So... basically wants a phantom housemate that doesn't actually live there but pays the rent.

If they think they're "quite easy-going", I wonder what they think uptight looks like...?

In other words: please pay half my rent but don't live here.

“We’re all adults here” doesn’t seem accurate.

I once paid $800/mo to share a living room in a 1 bedroom flat in Santa Monica by the airport. I mean there was another dude renting the living room floor with me, in addition to the leaseholder who had the bedroom. She kept the water heater on "vacation mode" because "too much electricity!" I was young and dumb. When I discovered that you can just live in a van and still go to work everyday, everything changed.

Maybe the person will get lucky and find a Trappist monk who is looking to share

I'd understand the bit about making noise when others are sleeping, but the rest?

Gee, I wonder why the current flatmate is moving out.

Reading all this takes longer than I'd be willing to live there.

I wish all terrible people gave a little list like beforehand so you could easily avoid them

Rules for thee, but not for me. Anyone who pays rent is allowed to be there as much as they want.

I'm exhausted just reading this, can't imagine living with this controlling fool.

I want you to pay rent but this is not your apartment.

i would like to burn this up :)

Im quiet easy going…. Ahahahaha

Sounds like Sheldon's roommate agreement!

So people who catch a stomach bug or get colitis are evicted??

Guess the new flatmate will be a fish

There are few common courtesy requests in there, used to lull any prospective roommates to think hey, yeah, that's fine..then when they're locked in, bam, it puts the lotion on the skin.

Maybe he should, I dunno, just not have roommates?

"If you do this we're not going to like each other." Er, we haven't even met and I already intensely dislike you.

Well I think it's good that they state the rules before you move in

Sheldon?

This person needs to live alone, in a dark cave

Guys don't move in with this totally chill housemate if you have bowel movements. Like, at all.

bowel movement, laughter...

Seems very easy-going for sure. He just wants to monitor your time in the house, bathroom activities, what you watch, what you eat..easy

Sounds like Sheldon needs to write another roommate agreement.

This was so long I scrolled down and skipped to the end

What a nightmare of an individual. They're an absolute control freak. The moment you start telling other strangers how to live their lives and eat, you've gone too far.

Best you live alone then.

I actually had a roommate like that and after 18 months, I had a whopping case of PTSD from living with someone this controlling, but who refused to tell anyone her rules until they were broken. Nothing was ever good enough. Even the setting on the thermostat was a struggle; I stood my ground and demanded the heat be up at a minimum of 68° during the day and 65° at night whereas she wanted it left at 58°F. Yeah, I really mean fifty-eight degrees. 🥶🧊 Never again! Life is too short.

I love that you have to be out of the house first thing but aren't allowed to make yourself breakfast before getting completely ready for work. Also if you like cooking f*ck you I guess

What a total shite head. I skipped most of it because it didn't deserve my time. Oh my God I hope she lives alone forever

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW. Do NOT let this person reproduce. For the hypothetical children and humanity in general.

Wow! So funny. This has to be fake. Who cld take this person seriously?

" MY WAY OR NO WAY 😡"

“I’m quite easy going” 😂😂😂 yea right you complete control freak

Tldr; I'm never going to have a roommate because of my ridiculous narcissistic rules and expectations.

Call me crazy... But I swear this guy's trying to act like Sheldon, hoping to God he's gonna find his Leonard, Raj, Howard, Bernadette, Penny, and Amy Farrah Fowler.

do they not have a friend who can just move in nn nnnnope never mind

Couldn't even finish reading this s**t

"This is a home, not a hotel"... With all these crazy rules, you sure it's not an Airbnb?? "I don't want my new flatmate to assume that just because I spend so much time here, it's okay for them to do the same." Why is it okay for YOU, but not anyone else?? Look, IDGAF whose name is on the lease. If I pay RENT, and especially if I also share the bills, it's MY flat, too. My HOME. And I'm going to LIVE in it. I'll stay in it when I want to, as long as I want to. I'll shít as long as I need to, as many times as I need to. I'll watch as much TV as I want. I'll cook whenever the hell I'm hungry. And guess what? I work night shift, so some of that will happen at night. I would always be considerate of any other people I was living with. But there's a HUGE difference in asking/expecting someone to be considerate, and expecting/DEMANDING that they revolve their entire life around YOU, and YOUR preferences. This lunatic doesn't want a flatmate. He wants a doormat, that pays rent. Fúck. THAT.