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Woman Upset Stepson Won’t Accept His Growing Up Gift, Gives Her A Taste Of Reality
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Woman Upset Stepson Won’t Accept His Growing Up Gift, Gives Her A Taste Of Reality

Woman Upset Stepson Won’t Accept His Growing Up Gift, Gives Her A Taste Of Reality Woman Upset Stepson Won’t Accept His Growing Up Gift Despite Never Getting Along AnywayTeen Treats Stepmom’s Gift Like She Treated His Late Mom’s Belongings, Becomes The JerkNewlyweds Try To Pretend Man’s Late Wife Never Happened, Her Son Repays In Kind Years LaterMan Throws Out Photo Album From Dad’s New Wife, Reminds Them How They Treated His Late MomStepmom Offended Teen Throws Away Her Photo Album After She Took Away His Late Mom’s PhotosGuy Throws Out Stepmom's Moving Out Gift After The Way She Treated Him18 YO Gets A Photo Album From Stepmom Upon Moving Out, Gets Spammed With Texts For Trashing ItDad And New Wife Try To Erase Any And All Memory Of Late Wife, Son Refuses To Follow AlongMan Refuses To Replace Late Mom With Impostor, Gets Called “Spiteful” For Rejecting Family
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Stepparents will always have a different relationship with their spouse’s children. There are boundaries they should never cross, especially when it involves the mother or father they replaced. 

A young man was in this complicated situation with his father’s wife, who showed blatant disdain for his late mom’s memories. Things reached a tipping point one day when he threw out a gift from her for his 18th birthday. Unfortunately, his dad sided against him and accused him of being “spiteful.” 

The author had already distanced himself from his father and stepmom, but he asks the AITAH subreddit if he went too far with his actions. Scroll down to read the story below.

Stepfamily relationships are complicated, with boundaries that shouldn’t be crossed 

Image credits: DragonImages/Envato (not the actual photo)

A young man threw out a gift from his father’s wife after she disrespected his late mother’s memories

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Image credits: ASphotostudio/Envato (not the actual photo)

His dad sided with his stepmom, causing more division in their already strained family dynamic

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Image credits: Dry_Butterscotch522

Stepparents must avoid specific actions to keep a harmonious relationship

Image credits: Julia M Cameron/Pexels (not the actual photo)

The stepmom may have overstepped her boundaries, causing the author to distance himself. In an interview with Parents.com, a few experts shared these no-nos. The first on the list is trying to take the other parent’s place. 

As parenting expert and stepfamily coach Derek Randel said, “These children are not yours.” 

Maligning the ex-spouse is another item on the list. In this case, the woman disrespected the author’s late mother by throwing out all her photos. 

According to clinical psychologist Dr. JoAnn Pedro-Carroll, such actions can only damage the child’s psyche, especially if they are repeated messages or actions. 

Assuming a position of authority is another mistake mentioned by experts, which the woman made with her controlling behavior. Research has shown that authoritarian parenting isn’t as effective on teenagers because they will likely reject such attempts, which the author did. 

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Keeping distance from family members is sometimes necessary

Image credits: Alex Urezkov/Pexels (not the actual photo)

While estrangement among family members is unfortunate, it is sometimes necessary. According to psychology professor Dr. Leslie Halpern, it’s usually when the child no longer benefits from the relationship and the parent is incapable of curtailing negative interactions. 

“There is no point to continue to maintain a hurtful relationship,” Dr. Halpern said in an interview

If the situation calls for distancing oneself or cutting ties, family counselor Andrew Roffman advises evaluating the type of relationship you want to establish. Doing so may make things less toxic, especially since blood relations are indelible. 

“Family relationships continue on an emotional level whether we are actively in contact or not,” he said. 

Roffman adds that putting yourself in the family member’s shoes could also provide possible explanations for their unacceptable behavior, which could ultimately ease the lasting effects of hurtful actions. 

In the author’s case, he chose to distance himself since both his father and stepmother have gone against him and continue to harass him even after moving out. It would help him cope and improve his mental health

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What’s your take, readers? Was the young man spiteful, as his parents accused him? Or were his actions warranted?

Most people in the comments sided with the author

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But some people had rather controversial takes

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Miguel Ordoñez

Miguel Ordoñez

Writer, BoredPanda staff

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Struggling writer by day. Frustrated jazz drummer by night. Space Cowboy 24/7.

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Miguel Ordoñez

Miguel Ordoñez

Writer, BoredPanda staff

Struggling writer by day. Frustrated jazz drummer by night. Space Cowboy 24/7.

Ilona Baliūnaitė

Ilona Baliūnaitė

Author, BoredPanda staff

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I'm a Visual Editor at Bored Panda since 2017. I've searched through a multitude of images to create over 2000 diverse posts on a wide range of topics. I love memes, funny, and cute stuff, but I'm also into social issues topics. Despite my background in communication, my heart belongs to visual media, especially photography. When I'm not at my desk, you're likely to find me in the streets with my camera, checking out cool exhibitions, watching a movie at the cinema or just chilling with a coffee in a cozy place

Read less »

Ilona Baliūnaitė

Ilona Baliūnaitė

Author, BoredPanda staff

I'm a Visual Editor at Bored Panda since 2017. I've searched through a multitude of images to create over 2000 diverse posts on a wide range of topics. I love memes, funny, and cute stuff, but I'm also into social issues topics. Despite my background in communication, my heart belongs to visual media, especially photography. When I'm not at my desk, you're likely to find me in the streets with my camera, checking out cool exhibitions, watching a movie at the cinema or just chilling with a coffee in a cozy place

Do you think the young man was justified in throwing away the photo album?
Add photo comments
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SheamusFanFrom1987
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Are you ESH and AH agree-ers delulu or high on some ganja with moronic side-effects? OP had all the reason in the world to not just cut but destroy all contacts with his "family"! They tried to erase his mother, his pillar of strength! If anything OP should've dumped that album in his sperm donor's face and tell him to keep it because that's "his" family, not OP's. OP being spiteful? I like to call that deserved spitefulness to his sperm donor and the pathetic imposter parading around as a "mother figure". Sheesh!!!

Andrew
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The ganj slows ya down but not that dang far. Blunt force trauma is more likely

Load More Replies...
Mark Stewart
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The last comment that the wife wasn't a bad person is bonkers, OP had just lost his mother and she not only forced herself in as a replacement but also tried to erase all memory of her out of jealousy. Throwing these photos away in the deliberate manner he did echoes the way his mum's stuff was disposed of and was the least dad and his wife deserve.

TribbleThinking
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"It was very upsetting and disrespectful when you forced the photo album on me, but now that I reflect on it, it was very cathartic to dump it the way you dumped my mother's things. A big thank you!"

Rachel Hendricks
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have to say, I admire the kid, he's a lot stronger than I was at 18, if I'd known then what I know now, I'd have gone NC with my parents a lot sooner. The piece de resistance, tossing the photo album, the symbolism of this feature is a mirror of what his father did with his mother's belongings, it was perfect. I think those telling him to seek therapy mean well, but I think he's well adjusted, and likely because he did have contact with his mother's family, which did some damage control, and helped him keep his memories alive. Maybe some for PTSD because of the trauma inflicted by dad and stepmonster.

TribbleThinking
Community Member
2 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Am I the only one to think the mother's death was very convenient and by a means easily and surreptitiously achievable?

Pursuing Peonies
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No no, very sus honestly. Couple of the comments posted here mentioned it, too, so very likely many comments on the post also mentioned it. It's just....super unnervingly convenient. And the throwing everything away, especially just the two of them? ....yeah.... 👀 😳

Load More Replies...
Meagan Glaser
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

all the esh are basically "hey, a heavily traumatized 18 year old isn't serenely taking absue from adults, how dare he!" They really expect sainthood or gtfo

Virgil Blue
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah, the mom dying of a known allergy and dad just erasing her and marrying again in such a short time frame is way suspicious. Normally you'd at least save the photo albums and some jewelery or a favorite dress.

Lizzy D
Community Member
1 month ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They were destroying evidence. However the spitfulness of people never fails to amaze me.

Load More Replies...
FreeTheUnicorn
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA, move on and consider things closed. Keep contact with mom's family if possible. Congrats on moving out, sounds like things are finally getting better. Long may it continue.

King's Flatulist
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

For only being 18, this guy has some real healthy boundaries and responses to pretty toxic behaviors that he had to live though during such a formative period of his life.

Historyharlot93
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’ve read a lot of messed up stuff on Reddit for years, especially the “insane parents” subreddit, and never once has murder come to my mind. Dad definitely killed mom.

DrBronxx
Community Member
2 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That last comment - "It sounds like your dad's wife isn't a bad person". What did that commenter read, because it can't have been this post. I mean, I can see how SHE thinks she's a good person, because most people think that about themselves, but she is deluded if that's the case.

DC and S
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah, all the ESH are forgetting that OP.was/is A CHILD. who traumatically lost his mom. And then lost her again as hus dad and new wife erased all physical memories of her. And he had no say, no choice in any of it. Stop expecting a child to step up and be the bigger person than the parents who can't even be half decent. WTAF

tori Ohno
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

People don't throw away the belongings of the one they lost, and they don't allow pictures to be destroyed. Is the kid sure it was an accidental "poisoning"?

Frozengeckolover
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Speaking as someone who has a couple of deadly allergies: It could easily have been intentional. I'm always on the fence about telling people my allergies. On one hand, people who care about me can help me avoid the allergens. On the other hand, someone could easily murder me with that info. On the third hand (lol), some people don't care either way. My ex allergied me three times in one month. The last time, the ER doctor asked to speak to me alone, and asked me if I sure it was "accidental" at that point. I told him I was pretty sure it wasn't intentional, but I would be filing for separation nonetheless. I didn't have an Epi-pen the last time, and my ex walked away and left me alone after he thought I had passed out. I was conscious, but unresponsive, so I heard him walk away and I heard him watching YouTube videos in the other room. I don't know if he tried to kill me, but I know he didn't care if I died.

Load More Replies...
brittany
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

id bet step mom was the mistress way before the bio mom died

FM MD
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have a slight suspicion that dad killed mom... sorry

Sunny Day
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dad was seeing stepmom before OP's mom died. Probably for a long time, given how much she wants to "replace" OP's mom in every role.

Mike Loux
Community Member
2 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Thrift, thrift, Horatio, the funeral bak'd-meats / Did coldly furnish forth the marriage tables." --Hamlet Act 1, scene 2

Anne Home
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"I learned from you guys how to keep family pictures" I sorely wish I had the balls to do a similar gesture when I left home

Karen Bird
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My aunt died at age 31. The night of her funeral, her husband met another woman and had her moved in very quickly. She took all the photographs of my aunt, threw them away then threw away my eldest cousin when she objected to it! About 8 years later - I was only a child at the time - I contacted everybody I could think of and got copies of pictures of her and made my cousin a photo album of her mum. Apparently she still looks at it regularly and we're all in our 50s now. Grief never ever stops. Not for one moment. The stepmother and father are sick for thinking a 12yo should just move on after a matter of weeks!

Frozengeckolover
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm so glad you did that for your cousin. That was so sweet! Thank you for being such an awesome person.

Load More Replies...
H. B. Nielsen
Community Member
1 month ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No negative reaction is too much if someone takes your deceased mother's belongings to the dump, especially PHOTOS. He was fully justified to throw that album in the trash right in front of her. I'd have told her to F herself for good measure and dad too. What they did was equally or more traumatic than even getting hit. I'd have take punches in place of losing photos of someone I loved that is gone.

Rachel Pelz
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Just a side note, but are any Redditors here who have an idea as to why he did not move to live with the maternal grandparents in the years before he turned 18?

93Peter Bilt
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Maybe I watch too much true crime but ITA with those that are side eyeing the manner of the mother's death, the timing of the new relationship & the erasing of all things Mom once the new lady showed up. Was SM a waitress at the restuarant, did Dad already know SM, did Dad make sure Mom didn't have her epiPen that night, was the erasing of all things Mom an effort to make sure the kid didn't start asking these questions? I don't know, I think Mom's family should have opened an investigation. Either way, kid is NTA for tossing the SM's gift. You don't clear all photos & memories of a kids Mom & expect a harmonious relationship to blossom. He had every right to remember his Mom & had SM & Dad respected that maybe their home life could have been better.

SheamusFanFrom1987
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Are you ESH and AH agree-ers delulu or high on some ganja with moronic side-effects? OP had all the reason in the world to not just cut but destroy all contacts with his "family"! They tried to erase his mother, his pillar of strength! If anything OP should've dumped that album in his sperm donor's face and tell him to keep it because that's "his" family, not OP's. OP being spiteful? I like to call that deserved spitefulness to his sperm donor and the pathetic imposter parading around as a "mother figure". Sheesh!!!

Andrew
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The ganj slows ya down but not that dang far. Blunt force trauma is more likely

Load More Replies...
Mark Stewart
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The last comment that the wife wasn't a bad person is bonkers, OP had just lost his mother and she not only forced herself in as a replacement but also tried to erase all memory of her out of jealousy. Throwing these photos away in the deliberate manner he did echoes the way his mum's stuff was disposed of and was the least dad and his wife deserve.

TribbleThinking
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"It was very upsetting and disrespectful when you forced the photo album on me, but now that I reflect on it, it was very cathartic to dump it the way you dumped my mother's things. A big thank you!"

Rachel Hendricks
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have to say, I admire the kid, he's a lot stronger than I was at 18, if I'd known then what I know now, I'd have gone NC with my parents a lot sooner. The piece de resistance, tossing the photo album, the symbolism of this feature is a mirror of what his father did with his mother's belongings, it was perfect. I think those telling him to seek therapy mean well, but I think he's well adjusted, and likely because he did have contact with his mother's family, which did some damage control, and helped him keep his memories alive. Maybe some for PTSD because of the trauma inflicted by dad and stepmonster.

TribbleThinking
Community Member
2 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Am I the only one to think the mother's death was very convenient and by a means easily and surreptitiously achievable?

Pursuing Peonies
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No no, very sus honestly. Couple of the comments posted here mentioned it, too, so very likely many comments on the post also mentioned it. It's just....super unnervingly convenient. And the throwing everything away, especially just the two of them? ....yeah.... 👀 😳

Load More Replies...
Meagan Glaser
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

all the esh are basically "hey, a heavily traumatized 18 year old isn't serenely taking absue from adults, how dare he!" They really expect sainthood or gtfo

Virgil Blue
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah, the mom dying of a known allergy and dad just erasing her and marrying again in such a short time frame is way suspicious. Normally you'd at least save the photo albums and some jewelery or a favorite dress.

Lizzy D
Community Member
1 month ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They were destroying evidence. However the spitfulness of people never fails to amaze me.

Load More Replies...
FreeTheUnicorn
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA, move on and consider things closed. Keep contact with mom's family if possible. Congrats on moving out, sounds like things are finally getting better. Long may it continue.

King's Flatulist
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

For only being 18, this guy has some real healthy boundaries and responses to pretty toxic behaviors that he had to live though during such a formative period of his life.

Historyharlot93
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’ve read a lot of messed up stuff on Reddit for years, especially the “insane parents” subreddit, and never once has murder come to my mind. Dad definitely killed mom.

DrBronxx
Community Member
2 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That last comment - "It sounds like your dad's wife isn't a bad person". What did that commenter read, because it can't have been this post. I mean, I can see how SHE thinks she's a good person, because most people think that about themselves, but she is deluded if that's the case.

DC and S
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah, all the ESH are forgetting that OP.was/is A CHILD. who traumatically lost his mom. And then lost her again as hus dad and new wife erased all physical memories of her. And he had no say, no choice in any of it. Stop expecting a child to step up and be the bigger person than the parents who can't even be half decent. WTAF

tori Ohno
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

People don't throw away the belongings of the one they lost, and they don't allow pictures to be destroyed. Is the kid sure it was an accidental "poisoning"?

Frozengeckolover
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Speaking as someone who has a couple of deadly allergies: It could easily have been intentional. I'm always on the fence about telling people my allergies. On one hand, people who care about me can help me avoid the allergens. On the other hand, someone could easily murder me with that info. On the third hand (lol), some people don't care either way. My ex allergied me three times in one month. The last time, the ER doctor asked to speak to me alone, and asked me if I sure it was "accidental" at that point. I told him I was pretty sure it wasn't intentional, but I would be filing for separation nonetheless. I didn't have an Epi-pen the last time, and my ex walked away and left me alone after he thought I had passed out. I was conscious, but unresponsive, so I heard him walk away and I heard him watching YouTube videos in the other room. I don't know if he tried to kill me, but I know he didn't care if I died.

Load More Replies...
brittany
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

id bet step mom was the mistress way before the bio mom died

FM MD
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have a slight suspicion that dad killed mom... sorry

Sunny Day
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dad was seeing stepmom before OP's mom died. Probably for a long time, given how much she wants to "replace" OP's mom in every role.

Mike Loux
Community Member
2 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Thrift, thrift, Horatio, the funeral bak'd-meats / Did coldly furnish forth the marriage tables." --Hamlet Act 1, scene 2

Anne Home
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"I learned from you guys how to keep family pictures" I sorely wish I had the balls to do a similar gesture when I left home

Karen Bird
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My aunt died at age 31. The night of her funeral, her husband met another woman and had her moved in very quickly. She took all the photographs of my aunt, threw them away then threw away my eldest cousin when she objected to it! About 8 years later - I was only a child at the time - I contacted everybody I could think of and got copies of pictures of her and made my cousin a photo album of her mum. Apparently she still looks at it regularly and we're all in our 50s now. Grief never ever stops. Not for one moment. The stepmother and father are sick for thinking a 12yo should just move on after a matter of weeks!

Frozengeckolover
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm so glad you did that for your cousin. That was so sweet! Thank you for being such an awesome person.

Load More Replies...
H. B. Nielsen
Community Member
1 month ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No negative reaction is too much if someone takes your deceased mother's belongings to the dump, especially PHOTOS. He was fully justified to throw that album in the trash right in front of her. I'd have told her to F herself for good measure and dad too. What they did was equally or more traumatic than even getting hit. I'd have take punches in place of losing photos of someone I loved that is gone.

Rachel Pelz
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Just a side note, but are any Redditors here who have an idea as to why he did not move to live with the maternal grandparents in the years before he turned 18?

93Peter Bilt
Community Member
1 month ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Maybe I watch too much true crime but ITA with those that are side eyeing the manner of the mother's death, the timing of the new relationship & the erasing of all things Mom once the new lady showed up. Was SM a waitress at the restuarant, did Dad already know SM, did Dad make sure Mom didn't have her epiPen that night, was the erasing of all things Mom an effort to make sure the kid didn't start asking these questions? I don't know, I think Mom's family should have opened an investigation. Either way, kid is NTA for tossing the SM's gift. You don't clear all photos & memories of a kids Mom & expect a harmonious relationship to blossom. He had every right to remember his Mom & had SM & Dad respected that maybe their home life could have been better.

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