit with them my brother would have.

What you should have done was NOT told your mother, and planned to stay for just a bit. Imagine 'arriving', while your boyfriend parks the car -- when he enters, the 'evaporating babysitter' would have been priceless. AND, they would have to pretend they were happy you there just because they missed you, or come clean!

Who the f*ck made you the "de facto" child minder? And why don't you have the balls to just say no?

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