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Have you ever wished you could just implant your message right into someone’s brain so that they would hear it loud and clear and understand it right away? Well, we have! We often think about how cool it would be to send telepathic messages and save our daily word count on something that’s truly worthy of our breath. There’s another spectrum of sending a telepathic message - the entertainment kind. And, although the mere thought of telepathic messaging is already quite an entertaining one, just wait until you read the answers these people once gave about the telepathic messages they’d send to all the people on earth at once. It’s pure comedy gold, so if you’re drinking something, put it aside so as not to sprinkle your precious screen with sticky droplets of whatever it is you’re drinking.
As it turns out, loads of people have thought about the possibility of sending telepathic messages to all the inhabitants of the earth all at once. And since their ideas of the perfect message to broadcast were so specific and so on-point, we came to our conclusion that most of them have actually spent quite some time in their lives mulling over the thought. From absolutely hilarious transmissions and funny stories that would surely stop anyone in their tracks upon receiving them to profound messages that could positively change the course of history, the people in this Reddit thread seemingly had an announcement fit for absolutely any occasion. Now, only if we could actually send telepathic messages…
Right, let’s go to the telepathic messages people in this AskReddit thread shared with us, shall we? Let us warn you again - it’s bound to get pretty hilarious in here, so count the possibility of having a fit of the wildest giggles in. Be sure to rank the submissions in a way that pleases you, and share this article with your friends!
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#1
botchman wrote:
"People of Earth, your attention, please. This is Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz of the Galactic Hyperspace Planning Council. As you will no doubt be aware, the plans for development of the outlying regions of the Galaxy require the building of a hyperspatial express route through your star system. And regrettably, your planet is one of those scheduled for demolition. The process will take slightly less than two of your Earth minutes. Thank you."
Stompya replied:
”There’s no point in acting all surprised about it. All the planning charts and demolition orders have been on display in your local planning department on Alpha Centauri for fifty of your Earth years, so you’ve had plenty of time to lodge any formal complaint and it’s far too late to start making a fuss about it now.”
Luxray1000 added:
"What do you mean you've never been to Alpha Centauri? For heaven's sake, mankind, it's only four light years away, you know. I'm sorry, but if you can't be bothered to take an interest in local affairs, that's your own lookout. Energize the demolition beams."
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#2
DronePilotNYC wrote:
“We are the Galactic council. You have 10 Earth years to unite as a species, to eliminate Poverty, sickness and revert the damage you have done to the climate or you will be destroyed. This is the last communication we will have with you on this matter. Unite as a species or die as one.“
LividLager replied:
"Dude we can't even agree to wear masks during a pandemic. People would arm themselves and say bring it."
Dav Carro-Ripalda 1 year ago
Americans would arm themselves and say bring it. The spanish community would just share their last meal and drink with friends
#3
King_Kezza wrote:
"Act out a conversation between 2 people talking about shutting down the simulation, then freak out about accidentally broadcasting the conversation in the simulation."
TurtleTucker replied:
"But if you power off Chicago, the rest of them will notice."
"We've gotta start somewhere."
"No, I'm not gonna do that. I think it will frazzle them. The population's too big; you can't just eliminate the entire city."
"Then try somewhere smaller. Try Tampa. Just test it out."
"No, we should try it on a forest somewhere. Or some island. Or a mountain, or something. One that they won't miss."
"The whole purpose of this is to see if it's better to wipe and start over. The whole thing is backed up with data. I feel like rebooting would be the best bet."
"Yeah, but the memory would be-- ah, sh*t. I'm leaning on the intercom."
"You idiot! Turn that o--"
#6
McBurger wrote:
"I'd read out some very long string of random letters, like a SHA256. Since it will catch everyone off guard, it is unlikely that nearly anybody will be able to realize what is happening for the first couple dozen letters and be unable to write it down. Let the madness ensue as people try to collaborate on what the message was, what characters were correct (there will be conflicting accounts), brute force decrypting it, and what it meant."
14AngryMonkeys replied:
"Can you please make the decoded string a URL that redirects to a certain Rick Astley video?"
#7
sportartemis wrote:
"Give me Harry Potter. Do this and none shall be harmed. Give me Harry Potter, and I shall leave Hogwarts untouched. Give me Harry Potter, and you will be rewarded. You have one hour."
insertstalem3me replied:
"News broadcast later that evening:
"With millions believing Harry Potter is real, many have been injured by running into the pillars of Kings Cross station""
#8
“But first, a word from our sponsor, Raid Shadow Legends.”
#9
"You are loved."
#10
"No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!"
#12
beklog wrote:
"Hi Eartlings, we're real and we come in peace. Please do not pour water on us."
Bikeboy76 replied:
"Did he say Eartlings?"
Witch_Doctor_Seuss added:
"An alien race makes contact and the first thing you wanna do is make fun of their accent? Humanity is doomed."
#13
"I know less than half of you half as much as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve!"
#14
watch_over_me wrote:
""You picked the correct religion. I am real, and this is the proof you've been asking for."
Then I'd watch the world blow up."
AyeAye_Kane replied:
"All the atheists are gonna be completely stumped."
Nikki Sevven 1 year ago
All the atheists are going to be pissed that an all-powerful deity allowed the world to be such a bloody mess instead of doing something about it.
#15
"Jump on the count of three."
#16
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
That'll get the message across."
#18
"Not going to lie, I'm selling this massive advertising opportunity to the highest bidder."
#21
"Something along the line of "19 remain."
They won't know what the 19 are. People? Hours? Deaths? This will most likely spiral them into insanity."
Dav Carro-Ripalda 1 year ago
"Look at them: doomed and completely unaware... 9..8..7..6......" then, silence.
#22
"You lost the game."
#23
“We know what you did. If you confess, we will be lenient. Otherwise you will pay for your misdeeds.”
#25
"Those trying to divide us are doing so for their own benefit, not yours. Look to your fellow man as an ally in the journey of life, not as a competitor or enemy. Work together to improve life for everyone, not just those at the top of the economic pile."
#26
prophetuscaecus wrote:
""Don't do it."
Could save some lives. Could stop some petty crime. Could prevent a perfectly good wedding from happening. Who knows? Results would be interesting."
chillp0tle replied:
"Would be interesting to see the results if you changed it to “do it” too."
Lord_Nivloc added:
"DEW IT."
#27
"Remember the time where Mambo No. 5 wasn't stuck in your head?"
#28
"You must tell no one, but you have a very unique ability that can save the world. In about 6 years, you will get another message akin to this one. Until then, wait."
#29
"Warning! Your simulation experience is about to expire. To continue feeling like a human being , please send $15 to the blue pill org.
Yours sincerely, the Architect."
LizzieBoredom 1 year ago (edited)
I'm sorry. I spent my last $15 on extending my car's warranty.
#30
“‘We’re coming’ and then laugh manically.”
#31
“Hello this is the first test of Elon Musks new neurolink software that requires no chip.”
#32
Snakeninja21 wrote:
""This is god speaking. You have all sinned majorly and will be punished." I feel like for the people who would understand it, because I’d be speaking in English, would clean up their act and panic."
Numinae replied:
"Oh, and Kent... STOP TOUCHING YOURSELF!"
#33
MEMEScouty wrote:
"Deletion Progress: 0%, 1%, 2%, 3%........"
FishingWell replied:
"Then at 99% go into decimals and pause for a bit at 99.99%."
LizzieBoredom 1 year ago
Then at 00.02% display the error message 0x00000013: EMPTY_THREAD_REAPER_LIST.
#34
"This is god. (my name) is the chosen one. He was born on (my birthday) Send him money."
#35
"Just a loud scream for 10 seconds.
It will get its own Wikipedia page and speculations for a hundred years."
#36
"Hey guys, it's Jod."
LizzieBoredom 1 year ago
If you said "Hey guys, it's Jesus" , I'd have a lot of Atheistcally inclined statements to take back.
#38
"Omlette du fromage."
#39
"We are the Borg, lower your weapons and surrender your cities. You and your culture will be assimilated, resistance is futile."
#40
"I’d say “Shhhh Listen” then not say anything, just have it be real quiet, no thoughts, no words, nothing....."
fair_weather_rose 1 year ago
"The message you are about to hear is crucial to the continuation of existence as you know it. Please listen carefully." *unintelligible muttering*
#41
"This is Galactic Executor Sadreana III. After our initial review, we have found planet 4667AAX, local designation: Earth, has failed to meet the criteria set for it 2000 years ago, local time. The inhabitants of this planet continue to war, as well as destroy their own ecosystems. For this reason, acceptance into the galactic league is denied, and a probationary period will begin. If the inhabitants of 4667AAX do not make progress in the next 10 years, the species will be terminated, as per protocol 116E. Have a good day."
#44
"According to my YouTube statistics, only a small percentage of my viewers are actually subscribed. So if you end up liking this video, please subscribe. It's free, and you can always unsubscribe later. Also, there's been a YouTube glitch that's been going around that makes you unsubscribe randomly, so if you could just scroll down and check if you're subscribed, it would help me out a lot. With that out of the way, let's get on with the video."
#45
"7.8 billion?... I'd tell everyone to learn something about birth control!"
Muff_Fluff 1 year ago
Imagine telling the first human beings “you’re gonna have over 100 billion kids Eventually”
#46
“Did you ever hear the Tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise?”
#48
"I'm watching when you touch yourself."
#49
"Whomever just farted managed to disturb the eternal conscience."
#50
""This is god your creator, for eternal salvation you must send $100 to my PO Box."
I would only need about 0.2% of the population to fall for it then I am billionaire."
#51
"My name is Optimus Prime. We are Autonomous Robotic Organisms from the planet Cybertron. We’ve come in no harm, hiding in plain sight, waiting for the time to come. You shall not be worried, Megatron was destroyed eons ago, the threat of Unicron is hiding beneath the crust of this planet, we must destroy him at all costs, and if your planet is to be destroyed, then shall be it."
#52
"Anything telepathic transmitted to every living human being on Earth without explanation would immediately be taken as the voice of God by the majority I'm sure.
Therefore, the only thing I'd say would be something along the lines of, "Whoops... sorry.""
#54
“5G neural network is activated.”
LizzieBoredom 1 year ago (edited)
Does this mean you're going to rise my bill $10 every 3 months?
#57
"Probably just moan a little."
#58
"The following is a message composed via consensus of the O5 Council.
For those who are not currently aware of our existence, we represent the organization known as the SCP Foundation. Our previous mission centered around the containment and study of anomalous objects, entities and other assorted phenomena. This mission was the focus of our organization for more than one-hundred years.
Due to circumstances outside of our control, this directive has now changed. Our new mission will be the extermination of the human race.
There will be no further communication."
#59
"Hello world."
#61
"To all subjects of Ymir - my name is Eren Jäger."
#63
""Ok testing testing... this is god speaking, well a God, you will all now fight each other and the last one thousand people will be granted immortality."
Then let the chaos follow..."
#66
"I would say, "60. 59, 58, 57, 56, 55, 54, 53, 52, 51, 50, 49, 48, 47, 46, 45, 44, 43, 42, 41, 40, 39, 38, 37, 36, 35, 34, 33, 32, 31, 30, 29, 28, 27, 26, 25, 24, 23, 22, 21, 20, 19, 18, 17, 16, 15, 14, 13, 12, 11, 10, 9, 8,7 , 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, 0.""
#69
"The brown note."
#70
“‘MOIST’- emphasis on the S.”
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