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“You’re Kind Of Useless In An Emergency”: Woman Gets Ridiculed For Abandoning Her Baby In Danger
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“You’re Kind Of Useless In An Emergency”: Woman Gets Ridiculed For Abandoning Her Baby In Danger

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We all have situations in life that we are ashamed to remember later. Not only because we behaved in a somehow undignified manner – but simply because, mentally returning to this situation, we experience a strong feeling of shame. Or the desire to ‘take it back’ and do it differently.

Familiar feeling, isn’t it? However, the heroine of our story today, told by the user u/ExitIcy9757, clearly doesn’t belong to such people. Even having shown herself not to be the best in an unpleasant situation, the woman didn’t seem to learn any life lessons for herself. However, let’s read the story together and draw our own conclusions.

More info: Reddit

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The author of the post has a fiancee and a 9-month-old baby and reminisces of a weird situation that happened to them some months ago

Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)

One night the couple were walking down a suburban road with a stroller and the woman got frightened by some loud sounds

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Image credits: ExitIcy9757

The man walked forward, found two teen hooligans hitting a car’s windows with their bats, and chased them off

Image credits: Vitaliy Haiduk (not the actual photo)

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Image credits: ExitIcy9757

However, turning back to his fiancee, he found out she fled rapidly, abandoning the baby, so he had to call her to bring her back

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Image credits: Gustavo Fring (not the actual photo)

Image credits: ExitIcy9757

Several months later the man reminded his fiancee of this case in response to her bragging about her own incredible bravery – and got called a huge jerk in return

So, the Original Poster (OP) is a 25-year-old man, and his fiancee ‘Jess’ is a year younger. The couple also has a 9-month-old daughter, with whom they once, several months ago, returned home late in the evening. The family was walking along a suburban road, where they had walked many times, but at one point they heard loud, suspicious sounds.

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The reaction of the man and woman was diametrically opposed. The guy moved forward with the baby’s stroller, saw two teenagers hitting the windows of a parked SUV with baseball bats, but wasn’t afraid of the hooligans. Moreover, seeing an adult guy, they immediately decided to peel out.

Having dealt with the problem, our hero turned to his fiancee – and was surprised to find her several dozens of feet away, rapidly running away from the scene of the conflict. Jess was rushing so quickly and selfishly that she didn’t respond to the OP’s screams, and he had to call her to bring her back.

Well, the woman said that she simply mistook the baseball bat’s hits for gunshots, but the fact that she literally abandoned her baby is well, you know, nobody’s perfect… Just how surprised the OP was a few months later when, while watching a documentary in which someone fell into a stupor during an attack by predators, the woman belligerently declared that if she were in the place of the heroine of the film, she’d fight tooth and nail against the beast for her kid’s life.

The man couldn’t resist reminding Jess how, in a much less critical situation, she ran away from just two teenagers with baseball bats, literally abandoning the child. The woman responded by calling him a huge jerk and has simply given him the silent treatment since then. And now the author asks himself only one question – wasn’t he a tad bit too harsh?

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Image credits: William Fortunato (not the actual photo)

“On the one hand, of course, this woman didn’t act very nicely, leaving her child in danger under the influence of stress,” says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist, whom Bored Panda asked for a comment here. “And even had some audacity to brag of her own probable bravery to a person who witnessed her cowardice in a similar case.”

“On the other hand, the man could also not ridicule the behavior of his fiancee, but simply express the same point of view, but somehow more delicately. In the end, it’s pretty obvious that the mechanism for the occurrence of a stressful situation in her was approximately the same – only to avoid possible offense, I would recommend using more diplomatic expressions,” Irina ponders.

People in the comments, however, mostly sided with the original poster, arguing that his girlfriend really didn’t behave very nicely, in both of the described situations. “So she thought it was gunshots so her first instinct was to run which I understand but what I don’t understand is how her motherly instincts went out the window and she left her child, that’s crazy,” one of the commenters wrote.

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Yes, commenters do believe that the issue here is purely one of instinct, and that the author generally did the right thing to note it. “It’s instinct to run. I’m imagining you pushing the stroller, but even more so [not the jerk] if she was. When we don’t have empathy for others we should be called out on that,” another person added. So have similar situations ever happened to you or someone you know? If yes, please feel free to share your own stories in the comments below this post.

People in the comments, however, mostly sided with the man, claiming that his fiancee abandoning her baby in a difficult situation was really cowardly

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Oleg Tarasenko

Oleg Tarasenko

Writer, BoredPanda staff

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After many years of working as sports journalist and trivia game author and host in Ukraine I joined Bored Panda as a content creator. I do love writing stories and I sincerely believe - there's no dull plots at all. Like a great Italian composer Joaquino Rossini once told: "Give me a police protocol - and I'll make an opera out of it!"

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Oleg Tarasenko

Oleg Tarasenko

Writer, BoredPanda staff

After many years of working as sports journalist and trivia game author and host in Ukraine I joined Bored Panda as a content creator. I do love writing stories and I sincerely believe - there's no dull plots at all. Like a great Italian composer Joaquino Rossini once told: "Give me a police protocol - and I'll make an opera out of it!"

Denis Krotovas

Denis Krotovas

Author, BoredPanda staff

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I am a Visual Editor at Bored Panda. While studying at Vilnius Tech University, I learned how to use Photoshop and decided to continue mastering it at Bored Panda. I am interested in learning UI/UX design and creating unique designs for apps, games and websites. On my spare time, I enjoy playing video and board games, watching TV shows and movies and reading funny posts on the internet.

Read less »

Denis Krotovas

Denis Krotovas

Author, BoredPanda staff

I am a Visual Editor at Bored Panda. While studying at Vilnius Tech University, I learned how to use Photoshop and decided to continue mastering it at Bored Panda. I am interested in learning UI/UX design and creating unique designs for apps, games and websites. On my spare time, I enjoy playing video and board games, watching TV shows and movies and reading funny posts on the internet.

Who do you think is in the wrong here?
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MR
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The part I'm hung up on is what would have happened if he weren't there? Seriously, that needs to be discussed a hell of a lot more than anything else. No one to call her and tell her it's safe. The baby just sitting there alone in the stroller. She can talk a big game and get offended for being called out. But there's a far more distressing aspect to this story being glossed over.

Noproblem
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I used to work with a guy who prided himself on being a “gentleman.” Then one day the fire alarms went off unexpectedly, and in his haste to leave the building, he pushed a pregnant woman out of his way. He never lived it down. But he took the ribbing because he knew he earned it.

FreeTheUnicorn
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've never met anyone who self identified as a gentleman who was anything to aspire to.

Load More Replies...
Krysta Pandoo
Community Member
6 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow, she's a grade A coward. Well done for calling her in it. Can't believe she left the baby then had the audacity to mock another woman's reaction.

Secret Squirrel
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Do we think this was the same woman who screamed and ran from the bear from a few weeks ago? Surely a kindred spirit at least.

Secret Squirrel
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This wasn't taken a step to run and then back to the baby. Uncontrolled surprise response lasts less than a second. A step in the wrong direction, two, that's startle. This is a crazy response even without the baby and partner. She ran and hid for several minutes, not observing the situation to see if it *was* dangerous, not keeping an eye on the baby, just hiding and leaving the others for dead/injured. This is how she's trained herself to respond to surprise over the years. Even toddlers don't run away for that long because of a startle, they cry louder, but she's honestly the stay quiet and flee behaviour and obviously hasn't spent the last year (plus pregnancy) changing her mindset. Most new mothers have to fight the urge to check on/pick up their baby at every startle, especially when hearing is so sensitive early on.

zovjraar me
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

look, people react unpredictably when s**t hits the fan. she ran. that's not admirable, but it is understandable. but she can't do that and then put someone down for doing the same thing!

FreeTheUnicorn
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A few steps or a gasp is one thing, she ran and hid for minutes while ignoring her baby and partner. If there was no baby involved I would consider breaking up over being left like that. She didn't go for help, she didn't watch the situation from a "safe vantage point" she just high tailed it and left them. I wouldn't dare her, let alone raise a kid with her.

Load More Replies...
Seanette Blaylock
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Is this guy sure that entrusting his child to a woman who's already demonstrated she'll abandon said child in a bad situation is anywhere near a good idea?

FreeTheUnicorn
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Calling her out is the right thing to do. Who does this? Even when it's not your kid if you're with children you shield them or bring them with you when you run. And for those questioning if that's been personally tested yes, twice with kids and once with my dog. It's unlikely that there's going to be a lot of danger for the kid, so I wouldn't stop leaving her with Jess, but the lack of self awareness worries me more than the leaving you child to be attacked. But in panic mode she forgot her own baby, I'd be angry if my partner left me like that and would have. Hard time trusting them. In fight oenflught people instinctively look first at the thing thats most important, baby and partner didn't rate. That's tough.

Aline
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I couldn't look at her the same way after that. She's lucky this only came up later when watching TV. My sister and I ran into the house once and left our youngest siblings (baby) on the grass when a mean dog came in the yard. My dad went for the dog, mom ran for the baby, but wow did we were told off (at 4 and 6) for not scooping our brother. Everyone was fine but I've never abandoned anyone after that in a crisis.

Deborah B
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If there's a "mama bear" response, then this should be "quokka mum". As in "Yeet the baby and run."

ElfVibratorGlitter
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If I had been scared for my life I would have grabbed my baby and ran. Husband/fiance can fend for himself, I'm going to do everything for my baby. Not leave it.

Racing Tadpole
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She could do some self defence training to toughen herself up...

FreeTheUnicorn
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Definitely agree, although all the training in the world can't help if you if you don't value your child enough to protect it. Even as a child you grab your friend/sibling if you're going to run.

Load More Replies...
Michelle C
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ha!...she's almost like a human Quokka! Like if she was holding the baby she probably would've thrown it and tripped the husband.

Melissa Harris
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Most women, their first instinct it to GRAB THE CHILD. You either run or hit the ground and cover them with your body. She's not ready to be a mother. She needs to go to parenting classes and maybe therapy. The key to good parenting is emotional regulation. You cannot panic and leave your kids behind in a crisis or losses your temper and strike them, etc.

My O My
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Run for your life, hide and not respond for a while. Downplaying afterwards. Classic PTSD response, no?

FreeTheUnicorn
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not a classic PTSD response. Run and hide is severe and rare. Downplaying afterwards doesn't have anything to do with PTSD, thats just how we are socialized. But this isn't downplaying, it's more like delusion, which is very concerning and not PTSD.

Load More Replies...
C.O. Shea
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Bwaahahahahaa. Yeah, women can be delusional narcissists, too.

Emie N.
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah we know that... no one said they couldn't. Narcissism is a human trait regardless of gender.

Load More Replies...
Alexandra Nara
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

wtf..he took the stroller with to check a unknown situation ..leaving her alone? and call her for abandoning the kid? Sure it was strange she run for protection without taking her child with. But she didn't left the kid alone, she left it with the father,who decided to take the kid with in the troubled situation. the kid should have been stayed by the mother at a safe place.Father made the decision to check at his own, maybe to play hero,maybe for protection. Wasn't great to run away, but was also not really helpful to endanger the child and mock the wife. they should rather talk about,how to solve this situation next time

Rizzo
Community Member
6 months ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Fear is irrational. People can't be blamed for what they do when frightened.

Trillian
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nope. I will always judge a parent who abandons their kid like this.

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Ms.GB
Community Member
6 months ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

To be honest they both suck. They heard a loud noise and it resulted in their 9 mo old infant sitting alone on the sidewalk...

MR
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The part I'm hung up on is what would have happened if he weren't there? Seriously, that needs to be discussed a hell of a lot more than anything else. No one to call her and tell her it's safe. The baby just sitting there alone in the stroller. She can talk a big game and get offended for being called out. But there's a far more distressing aspect to this story being glossed over.

Noproblem
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I used to work with a guy who prided himself on being a “gentleman.” Then one day the fire alarms went off unexpectedly, and in his haste to leave the building, he pushed a pregnant woman out of his way. He never lived it down. But he took the ribbing because he knew he earned it.

FreeTheUnicorn
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've never met anyone who self identified as a gentleman who was anything to aspire to.

Load More Replies...
Krysta Pandoo
Community Member
6 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow, she's a grade A coward. Well done for calling her in it. Can't believe she left the baby then had the audacity to mock another woman's reaction.

Secret Squirrel
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Do we think this was the same woman who screamed and ran from the bear from a few weeks ago? Surely a kindred spirit at least.

Secret Squirrel
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This wasn't taken a step to run and then back to the baby. Uncontrolled surprise response lasts less than a second. A step in the wrong direction, two, that's startle. This is a crazy response even without the baby and partner. She ran and hid for several minutes, not observing the situation to see if it *was* dangerous, not keeping an eye on the baby, just hiding and leaving the others for dead/injured. This is how she's trained herself to respond to surprise over the years. Even toddlers don't run away for that long because of a startle, they cry louder, but she's honestly the stay quiet and flee behaviour and obviously hasn't spent the last year (plus pregnancy) changing her mindset. Most new mothers have to fight the urge to check on/pick up their baby at every startle, especially when hearing is so sensitive early on.

zovjraar me
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

look, people react unpredictably when s**t hits the fan. she ran. that's not admirable, but it is understandable. but she can't do that and then put someone down for doing the same thing!

FreeTheUnicorn
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A few steps or a gasp is one thing, she ran and hid for minutes while ignoring her baby and partner. If there was no baby involved I would consider breaking up over being left like that. She didn't go for help, she didn't watch the situation from a "safe vantage point" she just high tailed it and left them. I wouldn't dare her, let alone raise a kid with her.

Load More Replies...
Seanette Blaylock
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Is this guy sure that entrusting his child to a woman who's already demonstrated she'll abandon said child in a bad situation is anywhere near a good idea?

FreeTheUnicorn
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Calling her out is the right thing to do. Who does this? Even when it's not your kid if you're with children you shield them or bring them with you when you run. And for those questioning if that's been personally tested yes, twice with kids and once with my dog. It's unlikely that there's going to be a lot of danger for the kid, so I wouldn't stop leaving her with Jess, but the lack of self awareness worries me more than the leaving you child to be attacked. But in panic mode she forgot her own baby, I'd be angry if my partner left me like that and would have. Hard time trusting them. In fight oenflught people instinctively look first at the thing thats most important, baby and partner didn't rate. That's tough.

Aline
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I couldn't look at her the same way after that. She's lucky this only came up later when watching TV. My sister and I ran into the house once and left our youngest siblings (baby) on the grass when a mean dog came in the yard. My dad went for the dog, mom ran for the baby, but wow did we were told off (at 4 and 6) for not scooping our brother. Everyone was fine but I've never abandoned anyone after that in a crisis.

Deborah B
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If there's a "mama bear" response, then this should be "quokka mum". As in "Yeet the baby and run."

ElfVibratorGlitter
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If I had been scared for my life I would have grabbed my baby and ran. Husband/fiance can fend for himself, I'm going to do everything for my baby. Not leave it.

Racing Tadpole
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She could do some self defence training to toughen herself up...

FreeTheUnicorn
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Definitely agree, although all the training in the world can't help if you if you don't value your child enough to protect it. Even as a child you grab your friend/sibling if you're going to run.

Load More Replies...
Michelle C
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ha!...she's almost like a human Quokka! Like if she was holding the baby she probably would've thrown it and tripped the husband.

Melissa Harris
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Most women, their first instinct it to GRAB THE CHILD. You either run or hit the ground and cover them with your body. She's not ready to be a mother. She needs to go to parenting classes and maybe therapy. The key to good parenting is emotional regulation. You cannot panic and leave your kids behind in a crisis or losses your temper and strike them, etc.

My O My
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Run for your life, hide and not respond for a while. Downplaying afterwards. Classic PTSD response, no?

FreeTheUnicorn
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not a classic PTSD response. Run and hide is severe and rare. Downplaying afterwards doesn't have anything to do with PTSD, thats just how we are socialized. But this isn't downplaying, it's more like delusion, which is very concerning and not PTSD.

Load More Replies...
C.O. Shea
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Bwaahahahahaa. Yeah, women can be delusional narcissists, too.

Emie N.
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah we know that... no one said they couldn't. Narcissism is a human trait regardless of gender.

Load More Replies...
Alexandra Nara
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

wtf..he took the stroller with to check a unknown situation ..leaving her alone? and call her for abandoning the kid? Sure it was strange she run for protection without taking her child with. But she didn't left the kid alone, she left it with the father,who decided to take the kid with in the troubled situation. the kid should have been stayed by the mother at a safe place.Father made the decision to check at his own, maybe to play hero,maybe for protection. Wasn't great to run away, but was also not really helpful to endanger the child and mock the wife. they should rather talk about,how to solve this situation next time

Rizzo
Community Member
6 months ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Fear is irrational. People can't be blamed for what they do when frightened.

Trillian
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nope. I will always judge a parent who abandons their kid like this.

Load More Replies...
Ms.GB
Community Member
6 months ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

To be honest they both suck. They heard a loud noise and it resulted in their 9 mo old infant sitting alone on the sidewalk...

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