“I Have To Be In Bed By 10”: Strict Babysitter’s Rules Push 16-Year-Old Teen To Rebel, He Wonders If He Took It Too Far
At 16, some teenagers can handle the responsibility of looking after their homes and siblings. However, when this Reddit user’s parents went on a mini-vacation, they hired a babysitter.
Though he thought their decision was reasonable, he couldn’t say the same about the woman’s strict rules. After he refused to follow them, the teen faced consequences from both the babysitter and his parents, leading him to ask for judgment on the ‘Am I the [Jerk]?’ subreddit.
This couple went away for three days and hired a babysitter for their 16- and 13-year-old sons
Image credits: Mikhail Nilov (not the actual photo)
But the older one thought her rules were “dumb” and refused to follow them
Image credits: Liza Summer (not the actual photo)
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
Image credits: anon
Image credits: Ksenia Chernaya (not the actual photo)
There’s no exact age that tells us when a child is ready to be left home alone without adult supervision
Between work, appointments, and other family commitments, every parent will have to leave their child home alone at some point, so it’s good to have a plan in place and try to prevent situations like the one we just read about.
While learning to be independent is an important part of growing up, every child does this at their own pace.
Experts provide these guidelines to help parents decide whether their kid is ready to be home alone:
- Age. Do you think your child is old and mature enough to take care of themselves? Remember that each child’s maturity and parents’ comfort level may be different. Most children will not be ready to be alone on a regular basis until they are at least ten or eleven. However, some parents may be OK leaving a more mature 8- or 9-year-old home alone for a half hour or so once in a while.
- Caution. Does your child think before they act? This is especially important for young teens, who may be tempted to experiment with things like sneaking a few sips from the liquor cabinet. How does your adolescent respond to peer pressure?
- Comfort. Would your child feel comfortable left alone? Have you directly asked them if they would be OK home alone?
- Common sense. Would your child be able to make good judgments on their own? Do they have common sense? For example, if the milk smells sour or curdles when it’s poured, would your child drink it?
- Interests. Can your child keep busy without relying on television or video games too much? Can they creatively use their time with activities such as reading, drawing, making music, doing homework, and playing with toys, among other things?
- Safety. Would your child be able to remember and follow important safety rules? For example, can they tell you how they would respond to a fire, gas leak, or other emergency? Can they follow other rules such as not opening the door, not telling telephone callers that they are alone, and not posting on social media that they are alone?
Image credits: Christina Morillo (not the actual photo)
However, the parents and babysitter probably could’ve prepared better for those three days
Before parents leave the house, they should tell the sitter where they will be and how to reach them at all times, and under what circumstances to call 911 before contacting them.
They should also show them where the emergency exits are, as well as the places of smoke detectors, fire extinguishers, and first-aid kits.
Before starting their shift, the sitter should know how to enable and disable security systems and alarms, and the location of the spare key, should they, for whatever reason, need it.
However, the sitter should also be aware of any special problems a child may have, such as an allergy (to bee stings, foods, etc.) or needing to take medicine at a specific time.
The babysitter has to know the parents’ expectations before they leave and get introduced to the child’s usual routine (homework, bedtime, meal times). The two parties should have a talk about their general house rules, including any limits on TV, computer use, video games, playing outside, etc.
Otherwise, as we can see, problems will arise even around basic everyday subjects.
Most of the people who read his story thought he wasn’t the problem here
Some, however, thought that either he should’ve sucked it up or that “everyone sucks here”
Somehow some people think it's okay for a 16 year old to drive cars, work fulltime and join the army in a year, but somehow also can't be trusted to stay at home alone for a few hours... Interesting 🤔
Naw it was for a few days not hours reread it smh
Load More Replies...This is a three way lack of understanding, had the babysitter been introduced to the boys before her duties were undertaken? Had the parents stated their own rules on each individual child? Had the older child had a chance to discuss his abilities with the childminder. It seems the parents were happy with the childminder, childminder was making sure both children were safe as per her job. It's all a communication breakdown. No one is an AH really, just needed a bit more structure.
I think a little more info is needed. We don't know how the 16 year old has handled any responsibility in the past and if he can be counted on to take care of his brother and himself. I started babysitting when I was 12. As the oldest of my siblings and my cousins I started by watching them for a few hours at a time. Shortly after that I was regularly sitting for a number of families. When I was 15 years old I watched some kids in my neighborhood for the whole summer, 8:00am-4:00pm, 5 days a week, while the parents were at week. During the summer that I was 16, I stayed home alone with the dogs while my family went on vacation for a couple of weeks. I was able to do these things because I had proven that I could be responsible and because my parents trusted me. Kids mature at different rates and there is no "one size fits all" when it comes to how we grow up.
Load More Replies...What type of parent doesn't discuss rules with the babysitter beforehand? This could have all been avoided.
This is what I was thinking. All the adults here are TA. The teenager was being a teenager and wanting his autonomy, which teenagers need if they are to become functional adults.
Load More Replies...Funny that some think you need to move out at 18 and be be independent but at 16 you can't cook alone or be home alone for a few hours. I know 2 years is a long time but how old do you have to be before you can make pancakes alone.
I was allowed to cook full meals solo by 13 this is insane. Especially as it's not even an adult but a 17 year old bossing a 16 year old around
Load More Replies...When I was 16, my best friend and I house sat for he'd aunt for a weekend. ALONE. And we cooked food for ourselves. Gasp!!! House rules should have been set before the parents left. That babysitter knew she wasn't dealing with two 6 year olds, right? My parents would have read the riot act to her for those rules, they're ridiculous. I was cooking when I was 10. The kid did react badly by locking himself in his room, but if he'd had a car, he would have just left instead. I would have.
From the perspective of the babysitter, she's taking sole responsibility for two children for several days and that's no small task, particularly if it's the first time she's done so for that long and she's young, as many babysitters are. The rules don't seem that strict to me but even if they were, I'd always be inclined to give the babysitter the benefit of the doubt in this situation.
Her rules are wxtremely skewed for a 16 year old. Not being allowed to cook without her permision (which is bs cause she could keep himf from eating when hungry), giving him a bed time like he is a young child, and not even letting him be home alone for an period of time.
Load More Replies...NTA. I housesat a lot during the 80's and 90's, and it made sense for the clients to write out important information. Frankly, I'm rather surprised that OP'S parents didn't even sit down with the babysitter and discuss the kids' usual routines, much less leave a list. I understand the necessity of having adult supervision for a 13 and 16-year-old. Without it, things can get seriously out of control. But you cannot supervise a 16-year-old the same way you would a 13-year-old. The parents are to blame here: setting up the rules ahead of time would have prevented any misunderstanding. The babysitter sounds a little inexperienced to be watching teenagers. OP'S reaction to the situation was perfectly justified: totally pissed. His parents (and the babysitter) owe him an apology. He's 17, not 7.
I mean, think what you will about the bedtime, but screaming at a 16 year old for making pancakes is not okay. Also it is in the nature of 16 year olds to be testing their independence and he did in the most benign way possible - making his own food. I'm pretty sure there were at least a thousand better ways that the adult in this situation could have handled this. The sitter did not say 'hey listen the reason I'm doing this with the kitchen is because I could be held liable and I really want to be careful while I'm doing this'. That didn't happen, though.
Honestly imma say the parents are the AH. As a teen myself I see OP's point of view. 16 is plenty old enough to do all that stuff alone, At the very least cook? I also see the Babysitter's POV, they weren't given guidance and so prolly went on the stricter side to be safe. The parents should've communicated the house rules to the babysitter though. The other 2 parties are doing their best, but the parents just left without setting up any structure.
It sounds like the parents didn't really discuss anything with the babysitter at all or even tell her anything about the kids. Usually when hiring a sitter, the parents will talk about each kid and explain "Oh, so-and-so is this old so they don't need to have lights out until such-n-such time." I want to say that the parents are TA if anything. I can't blame the teenager for not enjoying a stranger coming into their house and putting down a bunch of restrictions that didn't exist beforehand.
Somehow some people think it's okay for a 16 year old to drive cars, work fulltime and join the army in a year, but somehow also can't be trusted to stay at home alone for a few hours... Interesting 🤔
Naw it was for a few days not hours reread it smh
Load More Replies...This is a three way lack of understanding, had the babysitter been introduced to the boys before her duties were undertaken? Had the parents stated their own rules on each individual child? Had the older child had a chance to discuss his abilities with the childminder. It seems the parents were happy with the childminder, childminder was making sure both children were safe as per her job. It's all a communication breakdown. No one is an AH really, just needed a bit more structure.
I think a little more info is needed. We don't know how the 16 year old has handled any responsibility in the past and if he can be counted on to take care of his brother and himself. I started babysitting when I was 12. As the oldest of my siblings and my cousins I started by watching them for a few hours at a time. Shortly after that I was regularly sitting for a number of families. When I was 15 years old I watched some kids in my neighborhood for the whole summer, 8:00am-4:00pm, 5 days a week, while the parents were at week. During the summer that I was 16, I stayed home alone with the dogs while my family went on vacation for a couple of weeks. I was able to do these things because I had proven that I could be responsible and because my parents trusted me. Kids mature at different rates and there is no "one size fits all" when it comes to how we grow up.
Load More Replies...What type of parent doesn't discuss rules with the babysitter beforehand? This could have all been avoided.
This is what I was thinking. All the adults here are TA. The teenager was being a teenager and wanting his autonomy, which teenagers need if they are to become functional adults.
Load More Replies...Funny that some think you need to move out at 18 and be be independent but at 16 you can't cook alone or be home alone for a few hours. I know 2 years is a long time but how old do you have to be before you can make pancakes alone.
I was allowed to cook full meals solo by 13 this is insane. Especially as it's not even an adult but a 17 year old bossing a 16 year old around
Load More Replies...When I was 16, my best friend and I house sat for he'd aunt for a weekend. ALONE. And we cooked food for ourselves. Gasp!!! House rules should have been set before the parents left. That babysitter knew she wasn't dealing with two 6 year olds, right? My parents would have read the riot act to her for those rules, they're ridiculous. I was cooking when I was 10. The kid did react badly by locking himself in his room, but if he'd had a car, he would have just left instead. I would have.
From the perspective of the babysitter, she's taking sole responsibility for two children for several days and that's no small task, particularly if it's the first time she's done so for that long and she's young, as many babysitters are. The rules don't seem that strict to me but even if they were, I'd always be inclined to give the babysitter the benefit of the doubt in this situation.
Her rules are wxtremely skewed for a 16 year old. Not being allowed to cook without her permision (which is bs cause she could keep himf from eating when hungry), giving him a bed time like he is a young child, and not even letting him be home alone for an period of time.
Load More Replies...NTA. I housesat a lot during the 80's and 90's, and it made sense for the clients to write out important information. Frankly, I'm rather surprised that OP'S parents didn't even sit down with the babysitter and discuss the kids' usual routines, much less leave a list. I understand the necessity of having adult supervision for a 13 and 16-year-old. Without it, things can get seriously out of control. But you cannot supervise a 16-year-old the same way you would a 13-year-old. The parents are to blame here: setting up the rules ahead of time would have prevented any misunderstanding. The babysitter sounds a little inexperienced to be watching teenagers. OP'S reaction to the situation was perfectly justified: totally pissed. His parents (and the babysitter) owe him an apology. He's 17, not 7.
I mean, think what you will about the bedtime, but screaming at a 16 year old for making pancakes is not okay. Also it is in the nature of 16 year olds to be testing their independence and he did in the most benign way possible - making his own food. I'm pretty sure there were at least a thousand better ways that the adult in this situation could have handled this. The sitter did not say 'hey listen the reason I'm doing this with the kitchen is because I could be held liable and I really want to be careful while I'm doing this'. That didn't happen, though.
Honestly imma say the parents are the AH. As a teen myself I see OP's point of view. 16 is plenty old enough to do all that stuff alone, At the very least cook? I also see the Babysitter's POV, they weren't given guidance and so prolly went on the stricter side to be safe. The parents should've communicated the house rules to the babysitter though. The other 2 parties are doing their best, but the parents just left without setting up any structure.
It sounds like the parents didn't really discuss anything with the babysitter at all or even tell her anything about the kids. Usually when hiring a sitter, the parents will talk about each kid and explain "Oh, so-and-so is this old so they don't need to have lights out until such-n-such time." I want to say that the parents are TA if anything. I can't blame the teenager for not enjoying a stranger coming into their house and putting down a bunch of restrictions that didn't exist beforehand.



























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