Based on her comments, it seems like she doesn't think she's being used. Her other family members handle other holidays. However, I think she's completely blinded by how walled over she's been. 1. She's been doing this since she was 19 - what, by choice? With no conditioning by family beforehand? Doubtful 2. How tone deaf do fellow adults have to be to not say pause! You're going through something heavy! We're here, you rest. 3. The other hosts of the holidays are women. I'll just say that. Assumptions are made. Work is for her and the others like her.

OP is definitely not the AH, here. That is an absolutely insane amount of food for one person to cook, especially from scratch, whether they're in the mood or not. Her family could have got together and said "Hey, why don't we all come together and cook HER Thanksgiving dinner this year? She's going through a hard time, let's make her feel loved and welcome and appreciated. One of us could host". Especially her damn mother. Instead, they act like throwing her a few bucks on a cash app entitles them to her services and grumble like a bunch of Muppets. That's family, not your McDonald's.

The thing is, even without money changing hands, if people don't have to contribute, everything they get used to becomes an expectation and people then feel entitled to have it. They feel they deserve it. And that's the moment they become ungrateful. That's why, whatever I do gor others, I always tie them in somehow. I always make demands too. I will never stand in the kitchen alone to cook for everyone whole the others enjoy themselves. Because then they forget you're there and have needs too. I absolutely love cooking. And I love pampering others. But still I never let them get away with leaning back and do nothing but tell me what they want. The only occasions I do it differently is when I give something like that as a gift. But you bet they'll know it's a gift and a one time occasion. Never let people take you for granted.

You gave a month notice you weren't cooking. They didn't listen. That isn't on you. And you are not their servant. Enjoy the beach.

It's one thing to work your a*s of for family because you want to, it's another when they flat out let you know it's an expectation and f**k your feelings. I used to love doing big barbecues every year for friends and family... but then every time I went to a party as a guest, I was expected to man the grill. I stopped going because I was always staff, never a guest. OP needs to focus on her happiness and let everyone else figure it out. Maybe a year or two of other people doing it will refresh their appreciation.

Not only the cooking seems severely out of balance, but the 'I demand traditional American food and they revert back to Caribbean roots' kind of tells me much more is going on between these families.

How about this year her family treats her to a nice dinner since she is going through some rough times? Make her feel special, loved and cared for?

It's not like there's a secret recipe for roast turkey that the OP is holding out on them. If she died, would they dig her up and prop her up in front of the stove?

I'm dumbstruck (almost) that her family is just skipping over the fact that she's recently separated from her husband. And if that weren't enough, they are apparently still newlyweds (she said that she was looking forward to hosting with her husband for the first time). She didn't really have time to "get used to" being married and now it's over. It's not like she saw it coming for a few years. So now she's heartbroken AND in shock. And her family is so tone deaf that none of this occurs to them. Unbelievable.

Take some time for yourself girl. Your family can feed themselves.

I have a dream of going to a big Thanksgiving and all the MEN cook and clean up. I know this is never going to happen.

No way, girl. I drove myself crazy with Thanksgiving for 10 years to the point where I started saying that "It's not Thanksgiving if I'm not crying." Don't kill yourself for anyone.

YTA---as in You're The ANGEL!!! You've been cooking like this for your entire family since you were 19?!? That in itself is quite the accomplishment. My mom, aunts and grandma always did it all when I was younger. We kids didn't take over until we were in our 30s! It sounds like you've done more than your share by hosting & cooking for the past 8 years straight. If you needed a break this year AND let them know well in advance, your family should understand. Put a note on your door and hit the beach. After ending your marriage, your family should be taking care of YOU for a change. A divorce is like a death, and you grieve at that loss. Don't let anyone guilt you into it. BTW, the NEXT time you agree to cook, tell them that you aren't accepting any uninvited guests. They should be polite enough to ask you AHEAD of time. Also, take a few containers full of leftovers for YOURSELF ahead of time. Either write BOSS on it or put it away in a cooler so you can have leftovers, too!!!

You'd think that the family would have understood OP'S reason for not having Thanksgiving at her house, and rally around her, but no!! It's the equivalent of an employee suffering a major medical emergency: After the boss hears about it, they say, "Hope you feel better; when are you coming back to work?" Never mind that you're in very bad shape, and recovery is going to take weeks if not months!!

That timed list of chores worried me. Not the actual doing of it, that would make sense, but did you notice that she has precisely 15 minutes to eat her dinner before she has to jump up and get to get the desserts out? That's doing her no good at all. Where's the time to catch her breath and actually enjoy the food? Or is that the, later, 15 minute nap? She told them that she wasn't cooking a month prior to the event, and they chose to blank that from their minds. Tough. Most decidedly NTA

Does she rent a hall for all of those people? How would you possibly seat 30 people in an average house?

I'm in a weird situation this year and this one struck a nerve. We have been celebrating with our family on Christmas Eve for 26 years now. We alternate with my BIL and this is his year. Last year we had a big party for the 25th Anniversary of the tradition, live animals, Arizona snowball fight (thanks to Bahama Bucks), live band, dancing. And we didn't this because we knew that The next year (this year) was BIL's. He decided in November he's going out of town and it feels like we have to entertain instead of attending a party and I'm not there. I don't want to let everybody down but it's Dec 3rd and I haven't been inclined to put together an invitation...

Seems like the family is taking advantage of her. The young lady had surgery 2 weeks prior to TG, and her family still made her cook. If not giving a s**t was a scenario, this would be it. The problem is not just TG, it's all of the other cooking that she is doing throughout the year. She is not a caterer, this young lady has a job, has a husband and cooking not only for her household, but for 10+ other people on the weekend so her family can eat during the week? Just because you love to cook does not mean, you should do it at the expense of your own health. I would not be surprised if her family was a reason for her and her husband's separation.

Could someone please enlighten me as to the meaning of Zelle ? Never heard of it. Is it a real word in the English language ?

What makes me really mad is that she asked them to do the grocery shopping and they said it was too much, without thinking that is is just as much for OP. They really need this wakeup call.

NTA, not at all! When my friends and I used to do Thanksgiving at my apartment (I had a large table and lots of dishes), we would order a cooked turkey and everyone would pot luck the sides. We were usually about 10-14 people and everything was shared, including the clean up. We were all middle aged professionals without kids, but people were welcome to bring their dogs, as they all knew each other anyway.

When I was growing up either my parents or a aunt would host Thanksgiving. All the adult women would do the cooking. They shared all the cooking.

If the story is true, you start cooking for your family when you are 19 years old. Have you ever heard 19 years old would willingly cook for entire family and guests, 19 years old for 8 years, doubtful