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174
Woman Refuses To Entertain Grandparents After Giving Birth, They Ignore Her And Still Plan It Out
A newborn in the family is always a big deal and typically extended relatives show interest and care about it. However, sometimes relatives can be inconsiderate and underestimate the hardships for the new mom, as it takes time to recover.
Today’s story covers how a woman’s grandparents dismissed her needs and instead focused on their holiday, expecting the woman to entertain them.
More Info: Mumsnet
RELATED:
Extended family is important, but shouldn’t be the focus once a newborn is brought into the world
Image credits: shurkin_son (not the actual photo)
A soon-to-be mom recently approached the Mumsnet online community to see if she was being unreasonable
Image credits: gpointstudio (not the actual photo)
Her extended family plans to visit her and the newborn, and that’s good, but the grandparents think of it more as a holiday
Image credits: Wendy Wei (not the actual photo)
This stresses the woman out, as she’s unsure if she’ll be fit to go sightseeing with the grandparents just a couple of days after labor
Image credits: kfellover
She needed advice from people online to see if she was reasonable for telling the grandparents that she probably wouldn’t be ready to entertain them and that it’s their concern
Recently a woman approached the Mumsnet online community to see if she was being unreasonable. She’s due to deliver her baby in late August, and in preparation for that, extended family is planning to visit her.
That’s all nice and good, however, one side of her grandparents has never visited her, as she lives quite far away. So for them, visiting the granddaughter and the newborn is not only about them, but also, they think of it as a holiday. Nothing weird so far, right?
What’s interesting about them thinking of their trip as a holiday is that the grandparents expect the OP (Original Poster) to entertain them throughout their stay there, despite her being just a couple of days out of labor. It’s alright for them to think that way, but they should organize their entertainment themselves, and not their exhausted granddaughter.
Naturally, the woman pushed back on this, but they seemed to ignore her remarks and kept saying how nice it was going to be and the places she was going to show them. It was stressing the woman out, so she took her feelings to the internet to see if being stern with the grandparents on this would be reasonable.
Image credits: gpointstudio (not the actual photo)
Netizens overwhelmingly supported her, with 97% of those 1000 people who voted saying that she wasn’t being unreasonable at all. Not shocking, given that everyone is aware of how difficult bringing new life into the world is, and that the mother needs to rest afterward, and not just for a few days.
According to postpartum research, women feel mostly recovered after 6-8 weeks after giving birth, but it might take longer than this “to feel like yourself again”. The upcoming months after giving birth can be brutal for women, as not only the body needs to heal, but postpartum mental health issues are common.
Of course, coming back home with a newborn is great, but after already being under immense pain and stress for hours, it doesn’t end there. The baby has a lot of needs that must be taken care of as well. It’s hard to believe that someone could be ready to go sightseeing just a couple of days after labor, and it might be even dangerous to the well-being of the woman, even if she’d like to go.
Postpartum can commonly be brutal, as its complications can range from headaches to serious infections and even strokes. Therefore, letting the woman rest after childbirth should be the obvious choice here, as it’s not a light matter. Overall, it truly looks evident that the woman isn’t being unreasonable at all, and on top of that, she will explain this to the grandparents. They’re welcome to visit, but being entertained is their own business.
What do you think about today’s story? Do you think the grandparents’ request was okay? Let us know in the comments below.
Netizens support the woman, 97% of those who voted say that she’s not being unreasonable at all
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What do you think ?
Michael MacKinnon 1 year ago
From other discussions here, isn't there a period of time where visitors can pose a risk of infectious disease for a newborn child?
Anna Boes 1 year ago
The immune system of a newborn isn't all that great. Some diseases, like covid and other flues, measles and other virus based infections can be dangerous, especially since newborns and young infants tend to get really, really high fever, and yes, that can damage their brain and organs. Plus, it's unnecessarily painful for the poor little person. That's why it's not recommended to have strangers or really all that many different people touch baby or hold them, because exposure to one strain at a time it plenty risk enough. But that doesn't mean no one is allowed to touch baby other than the parental units, only that it's best to practice common sense.
Load More Replies...
Sand Ers 1 year ago
When people invite themselves to your house, “no” is a complete and entirely sufficient answer.
Ge Po 1 year ago
Oh, granny, you've fallen down the stairs and broken your hip and gotten a concussion? You know what? We will come over and visit you right away. If you just look for some nice places to visit, then you can drive us there by car, so we don't have to hire one when we take the plane. Now, don't be a child, I happen to know you can walk on that leg quite shortly after they've replaced that hip and no worries, if you get nauseous from the concussion, you just pull over for a bit so you can throw up. We understand.
Rebel Peewee 1 year ago
What if you have a C-section after 48 harrowing hours of labor and baby is being monitored in NICU for 24 hours and then baby has trouble latching so you can't leave the hospital bc baby dropped too many ozs and you go home with a cane on account of being ripped open and out of nowhere you're shaking and shivering coming down from your epidural and it takes 4 hours and all your courage to poop. Are you being too precious then???
Jennifer Clayton 1 year ago
The only reason to visit after a birth is to cook, clean and do their laundry. Keep your opinions about parenting to yourself unless asked for advice. Provide emotional support with no judgment. Keep an eye out for any post partum complications, physical and psychological. Take care of mother, baby and the family only when it is helpful. I'm old, never been pregnant, but this is how I've helped loved ones in the past.
Anna Boes 1 year ago
That's the weirdest thing to me, my family came to see the newest nephew in hospital. Her parents stayed for one hour and let her vent. The rest of us was in - awwww - out and went for coffee, and one of new-mum's sisters brought her cake. And held her when she cried a bit because she was exhausted. The next four weeks the grandparents sitted the older nephew, cleaned the house, did the cooking and the laundry, and buy, they were fighting over who got to make dinner. 🤣 the new mum kicked them out, one after the other, chore by chore, over time, when she had enough of them. We were only allowed into the house to visit new nephew in small groups, only ever one afternoon per family unit. And even us kids did chores to help out when we came to visit. That's what I was taught as 'coming to visit after a birth'. Why would anyone take the one nice thing, aka the new baby, away from their parents?
Load More Replies...
Somebodys grandmother 1 year ago
No!!! More than 20 minuts visit from each set of grandparents the first week.... is to much! I know... I have through 30 years seen tired mothers and babies on the maternityward because the visitors wont stay away. SAY NO!!!!
Amelia Jade 1 year ago
As a doula, I really wish new parents had the opportunity to hunker down and just enjoy their new family dynamic without everyone barging in. I know not everyone wants that, but I always encouraged my clients to take time to shut out everyone else. Rest, relax, bond. Visits can come later. Taking baby out and about can come later. If anyone does insist on coming by, it should be to do chores, or bring food, and that's it. Parents should not have to entertain. Rest and bond with baby, and one another. That's it.
Louise Brown 1 year ago
1. This is why your doors have locks. 2. If you know they'll all head over as soon as you announce and break your peace, you just don't tell anyone til you're ready. It's not rocket science.
MadRatter 1 year ago
I remember one of my bedst friends being completely exhausted and not able to move a lot several days after giving birth. Her mum helped her a lot, and I'd come over to cook for her when her husband was out (he's the one who does the cooking). I've been told that a woman's stomach muscles have been separated after carrying a baby. No wonder she was so sore!
Michael MacKinnon 1 year ago
From other discussions here, isn't there a period of time where visitors can pose a risk of infectious disease for a newborn child?
Anna Boes 1 year ago
The immune system of a newborn isn't all that great. Some diseases, like covid and other flues, measles and other virus based infections can be dangerous, especially since newborns and young infants tend to get really, really high fever, and yes, that can damage their brain and organs. Plus, it's unnecessarily painful for the poor little person. That's why it's not recommended to have strangers or really all that many different people touch baby or hold them, because exposure to one strain at a time it plenty risk enough. But that doesn't mean no one is allowed to touch baby other than the parental units, only that it's best to practice common sense.
Load More Replies... Sand Ers 1 year ago
When people invite themselves to your house, “no” is a complete and entirely sufficient answer.
Ge Po 1 year ago
Oh, granny, you've fallen down the stairs and broken your hip and gotten a concussion? You know what? We will come over and visit you right away. If you just look for some nice places to visit, then you can drive us there by car, so we don't have to hire one when we take the plane. Now, don't be a child, I happen to know you can walk on that leg quite shortly after they've replaced that hip and no worries, if you get nauseous from the concussion, you just pull over for a bit so you can throw up. We understand.
Rebel Peewee 1 year ago
What if you have a C-section after 48 harrowing hours of labor and baby is being monitored in NICU for 24 hours and then baby has trouble latching so you can't leave the hospital bc baby dropped too many ozs and you go home with a cane on account of being ripped open and out of nowhere you're shaking and shivering coming down from your epidural and it takes 4 hours and all your courage to poop. Are you being too precious then???
Jennifer Clayton 1 year ago
The only reason to visit after a birth is to cook, clean and do their laundry. Keep your opinions about parenting to yourself unless asked for advice. Provide emotional support with no judgment. Keep an eye out for any post partum complications, physical and psychological. Take care of mother, baby and the family only when it is helpful. I'm old, never been pregnant, but this is how I've helped loved ones in the past.
Anna Boes 1 year ago
That's the weirdest thing to me, my family came to see the newest nephew in hospital. Her parents stayed for one hour and let her vent. The rest of us was in - awwww - out and went for coffee, and one of new-mum's sisters brought her cake. And held her when she cried a bit because she was exhausted. The next four weeks the grandparents sitted the older nephew, cleaned the house, did the cooking and the laundry, and buy, they were fighting over who got to make dinner. 🤣 the new mum kicked them out, one after the other, chore by chore, over time, when she had enough of them. We were only allowed into the house to visit new nephew in small groups, only ever one afternoon per family unit. And even us kids did chores to help out when we came to visit. That's what I was taught as 'coming to visit after a birth'. Why would anyone take the one nice thing, aka the new baby, away from their parents?
Load More Replies... Somebodys grandmother 1 year ago
No!!! More than 20 minuts visit from each set of grandparents the first week.... is to much! I know... I have through 30 years seen tired mothers and babies on the maternityward because the visitors wont stay away. SAY NO!!!!
Amelia Jade 1 year ago
As a doula, I really wish new parents had the opportunity to hunker down and just enjoy their new family dynamic without everyone barging in. I know not everyone wants that, but I always encouraged my clients to take time to shut out everyone else. Rest, relax, bond. Visits can come later. Taking baby out and about can come later. If anyone does insist on coming by, it should be to do chores, or bring food, and that's it. Parents should not have to entertain. Rest and bond with baby, and one another. That's it.
Louise Brown 1 year ago
1. This is why your doors have locks. 2. If you know they'll all head over as soon as you announce and break your peace, you just don't tell anyone til you're ready. It's not rocket science.
MadRatter 1 year ago
I remember one of my bedst friends being completely exhausted and not able to move a lot several days after giving birth. Her mum helped her a lot, and I'd come over to cook for her when her husband was out (he's the one who does the cooking). I've been told that a woman's stomach muscles have been separated after carrying a baby. No wonder she was so sore!
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