So, the 6 year old "is too young to understand the criticism" but "should understand the value of money". Please make that make sense! No, don't bother, because it never will.

Because everyone knows the perfect time to teach a child about being frugal is on their birthday, at their birthday tea? MIL needs to learn that generally others do not want to be around negative people and this is especially true on celebratory occasions. She couldn't have played nice for a couple hours at her 6 yr old granddaughters birthday tea where she was eating for free? She absolutely needs to learn to shut her trap and enjoy the moment or at least let others enjoy the moment. Children have the rest of their lives to worry about money and become jaded.

If MIL was forking out then it'd be different - but she was being treated, ffs! She was totally in the wrong - it wasn't her money being 'wasted', and it was for mother's day, and for her granddaughter! And... you have a husband problem.

You know what a six year old actually needs to learn? How to be grateful and get along with others. MIL was being a bad role model.

Your husband and MIL clearly need lessons in both empathy and etiquette. She left of her own free will. Stomping on little kids happiness shouldn't be allowed by any person. It's hard to get that joy back tell husband to grow up and cut the apron strings from his tèsticles. Hope that comment took as much joy as MIL took from your daughter.

NTA!!! I'm one of those grandmothers that 'panders' to my princesses with stuff like this! Your MIL, no matter how much of a heart of gold you think she has, you'd never convince me of it. I'm also one that believes in teaching kids financial responsibility, morals, manners, etc--but I would NEVER suck the joy out of a special occasion like your MIL did. And even if she didn't think your daughter would understand, I guarantee that she understood the tone in which it was delivered. You had every right to give her the choices you did (as the child's mother AND the one paying for it!)--she made the decision to leave instead of sticking a sock in it and letting everyone enjoy the time. I'm not even getting into your husband choosing to stick up for his mother rather than his daughter...I'm sure I'd run out of space here!

NTA: If she's not paying she has no say. She knows she's wrong which is why she's trying to preemptively triangulate other family members who weren't there to personally witness her $#itty behavior against the OP. -salt of the Earth poor person that would've loved a fancy and *FREE* afternoon with her granddaughter.

Sounds like saving money is more important than having this alleged 'heart of gold's. Can we normalize calling the spade a spade? No Grandma with a "heart of gold" would dare be negative in front of their grandbaby who is clearly excited about Princess pancakes and high tea. I'm 36 years old and my mom supports my high tea/ tea party shenanigans. (My sister too but she's Celiac and can't join me for high tea 🥲)

Bad MIL and bad husband for siding with her instead of his wife.

I hate to break it to that woman, but her mil does not have a heart of gold. Her heart is a sour apple more like. Otherwise she would have been able to keep her mouth shut to begin with without being told. Ps- The poll also has nothing to do with what the grandma was doing. You can totally teach a child about money and responsibility without being a jerk and a wet blanket. (Should have been a poll about keeping your mouth shut if you can't say something nice).

For my parent's 60th wedding anniversary, they chose to treat their 4 daughters, 1 daughter in law,& all their nieces, to afternoon tea at The Ritz. They weren't interested in going themselves but got a lot of enjoyment out of treating us. They even laid on a minibus to London. My eidest, notoriously tight, sister complained it was too expensive. Bear in mind that it was costing her absolutely nothing. There are some wonderful photos of us all having the time of our lives...apart from that sister, sitting there with a face like a wet weekend. After the tea finished we still had a little time so went into a cocktail bar & treated ourselves to a drink. I had a ridiculously expensive mocktail which was delicious. Those were the only things we bought ourselves. She sat there, silent, at the table & refused to order. She's not rich, none of us are, but we could all easily afford a drink.She then wanted to email a list of 'complaints' to try a get a refund.

NTA. Your MIL is a killjoy! It was a special day for her granddaughter and she couldn't STFU! She was only thinking about her selfish self and not her granddaughter. MIL leaving was the best thing for your daughter. And although his mother is important, Daddy needs to be reminded of who are the MOST IMPORTANT people....his wife and daughter, and he needs to make sure his mommy dearest understands that.

Can you imagine being treated to high tea and then complaining about everything? Rude AF

Kids are very receptive and are always listening. They are smarter and know more than most adults give them credit for. Does this mean that a six year old can do complex budgeting and multiplication? Probably not. But they are clever enough to know when things are being said that are hurtful and know when others are not interested in the things that bring them joy. As for math and teaching basic economics to a six year old? Come on... What grandparent does that in their spare time other than the curmudgeons? I can't get most parents to cover basic math flash cards I send home with their second graders. Let the kid enjoy her special treat. It's not like she gets to do this everyday (where the money would definitely make a difference).

Of course high tea is ridiculously overpriced. It's high tea! It's a splurge. MIL shouldn't have gone in the first place if she's going to cr@p all over it the whole time. It would have been unacceptable if everyone present was an adult. That there was a 6 y/o present who was Really Enjoying Her Princess Experience makes what MIL did totally and completely unacceptable. You DO NOT smother a child's joy for no reason other than you think the kid needs a dose of reality. There's time enough for her to take on the weight of reality tomorrow. Today, let her dance in the clouds.

Six year old does not need to know about value of money at a treat. She knows it is a special treat. She also knows MIL is a sour old b***h and always moaning. Teaching her to accept the old woman but be aware of her faults would be of more value. She should have took her daughter to the toilet and had a chat about MIL having issues and daughter is to ignore her. Six year olds understand more than you think.

This was, in effect, a gift from DIL to the both grandmas. To criticize and put down a gift is pretty rude. If you don't like a gift, you either just say "Thank you," and put it away somewhere, perhaps donate it in a couple of years, or you say "What a nice gift! I'm sorry, though, I already have a very similar one. Do you have a receipt so I can change it to something equally nice?". In this case, MIL could have checked out the place, seen that it's way too pricey for her taste, and politely declined the invitation. To say that it's a waste of money when it's already been paid for and in the middle of using it, THAT is a waste of time, and waste of money for MIL's food.

Although Ido very much disagree that happiness isn't free. True happiness IS already free to us. Jesus Christ offers joy and eternal life, although the catch was it cost Him plenty big.