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Woman Breaks Up With BF Of 3 Years After His Mom Tells Her He’s Not Gonna Change, Drama Ensues
Interview With Expert
Relationships are complicated. It may seem that if you love each other, what could go wrong? However, sometimes love is not enough. You can love the person but still choose to leave due to various reasons and one of the most common ones is having different views towards life, ambitions and plans.
A Reddit user posted a story about her son and his girlfriend, the two main characters who are completely different in terms of ambition— well, her son has none at all. And this exact issue led to the end of their 3-year relationship.
More info: Reddit
RELATED:
Sometimes loving each other is not enough to continue the relationship
Image credits: Budgeron Bach (not the actual photo)
This woman shares that her 20 Y.O. son turned out to have no ambition to either work or study and spends his free time gaming or partying, while his girlfriend is the complete opposite
Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk (not the actual photo)
She notes that while her son still loves his girlfriend, he doesn’t give her the attention she deserves and one day she came over and looked visibly upset
Image credits: mikoto.raw Photographer (not the actual photo)
They got to talk and his girlfriend opened up that she doesn’t understand why her boyfriend has so little ambition and she doesn’t know what to do
Image credits: u/Minute-Layer-4412
The woman told her that she needs to put herself first and it doesn’t look like he’s going to change, which led to the breakup of the couple
A Reddit user recently shared her story online asking one of the most judgmental communities’ members if she was being a jerk for advising her son’s girlfriend to rethink their relationship, which led to her breaking up with him. The post caught a lot of attention and collected over 14K upvotes and 3.5K comments.
The original poster (OP) starts her story by sharing that her 20-year-old son has been in a relationship with his girlfriend for about 3 years. She added that when they met in high school, they were a perfect match, but now her son has no wish to either work or study, spends his free time gaming or partying and doesn’t give his girlfriend the attention that she deserves.
She added that a couple of days ago, her son’s girlfriend came to visit and looked sad. After her son left, the young woman said that she didn’t know what to do and didn’t understand why the man was so lazy. OP told her that unfortunately she doesn’t see him changing anytime soon and she should put herself first. Well, fast forward a couple days, OP’s son comes in, furious, saying that his girlfriend broke up with him and the message referred to ‘discussions with your mom.’
The community members gave the woman the ‘Not the A-hole’ badge and assured her that she didn’t tell his girlfriend to break up with him. “NTA you didn’t tell her to break up with him, you told her she needs to put herself first which is solid advice to anybody,” one user wrote. “NTA. First of all, you didn’t go out of your way to tell her to break up. She sought out your advice and you gave her an honest answer,” another added.
Image credits: Anthony Tran (not the actual photo)
“Finding a partner who can reciprocate love is undoubtedly essential, but it’s equally vital to seek compatibility beyond just emotional connection,” shared Sandra Harewood, psychotherapeutic counsellor and relationship coach, with Bored Panda. “Shared interests and ambitions add depth to a relationship, fostering mutual understanding and growth.”
However, she noted that striving for a perfect match isn’t necessary – maintaining individual goals and dreams is healthy. “Effective communication is pivotal in aligning relationships with individual needs,” she emphasized.
It’s also important to add that couples may benefit from seeking guidance from a therapist to prevent resentment, conflict, or passive behaviors from undermining their connection.
Now, Sandra Harewood points out that balancing individuality and connection poses a common challenge in relationships, but it’s possible to be authentic while maintaining a strong bond with a partner. She added that “Paradoxically, prioritizing personal growth and well-being enhances communication, clarifies needs, wants and desires and facilitates constructive conflict management.”
Finally, she shared that this mindset fosters independence and trust in one’s judgment, enabling individuals to make relationship choices autonomously. Don’t forget to check out Sandra’s blog and explore her ‘What’s Your Relationship Archetype?’ quiz!
But what do you think about this story? Was the woman being a jerk, or do you think she didn’t do anything wrong? Share your thoughts below!
Redditors backed up the woman, assuring her that she didn’t tell her son’s girlfriend to end the relationship
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What do you think ?
LH25 9 months ago
I'm hung up on the husband being mad because he thought Lily could help their son. So not her job, it's on his parents.
Trillian 9 months ago
Exactly. He is the FATHER. If he is not happy with his son's behavior, he needs to do something himself, and not expect a young woman who is starting her own adult life to do the job.
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Joey Jo Jo Shabadoo 9 months ago
Good for the mom for doing the right thing. Why should *she* protect a relationship that her son is neglecting?
Zoe Vokes 9 months ago
Good on OP for caring about Lily and giving her good advice. The relationship wasn’t going to last and it was better to break up before college rather than drag it out. I was surprised Lily broke up with him by text and mentioned OP having an influence on the decision. That was unnecessary. And they’ve been together for three years so text is a bit cruel. The only thing to blame OP for is that she is quite judgemental about her son. Lots of twenty year olds want to play video games and party. That doesn’t mean they’re not good people. And I assume from conversations they’ve had he knows about her criticisms about him so that’s part of why he’s upset.
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Strawberry Pizza 9 months ago
Even if he did have depression or whatever, it is NOT lilys or anyone's job to fix him (except a therapist lol) he has to take action himself. Although mum could definitely sit him down and see if he's actually going through something, and maybe nudge him into therapy if that is the case. Still, it's his responsibility to better himself, and the dad is out of order for suggesting that lilys mere presence would make his son a better man...it's like those awful romcoms where the woman has to happily shoulder the burden of turning the man into a better person because of luUuUrve, neglecting the fact that it is not her job to do so.
Bonesko 9 months ago
You're right, it's not Lily's job. Speaking from experience, caring for someone with issues with mental or physical health can be EXHAUSTING! It's takes alot of energy and can monopolize your life. Sometimes for your own health, you may need to take a step back. The dad blaming OP and Lily for 'making their sons rut last longer' isn't fair. I think he should see a professional, but that's not Lily's responsibility. Also, I like how OP said 'her son has turned out not to be a good person', but 'Lily is the polar opposite.... She's a good swimmer!' i just found that amusing for some reason.
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LH25 9 months ago
I'm hung up on the husband being mad because he thought Lily could help their son. So not her job, it's on his parents.
Trillian 9 months ago
Exactly. He is the FATHER. If he is not happy with his son's behavior, he needs to do something himself, and not expect a young woman who is starting her own adult life to do the job.
Load More Replies... Joey Jo Jo Shabadoo 9 months ago
Good for the mom for doing the right thing. Why should *she* protect a relationship that her son is neglecting?
Zoe Vokes 9 months ago
Good on OP for caring about Lily and giving her good advice. The relationship wasn’t going to last and it was better to break up before college rather than drag it out. I was surprised Lily broke up with him by text and mentioned OP having an influence on the decision. That was unnecessary. And they’ve been together for three years so text is a bit cruel. The only thing to blame OP for is that she is quite judgemental about her son. Lots of twenty year olds want to play video games and party. That doesn’t mean they’re not good people. And I assume from conversations they’ve had he knows about her criticisms about him so that’s part of why he’s upset.
Load More Replies... Strawberry Pizza 9 months ago
Even if he did have depression or whatever, it is NOT lilys or anyone's job to fix him (except a therapist lol) he has to take action himself. Although mum could definitely sit him down and see if he's actually going through something, and maybe nudge him into therapy if that is the case. Still, it's his responsibility to better himself, and the dad is out of order for suggesting that lilys mere presence would make his son a better man...it's like those awful romcoms where the woman has to happily shoulder the burden of turning the man into a better person because of luUuUrve, neglecting the fact that it is not her job to do so.
Bonesko 9 months ago
You're right, it's not Lily's job. Speaking from experience, caring for someone with issues with mental or physical health can be EXHAUSTING! It's takes alot of energy and can monopolize your life. Sometimes for your own health, you may need to take a step back. The dad blaming OP and Lily for 'making their sons rut last longer' isn't fair. I think he should see a professional, but that's not Lily's responsibility. Also, I like how OP said 'her son has turned out not to be a good person', but 'Lily is the polar opposite.... She's a good swimmer!' i just found that amusing for some reason.
Load More Replies...
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