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“That Was It”: Man Has Had Enough Of In-Laws Visiting Without Notice
Interview
A new baby is thrilling for everyone in the family. It’s understandable for grandparents, aunts and uncles to rush to see the newborn and want to be around as much as possible to help out and bond with the tiniest member of the family. But there are still common courtesies that apply to visiting relatives, and it’s important to not make the new parents’ lives any harder. They want to enjoy this time with their little one too, and if they don’t need any extra help, visiting too often can be more of a curse than a blessing.
One father recently shared on Reddit that he has found himself wrapped up in conflict with his in-laws after attempting to set boundaries on when they were allowed to visit. He wanted some outside opinions on whether or not he was being reasonable, so below, you’ll find the father’s full explanation of the situation, as well as an interview between him and Bored Panda, and some of the replies his post received. Let us know what you think about all of this in the comments, and then if you’re looking for even more articles detailing drama between in-laws, you can find a couple more juicy stories here and here.
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This father is wondering if he was justified in laying down the law and setting boundaries with his in-laws
Image credits: Jessica Furtney (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Bored Panda (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Helena Lopes (not the actual photo)
Image credits: johnbilbobadger
We reached out to this father on Reddit to hear if there had been any updates on the situation since he posted about it online, and he is happy to report that the conflict has been resolved. “Everything went better, my in-laws understood, and now we have a good relationship,” he told Bored Panda.
We also asked him if the relationship between him and his in-laws had been tumultuous in the past. “We’ve had a couple of issues before, but none of them were bad enough,” he shared. “I think this time I lost it because I have a thing for privacy and boundaries.”
We also asked the father how it felt reading all of the replies that his post received reassuring him that he was not the jerk in the situation. “At first I felt supported, it was all good, but when it went sort of viral I felt bad because even if I was not the [jerk], I felt like an attention [seeker], and that was definitely not the point,” he told Bored Panda.
“You know, 10 people telling you you’re NTA is cool, but hundreds of people telling you that (some of them just saying I should get a divorce) kinda defeats the purpose,” he explained. “Maybe in the end, I felt like I was indeed the [jerk] just for posting that instead of talking to my wife at the time.”
“I do think anyone should call before visiting, but sometimes I regret posting my situation because I don’t like that level of attention,” the father admitted.
He is certainly justified in his desire for privacy and boundaries within his family, but I can also understand how the post blowing up might have been a lot to handle. Thankfully, the situation has been resolved, so if you’d like to share your thoughts below, please keep in mind that there is no need to harp on the in-laws. Let’s keep it kind, pandas. And if you’ve ever found yourself in drama with your in-laws, feel free to share how you managed to navigate those situations.
Readers have assured the father that he was being perfectly reasonable and his boundaries should be respected
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Amanda Jayne 3 years ago
My own mother did this to me, brought her colleagues round to see 'her' baby, after I'd expressly asked for a phone call first. My daughter's birth was so traumatic, we both almost died. She had no signs of life, i haemorraged, needed untold stitches. A bad time. My lil zombie baby and me needed time to recover. Not be put on parade unannounced.
Annabelle 3 years ago
That’s horrible. Especially because her colleagues are basically strangers to you. Hope you and the baby are alright now.
Load More Replies...
Emmydearest 3 years ago
As an introvert, people coming over unannounced is a personal nightmare. I need my time and my space so I want to be able to invent an excuse if really don't feel like meeting people. I'm also quite a perfectionist, so I'd hate to show my house and myself when "not in order". If I'm not expecting visitors, the house is not always necessarily clean and tidy; I might be doing some cleaning so I'd be quite sweaty and definitely wearing old comfy clothes, my hair might need a shampoo... Yeah, no. Absolutely call first. Or better, wait for my invitation.
April Caron 3 years ago
Maybe it’s cultural? I’m Mexican, and in my family… we just show up. “Mi casa is su casa” is a literal saying. Although, I’m going to add that it applies to only family or close friends that are akin to family. Otherwise, you call first. But I do see this as a boundary issue. There is nothing wrong with being asked to call first or wait for an invitation. And if you’ve been asked to call first… then you respect that and YOU CALL FIRST!
AK to LV 3 years ago
It might be a cultural thing. However, if any of my Mexican relatives 'drop by', they wouldn't leave my kitchen a mess. They would bring a meal and offer to do laundry or watch the baby while I slept.
Load More Replies...
gotham-panda 3 years ago
This is a "the new baby belongs to everyone" issue. It's bulls**t and extremely hard on new parents. I wish people would stop feeling entitled to other peoples babies.
Annette Easton 3 years ago
Want to stop them from just dropping by? Answer the door wearing almost nothing. Or bondage gear.
sturmwesen 3 years ago
I did something similar with my ex's mother. Milky glass door... I went up and down the hall in my underwear. It worked.
Load More Replies...
Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago (edited)
Some parents cannot understand that they’re not in charge anymore when they’re in their children’s houses and not their own. Your kids are grown, they don’t live in your house anymore. You become the guest in their house, so you no longer get to call the shots—-they do. Quit being such f*****g control freaks, and leave your children TF alone, especially if they have a newborn, until invited. Offer to help if they need it. Then wait for their call, but don’t just assume they need help and barge in uninvited.
Trillian 3 years ago
I have no problem with friends or family just showing up, but then they a) have to accept if I am busy and come back some other time and b) it is understood that this is just for a quick chat or coffee. The idea of somebody ringing my doorbell repeatedly until I open (hello??? Get a clue?) or staying the entire day just freaks me out.
Vix Spiderthrust 3 years ago
Oh god, I hear this. You ask people time and again not to pop in unannounced and they never, ever listen.
Deborah B 3 years ago
Boundries go in different places. My grandparents lived next door to two of my aunts and uncles families. Grandparents and one aunt and uncle were no-boundries. Family going back and forth at all hours without notice, visitors to one were free to stroll into the other, kid's didn't ask permission to go to over to grandma's etc. No locks on the doors, even if they're out, just walk in and be at home. The other Aunt and Uncle's house didn't work like that. There was a one-way boundry. No one went to their place without calling first. Why? That actually never came up, it was just how they liked it. Even as kids, it was understood, you want to go play with that set of cousins, you phone and ask first. Making your boundries clear is NTA.
A B C the Third 3 years ago
Can we PLEASE have some AITA posts with some CONTROVERSY? Why does BP always pick those that are absolutely clear whether the person is an ásshole or not?
Eva Verde 3 years ago
That's when you know that there is just a person making those stories up. Like "aunt agony" column in a newspaper. Just for people to read about imaginary problems and express their opinions.
Load More Replies... Amanda Jayne 3 years ago
My own mother did this to me, brought her colleagues round to see 'her' baby, after I'd expressly asked for a phone call first. My daughter's birth was so traumatic, we both almost died. She had no signs of life, i haemorraged, needed untold stitches. A bad time. My lil zombie baby and me needed time to recover. Not be put on parade unannounced.
Annabelle 3 years ago
That’s horrible. Especially because her colleagues are basically strangers to you. Hope you and the baby are alright now.
Load More Replies... Emmydearest 3 years ago
As an introvert, people coming over unannounced is a personal nightmare. I need my time and my space so I want to be able to invent an excuse if really don't feel like meeting people. I'm also quite a perfectionist, so I'd hate to show my house and myself when "not in order". If I'm not expecting visitors, the house is not always necessarily clean and tidy; I might be doing some cleaning so I'd be quite sweaty and definitely wearing old comfy clothes, my hair might need a shampoo... Yeah, no. Absolutely call first. Or better, wait for my invitation.
April Caron 3 years ago
Maybe it’s cultural? I’m Mexican, and in my family… we just show up. “Mi casa is su casa” is a literal saying. Although, I’m going to add that it applies to only family or close friends that are akin to family. Otherwise, you call first. But I do see this as a boundary issue. There is nothing wrong with being asked to call first or wait for an invitation. And if you’ve been asked to call first… then you respect that and YOU CALL FIRST!
AK to LV 3 years ago
It might be a cultural thing. However, if any of my Mexican relatives 'drop by', they wouldn't leave my kitchen a mess. They would bring a meal and offer to do laundry or watch the baby while I slept.
Load More Replies... gotham-panda 3 years ago
This is a "the new baby belongs to everyone" issue. It's bulls**t and extremely hard on new parents. I wish people would stop feeling entitled to other peoples babies.
Annette Easton 3 years ago
Want to stop them from just dropping by? Answer the door wearing almost nothing. Or bondage gear.
sturmwesen 3 years ago
I did something similar with my ex's mother. Milky glass door... I went up and down the hall in my underwear. It worked.
Load More Replies... Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago (edited)
Some parents cannot understand that they’re not in charge anymore when they’re in their children’s houses and not their own. Your kids are grown, they don’t live in your house anymore. You become the guest in their house, so you no longer get to call the shots—-they do. Quit being such f*****g control freaks, and leave your children TF alone, especially if they have a newborn, until invited. Offer to help if they need it. Then wait for their call, but don’t just assume they need help and barge in uninvited.
Trillian 3 years ago
I have no problem with friends or family just showing up, but then they a) have to accept if I am busy and come back some other time and b) it is understood that this is just for a quick chat or coffee. The idea of somebody ringing my doorbell repeatedly until I open (hello??? Get a clue?) or staying the entire day just freaks me out.
Vix Spiderthrust 3 years ago
Oh god, I hear this. You ask people time and again not to pop in unannounced and they never, ever listen.
Deborah B 3 years ago
Boundries go in different places. My grandparents lived next door to two of my aunts and uncles families. Grandparents and one aunt and uncle were no-boundries. Family going back and forth at all hours without notice, visitors to one were free to stroll into the other, kid's didn't ask permission to go to over to grandma's etc. No locks on the doors, even if they're out, just walk in and be at home. The other Aunt and Uncle's house didn't work like that. There was a one-way boundry. No one went to their place without calling first. Why? That actually never came up, it was just how they liked it. Even as kids, it was understood, you want to go play with that set of cousins, you phone and ask first. Making your boundries clear is NTA.
A B C the Third 3 years ago
Can we PLEASE have some AITA posts with some CONTROVERSY? Why does BP always pick those that are absolutely clear whether the person is an ásshole or not?
Eva Verde 3 years ago
That's when you know that there is just a person making those stories up. Like "aunt agony" column in a newspaper. Just for people to read about imaginary problems and express their opinions.
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