I'm horrified that OP thinks they "messed up" their life with depression. No. Just no. If they ever read this: It's the depression that's messy hon, not you. You don't get a choice in it and it's not your fault. As for your mother, run. Mine was abusive this way (and yes, it's abuse, not showing she cares) and you don't need that happy crappy in your life. People on BP jump to NC but in this case it's warranted.

her dad needs to take of his rose tinted specs and see the mother for what she really is

Although often nutritionally unnecessary, I am a big fan of having multiple dessert options. 10 people at dinner, 2 would rather have B instead of A, no problem! But this was a deliberate attack on OP. Not making the backup (just in case) but SAYING "I expected you to fail, so I did your work for you...let's ALL eat MY dessert INSTEAD" (oh you want some of hers? NO!) Then boo-hooing that OP leaving quietly at that point was RUINING THANKSGIVING!!! OP recently suffered a depressive episode? Gee, wonder why. A lifetime of such treatment would destroy my mental health too

1. Get up 2. Go into kitchen 3. Retrieve cake 4. "accidentally" put cake stand down on top of pie. 5. Done and dusted.

I have a huge family and there was a total of 8 different desserts (cherry pie, two different types of pumpkin pie, pecan pie, some kind of fluff thing, apple pie, etc.) at Thanksgiving her mom would would have hated how many flavors were there. I find it rude that the mom was only serving the pumpkin pie and refusing the requests for cheesecake. Mom wanted to hurt her child's feeling and succeeded.

You know some times accidents like the pie getting dropped or knocked off the table happen.

I hope the OP cuts her family out; they aren't healthy for her. Find another place to be for holidays, volunteer, take a vacation, invite friends to her house, anything but be with these awful people.

Mother is the big ärsehole. Brother and dad are lesser ärseholes for going along with mummy’s bad behaviour and not even trying the cheesecake when they wanted to like adults.

Sorry my dear but your mom was incredibly RUDE and DISRESPECTFUL. Your dad is a wimpy a*****e for defending her behavior towards you. Full on No Contact with any of these relatives is in order for their deplorable behavior as well, for Christ's Sake, texting and gaslighting you for her boorish behavior!?!? Not only did you do the right thing by leaving this pack of hyenas but you should have taken you cheesecake with you. Serious "Come to Jesus" talk with your parents is in order to let BOTH of them and the others why you have decided to cut them loose. Move on with your life, be healthy and happy without them, you deserve to be surrounded by people who truly love and appreciate you. BTW my granddaughter cannot stand the texture of pumpkin pie and I would never deride her for that, that's why we always offer a variety of choices.

That's just horrible. You are not to blame for someone else's psychotic tendencies. You are you and as such your feelings are true to you as everyone else is entitled to their own feelings. Feelings don't have be shared or expressed equally by all. Your sensitivity to how your mother treats you is further proof that you cannot rely on her advice or reactions as concrete viable honest truth. I'm sure your cheesecake was excellent, it's your mother that has issues here. You simply reacted to her continuous abuse over the years. It takes a long time for most people to get over growing up in abusive rearing. Your mind hasn't healed, being an adult doesn't mean all that abuse just disappears or magically doesn't hurt your adult self. It's the abusers fault and whomever told you to grow up and stop crying about the past ,is full of themselves. It's only as an adult that you begin to realize traumas and work through them at your own pace. No one heals the same.

I've had a difficult relationship with my mother most of my life. Finally, when I was in my 40s, she said something hurtful to me (again) and instead of replying, I asked, "Mom, does it make you feel better to hurt me?" She looked shocked, but then tilted her head, looked at me for a few long moments, and said, "Yes". Some people can't help it; all you can do is back away and, hopefully, stop being a convenient target for someone else's nastiness and cruelty. Instead of OP feeling that she messed up her life with depression, maybe she can think about how she became depressed. The support she may not have gotten, the coping mechanisms that she had to set in place as a young child (I know I did) whether they're healthy or not...life isn't only what you make of it, it's also learning who's tearing down what you're building. Quietly walking out of mom's house after another attack is the best thing OP could've done, in my opinion.

Mom is an awful troll

I have to wonder if the mother is jealous for some reason. It doesn't make it ok but but it's like she hates her daughter and that's just so weird to me so I think it might be jealousy. Like maybe the daughter is living moms dream life or something.

I am not a professional but somehow I think Mommy dearest might have a lot to do with that depression of hers. I bet Mommy destroyed her self esteem and more. Time to get a psychiatrist and probably go NC with the whole lot of them. They don’t sound healthy.

The daughter only did one thing wrong; she should have retrieved the Maple Cheesecake before she left.

1. It called “ the last straw which broke the camel back “, it’s not “irrational “ 2. Annually event staple - abusing OP for fun. This is rational either ( and disgusting). 3. Brother lives in good place, he is not a hero- don’t back backwards for him. (Mama sweet for him because he is rich?) 4. Tell them you will NC from now on, and you live if she starts again, but better don’t come at all. )

The poll at the end isn't a very good one, and missed the point entirely, cuz this ain't about trust or being cautious. This is about control and propping yourself up as the center of attention by stomping down someone else. Pure and simple. This mom sounds like pretty much every woman in my family. Best thing I could ever recommend to anyone in this kind of situation, is to get therapy, and get the heck away from her.

Good grief we could be related. My family was the exact same way until I finally took the initiative and stopped attending any and all family functions. Although my Mom went one better, she assigned the dining room table for the "couples" and instructed me to sit with the kids on the back porch (I was in my 30's). Funny thing I came out on top. I was closer to all the food. Once I stopped attending the functions my life was definitely better and I've never regretted it. More power to you, stay strong.

I feel this so much. I agree with most of the comments, don't go next year and maybe she will transfer her passive aggression to someone else.

Should have shoved the pie in the old cow's face.

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